I remember it was secondary school era, when Innuendo made a big hit when they launched Belaian Jiwa. Predictably, the chorus made its way to most schools:
"Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu, hanya bidadari sebagai ganti..
Hanya takdir menentukan ia, Belaian Jiwa.."The reason why only the chorus made it through was simple - we more often than not just remember the chorus part of a song only.
And now I am in my university years, listening to the song really stirs up a huge heap of sentimental nostalgia. I was totally different then compared to now. I have breached the 20th mark, and no longer a youth anymore, much less a teen.
The then me was very much different than the now me, physically and ideologically. I had short hair, studied little but got good grades. Sometimes I was even convinced I could be one of the smart people. My entire image was that of a goody-two-shoe, a daddy's girl, a good and proper girl by all measures, and of course, A NERD. I knew almost nothing about what could make my face look better, or which part of my body needed more attention. Looking good during that period of negligence was limited to models on posters, or celebrities on TV.
I also had a period of serious lack of confidence - in myself most of the time. I wasn't exactly a pretty teen, yet not exactly an ugly one. But it was this 'in-between' that got me unnoticed most of the time. This was the time I felt invisible - like the world wouldn't stop spinning even if I'm gone (which is true, but just more impactful then). It didn't help when you've got a relative who constantly picked up your imperfections, and constantly making dissatisfactions known. This was the period of my adolescent years that I wondered if the world was better with me gone - since people were never pleased with me, and me never satisfied with myself.
Thankfully, I have outgrown that mentality early enough before real damage was done. Thankfully, I could begin to see the little simple things that mattered.
It was that time of serious mental stress that taught me how to finally appreciate myself, and learned by heart the phrase "what does not kill you makes you stronger". Although it was by no means a pleasant experience, I am still thankful I was given an opportunity to go through it.
Because in future I will know, I will be able to sympathize and empathize, with my children in their adolescent years.
