I noticed I've been blogging on a daily basis. This has almost become my second home. Everyday I tell myself there's not much reasons for me to blog everyday, yet everyday something has to happen that I have to choose between coming here, or blow my chest up like a punctured balloon.

Today is no exception.

"Small gestures are sufficient to betray the fake front you painstakingly put up, and reveal the coarse, naked and real inherent flaws within."

My spirits were on the high as I combed through shops in Parkway Parade, despite the alarm souding in my account, signifying balance which is already below a certain critical level. But all rosy pinkish picture of a happy birthday wish crumbled at the arrival of a one-sentenced, plain and lame excuse which came in the form of an SMS.

At this juncture, nothing seems appropriate to be said, without somebody getting hurt.

I'll just have to bid goodbye, to my rosy pinkish happy birthday wish.

-Because it has lost its meaning, which was once attached to "sincerity". Even if the rosy pinkish picture of a happy birthday wish came alive, it would just stem out of mere obligation.

Would turning nineteen, I wonder, mean anything - any at all - to YOU?

One can be inspirational because of many things. But for awkward reasons which I could name none, this person is inspirational, yet I can't tell because of what.

Foolishness, you may think? Not surprising, for I think so too.

Mayhap distance does more good than harm. At least distance - in the form of emptiness between you and me, as well as time - dissolves and eradicates what ought not to stem and flourish, in silence, of course.

In silence, so as to not affect this equilibrium - already shaky, frail, as interactions between the opposite ends increases with increasing intensity. The broth, the reaction mixture, in this very cauldron is churning, frothing, foaming. Was that light that I saw, shining from the base? Was that yet another dawn, uncertain and indistinguishable from the dusk?

I know not of it. But one thing I'm sure.

As quickly as it churned, it came, suddenly, to an abrupt stop. Everything came to a standstill. The light was extinguished, just like that, leaving in the cauldron nothing else but clearwater.

So where have all the spices that triggered the series of violent reactions gone?

Curious I was, but no effort was made to find out. All was too familiar.

Since the (second) beginning I've made every precaution possible, to keep myself at bay. The waters that stir is just too dangerous, for me to venture alone. Yet this time, it swept me as swift as it swept me previously.

Lucky for me, now that I know it wouldn't come true, that I seize the moment to shatter every single hope because I know they are false.

But unlucky for me, I DID got carried away a little, and every attempt made to bring myself back to the banks was like a dagger, jabbed with utmost precision, directly into the heart where it feels.

Every glimpse of the picture(s) brings warmth, of which kind I'm not able to tell. But following shortly is a short-lived, momentary suffocation, when I know the fantasy is best remained as fantasy.

"...I also wished it was a girl lo..." nonchalantly that person said.
"Ah, so THAT'S the main point." I teased.

As I turned away, I forced down a mouthful of drink, to stop it from bleeding.
The dagger had just driven itself, right into where it feels.

So they do come in a season. A season where hopes and dreams seem to be shattered, all that's left are mere disappointments. Often enough when we get too close, we tend to overlook the inherent character flaws in others, or maybe even to make each other the mirror image of us. That is to say, we tend to make people around us, us, expect their behaviours a duplicate of ours, and often get unhappy, simply because they aren't up to expectations.

Expectations, huh? Back to the killer-word again. The word everyone has problems with, yet everyone else still expect a great deal from others. Many say "friends are the mirror image of ourselves". So when you get upset with those you call 'friends', does that not mean, at the same time, you are unhappy with certain undesirable behaviour of yours? I don't mean we don't have a right to be unhappy about certain stuffs people around us do. I'm just saying, there's no need to be so disturbed, to the extent of being depressed, over something that's so characteristic of a person.

Have we forgotten, that everyone is born with inherent flaws in our character, and nobody is EVER perfect? Mayhap we can consider lowering our expectations on people around us, more so for those who are close to us, and begin accepting them for who they are?

Chill, my friend! Hope today's time is well spent in alleviating your heartache:) Though I doubt you'll ever find your way here XD

As you might notice, I started off my post on a happy note. But some stuupid hostel with stuuupid facilities that always break down has to ruin my chirpy mood and replace it with ultimate rage.

As I'm typing, my chest are heaving up and down, and my fingers are knocking on the goddamn keyboard like never before. Alright there's nothing with the keyboard but NOW, right now, the stuuuupid LAN in the com room cannot function properly. With the exception of MSN, there was practically no site which I can go. I start to wonder if this post is every posted.

New addition to the List of Reasons Dunman High Hostel Pisses My Ass, ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together to welcome the Lift that Ever Spoils! It's like, seriously, I don't know what and where they spend their money on. SERIOUSLY. Because I'm seriously pissed with the inefficiency and ignorance and stupidity (what a tarnish to MY name!) this hostel and its management displays!

Oh so after calculating their budget they found out there was this MASSIVE budget surplus in their account, so one of them went "Hey! Why not we tear down those nice and practical steel mimic gates and replace with some hideous and ridiculous woodblocks so that half of the lift lobby on every floor of the girls' block is blocked?" And the other went "Yeah! Good idea! That's how we can spend our extra money!"

Sorry folks for my sudden outbreak of anger. Hope it didn't scare you:)

Joyce is in Sarawak now! Oh you one lucky babe! You must never forget to bring me things alright! You one lucky poke you!

I'm finally done with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
I took more time than I expected to finish that book of thirty-six chapters plus an epilogue. *groans* But I still would not take full responsibility for reading so slowly. Most of my time spent reading was constantly interrupted by people barging into my room and started a whole night-long of of talk show, or being forced to sleep since I've gotta be in school the next day. Nonetheless, it felt good being able to finish the book in the end.

I shan't elaborate on my views pertaining to the book. Ask me if you wanna know (or if you want some spoilers!).

But as a result of Harry Potter marathon through the night, I woke up today when the clock flashed "16:45". I blinked, in synchrony with the minute digit.

It's fun to do some random stuffs once in a while. Just like today, when I was having my breakfast (which is others' dinner -.-) the thought of going to watch fireworks suddenly came across my mind and there we were! On top of ECP expressway, by the pedestrian walkway, exclaiming and shrieking at the splashes of colours against the dark grey sky. Oh of course there's always little 'adventures' as prelude to such fascinating moments!

So after the finale we turned to the Suntec direction and walked. WALKED FOR A VERY LONG TIME because two noobs, one being direction-blind, could not seem to figure out the fastest way to get there. So we toured around the area, on pedestrian walkway of course, along roads and past junctions and corners, and alas! Millenia Walk came into picture! We reached at last!

Thanks Aulia for making my day again!

Cheesecake date with Ricky last night was memorable too. Despite how long we have not met or talked to each other, it felt just as close as we first met. Not forgetting to mention we talked like never before hahaha. That's how I found out some juicy stories too XD Thanks for that cheesecake treat too:)

But was that genuinely current, or merely nostalgic?

Of course, how can an outing of two vain people be complete without pictures of pretty and handsome faces taken? Oops I know you are feeling nauseated now but oh wells...

Experimenting with effects in our cams - Black and White.

I forgot what effect Ricky selected but the outcome is fantastic. To me.

But to him, this seems ATISTIC. If you ask me, this is superEXPOSED. Wahaha.

And how can I take photo without one of them being an act-cute one?

