<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://draft.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d12351029\x26blogName\x3dpixie-lies\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://pixie-lies.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_GB\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://pixie-lies.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d2235312293706763050', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Tuesday, October 30, 2007 15:27

My roomate asked me if I wanna take the previous post down. I asked, "Why?"

When I think of Sunday night, I just can't help but laugh at myself. I did not know what he was thinking then, and I wasn't even aware of what was going through his mind. Until last night, when I woke up from a nap I stole.

When all seem to come to an end, I find myself standing at the beginning, with you.

Monday, October 29, 2007 12:05

以前我不知道 心痛 到底可以多痛
以前我也没感受过 所谓世上最遥远的距离 是什么概念
到底有多遥远 什么叫做 站在你面前你却不知道我喜欢你
以前的我 认为要么就说出来 要么就别再想 省的婆婆妈妈地
以前的我 真得很无知

是我长大了么?

我同房说 很佩服我能那么冷静 我笑笑说 这是本能反应
其实自己也挺佩服自己 昨晚能撑那么久
泪 不让它流下 它就不流 很听话
就是因为它的听话 我的面具 才能带这么久

一个星期的童话 结局竟是这样
昨晚在海边 海风本来是凉快的
偏偏要说到那件事 还是事情的真相
在他旁边 听他说跟那个女的事 说他有那么的心痛
我还能发表意见 装得很正常的样子
尽我所能 把面具套好
尽我所能 让他光看到那亲切的面具

他说的我都听了 我想说的 他都没听过
有几次 差点忍不住 有股冲动 想转身对他说
“你有没有想过我会喜欢你”抑或者 “如果我说我喜欢你你会怎样?”
但每次话都快跑到唇边 我却赶紧把它咽下去
咽下去 把话跟眼泪一块儿咽下去
免得惨剧一发不可收拾 抑或者大家尴尬

面具依然是那个嘻嘻哈哈的我 他看到的也是嘻嘻哈哈的我
面具下面的 就连我自己都快看不清楚了
一字一句我都听清楚 我都记得

心痛 仿佛淌着血
不过我只能庆幸 他还不知道我的心思
我还能装成平常那样面对他
只要演技好 对他来说 一切都还会是一样

眼泪 只能暂时封住心中的裂口

Saturday, October 27, 2007 10:23

One week is the count of days I have not laid my hands on any keyboards in this hostel com lab. And one week is the count of days I have not the intention of putting up some words on this page. This is what the upcoming national exams(yes, I just refuse to use the A'ss) have done to me - no piano, no procrastination, no blogging. But everything will eventually snap, and that includes my marathon of monotony. So here I am today, on a Saturday, doing all I haven't been doing for the past one week.

Blogging, procrastinating.

Despite having to repeat the whole cycle again everyday, this week was still enjoyable nonetheless. "It's the company that counts", and it's definitely the company that counts this time.

A week definitely well spent, I'd think. I discovered so many new hangouts and interesting places during our study breaks. Due to selfishness I shall not disclose my favourite studying place for the week XD All I 've gotta say is, that place is very much secluded and isolated, making it condusive (that is, if you have a partner with you). Cam whoring sessions and cool photos aside, there were many interesting discoveries too. Such as there is this Nikon Mura Jap restaurant at the Basement in Grand Cathay. Sushis priced at just 99cents per plate. And there are many other variety of Jap style cooking too! Although it's pay-as-you-eat, it's definitely value for money if you are not going for buffets. Oh, and they must have imported dozens of bamboo sticks from China, according to our postulation, because the partitions and the walls were made of bamboo sticks hahaha! It's really a dining place with ambience, since it's dark, cosy, and the food looks cute. No kidding. I was so fascinated by these 'Ika Balls' that I demanded their photos be taken using Ricky's phone.

