某人发了则sms给我 写了这样的东西：

远看新加坡像天堂
近看新加坡像银行
到了新加坡像牢房
不如回家放牛羊
个个都说新加坡好
个个都往新加坡跑
新加坡挣钱新加坡花
哪有钞票寄回家？
都说这里伙食好
青菜里头加青草
都说这里环境好
蟑螂蚂蚁四处跑
年年打工年年愁
天天加班像只猴
加班加点没报酬
天天挨骂没理由
碰见老板低着头
发了工资摇摇头
到了月尾又发愁
不知何年才出头！

我想以上一切道出了一心想到新加坡分块蛋糕的人的心事了吧
好多好多事情 都是远看才美
近看 所有不足 所有瑕疵 完全被表露出来
以往的美丽憧憬 都被粉碎

I finally know what to say now. Or rather, lament.
So if you want to continue reading, then read at your own risk.

Few weeks ago a bug came infecting everybody who came into its view. I must have been a smart mouse to successfully dodge the bug. While almost everybody around mouse succumbed to that infectious bug, mouse was happy to note that she was one of the few survivors.

It seems like the bug took weeks to discover mouse's hideout. And whoops! Mouse must have given herself away one day. So I am a sick mouse now. My nose was running non-stop, despite my consistent effort to chase it. NOT LAME CAN! Don't laugh. I was really frustrated at times. I couldn't even take a mouse nap properly today, all no thanks to the nose which kept running away. And waste earth's rezourzes(I just can't stop using this!) by finishing all the tissue in the box. OK not like there were still alot left BUT! If the nose wasn't running away that remaining tissue could still be used for a few days, maybe even a week can!

As mouse is moving her fingers(mouse got fingers?!) across her keyboard, the nose is running again. And how can I forget the sudden sneeze! Yeah it happened throughout these two days! What is with the weather man! And everytime the mouse sneeze, a sharp wave of pain surely soared through her throat. Whoa thanks ar!

Speaking of weather, it's rather haphazard lately. It was a tranquil night last night. Mouse was sleeping rather soundly until a beam of white light tore darkness apart. Just when she opened her eyes a loud bang followed. What a scare. Then torrentious downpour was heard. Wah a sudden storm which took this piece of land by surprise.

I am a sick mouse. With nose still running away.

I realize I always do things that are not in my priority list.

Tomorrow is Econs test, so any person will put Econs as their top priority.

But me, I was studying Cell Signalling yesterday. And Thermochem today.

I just don't feel like studying Econs at this time. Huh.

So I thought it'll make my night brighter(paradox!) by coming here, and excercising my brain.
But my thoughts came stagnant.
Usually I'll contemplate, consolidate, and construct some prose out of it.
But now, I can't help but thinking that this is an excuse for procrastination.

Tsk tsk. Talk to you later.

"My gosh! Sleeping beauty! Do you need prince to wake you up?"
-Aulia

Yep, I was like what he said, sleeping almost the entire day(again). But my head was aching as if someone planted a electric drill inside and activated it. So after lunch I immediately crawled back into my bed and kicked-start a four-hour long hibernation.

My hypothesis was proven true! I went to McD to study again(after hibernation of course), and tada! That guy was there too! So I was correct - he studies there. Hmm... Feel smart out of a sudden. Today was productive still, though not as satisfying as Thursday. Yet, telling myself that tomorrow is Monday and get myself all stressed up helped alot. I know, tomorrow isn't Monday, but I need the psychological pressure to keep my brain alert. It was like a cycle - I took a scoop of hot fudge sundae, looked at my econs notes, highlighted some words, and scooped my sundae again. The cycle repeated itself for nearly one hour, before I decided that it would me more productive if I were to visualize all concepts, so I ended up making my own notes. And whala! I managed to reduce both sets of notes to two pieces of paper. So impressed with my summary skills.

When I was still indulging in my sundae, something fell into my pencil case which made me jump out of my skin(metaphorically of course)! I bent over to make out what the creature was, and to my horror, my mind registered it as a lizard! My mind instantly went AAAAAaaaaRRRrrrGGgHHH! But ironically, my lips were glued together, so no sound escaped from my throat.

It took me a second or two for the fact to sink in - there was a LIZARD in MY pencil case. Then it took me another two seconds to realize I had to do something about it. For the next second or two I was frantically groping for everything on my table as a tool to get that lizard out, just to throw them back onto the table because they just weren't suitable! Panic sank in as the lizard looked so comfortable inside my pencil case that it started moving. IT WAS MOVING! I just had to get it out. So I pushed my pencil case all the way to the edge of my table, and tried to jerk it so that the lizard could be thrown out of my pencil case and land anywhere else but on me. What a fat thought of mine, I thought at first. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so I gave it a try.

Miraculously, the lizard spranged out of my pencil case and landed flat on the window on my first jerk! I was too astonished at the sight, that I was momentarily paralysed. With only the eyes moving, following the lizard across the window. It was when the lizard jumped again, that I realized my pencil case was too near the window and it was OPEN. A thought smacked hard at my face, and I zipped my pencil case, dragged all my stuffs to the next adjacent table, all in a flash of a second. Then the lizard jumped again! And so did I! This time literally! I was totally horrified at the thought that the lizard might just jump on me! OK that was just a paranoid thought of mine...

But I guess I must have looked pretty stupid there.. Luckily I don't think that guy saw the process, for he was quite far from where I was..

I've been a good girl today. No question about that.
School was rather happening, with a eye-widening, jaws-dropping of a surprise. Kylie Abi and Kanitta got me and Val something with tweety on it! And each of us has one of the designs.. Hahaha! Thanks babes! You people definitely liven up my day with that unsuspecting gift! I'll try to wear on Monday.. Note I'll 'try' because it looks abit.. tiny. But CUTE!

I declare my love for Terence Ong. *looks around* I hope his wife doesn't read this. He's just so funny a tutor that you'll never switch off during his lectures, whether intentionally or not. He may just look unexpressive but! He has this charisma in his voice which made my attention stuck onto him as if he was a glue. Ooh I wouldn't mind if he is glued to the chair in LT2.. Then for every Chem lecture I'll see him, and I'll for SURE pay 110% attention! He made everything sounds so logical. He just does it so well! And I'll make sure Bob pays attention to his lecture.. After all they are look-a-likesXD Same pattern observed in both individuals haha..
Periodicity observed, anybody?

And no, contrary to what most of you may think after you read the previous post, I did NOT go to the National Stadium McD to study today. Instead, after our lunch at Pizza (which the woman apparently conveniently forgot my order *flames* why is it always ME?!) we set off to Bugis, where I decided to join their GP lecture impromptu. I've only got one thing to say, before the lecture started - National Library shouldn't be called a LIBRARY, because there was absolutely NO place for us to study. So much for finally picking up the determination to do revision everyday, which ended up with hp, mao and me sitting on ONE sofa, each doing our stuffs ON OUR LEGS as we would on tables -.-" Then Piggy came, and unfortunately she had to put up with the floor. So much for getting 'down to earth' heh.

