If you have a problem of not being able to hear your alarm ringing at your ears every morning and therefore perpetually late for your appointments, try this. Come stay with me in dunman high hostel which is right in the middle of THREE on-going constructions.

If you have a blocked nose and can't even smell ammonia, try this. Come stay with me in dunman high hostel which is right beside a big pool of waste water from one of the constructions which constantly pours what I suspect organic waste into the drain.

So this is an advertisement. For free. Two items - world's best alarm clock, set at 0800 every saturday, works for every type of pigs or pigs look-a-like you can find (also effective on zombies); world's best resuscitation tool, more effective than ammonia to revive one who's passed out(also one in vegetative state). Any interested enquiries, you are welcome to contact Miss Stupidity for either items. Free trial periods are also available.

This is no joke. I was as dead as a zombie last night, after enduring the slow-poke connection which took so long to load my blogger, and finally posted my post. This morning I was woken up (at EIGHT) by world's best alarm aka construction NOISES and so have been studying my diversity notes since then. As you all know, I always study with something to munch on, and this time I was appreciating the redcurrant puffs my angel got for me the other day. They were SO NICE! Yet, there's bound to have something that ruins this great moment. The greatest resuscitation tool aka the extremely-choking smell which came from the pool of waste water diffused itself and wrapped around me. And my redcurrant puffs. So choking can! I'm sure everybody who fainted, if brought here, will definitely wake up. Because the smell is stronger and more pungent than Miss Wong's beloved ammonia! The pool of waste water was so stagnant everyday I walked pass.. I think the bacteria inside are having the best bacteria party ever, called "Rotten buffet - decompose all you can!"
****
My brother turned TEN yesterday!! Big boy already huh! Aww.. How I wish I was there and be part of the celebration and have a share of the Tiramisu cake!
I miss my bro.. Miss pinching his cheeks. Wonder if they are still as pinchable.
***
PLEASE come to me and redeem the above two items I advertised. You can get them for free. It's clearance sale.

Sometimes, you really can't praise something which you find good. Because the next moment it'll disappoint you by behaving or doing something you least wanted it to do! Such as I was still being glad this afternoon that dunman finally has a wireless that is considered OK, and then just now Blogger took zillions of years to load! Similarly I took thousands of years to be able get to this page, just to post my thoughts.

Bbq. I always come back smelling like a bbq pit. Today is no exception to this well-established notion. However, I'm not gonna complain about me akin to a bbq pit anymore. Because everybody knows it, and that surprisingly I don't smell like one anymore, only after ONE wash. WOW this is miracle. I'm serious. I just smell like me - the usual me, nothing more, nothing less.

Yet, I've still got something to rant about. It's my TOE, which has been aching since school dismissal. At first I thought the shoes were the culprit, but no. My toes can move rather freely inside. So that doesn't mean my shoes are too tight, right? Hmm.. maybe it can be filed under 'File of Unsolved Cases'...

Sometimes when I sit down and let my mind wander, I start to think. I think I think alot all the time. I think sometimes I may be thinking too much. But the ability to pick out small details or hidden agenda behind everything is my nature. By default, my mind will go into a whole series of analytical process, just like a computer, and generates the most reasonable and accurate reports on why people act in a certain way. Huh, if only I can use this during GP, I'll be definitely scoring more than I am scoring.

I open my eyes, I see light.
But it's not defined.
Bleak. So is my tomorrow.

Boo! I can't believe I could make it back to the hostel before 2130 and could even celebrate birthday with Aulia! Oh right! I forgot to announce on my blog, what a nice day today is, because it's AULIA'S BIRTHDAY!! Aulia aren't you touched? Announcing this on my blog is synonymous to annoucing it over the PA system leh!

It feels nice to have things completed ahead of time. The efiling training today was scheduled to end at 2130, which I thought I would definitely be crashing curfew since Revenue House is at Novena. So I made all the arrangements for returning late. I even asked Pear to give Aulia his prezzie for me. But NO! We ended at around 2030, which was ONE hour ahead of time:) Great!

Surprises. They come when you least expect them. Precisely because you did not expect them to come you always experience true joy, and most of the time, you'll be touched. You feel like melted chocholate inside, warm and heavy with joy. I hope Aulia felt that way, for that was exactly how I felt when I got the surprise cake from Yongyi and Val last year:)

Let's do this. Which I thought was quite true. Come, let me take you through.

You walk into a jungle, what comes into your view?
Remember and capture that scene in your mind.

Then you walk through the jungle and reached a picturesque lake. What do you see on the lake?
Remember and capture that scene in your mind.

You walk out of the jungle. What comes into view now?
Remember and capture that scene in your mind.

Now, as a camcorder would, rewind back to those scenes you captured. You will decipher for yourself, what those snapshots mean.

The first scene you see once you step into the jungle is/are the problem/problems you have or currently facing. So if you see an old willow tree it MAY mean that your current problem has persisted for quite some time. I use MAY because the meaning to each may differ between individuals.

The scene you see on the beautiful lake shows how your other half is. Symbolically of course. It doesn't mean if you see ducks then your other half quacks right! Yup so it has to be a moment, a scene you see. Can be as detailed as possible, but must be the first thing that comes to your mind.

When you walk out of the jungle, what you see symbolizes your future. Future outlook, life, and some may even be business prospects:) It all depends on what you visualize and how you decipher your visualizations.

Now let me tell you what I saw when I did the test (at the hawker centre -.-), and how I decipher them.

Scene#1 I saw a tree. Thick, strong, young, tall and healthy, standing upright against wind. It's leaves were thick and green. Fresh green. This may be telling me that whatever bothers me now is recent, and may persist for some time. However it may not be very disturbing, after all the tree looks youthful:)

Scene#2 Duck. Yes I saw duckS. So it DOESN'T mean my husband is a gigolo OK!!!!! I saw a very colourful duck with a few ducklings swimming freely in the lake! Whoa so sweet!

Scene#3 I saw a big, huge, vast green grassland, with a bright sunny sun in a clear blue sky, painted with fluffy white clouds. My future? May be a future with freedom, like the green grassland!

I got kinda addicted to this song. 夏雪, which means summer snow, by my most most beloved Fahrenheit! Paradoxical, isn't it? Summer and snow just don't happen together. And yet, 夏雪never fails to create the impression of an impossible coming true. The feeling of holding snow in your palms can only be imagined. Because I've never seen snow in my life.

Especially the lyrics. They created what I call 'paradoxical fascination'. Look:

你的世界已经准时晴天
远方的我在夏天看雪
我的孤独慢慢冻结
在没有你的夜
给我的爱已经过了期限
而我的心在夏天下雪
明明寒冬已经很远
我还是无法 结束这冬眠

My being here is to tell a story called 'The Disappearance of Ivy's Rubber Bands'.

As many of you are told for the (n+1)th time, that hair pins and rubber bands always curiously disappear from the face of the Earth. That's the reason why Miss Stupidity always has to buy new ones. Rubber bands can never be in her possession for more than a year, because they always leave her in the end.