Then Thursday was a fateful and eventful day, we concluded. As we were about to cross the road to Kopitiam nearby, a motorcyclist was knocked down right BEFORE MY EYES. Fortunately it was just a minor hit, and that the motorcyclist wasn't pinned under his vehicle. So casualty count: the motorbike only. In less than an hour, after we left Kopitiam, we saw police lights flashing on the same road. Being ba gua people we walked down the road to see what happened. Another accident, yes, and it involved three cars - a Merz cab and two other cars. The Merz cab's front was completely damaged, and there were broken glass everywhere around the area. Fortunate enough, all three vehicles involved were cars, so the drivers and passengers were all not hit. Casualty count: zero. Can you imagine, two traffic accidents ON the SAME ROAD in LESS THAN ONE HOUR?

I love the moments in the piano shop last night.

My next big thing I want to own:
A grand piano in my living room.

Sunday, October 21, 2007 15:56

Murphy is really screwing me up.

I am screwed.

I don't wanna talk to anyone, about anything. But when I'm with myself and only myself, I start thinking of stuffs I shouldn't be concerned about.

Murphy, are you listening? Thank you for messing up with every component of my life. Thank you for driving me nuts. Thank you for bringing me so close to my breaking point.

But I won't break, no matter how depressed I am. Yes, I will pour it to you.
Thank you for easing my anxiety and showed me some light.
Thank you for being there when I need you.
Thank you, you who never see this.

I am still very screwed.

Friday, October 19, 2007 20:38

I can't help thinking of Murphy's Law when I look at what happened to me nowadays.

"Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong." says Murphy.

And so it was. Murphy seems to indulge in his perverted joy of screwing my everything up, one after another. Makes me wonder, why me? Why pick me to be screwed!!!

First, Toshi got a broken backbone. After sending her for a backbone fix, she came back with squeaky bones. Fine. Then finally when I got her bones in place so that they don't squeak anymore when I opened it, Murphy comes around and screwed my phone!!! First, my laptop, and now my phone! What do you want, Murphy huh? Get me isolated from the world?!

Bah. Screw that Murphy and his stupid Law.

14:57

Finally, it doesn't squeak. As demure as a cat now my Baby Toshi is.

It's a trap, the very same trap he fell into. Everytime I steer away from the topic, the next immediate minute after that I walk right into the same trap I tried to get out of.

The jacket felt so real, yet it wasn't mine. It felt so warm, yet I took it off at the end of the day. Still, I let it feel real, no matter how self-comforting it sounds.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
That was at Changi Terminal 1 viewing mall. Cathay Pacific harboured right behind me. It was freaking cold. So I wore THAT jacket.

A funny thing the airport translated 'viewing mall' into Malay as 'Dewan Lambaian', which literally, actually means 'WAVING HALL'. What a translation.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007 16:10

Before I begin, let me tell you that once again, I've succeeded in irritating someone today. The only reason why I am now, instead of feeling triumphant, feeling extremely embarrassed and guilty of my stupidity is because I did not pre-meditate the act of annoying but rather due to my stupidity I ticked a person off. And that person is a complete stranger to me, and she is sitting right behind me.

I shan't elaborate much to avoid revealing too much of my idiotic side. Let's just say, I made an ass out of my own face. And I'm extremely anal about turning around as well as bumping into her in the hostel again. Maybe I shall run away everytime I see her. Bah.

As most of you would have expected, this post is about my Graduation Day aka Farewell. After much thought I finally yielded to Aulia's persuasion and went to school as per normal and he, too, wore full uniform under my pressure. Apparently most(there are really people who try to be different at the wrong timings such as ahem you-know-who) Year2s are able to relate that it's the last official school day and thus the last official day to appear in full U and therefore, I repeat, MOST of the Year2s went to school in full U. "A sudden onslaught of greenery" indeed, as put forth by Stephanie.

The teachers were sort of sentimental. Ok not the conventional soap drama type but they sort of weaved everything in Mathematical terms and the whole thing turned out hilarious. Everyone was laughing it off, but I know deep down inside, everyone was as touched as I was. And much to my surprise, Kylie was the one who went all sentimental and watery in the eyes. I mean, I really thought it would be HP LOL!