We make many choices in life. Today, I realized choice is important. It was a wise choice to crash their lecture.
Information aside, I was very impressed at the ability of the teacher to connect to all of us. Note, all of us. Though he spoke at a considerably fast pace, every word still found its way into my ears and my mind. That's an excellent example of a good teacher. You need not be funny. You need not tell the class to respect you as a teacher. Because how you carry yourself will determine who you are. The audience automatically gives you attention and look up on you.

A fact is not a reality. It's a fact that a plane crashed, but it's not a reality that planes crash.
Nice. I'll remember that. It applies to alot of things around me.
***
I was tickled when my roomate recounted her story to me. It made me wonder what shapes a man's manners and personality. Is it family background? Is it their upbringing? Is it, by any chance, their wealth? Ponder as I reproduce the story below.

So my roomate was waiting for bus 12 together with some others, amongst them that person. Call him X for anonymity sake. Bus 12 took very long to come, and all of them realized they were too late to catch dinner in the hostel. As soon as 12 came, my roomate boarded and decided where to drop for dinner. The Hong Kong Cafe which she has been eyeing for quite some time (me too). When she asked X if he wanted to, he said he needed time to consider. What's there to consider anyway? Obviously it's either interested or not, yes or no. Then he started asking about price (I sort of predicted this question because it's X, no offence), and this and that. My roomate was -.- excuse me, can't you make a decision faster? It's just about whether you are ok with that shop!

So when they were about to reach the bus stop, my roomate just stood up,"You wana come or not?" and headed down for the exit. X followed. According to my roomate, there were seats indoor as well as outdoor. A normal person will prefer indoor because we don't need to bake in the warm weather outside. But X still asked "there's indoor and outdoor eh. So where should we sit?" Trust me, when I heard that, there were none reaction more appropriate than dropping my jaws. A guy asking a girl if she wants to bake in the weather outside? How rural can he be! My roomate at that point of time: !!!! coupled with eyebrows raised till they almost touched her hairline.

And the exciting part(s). They walked in, and my roomate, being the one walking in front, went all the way in and sat at the sofa seat, leaving the wooden chair for X. X stood there for quite some time, "Actually I wana sit inside." My roomate went,"Why?" X replied,"Oh because the seat is soft and comfortable." Oh my goodness he seriously should listen to himself. What's more sissy than this? A guy actually has the face to ask a girl to let him sit at the 'SOFT and comfy' place? Will wooden chair flatten your butt or something?!? My roomate at that point of time :"@#$^@&" (in silence, of course) and then it's time to take their orders. My roomate quickly said what she wanted. Then she looked at X. X was looking at the menu. Front to back. Back to front. Center outwards. Then inwards. My roomate sat there, trying to see how long X is going to take before he utters his first order.

After that, the highlight. X started taking his h3 notes, and started studying/revising for that matter. Then my roomate commented," Aiya it's time for dinner so just leave your notes alone la." She told me as she was saying that, she tried her very best to make it sound casual and joking. Then he looked up sharply, and straight away said," Eh I'm NOT a mugger OK, I where got. So and so is even worse than me ok... I'm considered better among the Malaysian ******* already!" Look, this is my fellow Malaysian. Do you know, when my roomate told me, I really felt like digging a hole and bury my face in it. Oh no, not bury MY face. I should dig a hole and throw X in it. Are you a man? Then be a man, do the right thing! And don't deny the obvious, please. You are telling the whole world they've got no brains, while the actual person without brains is YOU!

So my poor roomate had to endure an entire dinner with him constantly asking question about schoolwork, and constantly denies himself being a mugger, while she was supposed to be satisfying her cravings. I shall not elaborate on how calculative he was on the matter of the bill. Hoping to end all embarrassment, my roomate just slammed all the money she had in her wallet, which was more than what she actually ate, so that X would stop mumbling about how much he actually ate and how the bill wrong. There was nothing wrong with the bill, he realized later.

Lesson of the day, as my roomate said,"Never dine with them."

I look down on these people. Really. What's the point of having a well-developed brain, which gives you nothing else but excellence in academics? It doesn't mean a thing. It doesn't give people a good impression (obviously, my roomate was so terrified that she would not even want to sit beside him anymore), neither does it show your 'high' status (in fact, you appear so low down). What characterizes you is your personality. Really.

I saw my sis's tagg just now, so I went over to her place. Instincts told me she must have updated her blog, and for the n-th time, my instincts proved themselves right. And I was stunned at what she wrote. So intellectual. And yes, it's precisely the kind of stuff I need, to get inspired and motivated. It's precisely the kind of stuff I need, to shove away all negatives that cast a shadow upon happiness. No wonder I don't seem to find any these few days.

"Happiness is a voyage, not a destination.
There's no better time to be happy than
NOW."

I wish I can describe exactly how these words above struck me when I first read it. As if by a weight-lifting charm, I felt weightless. Hovering in space, light as a feather.

There are so many things to be happy about.
I'm glad I have such a cute pyjamas of pink, which never fails to give me sweet dreams.
I'm glad I'm not invisible to quen seng.
I'm glad I found my passion back today.
I'm glad I've got so many shoulders to lean on when my knees gave way.

Yes, the past doesn't matter anymore. I'm glad I knew the entire story, and I know I won't be a toy. Be a fool no more!

In an attempt to keep my distance from this hostel, I went over to the Kallang McD to spend my late afternoon studying (that explains why I'm now here for so long). Ok don't ask why I bother to come back to hostel and not stay at Parkway McD after our lunch. I won't tell you how unglam it was to walk around with TJ-dalmatian-skirt. I also won't tell you the new design was courtesy of Kanitta who did something unglam too. So the essence is that being vain I decided to make a detour back to DHSH, so that if I decided to go out later, I'll be going out in a more glam outfit:)

Apparently my definition of 'glamour' was questionable because I went to McD in my Sec3 class tee and NY shorts-.-' But! Guess what I discovered the moment I stepped into McD? At my favourite area, there sat a guy. Ok not just any ordinary guy. It was the very guy I saw when I went to study in that McD two nights ago, when the hostel sank into total darkness. Hmm. Two days ago, he was there. Two days later, I saw him again. In the afternoon. And he looks like those guys who spends half an hour in front of the mirror, kicking up a big fuss over himself so that he looks impressive. Never did I expect this kind of guys to be found studying in McD, and to be found studying in the same McD for so many days!

I just could not stop noticing him. My legs automatically brought me to my favourite table, which to my delight/pleasant surprise, was just in front of his! Haha... wonder if he ever recognized me like how I recognized him... Oh such a vain thought of mine!

