I love Fridays. Although this year's Friday isn't such a happening day.
Wait a minute, maybe it IS happening. Oops grammar mistake. Should be 'was'. Anyway what on earth am I talking oh man!? It's not grammar lesson now.
I met him at the hawker centre after my lessons. As expected, he saw me (with the help of his DEAR friend of course), and as expected as well, miss stupidity couldn't stand the embarrassment and looked away. I could feel seconds ticked past as I tried to settle down and have my proper lunch. Minutes later, he left.
I looked at his back. The exact same view I've been indulging myself in for ten months last year. The exact silhouette against light. The very same stature, but a different feeling this time.
Remember I said about disappointmet in yesterday's post? Yes, disappointment. At that instance, it wasn't any excitement, nor was it happiness. Just pure disappointment.
I know why I felt differently now. I thought after what I did that time, at least a simple smile or a 'hello' is something in return out of courtesy. But no. Not even a smile. Then when he left, he just got his butt off the chair and walked away. And my friends asked me to take a picture with him? No way. That's totally not worth it ok. I mean, I am a girl. I feel embarrased too. Just how much courage I took to give him the card you guys don't know. And to be left unnoticed just like last year is the last thing anyone in my shoes will want. Can't expect me to step on my own pride to go up to him and thick-skinned say 'hi can we take a pic?'
I've taken the first step. And he made it so wasted.
To think that my first time able to summon all my energy to tell him how I feel, just to not even be acknowledged in the end, totally destroyed a beautiful memory.
Now every moment I cherished last year with him around has become a thorn.
Perhaps you may not know. But the thorns were poking me so hard, that at different time yesterday tears nearly overcame the barrier.
But what's worse? Another voice told me to hold it back. Because others would not be used to seeing me like that. Pride, is what held me back.
And then, you know when you have a bad day, everything else that follows makes things worse for you? Indeed! When I went back to the building which I call sanctuary, poisonous words added salt to the wounds caused by thorns I mentioned earlier.
But now, all are history.
Not to touch the wound is the best way to forget you were wounded.