And I must say that I'm impressed by the teachers' sense of humour and creativity displayed over the entire powerpoint presentation. And the very last one was spectacular. Never had I thought they would be so outright in their expression, and the hidden sarcasm that entails! It was the part where we had to guess a few iconic figures in our batch and the legacy they left behind, and the last one was classical.

"QN: He is the most self-driven individual TJ has seen over the past 30 years.
Clue: W_ _G N_ _

Ans: If you don't already know, ask your neighbour."

I tell you, the entire audi was already roaring with laughter. Well who doesn't know of THAT iconic figure of OUR batch huh! If it's not sarcasm, I really don't know what it is. LOLOLOLOL.

Well, Graduation Day would just be another day where all of us were confined within the four walls of the auditorium, if not for the sudden visit by some Mediacorp artistes. They were apparently doing some publicity for the upcoming Star Awards(why they want to promote Star Awards in TJ remains a mystery). So four came - Joanne Peh, Pierre Png, Jessica Liew and most importantly, the very very handsome and hot ELVIN NG! OHMYGOD he is freaking hot and he steamed up the canteen!

Needless to say, I abandoned the on-going mini concert in the audi to get myself closer to Elvin Ng whoohoo. I do feel sorry for the external rock band but well, can't blame me because the other guy is thousand-fold hotter than those on stage! So Kylie, Mao and me made our way to the canteen where the heat was.

I must say, if what that has been recorded is going to be aired on Channel U, TJ's reputation is so GONE. The rest of the population in Singapore would have this perception that "OhMYGod. TJ is really hopeless. The prettiest girl looks like any girl next door and the most handsome guy can actually star in "100Pounds Fats"." Process the above comment yourself and you'll be able to figure out roughly what happened in the canteen that turned me so off.

Yet, despite the little turn-off mentioned earlier, I still managed to take a picture with Elvin Ng, Pierre Png and Joanne Peh together with Kylie! Thanks to our camerawoman Mao!! *Applause* I shall wait patiently while Kylie takes her time to upload those photos:)

At last, what kind of Graduation Day is it without excessive cam whoring, right? So, here you go!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Notice how I blend in well with moss?

And faces that'll take me forever to forget:
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
My love, my heart!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
My second love, my second heart!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Xiao zhu Xiao zhu who wants another pair of wings to soar highXD

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
And one funny peep who always has problem smiling at MY cam - HP

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
The source(s) of noise pollution uncovered

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
In the audi, where McCarl decides to sneak into my pic

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Somebody's brilliant idea of taking a picture with some I-dunno-what painting

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
And I concluded that not everyone has the potential to act cute. Maybe taking pictures is a serious business too.

While I wait for my next signature picture to be uploaded successfully on photobucket, a sneak peek on last Friday's Hostel Farewell Dinner:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

More pictures on my friendster!

Alas! My new signature pic for finale!
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
In case any one of you think I'm acting cute again, NO. I had a sudden brilliant idea of transforming into an octopus and Aulia just captured the moment of my transfiguration.

Monday, October 15, 2007 15:38

When I was in Primary 6, our last day of school was especially fun and happening, with snacks shared amoung all of us the whole day, no lesson whatsoever, and with teachers coming in and out of our classroom to join our party.
I still remember, how we used to hang around making morons out of ourselves, with little or no concern about what will become of us the next day. Those were the days when we truly lived our days, and those were the memories so distant, yet so familiar.

When I was in Junior 3, my last day of school wasn't really the last day of school for most of us. But since it's the last day of the academic year, everyone went to school just to have fun, and loitered around the school compound till late hours, most reluctant to bid goodbye, because we would not see each other again till school reopens.
I still remember, how we used to talk about our future as if we have all the might to tweak and change it to our liking, as well as all our mightiest aspirations and goals in life. Everyone adopted positive outlook of everyone's life as a whole, and looked at our tomorrows with much anticipation and optimism.

