Wednesday, February 28, 2007 16:56
Life. How fragile it is. How uncertain it is.
You know when they ask us to live everyday to the fullest, for you don't know what will happen tomorrow, is so true. Not to say I didn't believe in it, but I used to think I'll wake up the next morning and it's never too late. Perhaps I've been taking the certainty of waking up the next morning for granted.
Someone who was a stranger to me (though we went to the same school before) passed away. She wasn't anybody in my life at all, but the reason she passed away totally stunned me. Because there isn't any reason at all. According to her friends, she had no medical conditions whatsoever, but when she fainted after completing her 2.4, she never opened her eyes anymore.
It happened just so suddenly. I'm sure her friends never thought they'll never see her again. I'm sure her parents thought they'll still see her for the weekends. I'm sure she'll never thought the last time she talked to her parents was wishing them goodnight the night before.
Perhaps she had dreams yet to be realized. Perhaps she was a talent waiting to be discovered. Perhaps she left something undone. She never knew that she won't be able to do any of these anymore.
Although I never knew her personally, I'm feeling a little down. Yup, I won't know what's gonna happen tomorrow. So I shall make sure I live with no regrets today.
***
There's a song called 2月30号见by Fahrenheit. And 2月30号this year happen to fall on Friday. Twist your brain a little, and you'll know what I mean, for those who know what's happening on that day.
Suddenly, the lyrics seem so true, tho the story is different from mine.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007 21:28
Can't believe that the LAN in computer lab is even slower than the wireless. What is this!!?!!
I took more than a zillion years to load a youtube 10mins video clip AND IT STILL COULDN'T FINISH LOADING!!!!!
What de
$%@#?@#$% I'm so fed up with it. What's more? I was loading zhong ji yi ban! The show I crave for so much but still managed to restrict to one epi per day. AND I HAVENT GOTTEN MY DOSE OF JIRO TODAY BECAUSE OF THIS %&$#@??* SUPER SLOW COMP!!!!
I must say as I'm typing now I can feel my heart's urge to squeeze the monitor that's facing me into the size of a grain of rice and the operating CPU into powder form. But then all I can do is to vent all my frustrations on hammering the keyboard.
BLARHHHAWRRRRR!!!
Monday, February 26, 2007 00:24
The laundry room smelled of burnt matter. It's not usual, and it was at midnight. What's worse? The door to the emergency staircase was not closed. In fact, it was open by one inch. And the light was flickering inside.
Everything gave the 6th floor corridor an eerie feel, which made my hairs stand upright.
So I didn't even dare to stroll back to my room, which I always do.
I started running when I saw the flickering lights.
They'd better fix it before I get back to hostel tomorrow. If not I'll have a 'runny' night waiting for me tomorrow.
Sunday, February 25, 2007 19:15
"我不会怪你对我的伪装
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽
而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤
小小的手掌厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想
透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望"
-专属天使，TANK
This is the song which has been stuck in my head since I woke up. Meaningful lyrics, don't you think?
Spent my entire day bumming around, forgetting abt my laundry, going online without chatting with anyone, and watching youtube.
Then later during dinner time, I was reminded (unintentionally, of course) of HIM and his return in March. The day I've been silently waiting for, but a small part of me a little apprehensive as the day draws nearer each second the clock ticks. We are always like that, having a mixture of feelings at the same time. Every bit of me wanted his return, yet I'm uncertain of what to do when HE appears in front of me. Right in front of me.
After what I did last year(a bit impulsive here) I'm not sure if HE is even going to look at me. Perhaps he'll just turn into somewhere else so that we won't walk past each other. Perhaps he'll just pretend he didn't see me at all, and walk away.
Thanks to my laogong, now I have one choice open. But I'm not sure if I have the courage to do that anymore. My courage was almost depleted when I did what I did last year.
Maybe I don't even have the guts to look at him directly even.
March.
Saturday, February 24, 2007 21:17
The song playing here is 'Love You So', by Natalie.
The first time I came across this song was on 987FM. Instantly, I was brought back to the times when HE was around. I don't know how it happened, I guess that's the power of melody. Whenever I hear this song, my mind ends up drifting into the past - the past that will remain as a past.