I discovered that I am such a good photographer through the photo-taking session last night. Compare those above - taken by yours truly, with the one below - taken by Ricky. Compare and contrast LOL.



Move evidences of the photographer in me:

The moon, against cloudless sky, shone brightly. Like an orb, or light, at the end of this pitch-dark tunnel. So persevere, people! Dawn will come!

This was taken one day when I was feeling absolutely discouraged and disappointed. I was walking out of the school back gate, when I suddenly turned around, and saw IT. Such a LONG way - endless, I would say, to feeling better. Gloomy and pessimistic, heh? Because that day I was really affected. Refer to the post dated 19th. Oh wait, I guess it's no longer on this page anymore.

And even biscuits bear the T'JC name. Haha your eyes are playing tricks, aren't they now?

I finally have a picture of my childhood sweetheart - Ronald McDonald!

At last! The photographer of the day!

To kick-off this post, I must say I went to school feeling like wretched. Every part of my body threatened to disintegrate, with the exception of my head because there was a time-bomb inside ticking, which I thought would split my head any moment. Needless to say the chirpy morning with chirpy friends did not help much since somebody's mood sent all birds flying out of the window and brought heavy clouds over our heads. Yep, I'm talking about THE ONE. THAT one.

Resistance doesn't just happen overnight. And yes certainly not a one-way thing. But please look at the cause. And I shall say no further.

Interesting facts:

1. For the first time MOST of 27/06 wore their class tee except me. I felt like a boar among pigs. (wah not a very nice analogy here but pigs are cute so take it as a complimentXD)
2. For unknown reasons and sheer coincidence, Yongyi Aulia and me appeared in ambassador shirt WITHOUT PRIOR AGREEMENT. It must be telepathy!
3. To murmur in protest when the lecturer snatches the transparency away is most effective. But you should do it the IVY-way: the moment he snatches it away, exclaim "Siao4 Diao4!" It really works.
4. Walking out of school IN THE RAIN thinking that I can make it to the interchange, but turned back when I knew we were the only ones doing such silly act.
5. Saw LinLin (my NY roomate) on bus 229 and chased her all the way from the moment I alighted to the middle of the bus interchange, just to say HI and talked to her.
6. Jumped onto the train without looking at which direction it was heading! Luckily it was Kylie and Lele whom I followed -.-"
7. Bumped into JOEL when we settled for Subway for lunch. For the first time JOEL was out with flat hair LOL.
8. Attempted queuing with Kylie for her oh-so-nice doughnuts from the oh-so-famous Doughnut Factory, but ditched her at the end because it was painstaking. What is in the doughnut that turns people round their fingers, so much that the queue actually extended to three LONG sections?

I was thinking, and still thinking, will I become a saint by the end of the year if I keep surpressing every bomb in me from going off, especially during THOSE times in the week?

I am now in the hub, squinting my eyes at the poor resolution monitor as it flickers and flickers. But no sooner I got so used to it that I don't even bother looking at it.

The PE teachers decided to give us some prelude to our most-dreaded 2.4km run (which I just found out this morning, that it's going to be held next week!), so they gave us a 'dry run' of our run today. To be honest, shouldn't they say 'WET run' instead, since the track was all but dry? I shall not disclose my awful (for you who's expertise is running LOL) timing, but I can assure you I ran most of the distance. Actually there was only about 50 meters or so that I walked, special thanks to JiaYi for asking me to run along with herXD

As usual, lactic acid build-up at the calfs. As usual, accelerated heartbeat. As usual, pale face. But something unusual - I felt ALRIGHT as I ascended the gallery for my bag. Sight panting was all it was, nothing more, nothing less.

Yet it was too soon to gloat about it. As we made our way to the most-welcoming canteen, it gripped me. The familiarity of it prompted me to act on instincts. Despite the calf muscles wailing in protest, I still charged at (not-so)-maximum speed (walking speed, of course) towards the canteen. It was entirely on instincts, I would say, because all sound went muffled, and everything in my vision field, dimmed. Then, my stomach lurched.

Literally LURCHED. You can feel it turning inside. Though my veins (or arterioles?) beneath my face were still throbbing with my pulse, it still felt cold. That was it - I got a table, dived at one of the chairs, used my right arm as pillow, and lay face down on the table. Just in time before everything went blur.

And then, the whole day I wandered around soul-less, expressionless... Until THAT lesson.

THAT LESSON WHICH RESPECT WAS ALMOST LOST AND SOME 'GENIUS' FURTHER REDUCED IT TO NEGLIGIBILITY

To infuriate a zombie and irritate it so much that it blew up with rage is, I must say, not an easy job. But YOU did it again! Well done man!

Now, now, some may say 'Miss Stupidity you are such a rude girl who shows attitude in front of a teacher, whom you are supposed to give respect to."

At THIS point in time, yes, I AM rude and yes, I am NOT supposed to show any displeasure, let alone attitude. I am a student, seeking education, and therefore should be humble and not rebellious. You think I don't know such values, and I'm a rude teenager careless with her words? You're wrong. Since young VALUES were instilled in me, and it became part of me. I DO know all these, and that's why, everybody was happy last year. So was the beginning of this year.

But you just have to do it. As an educator you should be well aware of the lines you should not, and ought not cross. There are situations which you should, as a mature adult, know how to handle well. Are you telling me, that living nine years more than me, your EQ and response to situations are as low, or even LOWER, than mine?

No? But your actions have shown otherwise.

Raking up histories is not what I usually do. But as I reflect on how I reacted to your, uhm, immaturity today, I have no choice but to consider what exactly in the past was the trigger, what in the past was the turning point. Mind you, there was this instance when the bolt of flame (this is evidence of Harry Potter overdose) nearly dashed out of my throat. It took me several mouthfuls of saliva and several lungfuls of air to put it out. So what was it that made you a totally different person from the easy-going and more friendly person last year? Because of ONE mere complaint? Is it necessary, to make a huge din out of it, and pour your emotions, your displeasure, your sense of injustice (if they were justified, that is), pour all on US - mere students who are trying their best to improve?

Is this how you manage your work and emotions? With no clear line that separates the two? Because if that is, hey, you need to learn, A LOT from people around you man. Look at us. Are we not stressed out by great expectations superimposed on us? Were we not reprimanded for not performing up to the mark, and some of us even got warnings for that? But if everyone acted and responded to such situations the way you did - the way you frequently do, oh well, I don't think I would wanna appear in school already. Because the school is no longer a vibrant place to seek knowledge. It has turned into a battlefield with each of us constantly sending flames of rage to one another.

At this point, I, as a student, apologize to you for my misbehaviour. See, there's nothing wrong with apologizing and admitting what you've done wrong. Don't I get criticisms? Do you think I'm so perfect a person that nobody sees any trace of flaw on me? Quite the contrary actually. But do I deny all of them - thinking that it's just mad dogs barking and continue my life with disdainful behaviour? NO! Like what my grandma always tell me, take in what others say with humility, sieve through comments and select those constructive ones and try to change for the better. Life is a constant learning process, where the ultimate goal is not to pursue the maximum number of A's, but rather to upgrade yourself and make yourself a better person.

Babies the the purest of them all, why so? Because they hold no grudge. All they do, when they get upset, is to cry. After that, they are one happy babies again.

