There was a spark, a moment of enlightenment, and now it's gone.
At first I thought of not blogging it down, but, oh well, I'm here now.
Tears. Where art thou when I need you. Where are you when my eyes feel so sore and throat so dry.
Despite being inside a net of friends, I feel alone. Paradox, this is, but not so hard to comprehend.
They said "when you need a shoulder, you've got mine."
They said "when you feel lousy, share with me."
They also said "when you turn around, you'll see me. I'm always there to back you up."
For one LONG second I needed a shoulder to lean on. I saw none but my own one.
Then I tried turning around, to see only air.
So I thought, well, there's still Option 2 available. But no.
In spite of trying so hard to appease everyone and make everybody's day happy,
NOBODY LISTEN TO ME.
It's a fantasy. It's an illusion. After all, the only person who does not deceive you and ditch you at the very last moment, is YOURSELF. MYSELF.
It's not so hard to picture actually.
I went to X, asked if X has the time. "Yes", X said. Only after the first part of my story, X said "It's nothing compared to mine." and started telling me X's series of unfortunate events; while I became the analyst.
After that I went to Y, asked if Y has the time. "Yes", Y said. Only after the first part of my story, Y said "Mine's worse!" and told me Y's series of unfortunate events; while I stayed, just to analyse the situation for Y.
Then I thought, there's Z! I asked if Z has the time for me, "Yes" Z said. After hearing the first part of my story, Z said "I'm also like that!" and started telling me Z's series of unfortunate events; while I stayed put, and became the analyst, again.
That's what I always do - analyse. For others. It's not that I don't appreciate your time to hear me out. But if you would just, listen? I'm disappointed at the fact that I made futile trips and I don't get what I was looking for at the end of the day. It's just... sad.
I'm more than sad. I've had enough to think about right now, and when I thought there's someone to get me out of this confinement to this open space where I can blast everything that's choking my insides at my own luxury, there was no one who could do that. Nobody opened the door for me to get out of this.
You guys are not to blame. Because it's inherent in people to speak their mind. Everyone speaks, who listen? Everyone wants to tell their story. I used to not mind, since my story wasn't much of fascination anyway.
But now, I'm telling my story because it's choking me, right up to my neck. But the same story can never be told, because I never get the chance to finish it up.
I didn't ask for the moon. I asked for an ear. But I got neither. So depressing especially when it comes from those you hold dear.
Harry Potter 5 was quite monotonous in the beginning. Not surprising, though. But there was something about the ending which made it good. Well, at least I like the ending so my money didn't go down the drain. There was something about what Luna Lovegood said in the end:
-"Everything you lose will find a way back to you"
There's something wise within.
Will what I lost find a way back to me eventually?
In the Valley of Misery lies a girl named Miss Stupidity