When I was in Sec 4, my last day of school was just another day. Not much fun around, since we were still having lessons, and many procedures regarding testimonials were still going on. The last day of school did not have that finale feeling, because it wasn't finale at all. The next time we saw each other was during OLevels examination, and not to mention, no fun since everybody's minds were preoccupied with formulae.
Nonetheless, I still remember much of the fun times I had with different people. And everytime I recall those times, it brought back another different sensation. Not really nostalgic per se, but the feeling of how things would turn out if everyone still stays together and not as dispersed as the present.

And now, I have reached yet another end of yet another stage of my life. Tomorrow marks my last day of school, again. Ask me if I'm excited, I'll tell you no, because there isn't much to be excited over. Checking our prelim grades is definitely so not exciting, and neither is the notion of having to go school. Ask me if I'll feel sad, I'll tell you no of course, because I'll still be seeing my peeps during exams, and definitely I'll see many of them around in the hostel. Why will I feel sad, when I'm actually living under one big roof with them everyday?

Mr Fu said that chemists like to observe trends. So if you've been following my post so far, there's one trend you'll see : my last days of school get less happening as I climb the education ladder.

I do feel curious as to what will happen tomorrow, but will I graduate from TJ with a sense of graduation? I doubt it. Days ago, a friend of mine said she'll be going back to school after her ALevels to use her facilities. Then it suddenly hit me, that I actually do not want to go back to that school at all!

Honestly, I do hope that I can have the chance to change a few things. But, I just can't go back into the past.

Thursday, October 11, 2007 19:48

"空荡的街景 想找个人放感情
做这种决定 是寂寞与我为邻

我们的爱情 像你路过的风景
一直在进行 脚步却从来不会为我而停

给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名

你说爱像云 要自在飘浮才美丽
我终於相信 分手的理由时候很动听

给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名

给你的爱一直很安静
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是曾经
却发现爱一定要有回音

给你的爱一直很安静
除了泪在我的脸上任性
原来缘份是用来说明
你突然不爱我这件事情

This suddenly touch me so much, caress my soul like a molester would a girl.
Someone would never understand, would never know, and will never find out, because he never expects.
Your concerns, I understand, though they came as much cold blankets, but I'm glad I found out. I'm glad I'm only a close friend of yours whom you tell everything to.
I guess the equilibrium should be maintained this way. Given what already happened, I guess we'll very much end up so distorted like you and her.

At times, I think, giving is a joy too. At least I get all your trust, and for that I can coerce myself into thinking, maybe, maybe, I'm still important. Thanks for keeping me going, even though you didn't mean what I hope you'll mean.

15:55

There's this 'PostSecrets' book going around the stores. Basically, people just slot in postcards with their secrets written anonymously on the other side. When I saw the advertisement, it struck me like never before, to have the urge to do it - write my little secret bits on pieces of paper and slot them randomly around. Maybe, some random person will on a random day randomly discover the random secret I left, and that means my random secret is uncovered. Maybe, maybe, the random secret of mine would have touched the heart of that random person who found it, and maybe, that random person may change certain perspectives because of that random message of mine.

But of course, I won't know who that random person will be, and neither will that person know that I'm the random person who left the message. Come and think of it, what a good way to share your true feelings. Because you do not have to be aware of the type of audience you'll get, only will you be totally open and true to yourself, and speak your mind, literally. Since you do not know which random person will pick your secret up, you won't bother thinking about what that random person would feel after reading it; or MORE IMPORTANTLY, you won't bother about how that random person will make you feel after he/she reads your secrets because you won't even know who he/she will be!

The world will definitely be a happier place if everyone on this planet comes clean - with ourselves. But this projection of the future will only extend into a utopia which never coexists with the reality.

Then again, what good comes out of coming clean? The consequences might even be too catastrophic to bear. It's not something that's predictable, measurable like how earth crust movements are measured to fortell a tsunami. Even with these gadgets in place tsunami still wiped out cities, did it not?