It's not every lesson of yours that I show attitude. That is, if you ever realize.
No? You never realized? That's just because you've 'crowned' me the rebel queen. That's because you don't know how to let go.

Not knowing how to let go and when to let go, is nothing but simple immaturity.
And the extra years you've lived seem to have gone to waste.
***

My peeps if you manage to follow through all I've said, you'll realized I've turned into a long-winded old grandmother. And now, this old grandmother is off to do something more important.

Let the past remain as history, a guide if necessary!

Some time ago, I planned to shut this place down. But then, I can't imagine my life without blogging - without a place to vent my frustrations, a place to free my thoughts, and a place to unleash my imaginations.

I'd most probably turn out a nutcase, if that really happens.

The wave of nostalgia swept across at the funniest of times. For unknown reasons songs, popular in the past, just kept playing and replaying in my mind. The urge to get them into my mp3 prompted a massive search in the net. And alas! Songs that remind you of your chilhood years, songs that evoke scenes and feelings you thought you've forgotten, and songs that just carry you away with their melodious tunes - I've got them all in the bag.

And yes, they are those old tunes and pop songs a decade ago. But somehow they just fit in so much. I'm always impressed at how, more often than not, no words can better describe and speak your mind than mere lyrics of certain songs. You may have something to say, but words just can't seem to express them well. Then suddenly, the RIGHT song comes at the RIGHT time, and you just can't stop wondering if they were composed just for you.

Right now, Eva Peron is singing her love for Argentina.
I shall get back to my room and sing my love for DNA and Genomics.

Perception
It's the matter of perception. The way you look at things, the way you CHOOSE to look at them. More often than not, there's no absolute answer.

Ever played those optical illusion games before? Those with lines and lines, some bold, while others run off-parallel; some all over the place, some with circles or squares or of other shapes. Often enough, we find ourselves looking at lines that seem to dance out of the paper, or see circles that look like squares, or see straight lines being curved, and so many more.

If you played those games before, you'll know that things are often not how or what they seem to be.

Sometimes, life isn't just as rosy a picture you've always wanted it to be. Other than having to cope with challenges that never seem to cease, sometimes you'll find yourself being talked about behind your back for no apparent reason! Yes I must agree that that must be most awful.

But hey, don't lose your tears and sleep over these people. It's not worth it. Yes, spill all bitterness to your friends, those who promised to stick with you through thick and thin. Although they may not be able to solve the matter for you, at least, after telling them, you'll feel better because you know there ARE people in the world who stand by you and back you up should you ever fall.

There are two types of people in the world. One is those who have your welfare at heart and will give you wonderful memories, while there are people who live to deliberately bring misery to you and haunt your sanity with words of poison. Since they are out to give you nightmares, why be concerned about whatever they say and fall prey to them? Why make them succeed in making you miserable? Should we not rise above this and show them, instead, what we are made up of - nobility, strength and grace?

So my girl, let the barking dogs bark. I'm sure someone will alert the authorities and have them put down. Their still barking doesn't mean they have triumphed over you - it's just a matter of time when they get to learn their lessons due.

Everyone is worried about you, haven't you the slightest idea? Everything that can be said was said, yet none could comfort you and bring back the usual you. How I wish I was there and get those bitches (I'm sorry for vulgarity-free policy breached) and bastards busted for what they've been doing.

"A girl's world is full of politics".
But looking at this matter from different perspectives can yield different results.





The above is an impressionist painting of a butterfly, fluttering it's wings as it feeds on nectar. A lovely sunny day, isn't it?

Or what else do you see, my dear?
***

I forgot totally about this when I blogged just now. And so here it is:

I can't imagine, how am I to survive on slightly more than 200 bucks. Take note, this is only my nominal personal disposable income, which means haven't adjusted for inflation yet. Seriously I do think the ministry shortchanged us A GREAT DEAL. First it was the GC, which was totally not reimbursed at all, despite it being a 'learning tool' which is extremely vital that we can't do without.

Secondly is the injustice element. Why is our batch only given 2400 annually when our juniors have about twice our settling fees? And if I'm not wrong their total allowance is still more than ours.

Then comes the third - GST hike. Although it's a 2 percent hike, as what your maths tell you (7 minus 5 is 2), most prices did not rise by a mere two percent. Believe me. McD student meal used to be $4, and now it's $4.50 I believe my Maths isn't that screwed to believe that it's only a 2% rise. Come on, it's MORE THAN TEN PERCENT CAN!

Pardon my outburst of incorrect grammar just now. But it's true. While all retailers push all the tax burden on consumers in the form of a much higher price, our (scholars) salary did not rise with rising cost of living and prices at all! HAH so much for offering me to study Economics... Wait.. I nearly failed that one oops.

But come on. How can I not live beyond my means when my means are not even sufficient to start off with? The very basic necessity - transportation - to and from school, is NOT even provided for us and all the school miscellaneous fees are to be borned by me also. Which means, after calculation, assuming I only spend money on e-pass for EZlink every month, my NOMINAL personal DISPOSABLE income is only $152.5 a MONTH! Hello excuse me only a NERD who has NO LIFE can survive on that amount of money OK! That is, provided the NERD who has NO LIFE has NO PHONE BILLS to settle too!

Alright I admit. I confess. Confession of guilt from a hard core shopaholic and foodaholic me. I think all my money disappeared because... I still don't know how they just poof! gone like that!

If you haven't got the gist of this whole thing, it's this - I am in financial crisis. So the rest is all whining.

Let's talk about phobia.
I'm afraid of darkness, and that's called achluophobia. It's a common phobia, though, because many young children have night terror, whereby they'll get the shock of their lives when they suddenly wake up in the night to find everything else, well, dark. My achluophobia, though still considered a phobia, isn't exactly severe. Or so I thought, till I went to the common toilet on Level 2 of Female Block just now, when my phobia surfaced, again. It wasn't total darkness, or you may think. But it was only lit by mere dim light, though not flickering, but sufficient to send chills down your spines. Please, pardon my lack of creativity for more interesting phrases, for my brain juices have seemingly dried up, all in the account of the most annoying and disgusting, yet important, SGC of the year.

*OK you may catch your breath here*

As I was saying, it was dark. Everything around me was as if in twilight condition. Now you see it, now you don't. Exactly. It got even more disturbing as I closed the cubicle door. Now I know how those people with claustrophobia - afraid of confined spaces - feel. Suffocating, that was. And NO I can assure you it's definitely not due to the stench, if there were any to begin with.

And then I saw it! The longest word in the dictionary! But what an irony, for it stands for fear of long, English words. Here you are, lo and behold, the mightiest word with the longest string of alphabets attached,

HIPPOPOTOMONSTROSESQUIPPEDALIOPHOBIA

There you have it. Fear of long words, which happens to be the longest word ever.
The other day Aulia sort of counted the number of characters in that very word, but age seem to have caught up with me because I can't recall how many that was now.

Adios amigos!

I am losing my sense of humour every time I rise from wonderland.
The mundane of each passing day is ironically overwhelming. For every time I rise above fantasies, I'm met with deadlines - 'dead' when you cross the 'line'. True enough, to produce three write-ups about myself requires large amount of creativity - something which I currently am deficient of. Because I just woke up from hibernation.