It was swimming PE again today. Towards the end of the lesson, we were told to swim 7 rounds before we were dismissed. As expected, Miss Stupidity did not complete her 7 rounds, and took a discount of two rounds haha. Anyway, so she went into this cubicle which the water running from the tap was so little that she had to wash her hair strand by strand. Nevermind, back to the rubber band. So she hang it at the hook in front of the cubicle door, and happily washed herself. Then happily dried herself, put on clothes, and started fondling with her hair. And walked out of the cubicle.

The day continued as per normal, until when she was approaching the school, she suddenly remembered the rubber band which was still dangling on the hook by the cubicle door. But then, it was too late. And tada! The above is yet another story of the disappearance of one of Miss Stupidity's rubber bands.

Therefore, I'll have to use another rubber band tomorrow. See how long this one will last.

A speaker by the name of Justin came to our school and gave a talk on looking good today to the girls. He is an image consultant who founded Style-House, I guess. Quite interesting he was, and oh my he won Mr International Singapore 1999... Expected a guy who flexes his muscles and biceps but no, he came in a very presentable black suit with a blue tie.

Every girl's dream is to look good. Looking good is about pleasure to one's eyes, especially the one who is standing in front of the mirror and looking at her own reflection. We may not be breathtakingly beautiful on the outside, but I always believe in radiating the true beauty, the true you, through interactions. But at least, we are not exposing our flaws and be an eyesore to others. At least, when we see a presentable girl standing in our mirrors, looking straight at us, we will be more confident in ourselves. And this is NOT vain at all.

It's been rainy lately. Clouds are always rolling in, swift as they are, and conggregate together, and before you realized the next moment it's heavy downpour. But, they never last long. For a few minutes, an hour to the max, they'll subside, leaving what was dark now clear (the sky). And clean. Sometimes it feels like some cleansing procedure. The sky must have been disagreeing to what we've done lately, and decided send droplets of water down, in hope of cleaning, together with the air, our minds.

What is done cannot be undone. You cannot take back words which have been spoken as any child would to his toy. You cannot rewind time and pretend that harm is not done. But we can it pass, and let time dissolve everything. Remember the phrase 'see no evil'? Yep, we can still choose to ignore. Ignore the harm others did unto us, and do not unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.

I was waiting for bus 12 at the school bus stop today, when I decided to take a seat as I was too lazy to stand. Alright there may be cellulites building up already but there's always tomorrow to get rid of themXD. So I thought since bus 12 always comes at irregular timings, I could afford to stone and stare into space for a while. To relax my mind which has been suffering from info overload and beeping with warning today. Right, so I sat down there, crossed my legs (see, I'm demure) and took out my handphone. I did not know why I took it out, but I guess I just wanted to hold something. And STARED into space.

Time ticked, but I didn't notice how much it has passed. Slowly as a tortoise would, a rectangular object crawled into view. It took me ONE whole second to register that that tortoise of an object was actually the bus I was waiting for! By the time I realized it was already beside the bus stop. Quickly as I could, I jerked and grabbed my bag and dashed for it. Half of me was already expecting an embarrassing scene, whereby my attempt in stopping the bus was unsuccesful and had to return to the very same seat I got up from. It wasn't impossible if my attempt were to fail, for the bus was already ahead of me when I got up. The bus driver might not look at his rear mirror. And if that happened, it would be really embarrassing.

BUT! It pulled over eventually! For me! I was the only person who boarded the bus, and nobody alighted at my bus stop! I think I heaved a very loud sigh of relief...

On my way walking back to hostel, I was looking at my Nike shoes. They looked unusually fitting today. They did not look as awkward as they did yesterday. I guess things get better with time.

The same goes to people too. We have to spend some time with that person, before we can really judge his character. Because looks can be deceiving. And it doesn't do anybody justice if we were to always judge a person by first appeal.

I guess I've spoken too much today. I must get going. Next week is really gonna be a busy week with most subjects being tested within the week. Teachers really do think we study their subjects only - and ONLY their subjects. And they thought 24 hours a day is enough, because they wanted all the tests to fall in week 3. With Chem being the exception, I think, for once, the Chem tutors are merciful.

"Why is Sunday the strongest day of the week?"
"Because the others are week(weak)days."
...haahaahaahaa -.-""

This is so exciting. I just went to Jiro's blog!!! OMG. But I shall be not as crazy and stalk him everyday.

I shall blogg later so that Kylie won't be able to see it NOW.
But no worries because I'll update for sure, some time today. Because I've gotta rush off soon for tutoring. I'm gonna see my tutee again! Really enjoy tutoring for the past eight months, because it just gives me a sense of achievement when I know I helped someone to understand her work! See, the spirit of giving!

His blog isn't just about celebrity and being famous. There's substance to it.

My connection now sucks. Whatever I wanted to blog were forgotten.

Let's touch on the spirit of giving. Giving as well as giving IN.
Ever heard of people saying 'it's more rewarding to be at the giving end?' There are truth to the statement. I know this isn't my first time talking about giving what you have and what you own to others. The things you give need not be money (although I'd love if you are willing to spare me some, so that I can go cut hairXD), need not be something tangible even. You can land your support to someone in need, and that, to the person, may be hundred million worth, or maybe more.

It could just be a pat on the shoulder, and a sincere "How's your day today?" or "How are you?". Let people around you feel cared for, and not neglected. Because it's by nature that we would like ourselves acknowledged, than to feel left at the darkest corner, with only shadows as company.

Those who intentionally or unintentionally left others in the dark, please help create another smile today by talking to him/her. It may just take a minute, but the moment is priceless.

My shoes turned ONE(day) today.

I must tell you everything that happened to me today. From morning till now. So many things I need to say. But they are like a lump of meshed up strings, waiting for me to sort out one by one.

Let me first say that today is a happening day for me. Not entirely happy as in hahaha, but whenever I look back on what happened, I can't suppress the smile that glides across my face:) So let me start the ball rolling, in chronological order:

As I was walking out of the hostel with yongyi I commented on the air being stuffy and humid. Later as we were approaching the bus stop, it started to drizzle. Drizzling at first, but when I woke up from my nap on the bus, I could not see at all what was outside! It was pouring more than cats and dogs. Rain splattered so hard against the window and created some sort of a curtain made of flowing water. I must say the view was truly beautiful. Aulia I'm sure you agree with me!

However, too much of a good thing has its flip side. The rain was way too heavy for us when we alighted at the school bus stop. Throughout the near to 100m dash from the bus stop to the school gate, I realized two things. ONE. Umbrella works best for demure girls under slight drizzle. TWO. A water-proof school bag is my best possession, at least when I need to brave through fierce storms.

