I am not procrastinating at all. No, not at all. I'm here because I can't just sit in front of the screen staring at the "attaching files..." that is taking eternity to change.

Two reasons behind why that page keeps staring at me. One is because I'm attaching a file of size 9Mb. Second and most important is, lousy Maxis wireless broadband with connection even more erratic than a neurotic woman.

Can you imagine my annoyance when I came back from cooking lunch, just to find it says 'page cannot be displayed', and upon tracking back all my folders in my mailbox the 9Mb was nowhere to be found? For your information, the time I took for the entire meal preparation was close to 50 minutes, and the page took close to 50 minutes before deciding it 'cannot be displayed'.

WHATTHEFISH. Was what I nearly blurted out. Then, I decided to give it a second chance since I'm so forgiving and civilized.

And here it goes again, 'Internet cannot display the webpage'. URRRRGH!

I started off a happy girl today, for the whole night sleep was peaceful, uninterrupted and deep because there were NO mosquitoes. Then I had blueberry chocolate cake for breakfast, which further gave me an endorphine boost. But shortly after that the internet started giving me mood swings, and ants were appearing in platoons on the dining table and in the kitchen. I had to orchestrate a massacre before all these free riders were eradicated.

HRMPH. Free riding on my food without my permission? Ha, DEAD as you are!

Yahoo heard my complaints, or what? It finally went through! Oh great, and now Part 3 is on its way to Bahrain. Two more to go. For your general knowledge, Bahrain is a small country in Middle East, that is five hours behind us.

Two more to go. How many scowls must I make before I can declare my work as 'DONE'?

Romance of the Three Kingdoms 三国演义

Those with at least some knowledge about Chinese literature won't be any stranger to the above novel. It is about war of the three Kingdoms in ancient China. Despite it being a story, the characters and events as illustrated in the book mirror that of the truth. That means to say, signature characters from the novel did exist, and significant events are pretty historical.

I'm not here to do a publicity for that novel, however sucky I am at publicities. Nor am I here to show off my next-to-limited knowledge about Chinese literature.

I first got acquainted with the book when I was in Junior 3 then. I was, 15 that time? That book was part of our Chinese lit lessons and every one of us was expected to learn it up by the end of the year (which, many of us did not, as expected). I daresay I know roughly the stories inside, but honestly, I have not read through EVERY page.

Yet, that little brother of mine who is always seen either jumping and running here and there, or squatting around his 'collection' of erasers, OR, slouching on the sofa (which I strongly disapprove of, what a posture!) playing with my handphone (which pisses me off occassionally because he flats my batt!), this brother of mine actually finished reading the same book of wars within a week.

CANYOUIMAGINE oh my holy god!

That book - the same book I used for my J3 Chinese lit - he could read through every page and understand the story and even comment on the ending. He is merely 11. 10, to be more precise, since he read it before his 11th birthday. I was really in awe when my grandma told me that Primary 5 brother of mine actually gave his favourite tv shows (namely the one who lives in a pineapple under the sea), those HK dramas he'd complain if he misses, and football news a miss, just to catch the next chapter of the book. I was awestruck, dumbstruck, and whatever-struck, as long as, you know, I'm STRUCK.

I don't understand! It's not fair. He's only 11. Why can he solve Rubik's cube after only a FEW hints from me (when I took really long to learn it from Aulia and looked like a complete idiot), and now he could FINISH my book which I, myself, have not!

Now you know why I love this brother of mine so much?

And it's his 11th birthday in 5 hours and 40 minutes time!!!!!!

One thing about staying with my aunt in her spacious, little disorganized, dim-lit, ants-plagued apartment in the heart of Seksyen 17 is, that you can't - try as you might - be environmentally friendly.

It has become a household practice for this household to use, and throw away, at least 3 plastic bags a day. One for lining the bin, the other two for collecting unwanted parts of vege and meat during meal preparation, two times a day. Now the reason I said AT LEAST 3, is because while I always discard bones and leftovers right into the bin when I'm at home, I'm left with no choice but to increase the amount of non-biodegradable plastic bags on earth when I'm here.