No, I did not wake up at two. Physically, I woke up two hours ago - long enough for me to be awake now. Mentally, I'm still cuddling my blanket on my bed. No thanks to the oh-so-nice-and-sleep-inducing weather!

In the midst this mass production of self appraisal, I decided to take a break from the mundane (told you, they are driving my creative juices extinct). Then I thought of something Suzzy said the other day, which I found interesting, so decided to post it here.

*Warning: Read only if you are on diet. You might lose your appetite after this.

The story was dated back on Thursday, when the second half of J2 cohort had their most dreaded Mass PE in the morning. After much running, four budding entrepreneurs gathered round a table in the canteen full of chirpy students. One of them by the name of Miss Stupidity was uncertain if she was able to finish her noodle. Then her partners started a conversation which turned out to be a business talk.

KylieWylie moaned about her cramps (it's her time of the month!) which she found disturbing. Trying to make her feel better, Piao said "My mom told me some people actually put menstruation blood on their pimples so that they can heal." All of us reacted almost instantly, exclaiming "Eew! Why?" In her casual (and usual) expressionless way of answering questions, Piao said "I have no idea, but it really works."

Apparently turned-off by the subject of discussion - menstruation blood, Miss Stupidity begged for an end to this subject, but to no avail. The rest were so keen in disturbing Miss Stupidity more, that absurd suggestions sprouted out of KylieWylie, Piao and Bai_She's lips like mushrooms after the rain.

"You know, some people even drink the (menstrual) blood!" suggested Bai_She.

"What?!"

"Why not? It's very nutritious! It's for the baby..." She added.

"But how to drink?!" interrupted KylieWylie with expression as bewildered as the rest, maybe with the exception of Bai_she. "It's so disgusting!" At the same time, her imaginations brought Miss Stupidity nothing but pure disgust, and started to wonder if she still had the appetite to swallow her noodles.

"Oh, but it makes sense. That explains why the pimples can heal so fast when you put it there. 'Cause it's nutritious." Piao said, with the oh!-now-I-understand-why look.

All four drifted into their imaginations, where they visualized THE process, how it's done, of course with constant outbreaks of giggles. Then Miss Stupidity had an idea. "Wah maybe one day you'll find people go around collecting (menstrual blood) and make them into can drinks and sell leh!"

This time, the rest were bewildered at the idea, but series of laughters followed nonetheless.

Piao suddenly got an idea, "Eh? That would be us la!"
*laughs*

"Wah so nutritious can use to make other products also.. beauty products in particular..." said Bai_she. And in synchrony, each of us came up with facial mask, hair conditioner, shampoo etc.

"Wah if like that the pad companies all go bankrupt!" said KylieWylie.
"So is the chicken essence. Coz no one will drink anymore." Miss Stupidity added.

"Haha like that we monopoly already. Make big money lor!" Bai_she said.

"Wah can quit school and start business and get rich already!" exclaimed Piao.

"HAHAHA we Bill Gates No.2!"

After much giggling around, we really started thinking about our "business" and the concerns were raised...

"But how are we gonna collect those blood?"
"Use pads?" someone suggested.
"Cannot la pad companies have gone bankrupt already, because we made them bankrupt." reasoned another.
"Then we invent some special thing that they must wear so that we can collect lo! We are the market monopoly what!" said Miss Stupidity.

"Pampers!" exclaimed Piao, which sent another wave of unstoppable laughters across the table.

"That would be the same as pads!"
"Use plastics. Then can get them (blood) in the original form."

"HUH?! *horrified* No what if it gets too heavy and drop on the ground and piak!"
All of us visualized the scenario, and were so amused that we could not stop laughing.

"Ok then use pads. Then we put them in water and stir stir stir. Then we can get the blood lo." said Piao.
That suggestion sounded feasible, until...

"But the amount of blood during that period is very little leh!" said Bai_she.
"Oh ya then inconsistent supply also because everyone has it on different time."
"Or we put bottles at their homes so that they can put the blood inside and send them to us."
"Alternatively we can go to them."

Then KylieWylie had a solution to solve the low supply problem.
"I know! We can go to those pregnant women! They have two months of HEAVY flow after delivery!"

I must say, that was a brilliant idea!

"Oh yeah! Then we make it a law that every woman must come and register with us when they are pregnant..."
"And we go get their blood after the baby is born!"
"Yeah!"

"Oh then we can improvise a bit, such as adding extra nutrients for different demand..."
"Like collagen, to put in facial masks..."
"In the can drinks also, make it collagen-rich, then can totally replace chicken essence!"

"HAHAHAHA X100000000"

-End of story-

Those who managed to survive through the entire story, congratulations!

I'm sitting on my bed, trying my best to consolidate my thoughts to produce something someone deemed as 'reader-friendly' 'interactive' and of high level of 'audience awareness'. Alright the 'high level' was self-perceived though...

I have never been to the ParentTeenCentre despite having spent more than 15 months in this very school. By the way it's located right under the staff room, if some of you might not have noticed till now. Yes Mao I'm talking explicitly about you here. Those suffering the same fate as me were present, and all seated (not very) comfortably around a trapezium-looking table made up of three triangular tables adjacently joined together. Exercise your imagination skills to figure how they looked like. So it was like a mini conference, attended by eleven people - ten of which looked more like victims while the last remaining one was the commander - dictating everything we did - which muscle to move, which to not move, and to a certain extent, our breathing rate!

It was much of a monologue actually. Most of the time the commander was giving orders and warnings of our bleak tomorrows should we not start our preparation NOW. All we could do was to nod in agreement (I mean, dare you not agree to the commander?). As for me, I did what I do best - STONE. Most of the time I was staring at her but exactly how much attention I was paying remains a question.

"And now you'll meet Mrs X, the counsellor, and arrange a conselling session with her, alright? It's a compulsory couselling session." said the Commander.

Counselling?! Can you just tell me how on earth will my grades soar from an S to an A just by talking about things so unrelated to my studies? Look here, I'm not discreditting any benefits one can get from conselling sessions. If you are troubled, and see no light to light up your path, and that you just keep sinking into the core of this vortex spinning up and suffocating you, it might work well as a breather by spilling your problems to someone else. After all, a burden shared is a burden halved, that's what people say. That's two thumbs up for a consellor who is able to help a person through turbulent times even. Their empathy with us is appreciated and their effort put in understanding what and how we think is even more commendable.

But that doesn't provide a reason for making it COMPULSORY for us. Their 'rationale' was that we should talk to someone about how we feel after getting horrible results so that those negative thoughts will be overcome by a most positive outlook, which in their definitions definitely mean START MUGGING 100% FULL TIME. If you ask me, the hidden reason for them to try to get into our minds is to eradicate those things that stand in our way in getting the A's and to seal in a whole plasticine worth of 'Drive' and more 'Drive' so that we will be 'driven', in full force, to getting phenomenal results that mean miracles.

I'll tell you why I'm against the idea. For one, I am not as they thought, 'troubled and couldn't get away from the horrors from those terrible results'. Neither am I 'pessimistic at the outlook of my studies' and 'unclear of where I'm currently standing because the future before my eyes is bleak'. Even more not 'thinking of giving up on everything and face the worst case scenario'. While it's undeniable that some of us might have such pessimistic thoughts once in a while when things get too tight on our chests, there are more of us who possess the intellect and rational mind to take every obstacle coming the adult way.