Please, the rain was too heavy for any of our umbrellas! Brollies are only effective to shelter your hair but not your body. And a strong gush of wind blew all the raindrops onto our backs and butts and legs. Not forgetting into my shoes as well. The entire road was flooded, so theoretically nobody could reach the school without soaking our feets in muddy water. Yucks right! And here came another gush of wind, and off my umbrella went, to the left! So Kaigai and me had to dash into the school, through yet another pool of muddy water right in front of the gate. WOW. Demure brollies are such GREAT invention. We were drenched. I guess next time I shall come up with a body-length umbrella. Maximum protection, like what people say.
And I shall not mention drying our clothes in the toilet with the hand dryer. Totally amusing if you ever saw it.

There was a relief GP tutor today because our tutor went for reservice. I quite like her (relief tutor), and for once I actually listened with ears up during GP! It was so informative. Both Szeying and I couldn't help but to agree that she really LOOKS like she's from another era because of her dress/skirt/clothes today. It wasn't anything sacarstic la. But the way she taught really lived up to her duty - an English/GP tutor. I like the way she subtly attracts our attention, the way she did not bother to raise her voice to compete with the rising noice level, but in the end she always won the noise competition in the room. Everybody will eventually listen to her. I know it's abit weird to say so, but I think sometimes it's her charm. Don't you think? Her cool just made me fix my eyes on her, and at times I begin to understand what's meant by the phrase 'age gracefully'. Another woman whom I think is always beautiful is Mrs Than. But most unfortunately I dozed off during her lecture today because I was too sleepy.

Then the highlight! As we were walking out of the school gate, I felt somebody stepping on my shoe from behind. One second later, there was a tearing sound. I looked at my right foot, just to find that it had a mouth wide open. And of course I stared with mouth wide open too. So thanks to Suzzy who unintentionally tore my shoe, I got myself another pair. In desperation, of course. I dragged my right foot all the way back to the hostel and to my room, bathed, and quickly went to Suntec after my dinner. I did not have the 'moment' when I was browsing for new shoes this time. So in the end I chose the most comfortable pair and paid for it. Ironically, I chose Nike, the brand I dislike the most. Hahaha.

Grocery shopping in Carrefour was intended to be short and swift. I got what I wanted and rushed off to the bus stop. Just when I was crossing the overhead bridge, I suddenly decided to take a look at the stuffs I bought today. And ARGH! It was only then I realized I forgot to take my shampoo! With a slight groan I made a U-turn and walked the same route back to Carrefour. When I finally reached the counters, there were so many of them that I suddenly forgot which cashier I paid my items at! OMG. I was totally stunned at my stupidity, and took the unglam way out - asked another cashier for help. I explained my situation and alas! I got my shampoo back!

And I begin to wonder if I suffered from concussion or something.
***
Who say shopping is a form of indulgence? It's a form of workout I tell you! You work you arm muscles by carrying bags full of items. You work your heart because it keeps pumping to drive you to more shops in front. You work your leg muscles because they keep contracting and relaxing so that you can cover more distances.

Therefore, shop more, people!! It's a more enjoyable form of workoutXD
For those who fear their wallet losing too much weight, no worries! I'm here and I can help 'take care' of your wallets...
I'm SURE they will be fine with me.... HAHAHA!

I'm here to tell you how inefficient and dumb the guards in the hostel are. With the exception of a few, of course.

First, I've had a terrorizing encounter in the common toilet. Somewhere around last year (or early this year, I forgot), I was taking my refreshing bath in the common toilet. The suddenly, I heard someone calling if there's anyone in the toilet. So naturally I responded, to inform her of my existence. It turned out that the female guard on duty was to bring a man to fix the bulb which died a few days ago. But I've already informed her of my presence, and please, I was taking my bath! To my horror, she said,'don't worry girl, aunty is here. He won't look at you.' Oh can you please use your next-to-grain-sized brain for once? Isn't it understood that you should wait for people to finish doing what they are doing in the toilet before inviting a guy into the girls' toilet? Her dumbness was totally beyong my comprehension.

Then, it was this new guard, a female also. I didn't complain about her inefficiency all the while because I know she's new here. There are procedures she needs to familiarize herself with, and that definitely takes some time, give her existing level of IQ. Alright you may question my being mean here but hey, if you don't like it then scram. I don't need you to criticize what I write, especially not when I was just pissed off by the very subject I'm blogging about. Anyway, it's been two months (or around there) and she is still behaving like a total noob. I hate wasting time standing at the guard post to wait for them to look for the list I'm supposed to sign. What's worse? They always take zillions of years to find my hostel pass. Their reason? I don't look like the photo. What is your problem? I'm not crossing the border or something. I've told you my room number so just give me the bloody pass! Ya so what if I went for some makeover or plastic surgery? Do you need to comment on that too?

Last year, I thought the hostel changed for the better. They abolished the signing in and signing out system and introduced the electronic tracking system to track our movement. That, I thought, was so intelligent of them and I truly liked that system. But few months later, they reverted back to the old, primitive system again. Reason was that there were people who make use of the loopholes in such system and played truant. Get your feets up and think, if you don't have the brain of the size of a grain (it rhymes!). Every system has loopholes. It's the matter of our integrity whether to find and make use of such loopholes. Are you then telling me that the old and primitive system you are using now is flawless and can track 100% movements of boarders? Tell me, then, how do people still manage to go clubbing if this system is perfect?

That's why this hostel is so inefficient. Actually, there's a rebel in everybody. The more you suppress it, the more rebellious it gets, and the more it wants to be unleashed. That's why the more stringent the rules are, the more people want to break them, because the satisfaction they get is greater and more rewarding. Look at VHall, they throw all responsibility to the boarders themselves. They don't have a system to track your movement. They believe that the boarders should be responsible for all their actions, and that they are able to think for themselves, to differentiate the right from the wrong. They are treated as adults, as people who are able and capable of choosing what is right for them.

We don't need canes to be well-behaved. Canes only come in when situation goes out of hand. Canes, then, should only be the punishment and not the signposts leading to good behaviour. Please, we are grown ups. Stop treating us like we are some three-year-old kids who needs babysitters to tell us when to walk and when to eat. Sometimes I think we'll turn out better if we are left alone to shoulder all our responsibilities. Then one is able to know for himself the consequences of his actions, and he will definitely think twice.

Oh, back to what pissed me to blog this. I was bored to death just now, so I thought of playing pool with my roomate. When we went down to the guard post (again) to loan the balls, they told me they were loaned away. So I thought maybe we could join those who were using the pool table (I assumed they were still playing since they haven't returned). But when we reached second floor where the pool table was, there was nobody there at all! We went to the guard post to check again because who in the world loaned the balls and brings them into the room? They have superb muscles is it?! And guess what I found out when I was at the guard house? I asked to see the record so that I know who borrowed it last and get it from her, just to find that the guard on duty loaned the balls to the guys! Note, he/she loaned the billiard balls from FEMALE BLOCK to the guys from MALE BLOCK! How smart that was! And so I wondered how come the guys needed two sets of billiard balls when there's only ONE pool table. The guard's answer was "because one never return." Whoa so SMART an answer! You mean if a guy borrowed billiard balls and never return and another guy wants to borrow billiard balls, you loan the billiard balls which belong to the female block to the guys? Have you no common sense or what? Just ask the guy to look for the guy who never return la!