I was saying, I finally found my passion for Chem back. Perhaps last year I just wasn't in the right mind. I lost the interest almost completely and consequently did really badly for the subject. SubjectS, in fact. As I was doing those challenging thermochem questions, I could almost feel the fuel burning, driving me further to other questions. The thrill at completing each subquestion brought back confidence - something I lost along the way last year.

Perhaps it was sudden enlightenment. Perhaps it was Joyce's post. But whatever it was, I feel more positive of what's gonna happen tomorrow. Hmm... Maybe another McD trip to boost my spirits higher:)

Let me kickstart this post by saying I was really pissed off at times today, but as I'm typing I'm in cloud nine! Whee! And the reason behind this upward mood swing is this - I, by myself, with reference to only our lecture notes, single-handedly completed my Electrochem tutorial! Applause please!

Of course, even when I'm not in the mood of butching, there are things cannot be left unsaid. There are also stories that just can't be left untold.

Have you, at any point in time, realized that the more you explain, the more sceptical your audience gets? Precisely. Some things, when told again and again, repeated for the n-th time, your audience gets tired, and switches off. And they may start questioning the motive behind the endless repeats. Or worse, each time you ever repeat them again, you'll be like experimenting on the strength of those barriers that witheld an active volcano within. Every word you utter will be another potential trigger for an eruption.

We are civilized. We don't need to make ourselves sound noble to be recognized.
All we need, is simply to be who we are, and who we are comfortable with.
Retaliation and resistance in any form will hence be non-existant.

Perhaps all you need, is another friendly smile and another ear willing to listen to what others have got to say, before you barge in with all your self-perceived neutral and beneficial comments. Needless to say, opinions, which make heads turn. In the opposite direction.

I know you'll read this. I know you've been coming here long ago. Long before others realize your regular peeks at their lives. Normally I extend a welcoming arm to anyone who comes, yet the prime reason is because they had not, by any means, provoked me. By not making me feel insulted and belittled is the quality in common of those whom I welcome. Are you one of them?

Have I voiced out my displeasure with the hostel? Because if I haven't, it'll be your first encounter with dunman high hostel. Then this definitely creates a BAD impression. But not like the hostel is very commendable. Size does matter. Small rooms give people psychological pressure (as if the schools and MOE haven't given us enough dose of that) which drives people emotionally unstable; wireless connection that looks pro but is actually yet another white elephant (as if there aren't enough white elephants around the hostel) and we can't even open a web page; and not to mention, all the rules and regulations that prohibits interaction between the opposite sexes (as if we only live with people of the same sex). This year, the increased level of noise, which disrupted my beauty sleep especially on saturday for times, further lengthens the list of 'dislikes'.

And they seem to engage in the perverse joy of making our lives miserable. Firstly is the never-ending sleep-disrupting nerve-wrecking noise pollution from the two construction sites, and then they just had to do it. They just had to chop off the cable and watch the entire hostel sink into darkness. And then they just had to chop exactly the female block power cable to anchor the entire block in further darkness for consecutively three days. But they left the make block unscathed. So smart of them. Then, with the excuse of doing the wiring jobs, they had to shut down power supply (from generators) for the female block, for three nights. We are surviving on generators now.

I'm really speechless about this. They just had to do it. They just haven't had enough of our misery. Call themselves our 'second home', when all rules are imposed such that we are some three-year-old kids who have not the intellect to tell when enough is enough.

I've had enough. I'll stay away from hostel, whether in school or in parkway, for as long as I can.

It's such a good day today. It's the only day in the week which I can inhale and exhale air freely as and when I want. All other days are stained by some ******* which gave me progressively severe shortage of breath and eyesore because I just have to swallow whatever that almost come out of my lips.
Tuesdays are the best. Of course Saturdays and Sundays too. Because no eyesore and shortage of breath.
***
睁一只眼闭一只眼？就这样
屋里只有我 跟我的回忆 跟那些对话
片段不停地在大银幕上播放
每一句话 跟针一样
每一幕 似曾相识

其实我干嘛介意咧？都过了

说真的 今天在学校好像不怎么想起
回到房里 就又如潮水般涌上来
荒谬

我是什么？是后备轮胎、是主菜旁边的配料、是许许多多人生中的替代品。
我永远排第二 永远做医生的工作 名叫“治疗”

开心的时候 谁是廖健廷 不记得了
直到伤心欲绝 寂寞难耐 哦！才想起有个7-11 连锁店 就在电话另一边
7-11 随时找它 大门总是开着 方便，方便。

心寒 近二十年时间 总是后备轮胎
总是在汽车轮胎闹脾气时才想起 哦！我还有一个！在车厢里。
不然 就永远待在一个没人发现的黑暗角落
车里的对话虽然听得一清二楚 好笑时没人发现你也在笑
自己却在傻傻地陪笑 笨！
你高兴时有想到我吗？ 遇到挫折的时候 才一副惨败的脸孔
跟我哭诉

想哭 白痴 哭什么
笑 心太重 笑不出

我还以为你怎么又找上我 原来 分手了
分手了就来找我是不是？有7-11 很方便是不是？
你凭什么觉得我廖健廷会答应你呀？
还是 哦 知道了 想碰碰运气 看看结果如何
我要是答应 你就不会寂寞了 是吧？
你当我白痴吗？

还有你 我还真以为我曾经是主角过咧
要不是你 我还以为我不是一辈子的配菜
当初说的话 做的事 多少件是真心对我说的？
既然放不下 那我来充当 对我公平吗？
更可笑的 当初我还以为是我不对 不应该这样
事后还蛮愧疚 衷心希望你以后会快乐
才保持朋友的关系 才尽力恢复以前那打打闹闹的感觉
尽可能让彼此不尴尬

哈哈 原来是个笨蛋 原来是个白痴
原来事情打从一开始就不是这样
原来一直以来是自己为别人编故事
原来王子说的话都是假的
原来当初认为的谎言才是真实的
千万没想到 出卖你的人 竟是你自己，跟你身边的死党吧？

我到底是那里比不上？
真的怀疑 你看着我时，到底眼中看到的是不是我？
还是她

我除了叹息 还是叹息
美梦好像不会在我身上发生 就连做梦 都是噩梦
梦醒了还吓出一身冷汗
自己总是别人眼中的 7-11
没事干 就找你 快乐时 就到高级餐厅去
谁管你这个到处都是的连锁店呢？

你知道吗？你让我觉得自己很廉价
好像哄哄几遍就飞到你那边去
那种被欺骗的感觉 你让我觉得自己超白痴
白痴怎么写？问我，我最懂

对 好牛不吃回头草 就这样
可是现在知道事情幕后的真相
我还能继续装笨吗？
还能继续以同样的心态面对你吗？

可恶 今天本来超多有趣的是要讲
本来心情超棒
本来天空是晴朗的
都是你的短迅
什么都垮了

Because I was unable to coax myself to sleep (you people know why - I practically slept the whole day) I went Youtube surfing. The first thing that came into my mind was the Virginia Tech massacre, so I typed it into the Search box, and waited for the results to load.