Moreover, all those 'problems' that they want us to share are, I would say, virtually non-existant anymore. To tell you we felt nothing about the gruesome result slip coming into picture and still lived our lives happily every after is a LIE. Who said we did not sulk over the revelation of the TRUTH? We did. But we are no kids in this matter. Kids DO cry when they fall down, but after some tears shed, they got up on their own two chubby little feet, and what do they do? They start walking again! What makes you think we aren't comparable to even the youngest of children?

Yes, we fell. We fell hard, and it hurt. Yes, we got so upset and we cried. But that was eons ago. We have already bandaged the wound, and are standing up to prepare for another marathon. Seriously I do not think this is the time to remind us of the agony all of us went through when we fell, by asking us to recount the entire story of us falling flat on the ground.

I'm not trying to run away from anything by denying visits to the counsellor. What I'm saying is, I think I've done well in managing my thoughts and emotions, so would you please, just let me have things done my way, since there's nothing wrong with me anyway.

At this juncture, the last thing I'd ever want, is to be forced to scrape that newly-formed membrane and expose the wound that's silently healing beneath.

There was a spark, a moment of enlightenment, and now it's gone.
At first I thought of not blogging it down, but, oh well, I'm here now.

Tears. Where art thou when I need you. Where are you when my eyes feel so sore and throat so dry.

Despite being inside a net of friends, I feel alone. Paradox, this is, but not so hard to comprehend.

They said "when you need a shoulder, you've got mine."
They said "when you feel lousy, share with me."
They also said "when you turn around, you'll see me. I'm always there to back you up."

For one LONG second I needed a shoulder to lean on. I saw none but my own one.
Then I tried turning around, to see only air.
So I thought, well, there's still Option 2 available. But no.

In spite of trying so hard to appease everyone and make everybody's day happy,
NOBODY LISTEN TO ME.

It's a fantasy. It's an illusion. After all, the only person who does not deceive you and ditch you at the very last moment, is YOURSELF. MYSELF.

It's not so hard to picture actually.
I went to X, asked if X has the time. "Yes", X said. Only after the first part of my story, X said "It's nothing compared to mine." and started telling me X's series of unfortunate events; while I became the analyst.
After that I went to Y, asked if Y has the time. "Yes", Y said. Only after the first part of my story, Y said "Mine's worse!" and told me Y's series of unfortunate events; while I stayed, just to analyse the situation for Y.
Then I thought, there's Z! I asked if Z has the time for me, "Yes" Z said. After hearing the first part of my story, Z said "I'm also like that!" and started telling me Z's series of unfortunate events; while I stayed put, and became the analyst, again.

That's what I always do - analyse. For others. It's not that I don't appreciate your time to hear me out. But if you would just, listen? I'm disappointed at the fact that I made futile trips and I don't get what I was looking for at the end of the day. It's just... sad.

I'm more than sad. I've had enough to think about right now, and when I thought there's someone to get me out of this confinement to this open space where I can blast everything that's choking my insides at my own luxury, there was no one who could do that. Nobody opened the door for me to get out of this.

You guys are not to blame. Because it's inherent in people to speak their mind. Everyone speaks, who listen? Everyone wants to tell their story. I used to not mind, since my story wasn't much of fascination anyway.

But now, I'm telling my story because it's choking me, right up to my neck. But the same story can never be told, because I never get the chance to finish it up.

I didn't ask for the moon. I asked for an ear. But I got neither. So depressing especially when it comes from those you hold dear.

Harry Potter 5 was quite monotonous in the beginning. Not surprising, though. But there was something about the ending which made it good. Well, at least I like the ending so my money didn't go down the drain. There was something about what Luna Lovegood said in the end:

-"Everything you lose will find a way back to you"

There's something wise within.

Will what I lost find a way back to me eventually?

In the Valley of Misery lies a girl named Miss Stupidity

If you came here a few days ago, you would have realized I took down "Sweet Escape" and replaced it by "California".

Because at this juncture, turning my head towards the opposite direction in the wake of everything that's coming to light and do nothing but run is an act of cowardice.
The opposite - walk towards it - would be the simplest display of valiantness.

Of course I know. But who on earth will resort to cowardice if he has the chance to be a hero? I know all right, what should be done and what's best be done. But I have not even the least of courage needed to even look at the matter in the eye.

The inevitable came. For a moment or two I hoped it would just get itself a total beauty makeover. But no, and this stubborn ugly hideous-looking THING just refuses to, and still has the face to stare back at me, with eyes ever so reprimanding. What? My fault?

But wait. It WAS my fault that it looked like this. Out of stupidity and ultimate foolishness and carelessness that it became so hideous. However much I wish I could disown that, it'll only remain as another fat hope of mine. But what horrified me was not how it looked like (told you I'm not so superficial) rather the series of events which tail behind the arrival of IT. Even my fingers shuddered at the mere thought.

According to my innate ability to predict the future - of what I call Prophecy of Impending Doom - doom is the word I see awaiting.

I stand, rooted on the ground, in it's presence. It's coming, preparing to engulf me as a T-lymphocyte would a bacteria. I know I SHOULD walk up and wrestle till I come home victorious. I know IF I persist victory is promised. I know. I all know.

Yet what's the use of knowing everything that I SHOULD do by heart, if I myself am not even convinced I CAN do it in the first place? The tip. The cliff. The breaking point. Which is sooner than you thought. Am I gonna be a cliffhanger and cling onto the last strand of self-delusion and fallacy, albeit all truths have come to light? Are there room for redemption? Can my confidence be reconstructed and my soul be resurrected from the ashes of the dead?

I don't know. You tell me 'YES absolutely so'. I question 'How are you sure?'
You kept silent, before murmuring, barely audibly, 'Because you HAVE to.'

There! There! Evidence of Great Expectations superimposed on me! As I scaled to greater heights on this ladder I've constantly been climing, a mistake means goodbye-you-are-so-dead.

And yes goodbye-I-am-so-dead now.

I can't help it. The more I see my Prophecy of Impending Doom materialising, the more my ankles urge to dash away, away from this tough spot I'm standing on. Yet voices echoed for me to stay. But how on earth am I suppose to do that, when my skeletons threaten to crumble with every inch nearer IT draws?
***

Sorry for boring you down with my getting all emo. Since tear wells are all dried up, this is my only resort at the moment.

My Sweet Escape no more, with California, here we come!

This is what we call gender equality.

Ever wondered why you always find girls butch (replace the 'u' with 'i' and you'll get me. This is in compliance with my 'vulgarity-free' policy) about others? Because when girls gather around and start the hour-long complaints cum reality-sharing session, it's called butching; but when guys come together and do the same thing, it's called opinion-sharing. Girls pay special attention to details, and outline every single one with the best dramatic effect they can come up with; while guys just talk about the BIG picture and DONE. So when girls gather around the table and talk, they take up HOURS; guys just take MINUTES.

And due to the difference in content and time taken to complete similar tasks, what girls do is deemed butching while guys just mean opinions-sharing.

When girls take hours to come up with a decision, they are INDECISIVE. When guys hesitate, they are trying to make the most RATIONAL choice. When girls go out in flocks, act alike and think alike, they are called BIMBOS. When guys roam in packs, act alike and think alike, however ostentatious, they are called COOL. (OK I know the last fragment of the last sentence is disputable, but that's the view of the majority, all right?) When girls come back with bags, you think they went SHOPPING. When guys come back with bags, they say they went SHOPPING FOR NECESSITIES.