When things do not concern me, I usually risk damaging my butt shape by sitting on the fence, watching both sides of the same event as I would a video clip. When you are the audience, you get to see a bigger picture - a fuller one because you see both sides of the garden, and a more detailed one as you follow the characters through their show. Then you'll know, for example, which gardener was blamed for mishandling the shrubs when it was a worm which ate the leaves. Not entirely the gardener's fault, yes. And then you'll also see everything else - every, little, thing else.

Sit on the fence, and you'd be blessed with a bird-eye's view. But, the task usually leaves you a pain in your ass. Metaphorically, and literally.

Because you are hinging on a surface area so small, you tend to lean over to either side of the garden. But you can't, because having seen everything in both gardens, you'll find worms in Garden A as well as ants in Garden B. You can't bring yourself to either side, because you can't accept either side totally. At the end of the day, you are painstakingly maintaining your good sitting posture - on the fence, of course.

Because I wanted transparency to everything, every side to every story, being honest and justifiable, I get such a pain in the ass. So maybe it's just better if I just ignore the worms or the ants on either side, and just pick one side of the garden to stand on.

But I can't, because I've seen everything.

As for myself, if I were to come clean and break it out, I would damage the entire equilibrium I tried to maintain. For your sake. To lengthen happy moments by not risking anything.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 21:44

"When you're gone, everything I do reminds me of you."

If only the words are true to the one who wants them to be true. What a genuine, inborn actor, who orchestrated the entire setting and set the play in motion. What an intelligent scriptwriter, who drags the actress into believing the play has come to reality. And then, what a beautiful liar.

Liar, or not? There was never an explicit promise, so where does the liar emerge? But how do you account for the mutual, unspoken pacts agreed by both parties?

That is why, I'm sitting at the audience gallery, watching reality - MY reality - being played on stage. Maybe, maybe, I don't really want the actor-scriptwriter-turned-director to shout "CUT" at all. Maybe, maybe, I'm contented with being duped into fantasising the reality.

21:08

I have an urge to send a complain email to the those in charge to vent all frustrations that accumulated throughout my two-year stay in this hostel. The hostel people seem to indulge themselves in a perverted joy of irritating and upsetting me with all sorts of funny events.

And now, it's really blowing my top because they have come to ignore - and neglect - our safety issues. Weeks ago, I noticed a faulty ceiling fan in the lounge. Sensing that this is hazardous and is potentially life threatening, I thought it would be fixed real soon. When that ceiling fan still continued to threaten to drop and cut off people's heads AFTER my prelims, I stormed into the office and sounded the doomsday alarm. Guess what kind of response I got from Miss C when I forced the sence of urgency is the severity of the problem to her?

"Well that we have to depend on when the technician is free to come by and check."

Whoa. Like I'm supposed to be assured of my head won't be chopped off. Hello excuse me, this is a hazard. What has happened to the MOE standard of safety in hostels? Has it become some useless piece of guideline nobody adhere to nowadays? What do you call yourselves, staffs who work with the MOE as? You don't even bloody hell care if the fan really drops when it was spinning and the next day, your hostel makes it to national headlines of being the first hostel having decapitated borders in Singapore's history, except the fact that it isn't some psycho slicing people up but the FAN?

What's more baffling is, despite my doomsday alarm which was sounded some one/two weeks ago, THE CEILING FAN WAS STILL DETACHED WHEN I WALKED PAST THE LOUNGE JUST NOW! Tell me, are the technicians having a hard time finding their way here (which means they took one/two weeks and still couldn't see past the construction sites), OR you haven't called the technicians yet?

And why, something tells me it must be the latter, and I'm not the least surprised at all.

At this juncture, I really think I have all the reasons in the world to just file a long complain list. The question is, who should I direct my mail to? It must be someone who will give a damn about it, and certainly won't be those bumming around in the office below.

Sunday, October 07, 2007 19:13

I think, at different points in time, we should review the way we carry ourselves. Because more often than not, when we engage in judging everyone, everything, against our varying standards, we somehow overlook certain qualities and begin making unfair and harsh comments, which eventually very much undermining the very subject we judge.