Seconds ticked past. A whole list of videos appeared. Amongst them were videos made as tribute to those killed and their families. All looked about the same, until one which stood out from the crowd. "Virginia Tech Shooting and Original Song by Tom Cellie" it said(the video is here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyFXvSArOuw&mode=related&search=). So I clicked.

The lyrics were moving enough, if not the music. It started with "You had so much hope, you had so much life, and my heart grows cold, when I think of how you died".

Indeed. Cold was my heart when I first saw the news report. As we venture deeper into the cause, we were told of a boy who grew up under close scrutiny and bully, by others not sharing the same skin colour as him. Anger manifested, he had to suppress. Hatred grew, he let it blossom. And in the end, as an animal forced so its end, he raged and retalliated. And there started the biggest scar on the history of mankind to-date.

What has become of our world today, I wonder. Do we do justice to the high level of education we receive? When have books told us we can pick on those who are weaker? When have religions told us to add salt to others' wounds? NO. And yet these are happening, everyday, everywhere.

I was even more appalled at one of the comments left at one of the videos. Indeed, that comment sparked off series of retalliation by others in the youtube community. He likened Asians to nut-cases who go around shooting indiscriminately. My first reaction - Walao you son of a butch (I assumed it's a HE)! Then, I realized why he said that. The nutcase who gunned people down was a Korean. And Korea is in Asia. Secondary school Geog will tell you that. Which brought me to another issue.

Generalization. And discrimination. One Korean committing crime equates to all Asians are nutcases. Angry? Outraged? But sit down and think. Are we not, at any point of time in the past, one of them, just that we did not realize? If we see some ah bengs on a bus, and so happen those ah bengs were wearing a certain school's uniform, we make the remark "Eee, so and so school is ah beng school." How true is that, I wonder. Are all students from that school ah bengs and ah lians?

And then most unfortunately I made the decision to watch the video Cho sent to NBC just before his second round of shooting. I saw before my eyes, THE person who single handedly shot 32 people, all with hand pistol. He was talking, venting out all his angst. Ironically he looked calm. His words sent chill down my spine (ok this phrase sounds so cliche but it happens to best describe exactly how I felt). How could one of us end up being a monster the entire world is talking about!

But after everything, I learnt something I never knew from the reports. How devastated the families were, when they learnt about the sudden deaths of one of their family members. I almost teared when the pictures of the deceased were shown. The song was right, they had so much life in their eyes. Every picture told a different story of a different individual with different hopes and dreams. Never had they known April 16 was their last moment on earth. Never had they known they were are the wrong place at the wrong time, until the bullets landed on them and robbed them of their lives. It's quite ironical that Prof Liviu Librescu, who survived the deadly Holocaust, did not survive this campus killing.

What does life mean? All I can think of is the cliche saying "live life to the fullest". But the question is this - how to when there are so may uncertainties around?

So I'm back from Orchard, as you can see. And I'm here to fulfil my promise (see I'm a woman with her words), which is to blogg about what I left unfinished.

What I despise most are backstabbers. But I'm not gonna talk about such natural phenomena here. Just a slight level below backstabbers are those who are so low down and do everything in the dark. Slowly and silently, they penetrate your life by reading them like a book, and without you knowing it they are actually getting more and more grasp over the life you are leading. This is synonymous to say, there's a low down stalker who stalks people through their lives.

But what distinguishes these kind of people from mental stalkers is this. Stalkers merely confer some fear, to girls especially. These group of people spell disgust. They, like most stalkers do, stalk (alright I can see you are seeing black stuffs up there already). And of course make no immediate comments when they stalk. But awhile after that, in a totally open place, such as when there are many people present, this stalker starts to interfere. Subtle as he(stalker) might make it to sound, I am no idiot. I have at least the IQ to tell whether the comments were aimed at my life or not.

If you do things at the background, then remain there. Why lay down hints which expose your disgusting behaviour? That's not merely disgusting, that also mean you have not the intelligence for being a stalker. What a complete failure then!

Everyone has views you suscribe to and don't. If you do, clap for the person as a sign of acknowledgement. If you don't, don't condemn them either. Or worse, make wishy-washy 'suggestions' in the name of goodwill and lead everybody into another grey area. Eventually, people become smarter. They are able to tell the right from wrong, and subsequently the credibility of your words. Lead them into another grey area again, and you'll find yourself being condemned, exactly the way you condemned (or tried to) others by drawing reference from their lives you've been stalking.

Take nothing for granted. Perhaps you are trying to connect to more people, but you are completely tactless. For all you know it could even backfire, and another emotional crash you would then suffer.

Don't you realize you still get some due respect? Don't lose them by eyeball-rolling comments.

-I may joke, but I am no joker when my privacy is intruded. Using that as another arrow upon me just degrades you even further. Few have seen me when I show my true colours, when I do what I'm capable of, which probably may be beyond your imagination.
***
And in the end, it's heartwarming to have a reservoir of friends to back you up.
Looneys, I just love you babes.

I thought those movies aren't worth the money. I thought it was just another comedy.
I thought things will be better this year. I thought lessons will be more fruitful. I thought I was just plain over-concerned last year.

I thought many things. Together with them, made many assumptions. Some for good course, some merely for self-deception. It's not too long ago that I realize what reality has to tell me.
It said,"Miss Stupidity, things aren't as they seem to be."
***
The name was attention seeking enough, at least for me. 200Pounds Beauty. Have I told you I'm obsessed with paradox? Yeah that's why I was interested in that movie. How can 200pounds be 'beauty'-ful? I'm sure many of you are already grinning at the idea. So am I. So I thought it was gonna be truly a comedy about a girl who is (unfortunately) horizontally 'gifted' who fall for a guy and decides to go under a knife. The surgery(s) was/were total success and she reappeared in front of the guy as another girl - the sexy, feminine, and of course, pretty lady. A total opposite of who and what she used to be.

While I was watching it, it suddenly hit me in the head how much I look like the girl inside. Erm, not physically, of course. In her pursuit of a better appearance, she soon forgot who she is, how she looked like before she went through plastic surgery. She suddenly realize that she doesn't recognize herself anymore, just as others can't recognize her after she went under the knife. Then it dawned on me how much I've been putting importance on how I look and dress. Are all these necessary? I should be thankful for having no defects at birth which will accompany me till the day I die. I, too, shall not complain about my being skinny and single eyelids.

Every girl is pretty as she is. As long as she has a big and good heart.

But that doesn't mean I condemn plastic surgery. Yes, undeniably many girls go for plastic surgery due to lack of self confidence at their current appearance. But out of these many, there may be people who need a makeover for a new lease of life. The girl in the movie is such example. Perhaps it's genetics that she could not slim down the way she wanted. Then she is made fun of and discriminated and used by others, just because of her misfortune of possessing such genes that gave rise to her build. Plastic surgery would mean just to correct these flaws that impeded her success.