Such are the apparent difference you see in girls and guys, or should I say, such are what the society - us - perceive and expect differently of both sexes. But if you examine closely, things we girls do don't differ from what YOU guys do. It's just the WAY you see it that's different. Rationalize. No I'm not talking about conjugate SETS here, though we are the conjugate SEX of our opposite sex (or SEXES?! XD)Never mind my occasional lack of self control - I just can't stop LAME stuffs from poppin' out! Back to rationalizing (man! I just can't stop thinkin' Maths! Damn those complex number lectures!) you mind. Yes, rationalize your mindset before you let words slip through your lips.

'cause it can stab. Right through the fragile heart that's beating over a cliff.

So much for gender equality, when there's never an equal platform to stand on in the first place.
No special thanks to people like you.

PS:This is the 'inspiration' I talked about during breakfastXD
***

What baffles me more is this. It's often not those who are different who hurt us the most. It's those who share the same physique, same status, same GENDER. Yes, I'm talking about politics. THE politics you see being played around among girls, most unfortunately. What I don't understand is, in the midst of a storm like this, when the best to be done is to hold on to each other for support, some just let go of others and watch them being carried away by the merciless hurricane?

I'm not withdrawing anything I typed earlier (read the post below for more details) but I have a clarification to make. Just in case someone somehow misinterpreted something and thought I was talking about something else.

Nevermind.

So about the Mr Notorious I mentioned just now, yes he is still as disgusting. Not his looks, I mean, hey Miss Stupidity ain't that superficial. It's the attitude. It's be behaviour. It's the character.

Firstly, if you have in your mind, something wonderful to give the one you cherish, good for you. Then after that, it's out of courtesy that others invited you to grab THE bite. No one forced you to pay up, but have some conscience, would you? This doesn't go to the Mr Notorious only. This goes to every other miser whose three dollars weigh more than a tonne. So Mr Notorious should not hold up against us for collecting some money from you because apparently SOME misers thought that it's UNFAIR that they have to pay so much when others who shared the pie merely crossed arms and shook legs.

Secondly, don't bite if you are toothless. Not only toothless, penniless, miser, but also a hypocrite. In front of the ONE you act magnanimous, but in front of us (behind the ONE of course) you dissolve into a miser, a calculator calculating every little penny you took out of your wallet, and a hypocrite. Tell me, if a two-headed snake isn't a hypocrite, then what is?

See, I'm not being harsh.
I'm just stating the facts.
It's just that YOU people made the facts ugly.

I must first say that humans are complex.
Not only biologically - I mean, we are multicellular organisms with different cells make up different tissues in the body with different functions - but also psychologically, emotionally, and even mentally. I won't deny hereby saying SOME people around me are just mental.

What do mentals do? Answer is just plain simple - things that are just out of your comprehension. Those that make you raise your eyebrows so high that they blend in with your hairlines. Those that make your eyeballs treaten to drop on the floor if you don't catch them with two bowls. Those that make your jaw drop till you can stick two fists inside.

Yes, it's those things. Due to the popularity of this place (don't question the credibility of my words - you came here tooXD) I shall be nice and shall not disclose the identity of this person just in case you might know him. OOps I just said it was a HIM but oh wells given his notoriety and miserliness you jolly well can infer for yourself who he is. That is, if you are interested in him, which I'm quite sure none of you would be.

And yes, I sound mean now. Oh I'm sorry Mr Notorious if you ever read this. I'm a die-hard miser heart-breaker because I just can't tolerate you who think so highly of MONEY and use it as a tool for measuring sacrifice and sincerity.

I'm not a rich girl, and no definitely far from the girl who sang 'Stars Are Blind' (of course they ARE). But I won't mind doing something for my friends, my family, and those I care for. If there's an urgent need, or if it's such a jewel I treasure so much, I will hesitate no more in giving, even if it means money out of my pocket. Because I know it's worth it.

So why scrimp over a mere three dollars!? Why be calculative over the amount of money that's gone with ONE meal? Three dollars - even less than McD student meal, and you tell me it's UNFAIR?! Come talk to me, you coward. I'll tell you what is UNFAIR.

UNFAIR is when you have done so much for others and not only did not get acknowledgement, but you also get disappointment. That is called UNFAIR. Just like what YOU, asshole of the year, just did to my friend. And indirectly, to me. If you aren't having the slightest thoughts to share the cost, then why bother sticking your irritating face among the crowd and beg for a piece of something you aren't willing to pay for huh? And mind you, I did not even get to join in the celebration while all cost was borned by my wallet. Now you get it? Next time get the meaning right before you say it's UNFAIR to you.

Freak.
Oops sorry folks I've been so whiney and bitchy. But I'm feeling better now.
***
Sometimes the simplest of phrases can hurt the most. More so if they come from someone whom you thought has always been understanding and whom you thought is willing to share things - burden, confessions, woes.

But no, sometimes it's those people around you that hurt you.

This unfortunate event happened to one of my closest friend, and I really am too disappointed to say any further. No don't get me wrong, I didn't hurt my friend and neither did she hurt me but she apparently was somehow affected by what someone she treasures did.

So people, think before you speak. Think before you act. You should very well know of the consequences and make sure you can face them.

And asshole, you don't have to pay if you don't want to. And don't expect me to be nice in return.

When I opened my eyes, my digital clock flashed "11:07", smiling gleefully at my blur face. Oh great, Miss Stupidity, congrats for just having half of your day left! So it was, there, flashing it's triumphant smile wide across it's face, while I was still scratching my head as it took time to sink in. I slept for so long!!

The long awaited Marina Bay date happened last night. When I thought I was the last to arrive, I wasn't! Oh yay! So what will you get when you put four jolly happy-go-lucky girls around a table with a stove in the middle?

You'll get shrieks and unstoppable giggles and most importantly, sparks and flames.
I meant it literally. Sparks and flames.

As usual, steamboat sessions are for the catching up and fooling around. So when LK and I were busy indulging in our mushrooms, SF and CS were all the while busy throwing in stuffs. This part is usual. The unusual part comes when CS and SF were both talking as they loaded clams and such into the pot in the middle. Before I knew anything, big patches of yellow, orange and red filled the left corner of my vision field. No I'm not talking about colours of the rainbow here. Almost at the same time, the two screamed, and dashed away.

Oh my. How did they set fire shooting out of the aluminium foil!! But after screaming, you can more or less guess what our reaction was. Yes, giggles.

That steamboat outing was so fun! As expected, LK's brand-new white ballerina pumps and Iora top was, ahem, stained. Oil stains, they were. But not only on her, of course. That includes my favourite Topshop shorts): Aww how unfortunate this is!

And after everyone saying how bloated they were(excluding the one blogging here) the four of us decided to get back to Marina Bay MRT on bus 11. Yes. And it took almost half an hour! But I don't know if it's an overstatement though. But seeing the MRT station materialize before your eyes was gratifying! And soon after that, all of us parted our ways, again.
*
*
*
*
Are there really no HI anymore?
Nobody can pluck the starts in the sky (credits to bai_she), and you doubt it.
Why was that so?
Yet, I doubt you'll ever tell me.
***
Come to think of it, there's SOMEBODY's lesson tomorrow. I hope I won't roll my eyeballs in disgust, again.

