As I walked home, my thoughts drifted back to yesterday, and stopped short at a conversation I overheard. No, I wasn't eavesdropping. Maybe it's inherent in those high flyers that they ultimately talk about their performance for exams with volume that surpasses the entire brass band, that every single word was crystal clear. Talk about externalities, rather than eavesdropping. Heh.
Either this, or they just have to broadcast to the whole school that they are top performers and shouldn't be getting grades like B's. Their prelims should and by no excuse not to be an all-A's phenomena and they were so, so, extremely disappointed in themselves. Then, like some lamenting marathon, everyone in the whole group started telling stories of how bad their grades were in comparison with their friends and what have they. And things like how stupid he was to lose that few marks and blablabla. When the entire group of people barely gotten anything below a B.
When he already got grades I thought I'll never get.
Thank you for drilling in the notion that my world is falling apart. Thank you very much for telling me, time and again, that I'm such an idiot who lose so many marks in your so-called easy papers. And thank you again for successfully asserted your superiority over mediocres like me, to evoke another wave of frustration.
It's some sort of the same thing that happens around me. I'll be happy for you if you did well. But do you have to painstakingly tell me that you could have done this done that and your grades will have a massive jump(when the only jump they can have is from a B to A, thank you)? Then after listening to YOUR story, the only thing I can, and I will, do is to tell you how bad I did, which is way worse than you can ever imagine you do. Ah, then you'll be happier that you aren't that much of an idiot as you think you are because there's another REAL idiot staring right at you. So that's the ego boost you need, at the expense of my confidence, isn't it?
Well, I'll not hesitate to stroke your ego. Honestly, it didn't affect me at first. But when things like these happen time and again, it's disgustingly sickening.
And precisely because I was so sickeningly disgusted yesterday, or that my morale was so severly thrashed, I did not have any dinner in the hostel but feasted on hawaiian pork chop in Cartel. Stuffing myself with food undeniably helps to clear my thoughts for a while since my mind is too preoccupied with food and more food.
Now when I come to think of it, I am really screwing my life.