I understand it's only human nature to make comparison, to rank, to weigh, and ultimately, to judge. Being blessed with two brains - the right and the left, the emotional and the rational - the left one will always process all data it receives and generate a list of comparison between a few subjects we encounter. So it's natural for us to say, this is a better option than that, he is more handsome than the other, she is prettier than the rest, and so on, and so forth.

But some people tend to overdo it. Perhaps due to inferiority complex, lack of confidence, the mentality of the grass is greener on the other side, or simply just pure admiration, some get overwhelmed by seemingly unreachable qualities others possess, that they begin to gauge everything else - meaning those who are not blessed with such qualities - according to how far they fall below the 'perfects'. While ranking people is something by nature, putting everyone else into how far they fall short of perfection is, by all means, an extremely unfair thing to do.

I am surprised, as much as I was baffled, at how much superficialism a friend of mine showed over our conversation. I make my point clear, that I have absolutely no conflict with this person and I'm, as I have always been, very comfortable with this person around. We often exchange remarks pertaining to different subjects, and those who joined in our conversations would unmistakably find out that both of us aren't that barbie-dolls-look-alike-and-think-alike-bimbos, despite the remarks we shot. Because we have substance to back us up, and the very fact that both of us usually have differing viewpoints, though mostly not opposing(thank god). So this person usually come off as a rational pal, with a left brain much developed to discern facts from exaggeration. This is one reason why I enjoy that person's company.

Yet, it has come to a point when the rosy picture begins to get tainted. I used to laugh it off when this friend of mine hail the 'perfects' as gods and goddesses, saying that it's exaggeration from obsession. But, as recent days testified, my friend seem to have intensified the admiration for this special elite group of people, up to the extent of worshipping them. Many a time I tried to question this friend's rational mind, for while I agree that the special group of elites are, well, special and elite, they are still mere humans like us, only blessed with something more. Is there a need to worship them as you would a God, an omnipotent, a supernatural?

You may think I'm exaggerating, but that's only because you haven't seen what I saw and most importantly, you are exercising your left brain. But not my friend of late. I was deeply alarmed when this friend passed an unjust and harsh comment on someone else, whom, while I agree with his lacking of skills, I find nothing so wrong about him other than the fact that he falls very far from the 'pros', as my friend put it.

Then I begin to understand. If the 'pros' are the benchmark you set to judge all others against, there's little wonder why the 'pros' are hailed as omnipotents. But get rational my friend, would you? Skills are not acquired overnight, and certainly they are not inborn. Maxsim played all his life, before he emerged a reknown pianist with his signature 'Flight of the Bumble Bee'. Therefore it is very unfair to any person to classify him as 'low standard', just because he is far from what the 'pros' can do. Have you thought, for a rough second, that the 'pros' went through the whole period of amateurism before they emerge professionals?

Furthermore, their having the best skills amoung people around you now, doesn't equate them with omnipotence, for there's always a mountain higher than the one you are standing on. They may be the best here, but they are certainly not the best yet. They know it, so why not you?

What shook me off my grounds was my friend's justification on her condemnation of the amateur, for 'spoiling her beautiful fantasy'. "Because I have always been around the pros, I've fine-tuned my selectiveness. And I'm certainly not used to such amateurism."

Given my usual character I should have rebutted with all the reasons in the world, but at that instance I was deeply awed and appalled, and all I could do was to stare wide-eyed with protest. I could not believe my ears.

I can't help but wonder, what do you see me as? An ugly duckling because I'm definitely far from the 'perfect princess'? Or another amateur you wouldn't bother listening to because I'm not up to and comparable with the 'pros'?

My friend, do not be offended if you ever read this. It is never about criticizing you, but rather a reminder, that maybe, sometimes, you have over-used your left brain. To the extent of being a little uncompromising and insensitive.

Friday, October 05, 2007 19:02

Kudos to SAKAE, I had fun with my rusty throat today. I transformed myself into a water barrel, constantly flushing my gut with water, but to no avail. It is still as sore as any minute before.

Thanks to CS, I got myself a very good deal from BodyShop. A (small) bottle of serum which usually cost 32.90 for 5.00! I promise I'll be a good girl and be frugal and be thrifty and what have you.