Feels familiar?
Yes. 'STUPIDITY' is the name I adopted for fun and anonymity sake on the web, but this word isn't at all found in Dictionary of Ivy's Self Description. That is to say, I am not as stupidity implies.

Cold as my words may be, but they are true. From the first faint hint that materialized beneath thick veils, I've already seen through. I saw through every layer of veil which was deliberately cast over the truth - everything that was beneath. Things materialize over time, and over time the more you deny, the more you expose.

And in the end, being whiney isn't the best way to get others to sympathize with you and have things going your way. For all you know, they may as well be too disgusted and turn the other direction away from you. Wow, then you lose it, lose it all.

And on the topic of stupidity, I could not believe how true my words can be. It's stunning to find that the very hypothesis I proposed (in my mind, of course) is true. Yeah to know that I got it correct is surprising, and the realization of the consequences coming in full force to me (all no thanks to my correct hypothesis) is scary.

Problems come in seasons. True indeed. Whilst I was busying myself helping people around me analyse tacky situations, I unknowingly planted myself in the middle of this vortex of confusion and guilt. It's spinning up, increasingly fast, and I'm in the middle, speechless and let it engulf me whole.

Like a trial, I'm charged and standing in this vortex, where spectators crowd nearby and watch. I could see no one in my defense. Because I've got no alibi. All I saw were lines the prosecutor said to prove me guilty, and evidences from the past which were not in my favour either. Fingers poking and pointing at my face, angry faces of people screaming "GUILTY! GUILTY!". They form the very vortex that prevented me from stepping into the light and prove me innocent.

And the effect is here. Even I myself am convinced that my alibi does not exist. You're guilty. You should be punished. So the prosecutor was right. I AM THE MURDERER. The murderer who murdered others' dreams. The murderer who murdered fantasies.

But did I kill because I'm a psycho and shatter everyone's dreams indiscriminately? Or Have I got a reason for such atrocity?

Either way, dreams are shattered. Because of me. And what more can I say to redeem myself? I can only wait, at a cold corner of my cell, for the day to come, whereby people start seeing THE REASON.

After rounds of postponements and delays I finally set foot on ICA's grounds for the first time since the day I came to Singapore. Though I've passed by that particular building for more times than my fingers and toes could count, I have not the slightest idea of how it looks like inside.

Packed to the brim is the right phrase. Lucky me, I had the privilege of bypassing all queues to get my application through. That's the wonder of an invitation letter, folks.

This is gonna be a whiney post. Proceed at your own risk.

Surprises. Are meant to surprise you, shake you off the grounds you are standing on. Some are mild - they just give you a momentary heart arrest. But worry not, it will start beating as per normal again the next second. Others are catastrophic - your eyeballs just roll out of their sacks and your heart stops beating, and you just forget to breathe even. Then your ground shakes, like earthquake, like volcano eruption. If a surprise is surprisingly detrimental enough, like what I had today, you might even find yourself melting in lava that is engulfing you at a rate too fast to be measured.

I have slow reaction time. The reality of my grades was revealed once Econs grades came into view. Yet the full realization came much later, meaning AFTER I got out of ICA.

Surprised again, to find the downs went up, and the ups plunged down. I tried telling different people the same thing, and gathered different responses. Like a sudden flash of white light, I got it. Lesson learnt: never complain to those who will make you sulk even more. Or was I just too pessimistic?

Pessimism - just a wave of negative thoughts that swiped across, like dementors would to joy, that suck all optimism out of you. Yes I am noisy, yes I am hahaha and lalala and happy. But I can't go hahaha today without having to first swallow the gulp of bitter burn in the nose.

I must say that I'm in quite a good control of my facial expression. For I can easily change them as and when I want to, and as and when people around me want me to. But I'm getting tired, so allow me to take my mask off here. And let me BREATHE.

Since my mood went a little haphazard today(and luckily I was all alone so no casualties reported) the best therapy was of course retail therapy. No, don't judge me yet, I've still got more to say. Parkway seemed free and easy, so I sort of roamed the entire place, light as a feather, lifeless as a corpse. There seemed to be more colours and vibrancy than I expected, yet they did little to help. I walked in and out of Watsons, and MiniToons, and Sasa, Guardian, Giant and so on. None seemed attractive enough.

Things floated by. Memories flashed across. Thoughts surfaced. I stopped, to find that I was in front of Cold Storage. Give it a try, Ivy. And great, it did wonders. I felt good inside cold storage. Everything seemed happy. All the fruits and nectarines and strawberries and vegees were smiling and waving at me. Hi. Then, it hit me again, after I passed the fruits and vege section.

Am I asking for too much? Could I not compromise any further and prevent this from happening? Why did I cut the very string I started weaving in the first place? And what am I thinking to be thinking about it again?

We do things for a reason. But as it becomes a habit, we gradually forget why we are doing it.
And more often than not, I can't recognize who I am without a mask.

Who is Ivy? Is she who you see she is? Is she really who you think she is?
And who do you think she is? Someone would please do me a favour by shedding some light? Will someone come take me home, to where I am most true?

Christin's surprise visit was surprising. It was like living my B220 years again.

Time is an interesting matter. Is it even a matter, I wonder?
So intangible, yet so much sought after. People nowadays race for it, and what do they do with it once it’s in their hands?
They waste it. They let procrastination – the thief of time, steal it.
And once it’s gone, you chase again.

Just like this, we are dwelling in the midst of a vigorous chase. A race everyone participates in, a race which winners not necessarily rewarded, but losers definitely condemned. So it becomes a chase because everyone strives to over-take everyone else, and each one you over-take is another sense of security – because you know, someone will be condemned before it’s your turn. Because, at least, you won’t be the first.
But, you will not be the last, till you come in first at the end of the race.

But when will it end? The race, itself, is a continuum. It extends indefinitely, constantly taking in fresh participants and ruthlessly discards those unfit. It is evolution, a battle between the old and the young, the strong and the weak. Eventually, a batch of the weak is totally discarded, and the race is promoted to an elevated level of difficulty. It is no longer a unidirectional race. It becomes a race for knowledge, and the more you know, the more you are positioned in front of everybody else. A whole new batch of racers is created, replacing the old batch of laborers.

You can’t stop once you are in this race. Because you can’t have enough. Those who gain, become complacent. The joy of over-taking someone puts one in cloud nine, but only for one tiny moment. As you rejoice over your victory, someone snatches your trophy away from you, and continue running. So you run as well, to get your victory back. So it never stops.

Everyone is running now. Though this race is never gonna end, people see a momentary breather at the end of this level, before they embark on the next level, and the whole cycle begins, again. I guess people are feeling the pinch, the fatigue, yet we can’t succumb to them. It is evolution; it is the survival of the fittest, so we push. Push away those standing in our way; push away all the weakness, and put on a strong front. For a fresher gulp of air at the end of this level, people run harder.

Run, people, run. For it is the last chance to redeem yourselves. For this is the last chance to over-take those who over-took you before. For this is the last chance, to be promoted to the next level before the Great Elimination. Everyone sees the impending doom in the Great Elimination. So we run, again.