I used to scorn at plastic surgery. Now I'm casting another look at it. Perhaps it doesn't look that repulsive.

I still have more to say, but due to time constraint, I shall stop here for now.
I will be back. Definitely.
But now, off I go to orchard!

The Virginia Tech University killings made it to the headlines today. Front page news around the globe.
Tears almost fell off the cliff while I was reading one of the articles in Straits Times regarding the most rampant 'massacre' in US history. It was about the professor who traded his life to the God of Death in return for his students' lives. He is 71 this year. Like many others in his age, I'm sure he wants to happily live through his twilight years. With his family, his work, his wife. With his devotion, and his conviction.

Yet, he was a hero. My heart stood up in salute to his unselfishness, his valiancy, his calmness at that instant.

Though he unfortunately left for good, he will live on forever in memories.

To him whom I have never met, whom I had never known, you are one who deserves my highest respect. May you find eternal peace in paradise.
***
I admit I was tickled when South Korea's response to this tragedy came into view.
South Korea hopes that the incident did not sour the country's international ties. A response so different from the rest of the countries. Yet, it's not difficult to understand why. The alleged killer was a South Korean, an English major in Virginia Tech Uni. I used was because he shot himself in the head, ending the killing spree with the death toll at 33, the highest number of deaths reported.
The killer killed himself in the end. Just the typical sad ending for campus killings.

Most countries expressed their grief to this matter. Come on, who doesn't? And most countries attribute the reason to America's firearm law. And for the first time in history, I think all of them are correct in this case.

America is always famous for these kind of campus killing sprees. And this brings us to another question - why are gunfires in America like paracetamols, we take them off the shelves, pay for them, and carry them on the streets in our possession? Things would not have been so serious, had the law not be so lax. Think about it - 40% of residents in America have firearms in their possession, whether or not they have hunting licence. That was a figure I picked up from one of the sites online, and that was a figure which shocked me. Not that I didn't know Americans are allowed to own their own pistols and guns, but rather the degree of freedom they enjoy.

This is to say, every two out of five Americans you see on the streets do have a pistol at least. And they have the freedom to take them out, have also the freedom to fire at any random person at any random place. Of course, they'll have to pay a price for that later. Still, once they fired at any random individual, harm and trauma is inflicted, and these are beyond any amount of money can compensate for. Most cases if fired at close range, death is the most probable outcome.

HOW CAN YOU COMPENSATE FOR A LIFE LOST!

When laws on ownership of firearms are made most stringent in most countries, it's really eyebrows-raising why America isn't revising theirs. It's evident that the ease in possessing such weapons is the prime reason for such killings to happen in America. Look at other countries for comparison, and you'll be presented the truth everyone else knows but yourself.

But even if they(American gov) want to, it may still be "politically unpopular".
Are the Americans out of their minds? Just abolish it and you'll be at least guaranteed a safe compound within the parameters of your campus! Campus is for "sanctuary, safety and learning", as according to your favourite president Bush. So don't you see? The problem lies with your 'freedom'. It should not be without limits, without boundaries which you can't cross.

At least in the context of firearms, there should be more stringent regulations.
After all, firearms are life-destroying, are they not?

Delighted. I'm finally seeing some light shed on this issue. A silent promise to myself that I'll not examine who is to blame, and I'm still keeping it.

It's amazing how productive one can be when the sense of urgency sets in. Pressure brings out the most in individuals, or should I say, desperate times call for desperate measures?

Distinction. Is it necessary? It's not referring to the highest recognition of your results, but rather a means to distinguish a group from another. Why, even among us whom we call homo sapiens, should there be more criteria which divides us further? Can we not gel as one, as the animals living in their kingdom would, freely and happily?
***
When we were young, the world was such a beautiful place to live in. There was no environmental degradation, there was no dark clouds that blocked you of the light showing your path, nor there were irritating freaks who just indulges in the perverse joy in making your life miserable.
***
What's left of me?
When my cheese was moved
To somewhere I cannot locate

The mouse
Seem not to realize
That that piece of cheese was mine

Zombified.

That's the essence of what's left of me today. A polar bear woken up by alarm clock in the midst of her month-long hibernation. Though dark circles are not visible, the lids are so heavy that it's a chore trying to keep them apart. As a result, I went to school with specs.

Horror! Pardon me for being bimbofied here but I really need to say this. My fringe is so not suitable for my specs. My specs are so not suitable for my fringe.
In short, I'm so not pretty in fringe and specs together.

Cries. Mirror mirror on the wall showed me the weirdest combination of them all. Everyone(including me) said I looked weird, different and nerd!!! All right, at least there's still a white lie admist all truths - hp said "Ivy you look so.. scholarly today." Hahaha.

Puzzled. I thought hibernation period was over. I slept 16 hours straight on Friday. I thought that compensated everything.

You've got an algae being accosted by an ah beng with tummy, you've got a bird who's lost her wings, and now you've got a polar bear going back to hibernate, so that the next morning she doesn't have to endure another day of scholarly look.

There are two types of people who attract my attention. Normally those who do, will be mentioned non-stop by me. One of which is long-lasting first impression, with absolutely what I call captivating personality that outshines every other person under his/her presence. The other type will be just the opposite, the ones that ignites the flame.

In the very hostel I stay now, there are people who don't know how to use the washing machine properly. They bang and kick the poor machine because they thought it broke down, when it was at the transition period from washing to rinsing. There are also people who do ridiculous things at incomprehensible timings, such as playing guitar (she doesn't have SYF) at 0000hr.

Some people are so illiterate that they can't draw the link between sole-proprietorship and self-employed. And made a big din out of it and wasted everybody's time in the end. Some people are so sceptical of everything everybody does, that they question the credibility and accuracy of every single digit other people keyed in for them. And yet, they are so illiterate to not be able to do the filing for themselves. Some people just dress in leopard spots that they remind you of those posh wives who bring their poodles up on the streets once they open their mouths. Because everything that comes out of it is worth a thousand eye-rolls.

Some people think their so literate, that other people's professionalism is to be questioned. Some people think their clocks are the world's best, that other people are procrastinating, because they left earlier than what's stated on your clock. For all you know, their clocks are tuned to the radios. And these some people act smart and go lodge a complaint, making lives difficult for VOLUNTEERS.

Walao if you are so literate you should know what VOLUNTEERS mean. It means they don't get paid for their work. Do you need to go to that extent and accuse us of not completing our jobs? If you are so capable then file your tax yourself la! Why need us anyway? Besides we did NOT leave early. For all you know we even thought of doing OT if people kept flowing in! Go hire your own secretary and do the filing for you and then you can walk your poodle for all I care! Because of you leopard woman all of us had to endure a pointless OT, with NOBODY coming in.