I am also now one of the culprits contributing to global warming, rapid deforestation and depletion of natural resources. The nature of my work involves heavy usage of papers, heavy dependence on printer ink AND laptops. I use up paper after paper just to do error-checking, in the process depleting printer ink at exponential rate. And since I switch on the laptop from the moment I open my eyes from deep slumber to the moment just before I close my eyes on the bed, well, let's just say Al'Gore's concerns are not unfounded.

In any case, I am honestly, truthfully, really, very guilty for leading such a exploitative lifestyle. I promise, once I'm back home, I'll turn over a new leaf and love your Mother Earth, once again.

You are nothing,
until you are talked about.

If you happen to be watching programmes from Malaysia's leading Chinese TV channel aka 8TV, you wouldn't be any surprised. OKAYY you can shoot me for being such a lousy advertiser. Anyway, the above-mentioned quote came from the ten-second-long commercial for gossip girl.

I don't know what gossip girl is, nor have I any idea, ANY at all, the nature of that show. Is it an Oprah Winfrey-type talkshow? Or some entertainment news-bombardment parallel to those in Taiwan? Nobody knows. There were just flashes of women's faces in that brisk ten seconds, but heck, who cares what it is as long as it's all about GOSSIPS!

It's gonna be all about gossips. Now, talk about being a girl's best friend, and long gone are the days when diamonds reign supreme in this aspect.

Of course, diamonds still ARE girls' best friend, but what are girls without gossips, ey? They've become an integral part of us, the female community will agree (though I know some will falsely deny in self-defense but in silence, they can't agree more). While diamonds, oh wells, filthy rich missies will have them dancing around their fingers, and it's not hard to imagine.

But, gossiping. Oh, come on.

The whole lot about girls conggregating together laying their thoughts out just liberates me. Totally, like, from whatever state I'm in prior to liberation. Because it is through little secrets-sharing sessions like these you get to come clean with each other, and get in touch with the most naked part of each other's soul within the sisterhood we've fostered after everything we've been through. Although, I must say, I DO know of some hypocrites, who feed on people's innermost thoughts and translate them loosely, and often slanted-ly, to others. Ooh, not so pleasant, are they now?

And now the more that "gossip girl" advertisement is aired, the more I miss those faces who used to be part of my sisterhood (brotherhood, for some, you know what I mean), and who know me more than perhaps my mom would, when she was still around, I'd say. Here I digress. Perhaps my biggest regret, was not being able to open up enough to her when I still had her around.

SO, the big so, I should seal that as my one and only regret ever present in my life.

Digressing complete, and now back to gossips. Most unfortunately and sadly, my life of late has been nothing more than a piece of blank paper. No I'm not complaining right here, right now. I'm just saying, when it comes to gossips, I have really NOTHING to contribute, because moi life is as bland as a cup of plain water. No current affairs of any forms, no more past histories to be raked up because I've chosen to seal them up and bury them in some distant corner, AND no more random adventures in shopping malls because I'm now nothing more than a geek who stays at home and dates her piano. And her car.

God, someone should just hire me as chauffeur because I rock big time at driving. Auto cars, that is. HEY, stop sniggering, can! I don't get to drive manual cars only ma, not that I can't drive them lor!

I suddenly saw the tv commercial for 'Ugly Betty', and that reminded me of how much I love Marc in that show! He is totally my idol, man. Minus his lack of masculinity, of course. But, he's THE guy with THE right amout of sarcasm, THE right amout of arrogance, THE right language in expression, and and and! THE right level of cynicism! And he certainly makes a perfect pair with Amanda Tennent! Now THIS, everyone, is what I call liberation from my mundane days.

Sigh. It's been really a long time since I was hard on anyone. Perhaps my black humour is on the low, no thanks to this confined working environment with NO office politics, and therefore NO office gossips and NO office backstabbing. Hey, this sounds like a blessing in disguise - I don't have be forced to take sides, and join the community of outright hypocrites just to have another peaceful breath.

In any case, I'm starting to miss those days where my sarcasm level was ultra high. And those babes who shared the same frequency. Sigh. Things really have changed. When will our lines intersect again?

My gossip kaki's, are you reading this?

I must be having my head on my shoulder. If time = money, then I'm wasting millions, and still counting.

What thought to be a full-swing change
Reality check! Could just be another futile grope in the dark.
Doing it for the sake of doing it, and to appease questioning eyes
It was all the while half-heartedness though I tell of no lies.