The chase never ends, until the day when a whole new round of evolution is so demanding that we are incapable of running anymore. Evolution itself means survive, or perish. Till the day we perish, will be the end of our race.

p/s: OMG. I’m having overdose of ‘Heroes’ now. Now that I begin talking like them. I can’t wait for the second season to be out.

Before I begin my series of rantings, I have a complaint to make.
Nah, this ain't about the ever on-going noise pollution, and neither is this about the must talked-about global warming. But yes, this is about the very hostel I'm living in, and to protect her reputation I shan't disclose her identity.

But you can very much guess it right. I remember fairly well I said once, that this hostel always does good things that turn out bad. First they had a card-tapping system which they abolished due to some brainless reasons, which now they embraced again for some weird unknown reasons. Then they wired the entire place, but with connection speed comparable to a tortoise's. It may even be an over-statement. After which they changed our chairs, from an uncomfortable red one to a more uncomfortable yellow one. And NOW, they don't seem to have learnt any lessons from previous series of unfortunate events. Days ago they tore down the mimic gates on ever level of the girls' block. Not exactly a bad thing, if it was meant to give easier and free-er access between both wings. But no. They erected some blocks of wood at where the mimic gates used to stand on, and why those block-heads are there remains a mystery. Til they are fully done.

Alright. Let's move on to something more today.
Ever discovered a certain mark or scar of a wound on your body which you have forgotten you ever had it over the years? I just did.

Because of some unforseen circumstances I bathed without removing my contact lenses today. Then I saw IT. An oval shape the size of the size of a sand grain, that bears an evidence of chicken pox which happened some twelve years ago. Twelve years. Flames faded to ashes. Memories put in cold storage. I was never reminded of chicken pox again in the past twelve years.

Though my life barely had anything to do with chicken pox, it doesn't mean it's out of my life now and always. Quite on the contrary actually. Time can seal wounds, more skin tissue can cover the scab, but they never heal. A scar will always remain. It will always be there, waiting for you to look at it one fine day.

Distance. It can be a physical matter, when two objects are separated from each other by 'distance'.

Time. Is a form of distance. It separates the present from the past, the future from the present. To live truly happy, a man should forget woes from the past and plan none for the future. When people say time will heal, it's as true as cows can fly. Really. You'll just get immune to the pain, it became part of you, and you start to live happier, carrying the pain still. And you forget, or force yourself to forget, so that's why it doesn't hurt anymore.

I can't stop wondering, why, do we only realize something ought to be done always only when it's too late? Something should have already been done in the wake of global warming decades ago, yet nobody give it a big damn until the heat gets onto our nerves. Likewise, chances were given, yet again and again, people just never fail to SEE it coming. Then when the decision is made not in favour of them, they then feel the pinch and go "why did I not do this earlier?" or "if I had realized it sooner I would have done this done that".

Folks, it's just too little too late.

Time played a big prank on me. And I'm never gonna repeat the same mistake I did.
Once bitten twice shy.

Somehow we are fishermen (in this case, fisher-women), out in the vast blue sea, each fishing for the fish of their dreams. Some have already caught theirs, while most of us (including me) are still waiting for one to take the bait. We look for different kind of fish - some fancy big ones, some want deep-water precious, others prefer good breeds. In the water we fish from, there are plenty of high-grade fishes around. But whether they will take our baits is a different question. For those who've caught theirs, can you be sure they are THE ONE fish you truly prefer?

"Lengthen your thread and catch bigger fish" that's what they say. No hurry, that's true. I don't exactly need the high-end fishes, nor do I need those with GOLDen scales that worth millions. I just need one which takes my bait at the right moment. I just want a fish that's just right for me.

I thought, for one moment, I've caught it. But it seemed to have hesitated in taking the bait, so in the end I decided to free it back to it's ocean to find another taker. Perhaps there's another fisher-woman who values that one more than me.
But did I make that decision a bit too hasty?

I don't know, but I'm moving to another part of the ocean. May there be more choices for me!

Alright, put the blame on no one else but me, for not being able to resist the sort of temptation 'Heroes' constantly radiates. Like radioactive waves would, the sort of temptation penetrates every nook and cranny, til I've got no where to hide besides succumbing to it. And every time I'm done with one episode, I can't wait for the next.

And so a cycle manifested itself, and I'm glad I ended it just now. Just, just now.

The bug is here again. This time it's acting on a large scale, infecting more people than it could last time. It's a wonder how three people, at the same time, in the same day, experienced the same discomfort and uneasiness. How-ever it happened is not of any importance now, because I just want all these to end.

End, put a stop, please. End all these recurring headaches (no, this time it isn't migrane and I know it) which never stop agonizing me. End all the needles and nails in my throat so that I can breathe properly. Just end it all, would it?

The world is changing. For the worse. Decades ago warnings about global warming were sounded and how many took it seriously? Decades later today, flash floods and unexplicable bizarre climate changes around the globe showed us evidences of the prophecy coming to light. Yes folks, no screamings no surprises, it's global warming. Now we feel it, I feel it.

The heat is pressing against me. My skin. My head. My everything. Then I thought my head was filled with volatile liquid because in the sun, where temperature is significantly higher than in Artic, I could feel pressure building up, and the sensation of increased frequency of particles hitting my head from inside, threatening to blow it apart.

Oh no no no, don't be traumatized. The above paragraph was just being drama. Mind you, I'm still indulging in the moments of 'Heroes', and those insightful words kept resounding. Oh man, if only I could perfect my english more...

“树叶的离去，是树枝的不挽留，还是风无情的要求？”
经典、经典。

在这寂静的深夜，我看不到月亮，就连星星也不在。
天空是一片黑暗 我在想 是我眼睛看不见了吗？
为什么就是那么的空缺？
本应该是充满期待的心房 居然吹起了秋天的风
那股把所有树叶都吹落的风 对 那股冷得入骨的风
身体不由自主地抖了一下

有很多事情 都不是说你要把他完成 就完成
有很多时候 最不想听到的 就偏偏是你会听到的
我能做的 都做了 你要是存心要令我失望
我也没办法

真希望明天我会睡过头

Some said Transformers is superb and all thumbs up; others can only shake their heads in disappointment because it was a total waste of money.
Like every other thing that happens, people talk. And almost every time you'll hear split opinions, and each one stands firm by what they think, as Christians would their Bible. No offence to christians nor Bible, it's just an analogy. Then they try all means to try grabbing you to stand by their belief, and it's like dozens of hands groping and pulling your own two arms towards themselves.

Everybody's talking. Everybody tries to outspeak one another. Everybody wants me to listen to them.

That's so enough! Hands away from me, would you? Everybody speaks, who listen? Who listens to what I've got to say?

Please understand this. I don't mean I would discredit your opinions if yours differ from my belief. If I seek your views that means I'm willing to hear what you've got to say. Even if it's something different, that would just be another view coming from another perspective. I won't discredit anyone's views, so please stop discreditting others to make yours stand out and look pretty, alright?

I am no puppet. The more you try attaching strings to me and try pulling me towards you, the more I'll yank away in the opposite direction.

MissyIvy
A Cynic with passion for
the Art of Sarcasm
Chemist in training

Do Better Nails
World Peace
AIDS Free
most importantly,
Finish Everything ON TIME! and
try not to be late

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