It doesn't take a professor in top-notch university to tell you that, does it? Any commoner with COMMON SENSE can tell you that. Oh wait, maybe that's the case. He/she has got no common sense after all.

And it isn't difficult to know her level of IQ now. No wonder she works in a guard post.
Alright the previous sentence is judgemental and mean.
But I am pissed.
Maybe I'll apologize some time later, when I realize there's a need to.
But NOT TODAY.

Until this morning that I finally realized sleep really does wonders! For unknown reasons I was reminded of some sour pasts last night, so I tried doing all sorts of things to distract myself, to preoccupy my mind. I played mahjong on my laptop, purposely discarded all useful tiles to lose the game as hard as possible. I tried to imagine all unhappiness as the money I had during the game, quickly diminishing with every game I lost. Then I played pool with Anurad, Jessie and Pear, trying to send all frustrations into the holes with the balls. I tried everything, but once I finished the mahjong games, the pool games, I was brought back to square one. The square one which all my frustrations and unhappiness started. It felt as if I had not done a thing to make myself feel better.

And in the end, I went to sleep.
The next morning, my frustrations were gone!

So the next time you see me sleeping more than anyone else, don't call me a pig. I may be in the process of forgetting some memories. Don't wake me up either. Let nature take its course.

When I was still lying on my bed before I finally got my lazy butt off the bed, my mind swirled around moments of the past. Moments which I miss, such as those times where we had to rush to the lockers to get our test tubes before Bio prac after swimming PE. Moments such as sitting around the table and crap about child upbringing.

Moments. Just moments.

For no obvious reasons, I went to bed really early yesterday. I said 'for no obvious reasons' because for one, it wasn't my PE day so I did not tire myself out. For two, I did not go shopping and hence did not work my leg muscles. For three, I did not study (oops guilty) and neither did I do tutorials (oops I did it again), so I did not drain my brain cells. And lastly, I did not stuff myself with food, nor did I have any meals at 10, so there shouldn't be any after-meal-drowsiness.

Therefore feeling so tired and finally knocked out at 11pm FOR NO OBVIOUS REASONS is really unusual and uncommon for me.

According to my roomate, I really slept like a pig, for I did not hear my message tone which reverberated in the room for god know how many times. I woke up in the morning at 10, just to find that there were 4 unread messages.
***
A bug has infected many around me lately. Yes, the flu/sick bug. So many people I care for were down, one after another, with the bug. And the bug is reproducing at an alarming rate that all its children and grandchildren are rapidly spreading the virus, everyday a new host is targetted. Hmm. Must find a way to combat the bug. Eat fruits that are rich in Vit C, people. Vit C does wonders :)

Sometimes I wonder, what's the purpose of me being part of this world? I live everyday as it is, like there will be a tomorrow for me to continue my daily routine. I live everyday as a means to wait for ALevels to come. After that then what? What is the purpose of me waking up every morning? Just to find that I'm still alive and nuclear bomb has not been dropped onto where I am? For some odd reasons, I refuse to look into my own future. I just wish that this second stays on longer, but no. Mr Tick Tock has taken yet another second of step forward.

The more I mull over certain things, the more confused I get.
Why do some people indulge in guessing games? I mean, yes, undoubtedly such games are thrilling and yes it adds spice to your lives but there should be a limit to how far u can go, shouldn't it? It gets tiring if you keep guessing for too long.

And so I stopped. I quit the game I called mine. Wait a minute, that wasn't even MY game. I did not start it. I did not know for sure even, when exactly it started. I called it quits. I withdrawn.

Then what?

Subtle as it was, I walked into the game I quit. It was too late when I realized.
Codes are everywhere, left for smart people in the game to decipher.
Smart people huh? Looks like I'm one of them.
Codes I left there, with the slightest hope that it will be picked up.
But I turned and walked away even before I see the results.
As always.

Just like a game of gamble. There's always a banker and a player.
The banker deals the cards. He sets the ball rolling.
He sets everything.
And a player walks in, puts down the stake.
Full of guessworks, the player takes the cards the banker deals.
Win or lose it depends on the cards.
Win or lose it depends on the banker.
It is the banker's game. It is the dealer's game.

In this game of gamble, I am the player.
Who walks in and staked my hopes.
The banker has it in his hands.

And after a few rounds of game, I'm tired of always putting down the bet. The banker has not lost a game.
I wanted to win, but it isn't my game.
It felt unfair, does it not?
That's why I wanted to call it quits. Yet again.

And this time, to call it quits, I as the player, must not to step into the casino again.
***
On a lighter note, the song that's been stuck in my head for days is finally on my blog.
Yeah, 非你莫属 by 林依晨.
As I am listening, it brought back memories, which to my surprise, suited the song.
I guess if I were to make an MV of the song with those flashes of memories in my mind just now, it would turn out to be just fine. It would be my MV.
Yeah, it just fits in.

I have butter fingers today. Way in the morning I dropped my umbrella when I thought I held it in my hand. Then my shoes as I was wearing them. Luckily I did not drop Jaz's PSP. If not I wont be able to blog here comfortably. With my butter fingers, of course.

I didn't know how easily I am affected by words until today. During break time, they read something somewhere in the net which contained my name. I remember my far-from-small reaction when I heard that. But it was only after I read that article that I realized there was no big deal at all. Besides, just how many 'Ivy's' you can find in the world?

So I promised myself to remain calm and to always keep my cool whenever these things happen. I shall and will not react until I know the entire story. Of course, not from only one side, but to understand the whole thing from different points of view (or point of views).

My embarrassing story during Chem Lecture. If you happen to be in LT2 for chem lec today and happened to hear a sudden, sharp and high pitched cry, followed by muffled giggling from a whole row of girls, yes I admit it was ME. Because of the 'Girls In Black' incident which Kylie called 'GIBs', Kylie pointed and laughed at this Gibbs Free Energy (or something along the line) printed on our notes. Yeah she finally woke up from her slumberland and the first thing she saw was 'GIBbs'. So I looked at what she was pointing and muttered 'GIBs'. It was intended to be purely an innocent repetition of what Kylie said, but astonishingly and alarmingly and most embarrassingly, my 'GIBs' came out in an unintended loud, sharp and high pitched voice, which instantly tore the numbing silence that has been reverberating in the LT. Both Kylie and me were stunned and the next instant we were both giggling. Huahaha. And Keli, Mary and Szeying joined the laughing fits. THAT WAS SO UTTERLY EMBARRASSING!

And as expected, it was such a nice sleep during Maths Lecture! Finally, she finished the whatever Binomial and Poisson distributin which I caught absolutely no balls and saw no point in learning them other than to be able to do those questions during my A's. Dumb lo!