Never practise what you preach? Neither do I.
And more often than not I go back on my words.

I'm losing grip on many things
Most of which are things that make a difference.
Like now, I'm losing grip over my language.
It gets progressively difficult to understand myself already.
I don't quite get what I've written so far.

Do you?

Now I know where I got my excellent self-consoling/self-delusioning ability from. For nineteen years of my life, every disappointment I met I've managed to remain that it's-ok-not-the-end-of-the-world attitude and made myself believe that life is still as pretty and those disappointments are no big deal.

Perhaps because of my disintegrating brain cells or declining IQ, my younger days were filled with more things to be proud of than my present.

I could excel in almost everything I did. You name it, I did it well (IF I have done it). Look at what I am now. The only thing I'm ever gonna be proud of? Is the way I can still coax myself that the world is not gonna end, given the current circumstances.

Of course, the world is not gonna end. At least not now.

When I lamented about everything I couldn't do (yes, I was whining like a baby), surprisingly my dad dismissed everything with a "it's OK", "it's gonna be OK".

That's it! It was from my dad that I inherited this trait.

I have no idea why I'm bring this up. But I guess part of the reason is because I feel an urgent need to do something to push one of my previous posts down such that it disappears from the face of my blog (you can guess which one, I'm not gonna tell). Of course I could just delete it away, but I'll regard that as an act of cowardice. I mean, since I've once decided to publish it, I shan't be a loser and delete it. It'll be some sort of me going back on my words, and that's so NOT me.

Alright folks, turn up your speakers. You'll notice the song has been changed. (SHUMING CUE: Ah finally!)

And before I retreat to my wonderland, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YONGYI AKA LAOGONG! I shall long for another vanity fair with you, and hope it will materialize in near future!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

If you think this is about the movie, you're wrong. I am still in my last year of my teens, so don't grin when I declare myself a TEENager. As for the drama queen, I don't think many people will beg to differ anyway.

When I'm with myself, I'll start to think
Not like I want to, but I just do.
A month's passed, five more to go
When I really thought I've moved on,
My dream told me NO.

How are you, I wonder
Then I'll slap myself for being such a loser.
Because by then I'll see
Your MSN nickname, right before me.

'Back to being single, because I just need to breathe'
I a pain in the ass
You indirectly told everybody.

So then I'll have the best excuse
To flick my hair and walk away
Yet somehow my mind refused
And end up messing up my day.

"You can choose to be happy, why not?"
A friend of mine once said.
Yes, my dear, I choose to be happy
But I can't choose to forget
Because the more I want to
I'll end up feeling sad.

I could walk into the future
Pretend nothing ever happened
Because that's what you do
And I don't see what else I can hold on to.

Yet a month's passed
And we've not spoken
I can't help but think
Do I matter a thing?

It's worse than a car crash
My friend once said
But this time
I beg to differ
Because what's there left to feel
When everything's broken beyond anything could heal?

With more vigourous campaigning going on for days before elections, one could easily predict that this year's General Elections was going to be a close fight. Oppositions shouted with greater voices in campaigns, while BN stepped up their publicity to (hopefully) raise their popularity.

What was being contested this time, other than the conventional state and parliament seats? It was about hope, promises and, most importantly, a war of words.

I came under a moment of shock when seowqj told me that Malaysia is under dual governance now. Before I even recovered he slammed me with another piece of news - that Perak was amoung the few new states under the Opposition Party. Perak, my state, all along a safe BN territory despite vigourous campaigns by their contenders, has now changed hands.

I'm not exactly a pro-politics person, but neither am I an ignorant. Although I must say there were much disappointment time and time again under BN all these years, I can't imagine exactly what the Oppositions can do for us now that they are our boss. For years we've been progressing, now why shouldn't we just continue developing on the foundations and roads we've built? Why, oh just why, should we turn away from the direction we've been heading, just to answer their call for 'change'?

'We are on the right track. Just keep moving forward.' was BN's slogan this year.
'A call for change' was the Opposition's.