Then there are some people who insist that we should be responsible for all the information sent. I reiterate, we are merely volunteers. We are not those experienced know-all officers who are able to guarantee the accuracy of your taxes. Why ask for our names so that you can quote all of us 'in case there's anything wrong'? Mister, don't you understand simple english?
***
It wasn't explicitly said. Not word of mouth at least.
I'm thankful of that, for a storm could be avoided.
Yet, it was heart-stabbing.
Pain sored. Pain hurt.
To know that your intention was all misunderstood.
Explanation is futile.
Explanation has become meaningless.

Jewels so precious
Jewels so rare
they fell off the cliff
onto my hands so bare
-coldness from within

A whole night sleep
A drunken soul
An aimless wander
through it all

Money spent
Money drained
what's to be rejoiced at
when the walls of jericho has fallen

I walk this lonely road
The only road that I have ever known
really?
that lonely?
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
really?
that empty?

Walls of bricks
Walls of silence
do they mean a thing?
do they serve a purpose?

Contracts of presence
Contracts of promises
are they still intact?
are they not betrayed yet?

I miss you
I miss your presence
I miss talking to you
A child would to her mother
Tears dropped
Barriers breached
Walls fallen
Promises broken

When pretence backfires
When laughter tortures
are you there
to lift my weight

Jewels so precious
Jewels so rare
they fell off the cliff
onto my hands so bare

The 'usuallys'
The 'always'
are they always usual
are they usually always

After-effects
After-tastes
they always come after
they usually come later

The sooner the better
The later the worse

-thank you. For messaging me, for encouraging me, for being there for me, for lending a listening ear, for parting grey clouds that brought rain.
I know you'll read this. In this case, there are a few 'you's I dedicate this to.

I should speak with more audience awareness. Lesson learnt #1 today.

The sky cried today. Why so?
Was it crying for me?
I felt like a loser. You know, the loser cheer kept rewinding itself in my head.
Sometimes I hope human memories can be cut into fragments, as restriction enzymes would to DNA molecules. Then stick them onto useless cells so that they(useless cells) can die off when I put myself into ampicillin and tetracyclin culture medium. May the useless parts die off! Together with unwanted memories! So that I'm able to be reborn! Resurrected!

Strangled. Stranded. Sunken.
Who is kind enough to spare me a life buoy?
Amidst a sea of demanding expectations and sickening benchmarks.
I opened my eyes, but I'm blinded by ignorance.
I opened my mouth, but could utter no words.
Frantically, I groped for anything - any for that matter, that could provide me with a hope, at least.

Alas! A message, totally unexpected, but absolutely encouraging!

NYCB got GOLD! The only band awarded gold for the day heh? Well done and congrats!!

It's SYF season now. You can see the amount of hard work and effort being put in by various performing arts groups. Those who got gold or even better, gold with honours, congrats people. This is what you guys deserve, after sweating all you've got for the past few months.

NYCB is a solid GOLD band.
***
It's been quite disappointing lately. Seems like all the tests I sat for aren't looking good at all.
It's not like I didn't study. I did.
It's not like I didn't prepare. I did.
It's not like I don't know what's going on (despite sleeping and stoning away during lectures). I did.
It's not like I didn't know what is written on the tutorials. I did.
I really did all the above.
But I just could NOT do the numbers during test. And it's CHEM test. I'm supposed to be most confident in.
And it's ionic equilibria. I'm supposed to be very familiar with it.
I'm supposed to, but I just did NOT in reality.

It didn't matter even if I got alot of marks penalized. Numerically, the small numerator that denotes my performance for a subject doesn't bother me much. All I'll do after every paper is to examine where I went wrong and what I did not manage to evaluate. It's a learning process, a process whereby a child learn to not step into potholes after she fell right into one. You need to fall, before you know what to be avoided. It's just the way of life.

However reality doesn't permit learning through mistakes at all. All they want is an education system so perfect that students aren't allowed to make mistakes at all. You may argue otherwise for all you want, but I'll show you what I mean.

You'll be graded at everything you do. The grades are A,B,C,D,E,S and U. Seven grades, all dividing the cohort into seven different groups. Your marks are automatically converted into these grades, and you'll see for yourself what I mean by not allowed to make mistakes. Because a mark minused off will mean dropping a band below. Then, as an egg would, you'll be categorized into those bands and tossed away from the 'better grades' simply because you've got a few careless mistakes. Nobody cares if you know how to complete the tutorials, nobody cares if you are able to explain their doubts, nobody cares if you follow each and every lecture.

What everybody cares, is the alphabet you get. It says everything. Any explanation that follows will just be regarded as another futile attempt to free yourself from guilt. So, what follows next? Everybody tries their best not to make any mistake that results in them being classified as 'another grade of eggs'. And eventually, we don't know how to make mistakes anymore. We don't know how to face the mistakes we make, because we are trained to go all out to NOT commit them at all.

That's the education system today. Competition suddenly becomes so stiff, that any carelessness will be rewarded with merciless reprimands. We soon forget the thrill we often experience when we were still young - the thrill of recognizing your mistakes from the past and knowing you will never ever get it wrong again.

I'm sure when I look back at today, I'll smile from my heart.
School is indeed a fun place to be in. Friends make your day brighter with their mere presence. And old friends, needless to mention, bring old memories alive.

I concluded that I have a funny sense of humour. Sometimes somethings I said, which I think is funny, received nothing more than a -.-"""""" stare from my peeps. Oh right, apparently they don't think it's funny at all. But they are often amused at how easily I'm amused. But sometimes, a passing comment (which is obviously L A M E) of mine triggered a series of continuous giggles which are nonsensical yet unstoppable. In the end, I always become so amused by how easily they are amused.

During Bio today, my above paragraph was proven. We were supposed to do something with restriction enzymes which has something to do with 'sticky ends'. So there was this exchange of words between Mao and me.
Me:" How am I supposed to stick the sticky ends?" (I meant how to show the presence of sticky ends if we were to stick them flat on the page)
Mao:" Use GLUE." (Whoa how brilliant an answer)
Me:"... (Pause awhile) Oh My God do you hear anything? I heard SOMETHING!!"
Lele:"What thing, Ivy?"
Me:" Neh! the 'aark... aark... (sounds of crows)......"
Mao:"(almost instantly) HAHAHAH x100000"

After PE I rushed to Changi to meet Why. It was so nice to see her again! Just how long we havent talked oh man! We had Swensons:) fries and chicken and BANANA CRUMBLE! So our fries came first, and we yak and yak and yak in Swensons till the mayonaise ran out LOL. Then Why did the honourable job of cutting the chicken chop into pieces for both of us to munch on. Or should I say, she did the honourable job of cutting the chicken chop to infant-bite-sizes for both of us to bite on. We dipped practically everything into the chilli and mayonaise sauces which came together with the fries earlier on. That was part of the reason why the mayo ran out SO fast.