Watched a video about politics during GP. Which provoked alot of thinking. There are issue I felt quite strongly about, but sadly I can't just shoot them out in my blog. You know, censorship is everywhere.

All I want to say is,
while it is true that they say they allow freedom of speech, which means we can voice our displeasure and our views regarding certain political issues, we ourselves know just how true that is.

And I shall say no more.

Hello everybody! The sky's been quite moody lately. Storms after storms, downpours after downpours. It really makes me think if my days here are not gonna be calm for this period of time.

Before I say what I want to say (actually I've already said. Look up. The intro has begun.), you have to agree with me that words are can be the deadliest poison you can ever find. 人言可畏，不过如此。所以说话要先三思，免得祸从口出，像滚雪球越滚越大，越滚越圆，最后到了一发不可收拾的地步。

到时候，哪怕眼泪流干了，再大声的哭嚎，也没人听得见。
哪怕是发自内心的情感，终遭他人蔑视，被人视之而不见。听之而不闻就更不用说了。
我看，到时候就只有老天也会像现在那样陪你哭泣吧。

我不是个见风使陀的人，但不代表我会一意孤行，豁出去地坚持我的立场。

好了，是时候说我的故事。

There's been much discussion going on today. I don't think I will like to disclose the content, because I myself do not agree to it at all.

Cliques. Not a word I fancy at all. Because cliques are usually synonymous to this bunch of people who walk alike, talk alike, dress alike and even behave alike. Everytime I see cliques of girls around, I can't help but wince at all the bimbotic stuffs they do. And besides, clique always gives me the feeling of not willing to accept others into their lives. Unfriendly, in short.

But we had a rather interesting topic about cliques today. So my CLIQUE consist of 8 girls, each with different personality and character (see, we don't walk alike, talk alike, dress alike or behave alike). So Szeying came up with eight cats that day, with cat faces that corresponded to how we always look like.

Interesting happenings today:

During Econs tutorial, Miss Stupidity took Uhm...'s hp and looked at her hair.
Uhm...: 诶你又照镜子！自恋！
Miss Stupidity: What! (paused a while) 诶你有没有发觉那些长得帅的男生都挺自恋的咧。
Uhm...: 对呀因为长得帅嘛所以得时时刻刻照顾自己的形象。
Miss Stupidity: 所以呀，same theory applies. (开始又照镜子）漂亮女生也很自恋！

我是怎么了？怎么突然介意起来呢？
那则短信，来得突然。听到铃声那起手机看到显示的时候，心里不多不少还有些期待，期待其内容是不是跟往常的一样。
往常的内容，都带有些会让我看了后笑出来的字眼。是调皮的，是好玩的。
但这次却不同。

哎哟，搞不懂我为什么不爽。就这么一条短信很了不起吗现在？
当初做出的选择不应该被背叛。

但是无论我把情绪压抑得多好，表现出有多大方，看起来有多么的无所谓，心中却不是这么想。
真讨厌现在的自己！

神啊！快快赐我一瓶石灰水，好让我除去心中的硫酸！

What's a better way to start off a post than to tell you that we went to Ms Han's wedding IN A LORRY? A memorable experience indeed, for four pretty girls totally dressed up, (Fen, Suzzy, Keli and me) got onto the uncovered part of Lele's dad's lorry. Along the way properly combed hairs were flying everywhere, sun was shining on us, and not forgetting, people were staring at us with astonished faces. And the four of us, unprotected against the UV rays under bright sunlight, were laughing and giggling and taking pictures to preserve the moment. And you must be wondering what happened to Xiaoxian and Taitai right? They were sitting in front with Lele and her dad hahaha. So when we finally reached Blk 1 Delta Avenue, all the people there were staring at us. At the four girls squatting on a lorry. Among them were many familiar faces I see in TJ!!!! OMGOMGOMG.. Still, I didn't regret taking that absolutely-attention-attracting ride. But one unglam thing happened just when I was about to get off the lorry. I was the LAST to get off because I simply did not know how to do it with my heels. Gosh. Then Suzzy helped me and I finally jumped off the lorry.
***
婚礼-生活另一个阶段开始的开幕典礼。为何开幕典礼？因为你请了一群观众，见证你伟大爱情的成果，以及目睹你踏入你与他的世界的第一步。
新娘今天笑得很灿烂，想必她心中一至洋溢着甜蜜。新郎今天露出自信的笑容，想必他心充满了赢得美人归的成就感。
看着他们两人，好幸福哦！

我不曾想过我的婚礼会是怎样，因为我总觉得那似乎太遥远。
再说，I do 是需要勇气讲出来的。在还没鼓起这勇气之前有很多事情要考虑，毕竟这是赌上一生的决定。
所以一直以来我对未来没抱着太大太多的希望。不是因为没有梦想，但是今日不知明日事，有什么好急、好想的呢？
或许我是一个在乎曾经的女生。因为所谓的天长地久，若没有美好的回忆，对我而言将会是毫无意义。 若今天不是美好的一天，谁期待明天的到来呢？道理是一样的。通常人们对未来美好的憧憬都是建筑在过去的美好之上。

又或许，至今还没出现一个能让我开始为我们的未来打算的人吧。

曾经拥有过的，往往最美。
在暧昧的灰色地带，往往最让人怀念。
***
Oh yes. Nearly forgot. We did something meaningful today.
As we were about to ascend the escalator to get out of Bugis MRT station, we saw a boy crouching near a pillar. He looked unwell. So three of us - Kylie Suzzy and Miss Stupidity, helped him ascend the escalator. Shortly after that, his knees gave way. So I went to inform the officers on duty and ran over to Guardians and got him some sweets.

Since primary school we were taught to do a good deed a day. I finally did a good deed.

I don't know how to put them in words, but being able to be there to extend a helping hand to someone in need is truly emotionally rewarding. You know, at that instance, your presence and existence means something so somebody.

These few days have been more than satisfying for me. For one, I finally got my Tokyo Juliet, credits to KS for helping me get hold of the drama (tho I doubt he will ever find my blog and reads this). And I think Wuzun looks better in Tokyo Juliet than in Hana KimiXD

So as expected, Miss Stupidity could not resist the temptation of watching and watching so she watched 6 episodes last night and slept around 0230hr. WoW. Not forgetting the eyebags she discovered when she woke up at 1010hr, just to find that she was surprisingly not late for her date wif Likoon!! Miracles do happen, you see.

Being in good mood, Miss Stupidity did all the bimbotic stuffs of putting make up before setting off for CityHall. In the end, she was still 10 minutes late -.-" but alas! She finally met Likoon whom she didn't see for 3 months! Oh man just how much I miss her!

I have to tell you about the restaurant we had our lunch at. It's the HongKong restaurant at marina sq. Heed my advice, do not dine there unless you want to try some baby food which you haven't eaten since you started eating solid food. Yesh I'm so serious here. The menu may look really appetizing and appealing (I mean the COLOURS) but there's really nothing special. And even simple and normal food such as fried rice (I ordered that) tasted weird (I shall not use the word 'awful', but you get the idea). And the congee Likoon ordered looked (not to mention, tasted) like some baby food. You know, those kind of mishy mashy stuff babies eat when their teeth haven't sprouted out. So after a near-to-one-hour struggle to finish off our lunch, we decided to defrost ourselves by going to suntec via the non-air-con way.

