I am now in the hub, squinting my eyes at the poor resolution monitor as it flickers and flickers. But no sooner I got so used to it that I don't even bother looking at it.
The PE teachers decided to give us some prelude to our most-dreaded 2.4km run (which I just found out this morning, that it's going to be held next week!), so they gave us a 'dry run' of our run today. To be honest, shouldn't they say 'WET run' instead, since the track was all but dry? I shall not disclose my awful (for you who's expertise is running LOL) timing, but I can assure you I ran most of the distance. Actually there was only about 50 meters or so that I walked, special thanks to JiaYi for asking me to run along with herXD
As usual, lactic acid build-up at the calfs. As usual, accelerated heartbeat. As usual, pale face. But something unusual - I felt ALRIGHT as I ascended the gallery for my bag. Sight panting was all it was, nothing more, nothing less.
Yet it was too soon to gloat about it. As we made our way to the most-welcoming canteen, it gripped me. The familiarity of it prompted me to act on instincts. Despite the calf muscles wailing in protest, I still charged at (not-so)-maximum speed (walking speed, of course) towards the canteen. It was entirely on instincts, I would say, because all sound went muffled, and everything in my vision field, dimmed. Then, my stomach lurched.
Literally LURCHED. You can feel it turning inside. Though my veins (or arterioles?) beneath my face were still throbbing with my pulse, it still felt cold. That was it - I got a table, dived at one of the chairs, used my right arm as pillow, and lay face down on the table. Just in time before everything went blur.
And then, the whole day I wandered around soul-less, expressionless... Until THAT lesson.
THAT LESSON WHICH RESPECT WAS ALMOST LOST AND SOME 'GENIUS' FURTHER REDUCED IT TO NEGLIGIBILITYTo infuriate a zombie and irritate it so much that it blew up with rage is, I must say, not an easy job. But YOU did it again! Well done man!
Now, now, some may say 'Miss Stupidity you are such a rude girl who shows attitude in front of a teacher, whom you are supposed to give respect to."
At THIS point in time, yes, I AM rude and yes, I am NOT supposed to show any displeasure, let alone attitude. I am a student, seeking education, and therefore should be humble and not rebellious. You think I don't know such values, and I'm a rude teenager careless with her words? You're wrong. Since young VALUES were instilled in me, and it became part of me. I DO know all these, and that's why, everybody was happy last year. So was the beginning of this year.
But you just have to do it. As an educator you should be well aware of the lines you should not, and ought not cross. There are situations which you should, as a mature adult, know how to handle well. Are you telling me, that living nine years more than me, your EQ and response to situations are as low, or even LOWER, than mine?
No? But your actions have shown otherwise.
Raking up histories is not what I usually do. But as I reflect on how I reacted to your, uhm, immaturity today, I have no choice but to consider what exactly in the past was the trigger, what in the past was the turning point. Mind you, there was this instance when the bolt of flame (this is evidence of Harry Potter overdose) nearly dashed out of my throat. It took me several mouthfuls of saliva and several lungfuls of air to put it out. So what was it that made you a totally different person from the easy-going and more friendly person last year? Because of ONE mere complaint? Is it necessary, to make a huge din out of it, and pour your emotions, your displeasure, your sense of injustice (if they were justified, that is), pour all on US - mere students who are trying their best to improve?
Is this how you manage your work and emotions? With no clear line that separates the two? Because if that is, hey, you need to learn, A LOT from people around you man. Look at us. Are we not stressed out by great expectations superimposed on us? Were we not reprimanded for not performing up to the mark, and some of us even got warnings for that? But if everyone acted and responded to such situations the way you did - the way you frequently do, oh well, I don't think I would wanna appear in school already. Because the school is no longer a vibrant place to seek knowledge. It has turned into a battlefield with each of us constantly sending flames of rage to one another.
At this point, I, as a student, apologize to you for my misbehaviour. See, there's nothing wrong with apologizing and admitting what you've done wrong. Don't I get criticisms? Do you think I'm so perfect a person that nobody sees any trace of flaw on me? Quite the contrary actually. But do I deny all of them - thinking that it's just mad dogs barking and continue my life with disdainful behaviour? NO! Like what my grandma always tell me, take in what others say with humility, sieve through comments and select those constructive ones and try to change for the better. Life is a constant learning process, where the ultimate goal is not to pursue the maximum number of A's, but rather to upgrade yourself and make yourself a better person.
Babies the the purest of them all, why so? Because they hold no grudge. All they do, when they get upset, is to cry. After that, they are one happy babies again.
It's not every lesson of yours that I show attitude. That is, if you ever realize.
No? You never realized? That's just because you've 'crowned' me the rebel queen. That's because you don't know how to let go.
Not knowing how to let go and when to let go, is nothing but simple immaturity.
And the extra years you've lived seem to have gone to waste.
***
My peeps if you manage to follow through all I've said, you'll realized I've turned into a long-winded old grandmother. And now, this old grandmother is off to do something more important.
Let the past remain as history, a guide if necessary!
