I haven't been exercising my little grey cells much lately, partially due to post exam fatigue, partially due to shock.
Yes, shock. Shock at some surprisingly astonishing work someone put up on the net. I shall waste no descriptive words in attempt to describe that piece of music because you have to listen for yourself to feel which word can describe it best. Following the music on the scores just stuns me more.
I am breathless now. How can a guy create such an impression of an ancient chinese brothel with those chinese music themes using only the piano? Oh man he is my idol man. And everytime I listen, it's as if I hear something new.
Here's the link. Listen with your heart, and see where the music brings you.
http://www.gangqinpu.com/html/4004.htm***
Horroscope said something today - something I hope could come true, yet I know the probability of it coming true is negligible. What about thrusting myself onto the foreground and make myself stand out, it's all gonna end up the biggest joke of the year. Yeah then I'll be crowned the biggest joker queen ever existed. Applause everyone:(
Someone asked,"Why do you call yourself Miss STUPIDity?" I jokingly answered "I think it's funny."
Great. Now my life is out of control - every component of it, that is. It's as if I'm a top, spinning consistently all this while, when finally one day, I bumped against something, however small that was, and went off spining everywhere, out of my usual circuit. Then all went haywire, upside down. So why am I Miss stupidity? Because it can't be more apt!
A life of a joker, a joker's life. My life, is such a joke now. Everything I did, none was right. Every effort I put, yielded nothing. "Don't be discouraged. Keep working" is what most people said. But do they understand? Do they feel what I'm going through right now? Do they know what it's like, to see your intelligence and brain power waning away before your eyes? To see your hope and dreams shatter right before your eyes? To fall so far below your already-not-high expectations?
Mediocracy, like TaiJianLaoShi put it, should not be contented with. I don't like hovering with the average either. But do I have a choice? I was truly happy at first, that I cleared all papers so far with at least a D. But then, where does that put me? Where will that bring me? Not even a step closer to Pharma School.
My happy ending never existed. My wishes were never granted. My giving in was taken for granted. And now, laotianye is even taking my future away from me. That leaves me wonder, WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG TO DESERVE ALL THIS? Why is everything taken away from me? Money. Grades. Life. Happiness.
I'm fatigued. But I can't let go. It's draining every strength I've left. But what can I do? What will YOU do?
I don't even know who the girl in my mirror is.
I am a joker. My life is a joke.