I've striken off the U2 and IPzone tanks from my 'want' list. After trying on the U2 tank I realized I look like some elongated scarecrow. So shoo! Off my list. As for the IPzone, well, let's just say consumers have changing tastes and preference. But my wallet isn't that happy because I'm now interested in a clutch from Charles&Keith worth $24.90. Heeheehee. Start saving!

Uhm, we got our hands on SF's birthday prezzie from Xcessories before we even shopped for our clothes. It's a choker, a very elegant one. For one moment I thought of buying that for myself and get another one for her hahaha. But as you can see, Miss Stupidity isn't that evil anyway. Emily's prezzie was more difficult to find. We walked, no it should be spinned, rounds and rounds in marina sq just for her top! Oh yeah and finally we decided on a pink one from a shop in marina by a name I conveniently forgot.

Alas! The highlight! We spent the longest time in a shop trying out jeans! Ok good for the shopkeeper we each got ourselves a pair hahaha. At a discounted price because smart Miss Stupidity (so contradictory it sounds) wore the very pair of jeans she bought from the same shop last year! Yay man! I think the shopkeepers finally know what it means by 'hard to make a living'. Especially when Miss Stupidity tries jeans you sell. I shall not disclose the explicit details to make room for your imaginations to run wild.

BUT!! The pair of jeans I finally bought is 27 inch also. But this one isn't loose, unlike it's sister species which I redeemed last year. This one I can confidently wear out without having to put a belt over or to pull it up every few strides I take. Worthwhile deal!

For no obvious reasons, I feel gloomy out of a sudden.
The feeling is like, all life is sucked out of me, leaving an empty shell of what used to be 'Ivy'.
Perhaps this is the after-effect of what happened lately.
The after-effect of enjoying good moments, until somehow I took them for granted.

And now Nelly Furtado's "All Good Things" comes into the picture. I realize I love my Media Player so much, because it kind of reads my mind, and always plays songs that suit my mood best. And I begin to wonder if it really can read my mind.

"Flames to dust,
Lovers to friends,
Why do all good things come to an end?"

Why do all good things come to an end? Come to an end?

I'm sorry if my post painted your day grey.

Finally, I met LeeKee. It's like, we haven't seen each other for months! My goodness!

There were so many things I saw today which bugged me for my money to redeem them from their respective shops! But miraculously, I managed to hold on and did not spend a cent on them. Still, I would like to have them in my possession, if only I have the money.

-EBase tanks, $15 for 3
-U2 tanks, $9 each
-IP zone tank, $12 each
-S&K skirt, $25 each
-Charles&Keith shopping shoes, $17.90 AFT DISCOUNT.
-Earrings, various prices
-Clutch, $20

I want money! I want to redeem ALL of them!

Ths is my first post for today. I don't know how many posts I'll have for the day.

However, my day started horrible. As some of you may know, there are altogether THREE constructions going on around my hostel! One started last year, still in progress; one is just next to the hostel, which is the former Christian place, they are tearing it down to build something else I guess; and the third one is Dunman High! Urgh. And this morning my beauty sleep was totally interrupted and destroyed by the pings and the piangs and the incessant hummings of the machines. And for times I tried to coax myself to sleep by telling my mind it's lulluby. Dumb as it may appear to be but that's the only way in which I can put up with the noise!

And finally, my wall of tolerance disintegrated. So I migrated from my room to this laopok-than-anything com lab. Alright compared to my room the com lab is already heaven. At least, there's air-con (tho not cooling at all -.-') and internet access (not fast at all). Most importantly, there's noise insulation (tho not very effective but still better than none). The humming of the air-con is somehow still bearable.

My goodness. How am I to spend my day?! With Aulia gone.. Nobody left to get high with me.

I was just told a nice and cheap place for kboxing. So kboxing again anyone? Although the atmosphere isn't as nice as KBox, but the variety of songs is definitely much better than KBox's. And most of all, it's 20bucks per room and no one is gonna chase you out.
What a deal!
***
I'm here again, after a three hour afternoon nap. Oh my my, that's how I spent my day?!?! The construction is still on.. And my friends are scattered everywhere.. So difficult to find somebody to talk to.
Worse still, I don't even feel like talking -.-
All I'm interested in is to sleep zzzzz.
I can choose to go out and be mesmerized by all the 'SALE' signboards, or even to peek at EBase for the tanks, but I'm just lazy to lugg myself out of this hostel. I don't even wana change.
I'm feeling very bored and lazy.
Somebody save me please!

Poof! Another long yet rewarding day for me! By the time I got back to hostel, my feet were screaming of pain because I haven't been wearing heels for quite some time.
Therefore as you can see, I have been such a good girl and stayed in the hostel most of the time.
I never go out as much as you people think I do lor!

Can you believe it? Miss Stupidity was the FIRST to arrive today! And she reached at 12 SHARP at CityHall! For years I'm known to be perpetually late for any dates or appointments - not that I purposefully leave my room late, but just so happened I always end up late and people always give me the 'can you be early for once?' look. So back on the topic of being PUNCTUAL, Suzzy sent me a message telling me she woke up late when I was about to reach CtHall -.-" But surprisingly Kylie was only ten minutes late even though she woke up late! And Szeying told us she was about to be late.. Which left me thinking, why is the whole world gonna be late when I'm finally punctual?

Dotz...

I'm sure you wana know what I had for lunch. CHAR SIEW RICE. Yes, I can already hear some of you exclaiming 'so boring!'. Wait, it wasn't any ordinary char siew rice ok. It was so delicious and yummy and appetizing that I finished everything! After that, we came to a conclusion that we couldn't do Maths because 10-6.8 is 3.3! Oh man... and it wasn't me alonee. We did the sum in Cafe Cartel last night and Kylie told me it was 3.3, and I blur blur followed what she said. What's more? I only realized our mistake because Szeying brought her calculator along and I punched the figure out. But why did she bring a calculator on a day like this anyway?

The highlight of the day! KBOX was so fun! And addictive! We just sang and sang and sang... All the songs we know, and not forgetting songs by FAHRENHEIT! Whoohoo! So shiok can! Alright perhaps it was just Szeying and me. We had almost all their songs in ONE ROW! Omg and I dare say we mispitched so much huahaha! You should really be there to experience the 'modified' version of their songs... Totally hilarious! I shall not disclose the explicit details.. But in the end it was so anti-climax because we got chased out. Still, we pai kia down there and sang ting mama de hua before we left. HAHAHA.