Guess what when we asked for more mayo? The guy gave us this ultra big cup of mayo! And I wondered why he did not use the container for coleslaw to put mayo instead... Why said it was probably because he saw us dipping practically everything into mayo, that's why he gave us ultra alot of mayo LOL. But we didn't finish that of course.

On how sweet the banana crumble was:
Me:"I've got a friend who can't seem to have enough of sugar. I'm scared she'll get diabetes or something."
Why:"Let her eat the crumble. I'm sure she thinks it's sweet enough. (Pause) Or maybe she still thinks it's not sweet enough?"
Me:"Eh maybe it's because she cannot taste the sweetness, not because she got high tolerance or something. Maybe 'coz her taste buds cannot detect. Got problem maybe."
Why:"Huh..."
Me:"Hmm the next time she tells me it's not sweet enough I shall send her for a TONGUE checkup." (continue eating crumble)
Why:"... TONGUE checkup? HAHAHAx1000000"

On Monash University:
Me:"Whoa prestigous sia Monash leh."
Why:"Ya but once you add the 'Malaysia' behind Monash then everything drops."
Me:"(chewing crumble) No ra rnext time you tell people you are from Molesh (Monash) then..."
Why:"MOLEST?! HAHAHAx10000"
Me:"HAHAHA! MONASH LA!"

On something I said which Why caught it as something else, something I forgot what that was:
Me:"(said something)
Why:"(said what she thought I said which wasn't what I said)"
Me:"No la I said (what I said)! I should send you for HEARING checkup!"
Why:"What HEARING checkup!?! EAR checkup la please! It's your english not your chinese... HAHAHAx1000"

It's been so long since I had such lame and funny chats with her.

We always cherish what we no longer enjoy or posses.
NYGBS.

I MISS BAND. Seriously nostalgic the moment I saw Kexin's tagg. Kexin! My favourite yet easily-stressed yet cute junior in NYCB!

NYCB is gonna face judgement day on Wednesday. Two years ago I was part of them waiting for the same day - the day we've worked so hard for, the day we've shed so much tears for, the day we've complained so much in the process of preparing for, or simply the day we played music for. It really brought back flashes of memory, so vivid, so true. When I look back two years ago, band was really a big chunk of my NY life. As subtle as it was, it became a big chunk of ME.

Getting up ten minutes earlier every Monday just to make it to school at 7am for national anthem, staying back after school for practices and went back hostel with growling stomach, having sectionals every now and then and played till my lips turned purple. Those moments I grumbled at.

Laughing at funny notes in the pieces, watching our hair stand as we made music alive, encouraging each other as important dates approached. Those moments I smiled at.

Two years ago, we cried at gold. Perhaps we missed honours by an inch.
Two years later, I hope NYCB made that inch possible.

I really hope to be able to see NYCB at SCH this Wednesday. I really hope to see an impossible two years ago made possible two years later.

And I begin to ask myself, why did I not continue to hold my eupho? My reason at that time was I wanted a new start, a new life. But is that really? Perhaps I wanted a break from band. Perhaps I wanted a break from SYF pracs. Perhaps.

But now I miss my eupho. Badly. How I wish I can play with the band again. Make music what it is, not just black blots of prints against white paper.

I used to make music alive with my fingers, on the piano.
Then I made music alive, together with the band, with my lips and fingers.
But now, I'm not making any music alive.

Out of being so emo. NYCBufozz! Rock on! You guys are hottest and you guys will rock the judges! How I wish I can go for your audi pracs on Mon. How I wish I can see with my own eyes how you've grown.

Thinking of pon school...

I had a dream. A dream so real, yet surreal. A dream I wouldn't ever think of dreaming, yet I dreamt the dream.

More often than not, we know we are dreaming, know what we are dreaming when we are dreaming, but soon forget when we wake up from the dream. This happens to me everytime I dream at night (or should I say early morning?) But this time, norms don't apply.

How I wish I can recall a beautiful fantasy, with butterflies and rabbits, flowers and breeze. With sea and waves, with sun and freedom. How I wish I am telling a story of a fairy tale come true (at least in a dream), of fun and exciting moments.

But no. If the above paragraph creates a vivid picture of life and happiness in your imagination, well, twist all imagination of yours now to its opposite. That means if you see a graceful and elegant princess, twist it to be a hideous witch. If you see a sexy mermaid with undulating figure, this is easier - just imagine a shark instead.

It wasn't a nightmare, for I did not wake up with a jerk. I wasn't frightened to the least. People always say, dreams reflect our hearts deep desire. So what does my dream tell me? My heart desires death, doom, and darkness? That what I want is separation from my loved ones?

It's quite funny though, to have a dream like that. Because if it were to be made a movie, or should I say anime, it will be a blockbuster for the kids. FOR THE KIDS. It looked so much like Howl's Moving Castle crossed with Harry Potter crossed with Corpse Bride Corpse Groom. Imagine the grey atmosphere of all three movies. That's the essence of my dream.

"I have a dream, a song to sing."
But now I had a dream, a thought to shudder at.

Let's talk about probabilities today. It's quite ironic but yeah. All those which happened around me these few days drive me to thinking about probabilities.

How would you classify 'love at first sight'? The answer is POISSON. Poisson, not poison, although when you love someone at first sight is as good as drug intoxication which is synonymous with poison administraton. Love at first sight follows the Poisson distribution, my friend claimed. Which I found quite true. This occurrance is rare (meaning the probability of it happening to an individual is low), and its limit is infinite (meaning there are infinitely many people in this world who may cross your path in life).

Journals always tell us that world population is growing geometrically. To have a particular person cross your path is one in billions. And to have that particular person as your right girl/guy is even lower on the possibility scale. So why are people complicating matters further by having unnecessary worries? That's why I say human beings are complicated creatures. Not only having a complex biological physique, but also complex in the mind. I can almost say human minds are only imaginary, as imaginary as the number i. You can't tell for sure what other humans around you are thinking, despite the fact you share the same binomial name.

Fairy tales have it 'and they lived happily every after'. So simple. Why must humans complicate matters further?

Perhaps it's because fairy tales don't exist.
Oh perhaps I'm still dwelling in fairy tales, in my cottage made of straw, waiting for my Prince on white horse, to live together, happily ever after.

