Five months is just about to come to an end(alright it's only 11May now but just let me time travel alright?), and the second round of goodbyes are about to be spoken. Three are leaving, as of now. The fourth one is still not confirmed.
When I was first told of the news over the dinner table, I was rejoicing for the three of them. That scholarship is a valuable one. And all three are gonna be potential US, UK and Aus universities students, under full sponsorship. This is like a dream, a dream many Malaysians pursue, and only a handful are lucky enough. Of course, also capable enough. And they are among the few, the top of the cream, and they are ones of my favourite juniors. Of course I'm happy and proud of them. Well done!
But this kind of news often brings mixed feelings. When the wave of joy passes, another wave hits you. This wave of emotion is named reluctance - reluctance in accepting another truth, the harder truth, the less celebrated truth.
They are leaving, leaving on a good course, leaving for a long long time.
I know that once we leave our hometowns, where our comfort zones are, we'll be like coconuts(hmm a rather weird analogy), floating to wherever chances and opportunities bring us. We'll be moving from place to place, meeting people and extending our social networks in the process. First time leaving hometowns could be a reluctant one, but as we go on, we are more and more trained to cope with goodbyes, and eventually, we see partings as just another venture to another stage of life, where you'll meet new people, extend your social circle, and when time's up, the entire cycle repeats again.
Perhaps that explains why I wasn't really affected when the news arrived. However this doesn't mean that I'm entirely happy that they are leaving.
I still remember our first encounter with each other. Laogong and I were having dinner, when we were introduced to the bunch of them. The bunch which eventually became like one big happy family. Bridge sessions, truth or dare sessions and also birthday celebrations.
Then I thought of the promise we (Dan, Huiting and me) made about Dan and huiting getting the scholarship. I'll get a treat from the both of them if they get the scholarship. And the three of us laughed it off then. But looks like it's becoming a hard and fast reality soon. Having a free lunch is delightful indeed, but with a price of two of my juniors leaving? I'm not so sure of the bargain. Somehow I predicted such history to repeat itself, and I thought my mental preparation was up to the mark. Looks like at the point of repetition, preparations proved futile.
I thought of something someone wise once said. She said, worry not about who's staying by you, for those who will leave, will eventually leave. But it doesn't mean those who left will never come back. It's precisely because they left, or they had to, which makes the remaining time with them memorable and cherishable.
Yes popo, I'll mark your words.
Yet, I wish time lingers longer at present. I don't mind rounds and rounds of test, as long as I don't graduate so soon. The feeling of finishing A's is indeed awesome, but it also means I'm marching into another boundary of unknown future. When that time comes, many of those I love and care will spread their wings and be dispersed around the globe. Like dandelion, carried away by the evening wind.
Will we still recognize each other on the streets when we are 25?
Will your kids call me Auntie Ivy(taitai don't laugh, I know you LOVE this) when I see them?
Will I even meet your kids?
Like dandelions, we are clueless where we will be eventually. Like dandelions, we get carried to wherever the wind takes us to. Like dandelions, I know we'll be dispersed, and each will make a spring out of our lives.
And hopefully one fine day, after long long goodbye, we'll cross each other's paths again, and we'll display a very friendly and warm smile of acknowledgement.
Dandelions....