Oh, and I must say, Miss Stupidity is totally stoooopid. Eh? Can't blame me also. Kylie went to meet her long lost 'husband' who just came back from Terengganu last night before us. So the three of us went shopping around Marina Sq. Out of a sudden I got a call, and the ID display wrote 'kylie'. So I picked up the call. At first I thought it was jek who called. But then the guy on the other side of the line told me he found the phone lying and the last person in the phone call register was my number, so he decided to call me to see if I can contact Kylie, who supposedly forgot to take her phone. When I asked about where he found the phone, he even said 'I let my manager speak to you'. At that instant, I really thought Kylie lost her phone!

Then the climax. The 'manager' took over the phone, and all I could hear was a girl's non-stop giggling. So FAMILIAR. A voice I hear everyday. Then I knew it. It WAS JEK WHO CALLED. Walao! I can get cheated so easily can! Hahaha. Oh, and they came over to 'apologize' for cheating me -.- Funny couple. So I said we wanted compensation hahaha. And he said yes. Oh man, he's so gonna be broke.

Anyway I saw this tank top from EBase which I like so very much!! It's $5 for one. But the sad point is, I have to buy in threes. And why would anyone want triplicates of the same thing but different colour? So I left with disappointment.. Actually I quite like the colours. There's no problem if I were to choose three different ones that I like. But then, THREE tanks with the same design? Oh wells.. maybe I'll change my mind some time later... And decided to buy it.. and give one or two away as others' birthday present...?

My contact lenses are abit dry now. So my vision is blurred.
Therefore I shall stop blogging and go up.
Byee and have a good night everyone!

I still wana sing...

Oh man, I blogged yesterday and the stoooopid wireless connection turned haywire and poof! All my post gone.

So I have to resort to going to the lousy com lab and put up with the lousy com to blog.

I was saying, yesterday was a long yet happy day. For me. I'm considering NUS now, so that means to get into the course I'm interested in I'll need 'preferably A's in Chem and Bio, and not too bad grades for other subjects' I'm taking, quoted directly from the lady who told me about NUS Pharmacy course. Alright, I can sense your question marks. Ivy, the pharmacist?!

Wei! I'm not that bad ok! Perhaps all along I thought studying Pharm is rather dry.. But then again, I'm studying something related to what I love most - Chemistry. Alright, love most does not equal to score the best in. What a sad fact.

Anyways, I shall work hard. Don't raise your eyebrows now oh please. Can you people like give me SOME faith and confidence? I know I know, I'll start by completing ALL tutorials in time and NOT to fall asleep during lectures... ABIT hard leh.

So after a whole day of walking in NUS we went to bugis for dinner while aulia and pear(NOT the fruit ok) went to SMU open house. We had steamboat for dinner! YaY! SOOOOOO filling can! I felt like a balloon about to burst when I walked out of the place. Let me see.. I guess we spent 2 1/2 hours in the restaurant itself! Whoahahah!

Never underestimate a girl's appetite..

Actually last night I blogged about the question Kylie raised, and what I think of it. But now, I need to rush to Marina Sq soon so I shall tell you some time later. And when the wireless is back. Stay tuned!

A rather lame but interesting(in my opinion) exchange of words during dinner yesterday:

Kylie: Eh why is the prawn so white?
Me: (look at it)I dunno, maybe it's the prawn itself. (pause) Maybe it's Caucasion.
*I looked at Kylie, who was looking at me with the -.- look*
Me: Ok it's NOT funny.
*1 second later, both of us got into laughing fits, leaving Szeying so blur.

I told my roomate about my 'creativity', and she thought it was very funny. Hmm.. different people have different humour level.

Let me start this by asking – what is the most beautiful thing that could happen to a person?
Then the love-struck will say being able to find their other half,
The ambitious will say the day their big dreams are realized,
The money-minded will say the day they strike their hundred million lottery.

But I’ll say,
The most beautiful thing is the moment when what your heart hopes for comes true right before your eyes. At that instance everything else becomes unimportant. Then true happiness surges up to your face and takes over your mind, heart and soul. You feel blessed, you feel lucky, you feel overwhelmed by the very fact that you get what you wanted and hoped for yet unexpected to see it materialize, let alone to hold it with your hands.

Although it may be just a fraction of a second, I’m sure those who experienced it will never, for their entire life, forget how that fraction of a second felt. Because it is a feeling which comes so naturally and so pure it is. You felt like a little kid who just got a candy. The smile across your face is so real and innocent. This, is what I call true happiness. It can be so simple, yet we tend to complicate things as we grow older. As a result, we rarely smile from our hearts.

Having said all that, it’s about time my story be told.

After Flag Day, the three of us – Julia, Keli and me, went to White Sands in search of something to fill our stomachs. Just when we were about to enter White Sands, we saw a rather interesting push cart by the entrance. It was selling malt candy, but not at all the usual malt candy. The guy used malt candy to make 2D drawings of animals and Chinese zodiacs and sold them mostly at $2 each. $2 may sound absurd for malt candy, but wait till you see how they look like.

So I paid $2 to spin the dial. There were 15 animals and zodiacs, and the golden dragon which is worth the most ($6) had a probability of 1 in 15 to be hit. Before I spun, I moved the needle so that it pointed in the middle of ‘golden dragon’, and said ‘Haha! I shall get a golden dragon this time!’. I took a deep breath, and pushed the needle.

It spun very fast, slowly decelerating, slower, and slower…
And finally, it stopped.
The words above read ‘golden dragon’. And the position of the needle fell exactly on where it started.

And before I knew what happened, I found myself already screaming along with Julia and Keli.

Everything else became momentarily blank. All I knew was to clap and SMILE. I could hear faint ‘whoa’ and ‘oh my’ around me, but what exhilarated me was the thought that what I wanted came true! It's as if everything else is not important anymore, because I got what I wanted!

Life's happier if it's simpler.
***
Anyway here's some sidekick. I unintentionally became the focus of attention no matter where I went today. All thanks to my golden dragonXD I actually carried the dragon across Singapore! Oh man I'm SO impressed. Then from BoonLay we went all the way to Suntec to see Suzzy. Ooh man City Hall area today was horrendous! Continuous throngs of people kept flooding into the limited space in Suntec, everybody vying for a space in IT Fair, which caused the massive human traffic jam at the entrance. What's more? Half the corridor was closed due to renovations in topshop, and this resulted in another bottleneck effect, which then gave rise to barely moving traffic.

After today, I declare I hate human heads. Here I mean that kind of view where all you can see is heads bobbing in front of you. And people squeeze you from all directions.

I've got HUMAN CROWD PHOBIA.

I'm so tired recently. Tired as in tendency to sink into slumberland and not to wake up till a few hours later. Seriously. If I have nothing much to do, I'll end up stoning and staring into space, and minutes later I'll find myself in dreamland.

That's what happened to me today during Bio lecture. I was furiously copying my tutorial (which I conveniently forgot to do the night before) during the first ten minutes of the lecture. That kept me so awake. After I finally pulled out my Endocrine notes from my foolscap my eyelids felt heavy. Seconds later, everything went blank. The next time I opened my eyes was Szeying telling me lecture was over.