Still, people's lost in faith in BN which led to loss in their loyal voters as shown in the results this year is not unfounded. The oil bubble, inflation and national security issues are amoungst the top concerns for the people. While not much could be done by the government to suppress the expanding oil bubble, little or no improvement in security problems in the country did make many heads shake in disappointment and disapproval. Criminal offences characterised by much brutality increased in their frequency over recent years, yet what has been done to ease our anxiety? What concrete measures were executed to extinguish our fears?

The lack of efficiency amongst the authorities as well as failure to uphold tighter security are the main pitfalls in the BN administration, which happen to directly result in the loss of faith in the people. The Oppositions then target these BN weakspots and 'call for change'. During times like this when party loyalty is already swaying, the 'call for change' proposition does offer some hope.

Yet the abovementioned two paragraphs are not proof of my support of the Opposition. In fact, I regard my beloved Perak under Opposition now as fallen. Maybe the only consolation from this is that it is now under the governance of DAP and not some extremist-influenced party (you do know which one I'm referring to). And it's undeniable that there are promising figures in the DAP.

Since what's done can never be undone, I just hope BN can learn some valuable lesson from this year's elections, and be more competent in future. I am not exactly in favour of any party in particular, as long as there is more progress and less problems under then new goverment. Of course, I would never want some extremist-ideology-influenced party to take over my beloved country (and I guess you do know which I'm explicitly referring to).

Human perception changes every now and then. The degree and directions of the fluctuations depend very much on the people and things that appear around us from time to time.

Perhaps when Einstein developed his idea of relativity, he had little idea how relevant this was to the way humans think.

The idea of relativity struck me when I looked back at the way (or ways) I end up looking at my performance today. To use the word performance, to me, isn't apt at all. Because it's not something to be proud of like those on-stage.

But perhaps the best performance of the day was how well I assimilated to that mask of indifference I very first created. It's void of most emotions, and I even grew to believe it was part of me.

"They aren't that bad they appear to be."
"At least they are a little higher than national average."

They were like poison. They made me agree, nodding in stupidity that the world isn't coming to its end. Yet. Yes, it's not dooms day, but is there salvation? At one point they sounded really reasonable, it's almost like something I can't agree less with. But at another point in time, they are just a display of a deceptive optimism.

Deceptive optimism. They are no lies, for they are true. Yet what's there to be proud of being just slightly higher than national average? That's why it shouldn't be called my 'performance' after all.

I hereby make a request. Please, don't attempt to 'cheer me up'. I am no kid. I won't smile like an idiot just by having some stories told at my ears. I am blocking my senses from unnecessary break-downs to uphold and portray the usual 'me'. This is an uphill task, so please let me succeed for everyone's sake.

Just, please.

This could be the first time I'm touching on the subject ever since it happened. Over time many thoughts did appear and somehow changed the way I look at it. But now, one stays.

We are but dots which move on our own lines that make up the course of our lives. From time to time the lines change directions and with that they might intersect with each other and so on. Yet now our lines have turned skew, and not only have we stopped becoming a part of each other's life, we do not move in the same direction anymore.

With that, I shall wait till my next intersection comes.

MissyIvy
A Cynic with passion for
the Art of Sarcasm
Chemist in training

Do Better Nails
World Peace
AIDS Free
most importantly,
Finish Everything ON TIME! and
try not to be late

Why Clairebear Joyce ShuM Ziewearn Dan Kylie Eug

April 2005

May 2005

June 2005

July 2005

August 2005

September 2005

October 2005

November 2005

December 2005

January 2006

February 2006

March 2006

April 2006

May 2006

June 2006

July 2006

August 2006

September 2006

October 2006

November 2006

December 2006

January 2007

February 2007

March 2007

April 2007

May 2007

June 2007

July 2007

August 2007

September 2007

October 2007

November 2007

December 2007

January 2008

February 2008

March 2008

April 2008

May 2008

June 2008

July 2008

August 2008

September 2008

October 2008

November 2008

December 2008

January 2009

February 2009

March 2009

April 2009

May 2009

June 2009

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009

October 2009

November 2009

December 2009

January 2010

February 2010

March 2010

April 2010

May 2010

June 2010

July 2010

September 2010

October 2010

November 2010

December 2010

January 2011

February 2011

March 2011

June 2011

July 2011

This layout is proudly made by hopmad. Images are from tumblr and flickr. Hopmad did the collage of the images with the help from GIMP and she got the textures from swimchick.