“是谁抢走了我的麦克风 没关系 我还有我的喉咙”
今天超棒~我超喜欢！喵、我、跟沛三人到kbox把人家的歌唱机唱爆咧！超爽的
飞轮海是必要的，此外再加上林俊杰、王力宏、TANK等人。
这次kbox或许是较有经验 抑或者是对彼此都熟悉了，一进房就撕破喉咙地喊
不需要什么warm up运动 很快就get high了
说来说去 就是一个字 赞！
美中不足的 莫过于其他人未能跟我们一起high 八个人只有三个在场 你说可惜不可惜？
衷心希望下一次能有更热烈的反应！

把喉咙都撕破 当然得补一补 就跟喵到BK吃了一顿
过后就冲到expo会源哥哥
源哥哥！好久不见哦！长大成熟咧
果然像个大哥哥看着妹妹！拉着他到expo里的大平卖买泳衣！
值得一提的是我居然带着他穿过内衣部到泳装部！
可怜哦 他一直低着头走过 哈哈
万分抱歉！不过还是相信他的眼光 挑了他认为较好看的款式
一共两件 一件给我 一件给妹妹 我是好姐姐吧！
跑回bedok去 聊了好久 都说以前的事

来这里三年了 第一次有种能依赖的感觉 真棒
过去这几年 或许孤单 或许寂寞 都得靠自己撑下去
现在不同了 有哥哥在 呵呵 有人可以欺负啦！
做了将近二十年的大姐姐 还是第一次有成他人妹妹的感觉

不过 还是靠自己双脚站立起来吧
虽然有一双挺直的肩膀 可以依靠 也不代表就不运用自己的脊椎骨啊
说得没错吧

没人了解 才选择隔绝这世界
有点疲倦 以决裂的信念
白色球鞋 走不回喧闹的海边
月光萤火 照亮许多笑脸

首次接触这首歌，就发现它有一种磁力 能够刹那间扣住你的思绪
即使杂乱无章 野草丛生 都能瞬间变得有条理。
这时候，就是思考最好的时候。

过去 现在 未来
三个不同时期的我 那里不同？
过去 没有顾虑 没有真正悲哀 童年时光飞逝 剩下的成了回忆 捕风捉影 捉个空
有过眼泪，但是随之跟来的是开怀大笑 眼泪是什么滋味 不记得了
现在 眼看社会现实 勾心斗角 尔虞我诈 口蜜腹剑 笑里藏刀
否则就是根据标准办事 想别出心裁？终遭无理的批评
承受得了，就继续鹤立鸡群。
最怕人言可畏 多强悍的个性 终须屈服在这习惯性眼光之下
久而久之 成了见风使陀之辈
未来 不敢想 会是现在的延续？还是童话的开始？

童话 故事一大堆 歌也有一首
但是童话都是骗人的
公主和王子美丽的相遇 现实中找得到多少？
为什么童话里的唯美 绚丽 现实中总是无踪无影
哦 明白了 就是因为现实的不足 而引发人们的遐想
那么他们就编了故事 把心中的憧憬都编织成一幅美丽的图画
里边有王子风度翩翩 公主倾国倾城 他们两情相悦 常相厮守
所以童话才会这样美 所以才不会出现于现实之中

仿佛 童话世界里为一根现实相似的地方 莫过于巫婆的出现
+++***+++
I think I am an excellent pain-tolerator. If there's such a word 'tolerator' LOLs.
Perhaps I'll find paradise in slumberland.

I don't wish to pressurize nor terrorize anyone by saying this. But the most recent calculation of how many days left was an outstanding 209! Alright Alzheimer's must be setting in because Piao just shown me the exact number on her calculator and now I've forgotten it! Whether is it 209 I'm not sure, but it's definitely 20-something. That means, time to study. At least J1 work.

I have a confession to make. I'm guilty of constantly switching to hiberbating mode during lectures. It all started with Maths lectures on Binomial Distribution. As you all may know (and beg to differ, for some), I SELDOM sleep in class! I chose to shut my mind off during the first lecture in Binomial Distribution as a silent protest against that DoubleChin who was so irritating a tutor (oops). Then, she carried on to Poisson, and before I realized it has already become a habit to hibernate whenever she speaks into the mic...

What goes around comes back around.. And it hit me, hit me hard. For days during Maths tutorial I was seeing nothing else but stars. You know, those kind of stars that appears only when everything you tutor and your classmates does send alien signals to you. You can barely recognize the logic behind every digit and figure they write on the board. But you know you can't afford to stare and use eyepower to comprehend everything before you copy, simply because you won't be able to understand without the foundations acquired during lectures!

And this sleeping disorder does not only apply to Maths lectures. Finally with DoubleChin gone, I thought I'll be awake. But normal distribution zoomed past with me dozing off! Last Chem lecture on electrochemistry suffered the same fate as well. Lucky for me I was able to comprehend Chem by just reading the notes. Then today I was super awake during Econs lecture AT FIRST. Later, I was just resting my chin on my palm, and the next thing I saw when I opened my eyes again, was the clock telling me it's the end of lecture!!!

Can you believe it!

Alas! After picking up the determination and chaining up the rebellious me, I managed to do the tutorials ON MY OWN! Finally! I shall NOT copy tutorials for my own good next time. Mark my words. With the exception of super duper difficult questions that is beyond my ability of courseXD

Exams are near. And my grades are far from expectations. I really have to narrow the difference. What are the odds now?

我应该学会更白痴一点。这样就会减少对自己、对别人所造成的伤害。
两全其美的方案 就像极光 aurora 可能灵光一闪，突然想出来，但是要真正实行还真不容易。
总是觉的 要两全其美 不容易 某人得先牺牲
就因如此，往往总是落到两败俱伤的地步。
负伤累累，结果如何？互相推卸责任，争个你死我活。

若那是愚人节整人招数 未免太高招了吧 还得拜你为师咧
若那是一场梦，就快快醒来吧。太恐怖了
都不是 才令人难过
是因为我做初一 你才做十五吗？
是的话还好过一点
小孩子的赌气游戏 什么时候才能告一段落？
太折磨人了 但又不能退出
烦人!

想着想着 有股要去寻找激光的冲动
越是罕有的东西 越希奇 越有价值

Today marks the second day of e-filing I did. The number of e-filers in the space of four hours was surprisingly few. A total of ten, I guess. So what did the four (six) of us do with the rest of our time? Well, not difficult to conclude that we idled our time away with giggles and jokes and chatting and of course, how can I leave it out, eating?

Yup, basically four volunteers sat around a table, with the two TJCians attempting to finish their homework due tomorrow, and two TPs chatting our time away. Both Jiahui and I were trying our very best to finish what we are supposed to do for GP there, but to no avail of course. More often than not we ended up joining the convo and abandoning what seemed to be our ever-incomplete sentence on our foolscap papers.

April Fool's. It's just another day with e-filing to me. Apart from Angelina's 'Fool' message, my entire day seemed normal.

I guess my friend's correct. There are two destructions going on around the hostel. On my way home I witnessed the aftermath - the former Christian building was half torn down, leaving the other half of the building standing, so frail against the coming rain and wind. I guess it can't wait to join the fate of its friends, which is to disintegrate itself and end up like piles of stones on the ground. And, of course, create more air pollution.

MissyIvy
A Cynic with passion for
the Art of Sarcasm
Chemist in training

Do Better Nails
World Peace
AIDS Free
most importantly,
Finish Everything ON TIME! and
try not to be late

Why Clairebear Joyce ShuM Ziewearn Dan Kylie Eug

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