Oh, and I have to say, it's not entirely my fault. The lecturer has this more-than-weird habit of putting an 'ok' after every sentence, if not phrase. Her 'ok' came in an alarming rate of 20 'ok's in five minutes!!! Whoo TJ world record of unexplainable behaviours!

Anyway something weird happened to me today. As I was running gate to gate during PE today, my knees hurt out of a sudden. It was that kind of sharp pain, as if someone has just inserted a knife through my kneecaps. And so I ended up wincing in pain at every step I took today. The pain only subsided a little in the evening.

It's the last week of Term1. Feels kinda empty, especially after being trained to have at least one test a week. At least in the past few weeks we have things to do everyday, which is basically finishing up the ever-big-pile of tutorials and drowning in information we need to reporduce. Now, all I'm doing is to sleep.
And sleep.
And sleep again.

直到爱消失你才懂得
去珍惜身边每个
美好风景
只是她早已离去
直到你想通她早已经
不再对你留恋
最后的你
开始了一段挣扎

你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
为甚么不说心里话
你深爱她
这是每个人都知道啊
你那么爱她
为甚么不把她留下
是不是你有深爱的
两个她
所以你不想再让自己
无法自拔

Suddenly find this song meaningful.

Anyway it's JAE posting today. Exactly one year ago, I was experiencing massive emotion upheaval, because I was posted out of my comfort zone.
And this year, our principal just announced that the cut off is 6. Almost immediately was an uproar from, ironically, the J2s. Everybody was stunned at the piece of news we were presented. Then as expected, a lot of movements here and there and appeals. Anxious faces, faces of despair, of disappointment, of relief were everywhere.

As for J2s like me, there's nothing special about this day this year. Lessons still went on as per normal, tutorials were as boring, lectures were exceptionally hypnotic for me (thanks to 终极一班, which gave me eyes of the national treasure for China) and not forgetting tutoring as well.

It's just another day, yet another nostalgic day.

For the J1s, good luck for stepping into the real JC life soon. Your life is about to start.
For the J2s, our lives have started. And we are to brave through this storm of exams together.

Letters From IwoJima. My second movie about war, after Brotherhood. There's something about this type of film, something those blockbusters don't have. Something about IwoJima which Superman lacked. Yes, history. That's it. History.

Precisely because there's a historical background to films like IwoJima, they are able to connect to us. To us, people from the countries involved in that historical event, directly or indirectly. And even to people who have absolutely nothing to do with the war depicted, war is still something that's close to our hearts. Especially since September 11 and war in Iraq.

Since young I've been under the impression that the Japanese were despicable beings who conquered countries by force and tyranny. That's because stories of Japanese's inhumane and unfairly treatment towards the Chinese were told, as lunch-time chat topics between my grandma and I. Grandma survived through the Japanese Occupation 1941 to 1945, and no doubt she has seen the most cruel of treatments from the Japs. Japanese Occupation left an uneraseable scar on those who survived, and for generations, stories are told.

Then I went to school, where the process of the Occupation was illustrated in black and white during History lessons. It further confirmed my foul impression of the Japs. Yet, I don't hate them. Perhaps because I did not witness with my own eyes, the kind of crime they committed. But History lessons provided another space for us to explore - a venture into the war from different people's perspectives, and not just the war itself.

And now, this is the war fought between Americans and the Japs. It's told from a Jap soldier's point of view. But to make it more interesting, the director is an American.

Though there are many out there who beg to differ, I still think it's a film worth watching.
Educational, I would say.

I love Fridays. Although this year's Friday isn't such a happening day.
Wait a minute, maybe it IS happening. Oops grammar mistake. Should be 'was'. Anyway what on earth am I talking oh man!? It's not grammar lesson now.

I met him at the hawker centre after my lessons. As expected, he saw me (with the help of his DEAR friend of course), and as expected as well, miss stupidity couldn't stand the embarrassment and looked away. I could feel seconds ticked past as I tried to settle down and have my proper lunch. Minutes later, he left.

I looked at his back. The exact same view I've been indulging myself in for ten months last year. The exact silhouette against light. The very same stature, but a different feeling this time.
Remember I said about disappointmet in yesterday's post? Yes, disappointment. At that instance, it wasn't any excitement, nor was it happiness. Just pure disappointment.

I know why I felt differently now. I thought after what I did that time, at least a simple smile or a 'hello' is something in return out of courtesy. But no. Not even a smile. Then when he left, he just got his butt off the chair and walked away. And my friends asked me to take a picture with him? No way. That's totally not worth it ok. I mean, I am a girl. I feel embarrased too. Just how much courage I took to give him the card you guys don't know. And to be left unnoticed just like last year is the last thing anyone in my shoes will want. Can't expect me to step on my own pride to go up to him and thick-skinned say 'hi can we take a pic?'

I've taken the first step. And he made it so wasted.
To think that my first time able to summon all my energy to tell him how I feel, just to not even be acknowledged in the end, totally destroyed a beautiful memory.
Now every moment I cherished last year with him around has become a thorn.

Perhaps you may not know. But the thorns were poking me so hard, that at different time yesterday tears nearly overcame the barrier.
But what's worse? Another voice told me to hold it back. Because others would not be used to seeing me like that. Pride, is what held me back.

And then, you know when you have a bad day, everything else that follows makes things worse for you? Indeed! When I went back to the building which I call sanctuary, poisonous words added salt to the wounds caused by thorns I mentioned earlier.

But now, all are history.
Not to touch the wound is the best way to forget you were wounded.

I'm blogging again. This time for a different issue.
Let's talk about disappointment this time.
Disappointment is often felt as a result of us expecting too high or us not being presented with the facts we would like to see.

But sometimes, you'll just assume that they understand what you need and how you feel, because you THINK they do.
Seconds later, you just realize they DON'T.
And then, you are
disappointed.

I can't wait to go KBox. At least I'll sing my frustrations, pressures, stereotypes and disappointments away.

I wana go ECP. I wana see the sea which has capacity great enough to hold so much water.
If only I have such a capacity. In my heart.

You know when there's angel, there's always the devil beside the angel. The devil tells you to do something you'll regret, but your angel tells you to do what's right and good for yourself. But then, how are you to tell the difference between angel and devil, when you are now at loss for what to do next?

Two voices. Two suggestions. But for one person.
Which one will you belive in?

"Regrets, I've had a few
But then again,
too few to mention"
-I Did It My Way

So does that mean if I do it my way, I may have regrets? How many regrets will then be considered 'too few'?

I want to do something, but I didn't do. Because when I really saw him, it occurred to me that I don't need to get near him at all. I just didn't want to do the thing I wanted to do when I saw him.

Now I am the angel, and I'm the devil as well.

MissyIvy
A Cynic with passion for
the Art of Sarcasm
Chemist in training

Do Better Nails
World Peace
AIDS Free
most importantly,
Finish Everything ON TIME! and
try not to be late

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