Sometimes, when I thought I'm insignificant, barely thought of by people outside my immediate circle of contact, you always manage to find your way in, and made me think I'm somehow of some importance. Whether is it to you, that remains a question.

Yet at times, I know not of how to react, because everything came in so suddenly.
And then, poof! They were gone, leaving a faint trail of what was evidence of your presence.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 20:05

What are the seven deadly sins of Man?
Lust, Pride, Greed, Wrath, Envy, Sloth, and not forgetting, Gluttony.

Of course gluttony is. And for that, I committed one of these seven deadly sins today, with the company of sixteen others. SAKAE lunch buffet that was, and our initial aim was to clear sixty plates for the six of us. I must say, our table which consisted of Fenny Julie Pear Yongyi Jessie and yours truly, did a remarkable job of placing our orders in an advanced and systematic manner. All hail the pros!!! We actually went in ten minutes before three(according to our watches), so all of us thought of what we should order while waiting for the clock to tick.Our record? 45 in the first forty minutes! So Julie stretched our target from sixty to ninety. That was to say, each one of us must clear fifteen plates.

One hour later, we breached the sixty mark. There were two more hours to go. So they upped the limit to hundred! Can you believe it! Unfortunately, despite how optimistic we started off, the cruel Law of Diminishing Marginal Returns(ask any Econs student if you catch no balls) set in, and our rate of consumption started showing a reversing trend. So we took slower to finish what we ordered at any one time, and slower... and slower...

At this point in time I would like to emphasize on gluttony again. In the end, despite how much we groaned and moaned about our ever-tightening skirts and ever-expanding bellies, we managed to clear ninety plates in total! Kudos to our table! That naturally meant, fifteen plates each. Yet, we did not emerge the biggest appetite of the day because the title indisputably went to Anurad! Her appetite was alarming huge and when everyone's belly threatened to burst with any additional input, she was still casually chewing her sushi off her chopsticks without any expression of bloatedness! Applause everyone, to the biggest stomach of them all!

If you had seen how we pushed SAKAE a few steps further to the brink of making losses for the day, you would come to this conclusion - never gauge a girl's appetite based on her physique, no matter how small her exterior projects.

If you ask me, I think the SAKAE people must be so relieved that this bunch of TJ girls finally left before they really suffered losses. Well I guess that's the objective of a buffet for buffet-goers, isn't it? To eat all we can and eat back all our money's worth. Except that this time, we did not pay a single cent!

All thanks to the hostel for allocating forty bucks for each of us.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 17:21

As I walked home, my thoughts drifted back to yesterday, and stopped short at a conversation I overheard. No, I wasn't eavesdropping. Maybe it's inherent in those high flyers that they ultimately talk about their performance for exams with volume that surpasses the entire brass band, that every single word was crystal clear. Talk about externalities, rather than eavesdropping. Heh.

Either this, or they just have to broadcast to the whole school that they are top performers and shouldn't be getting grades like B's. Their prelims should and by no excuse not to be an all-A's phenomena and they were so, so, extremely disappointed in themselves. Then, like some lamenting marathon, everyone in the whole group started telling stories of how bad their grades were in comparison with their friends and what have they. And things like how stupid he was to lose that few marks and blablabla. When the entire group of people barely gotten anything below a B.

When he already got grades I thought I'll never get.

Thank you for drilling in the notion that my world is falling apart. Thank you very much for telling me, time and again, that I'm such an idiot who lose so many marks in your so-called easy papers. And thank you again for successfully asserted your superiority over mediocres like me, to evoke another wave of frustration.

It's some sort of the same thing that happens around me. I'll be happy for you if you did well. But do you have to painstakingly tell me that you could have done this done that and your grades will have a massive jump(when the only jump they can have is from a B to A, thank you)? Then after listening to YOUR story, the only thing I can, and I will, do is to tell you how bad I did, which is way worse than you can ever imagine you do. Ah, then you'll be happier that you aren't that much of an idiot as you think you are because there's another REAL idiot staring right at you. So that's the ego boost you need, at the expense of my confidence, isn't it?

