I don't know what I'm feeling, or supposed to feel. Everyone has a protocol to follow; some code we adhere to no matter which direction the sun rises tomorrow. For all this time I've been (or THOUGHT I have been) following some sort of lines lay out in front of me. I became what they want me to be.
Rollercoaster - you are slowly being sent up, til a point when the only step for you to take is to plunge all the way down and you can't turn back, you fall, face down until you are taken back up again. It's a continuous process - you can anticipate what's next, but you can't pause it once you set it in motion. Exciting, yes.
Provided you've got the capacity to take in such 'excitement'.
I had a ride of my life this week. There's a pattern identified - just when you think all is going on well and positive, it starts moving in the opposite direction. So hopes turn into disappointments, delights become despairs. A full-bloom morning glory becomes wrinkled at the end of the day. This process manifested itself into a cycle and repeated itself for so many times in the space of five days alone, that I am somehow desensitized towards it happening again now.
Perhaps the rapid transition from joy to misery is too huge a tide to surf against.
As usual (told you I'm desensitized already), that lift in the female block went haywire again. It's not something new, until it decided to take revenge on me for my past cursings and swearings. So one day, it opened it's jaw for me to walk innocently inside, and closed them.
Closed them tight. It decided to not take my orders of going down to the first floor, that it stayed, hanging, on sixth floor, with no intention to budge whatsoever despite my furious jabbing at the 1st floor button. Horrified, I pressed hard for the door to open. The lift must have had such a good time playing the fool on me that it decided to slam shut its door, which was going against its nature of opening them when the 'open' button was pressed, let alone jabbed.
What a great encounter with a smart lift which knows who to take revenge on. Needless to say in a brilliant hostel which spends unnecessary money on unnecessary (and often proven brainless) renovations.
When most of us were fretting over table arrangement on our Grad Night, I received calls which suggested some unfeasible 'alternatives' by those in charge. 'Alternatives' they suggested were taking up 'alternative' meals (which means NON chinese) on that day, or paying up for the two invisible friends to make the count ten. So you are telling me I either paid EIGHTY SINGAPORE DOLLARS for eating what cows and goats do - the greens, or I'm paying ONE HUNDRED SINGAPORE DOLLARS for Marina Mandarin ballroom and CHINESE dish for MY GRAD NIGHT. Do the maths, dude. Calculate opportunity cost. You are telling me I'm such an irrational consumer who makes dumb choices. Suzzy said,"Why not we just boycott them?" My sentiments exactly. But we don't have the same status quo - they have already taken my 80bucks.
So when yesterday the guy rang and said the eight of us would be split up into two tables, joining some other people whom we do not know for dinner, I thought, alas! something brilliant and reasonable, despite us being so reluctant to split up. This morning after assembly, we rushed to the board to see if the eight of us would be at close proximity, just to find that three of us went table-less. You can never imagine how bewildered(quoted from my GP tutor) and outraged I was, and we were. So I texted the guy who called me up yesterday to demand an explanation for yesterday's facade over the phone. And this was his reply "We will explain to you the
complications as you did not hand in a complete form." So we were to blame for not getting ten people to our table?? Just imagine if we had not submitted the form - there would be EIGHT people, all paid 80bucks, table-less. What a
blast, just like they've promised us.
But gladly, in the end, our table matter was solved. I hope I did not appear so much of a voracious monster who threatened to tear the guy apart when we gathered around the SC room for explanation. I still think we did the right thing, despite us storming there like a mob. Because we got a very good outcome - we are sitting together again, just as planned.
Always when I'm least watchful, you came in and took over everything else. But just as swift as you entered, you left with all the rainbows you brought along, leaving me in a state of astonishment, and delight, which soon metamorphosed into despair.