-The following post IS emo, full of negativities, blablabla-
If you choose to read on, DON'T COMMENT.My intuitions were right when I first felt the strong apprehension towards knowing my mid term result for geog, and my decision to not let them tell me about it on the day I had two more midterms was probably the best ever made. Because when I saw my paper this morning, I was quite devastated.
It is a module I have most respect for. I sincerely thought it would be my saving grace this semester.
Sometimes it's not about being kiasu and keep comparing yourself against others. No, I do not feel any happier to be doing better than any Tom, Dick or Harry. Nor do I feel any more triumphant when I am 0.5 higher than so and so. But it is about positioning yourself in the cohort, and gauging roughly where you stand. I don't ask for the best or second best - if you position me somewhere near the 75th percentile, I'd be pleased (coz it's a B+).
But looking at the
just-made-it type of passing grade AND knowing the overwhelmingly many mark-intervals between me and the highest score, the only possibility that I can ever be anywhere near the 75th percentile is, of course, if 75 percent of the cohort fall below me. Which, given the mean and median of the paper, is a terribly unlikely occurrence.
To reiterate, this was the module I had (yes, past tense, for I no longer find it likeable anymore) more respect for. Also, this was the module I sacrificed my CNY enjoyments for. And enjoyed reading so much that I spent days reading everything all over again.
I am not the least joking.
It really makes me wonder if this is the best I can ever do. Ask me if I have done my best, yes I have. But THIS, is BEST ?! If this is the best I can ever do, then all those studying have all gone to waste haven't they. Instead of cooping myself up in the house trying to make sure I remember everything (which was all committed to memory already), time could have been more meaningfully spent on things like, say, better manicure skills or coming up with a new hair-do or make-up - things that make me
happy.
I mean if additional effort doesn't fetch me any better result at all, AT ALL, then at the very least I can be
happy.
Never will I believe anything anybody tells me about any module anymore. NEVER. 