Well, I'll not hesitate to stroke your ego. Honestly, it didn't affect me at first. But when things like these happen time and again, it's disgustingly sickening.

And precisely because I was so sickeningly disgusted yesterday, or that my morale was so severly thrashed, I did not have any dinner in the hostel but feasted on hawaiian pork chop in Cartel. Stuffing myself with food undeniably helps to clear my thoughts for a while since my mind is too preoccupied with food and more food.

Now when I come to think of it, I am really screwing my life.

Monday, October 01, 2007 18:00

CDDDE.

I can't even form any word with the letters above. I remember how We used to joke around about my friend's DEAD, making fun of how much a pro he was, getting such an amusing grade.

Of course, those were the times I knew not of failure. Indeed, I knew not of failure before I came here. And even when I failed, nothing affected my carefree joker character, and I would continue my day like nothing happened.

Until now, I know not of scoring as much as I knew not of failure in the past. It's as if, the tables were turned, and I'm positioned at the opposite end from where I used to stand.

For the n-th time in this month, I donated $1.60 to Fairprice Express in exchange for a therapeutic ice-cream. It's become a habit, to turn to icecreams when the odds are against me. And it's becoming more a habit of mine, to let myself experience failure time and again, and resort to icecreams in the end, when I know the icecreams are just for show only. It makes me think I'm feeling better, in the process denying myself of negative thought.

That's how ice creams work for me. I'll just go psycho myself while gobbling it down, psycho myself that the sun is still as bright, and so is my future. An escapist, am I not. Miraculously, I've deceived myself well these two years. Yet, a dream remains a dream. There'll be a day you wake up, and find youself sprawled in blinding reality.

This is the day. For me. Everything defied me - even myself.

I can't chuckle and say it's gonna be better anymore, because everything I see tells a different story. How am I not to worry about my life, when, if CDDDE is gonna be printed on my cert and that's my label and that's going to represent me for the rest of my life. If I'm gonna go into this society that practices meritocracy, based on that five alphabets I've got, I'm so gonna be a universe away from my interest. I can just go jump and die.

On a superficially unrelated, yet somehow affected subject, I can't understand why people practice double standards. Or rather, I'm just too plain, too simple, or straight to the point, I'm just being too stupid to comprehend the complexity of human relations.

Profile
MissyIvy
A Cynic with passion for
the Art of Sarcasm
Chemist in training

Shooting Stars
Do Better Nails
World Peace
AIDS Free
most importantly,
Finish Everything ON TIME! and
try not to be late

Links
Why Clairebear Joyce ShuM Ziewearn Dan Kylie Eug

Melody
Bygones
  • April 2005
  • May 2005
  • June 2005
  • July 2005
  • August 2005
  • September 2005
  • October 2005
  • November 2005
  • December 2005
  • January 2006
  • February 2006
  • March 2006
  • April 2006
  • May 2006
  • June 2006
  • July 2006
  • August 2006
  • September 2006
  • October 2006
  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • May 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007
  • December 2007
  • January 2008
  • February 2008
  • March 2008
  • April 2008
  • May 2008
  • June 2008
  • July 2008
  • August 2008
  • September 2008
  • October 2008
  • November 2008
  • December 2008
  • January 2009
  • February 2009
  • March 2009
  • April 2009
  • May 2009
  • June 2009
  • July 2009
  • August 2009
  • September 2009
  • October 2009
  • November 2009
  • December 2009
  • January 2010
  • February 2010
  • March 2010
  • April 2010
  • May 2010
  • June 2010
  • July 2010
  • September 2010
  • October 2010
  • November 2010
  • December 2010
  • January 2011
  • February 2011
  • March 2011
  • June 2011
  • July 2011
  • Credits
    This layout is proudly made by hopmad. Images are from tumblr and flickr. Hopmad did the collage of the images with the help from GIMP and she got the textures from swimchick.