I can't believe I got myself addicted to 飞轮海! All thanks to HanaKimi which is currently being aired on Channel U every weekday. And WOW it's like slideshow of guys with cute faces! Oh not forgetting all the sound effects which gave the show the desired atmosphere. To put it simply, the sound effects that made the show funny and hence enjoyable. But who can deny that MOST of the enjoyment comes from big close up shots of cute faces!
***
Looking back on everything that happened this week, one can only see how fast time flies. Dash, and it's gone. So much happened this week, so much movements here and there, so much excitement...
And the Mouse appeared! The cutest guy in Fahrenheit, though ALOT of people will beg to differ. Haha. But he is SO cute! With the hair of a lion(oops) and face of a mouse! Alright cute is cute but I still can't stand and understand why their group is named 'Fahrenheit'! It's totally -.-'''
Oh and I saw something special in FleaMarket today. It's truly special and creative. For you special people shall I give these special gifts to:)
Friday, February 23, 2007 22:24
I think I owe many people sincere apology for my absence today.
The sharp and familiar ringtone of mine penetrated my afternoon nap, to wake me up with a jerk. Fumbling with practically everything on my table, I grasped my phone at last. I thought I saw 'Aulia calling' but the moment I picked up, I thought I heard Keong's voice. It's not that difficult infer that Aulia was with Keong and Keong used his phone to call me, but to a fresh-from-bed-pig like me, that took awhile to sink in.
And when I answered, the other side went "Hey Ivy where are you?"
"I'm in my room lor..." in a dreamy voice was my response.
Then it hit me. Hit me hard. There's a scholars CNY celebration going on, and days ago I promised Keong I'd go and support him and co in his performance! Great, now I went back on my words. For a stupid reason such as sleeping.
Lousy senior and a friend I am!
***
Slight change of tone here. Have I told you I simply just LOVE Hercule Poirot? Don't mistake me first. H Poirot is a character in Agatha Christie's detective novel series, and Poirot is, in my opinion, the brightest detective ever! His witty way of talking makes him so CUTE!
Thursday, February 22, 2007 22:49
ULCER.
ulcer
ulcer
ulcer
ulcer
ulcer
Alright you get the idea. I've got an ulcer on the right side of my buccal cavity Have I told you just how much a nuisance ulcers are?
Nuisance#1 They are like 'pot-holes' in your mouth, so little pieces of food just fall into the hole. What follows next? PAIN.
Nuisance#2 They lie at such close proximity to my canine teeth (for unknown reasons I always get ulcers there), so there's always friction. What follows next? PAIN.
Nuisance#3 They make the surrounding flesh swell up and further diminishes the space available in my buccal cavity whenever I eat. What follows next? PAIN.
Nuisance#4 I take almost double the time to finish up my meals, because I'm constantly reminded of that little pothole inside.
Needless to say, whatever I do, as long as there's ulcer, there's PAIN!
Alright I've been a whiney baby. But can't blame me! It's PAIN we're talking about here!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007 22:49
There and back again.
Feels like a dream.
But it hurts when I pinch myself.
So not so much of a dream, right?
The same old smell of incense, the same old house I used to live in, the same people around. The same sense of familiarity is what keeps telling me where I belong eventually.
No matter how far I've walked away, it's the sense of familiarity that tells me the way home.
Home, I wana come home.
Every tree I see around me reminds me of home.
HOME. I WANA COME HOME.
Thursday, February 15, 2007 23:41
Call me narcissistic but I really love to see my name mentioned somewhere! Somehow sometimes I find that my efforts were not at all appreciated as much, when I really devoted all my time and energy into making things look nice and appealing.
Perhaps superficiality attracts most people. Truly enough, everyone looks at things from the surface first. They'll decide whether they should bother spending time looking at the same thing twice just judging by first appeal. So tell me, if that thing doesn't LOOK interesting, would you even be interested in the first place? Take looks for example. You'll see for yourself.
So we grow up being taught to judge a book by itz cover, then contents later. After being trained for so long we've mastered the skill of judging using the superficial criteria, that we go around doing the same to everybody, everything. Something happened lately which triggered me into wondering if superficial work really mean so much. Some people can easily be classified as a 'worthy friend', just because you thought you SAW that person doing something truly meaningful. But wait awhile, would you? Things may not seem like they are on the surface. If you would just explore deeper into it, don't be surprised if you are presented a very ugly truth, staring blatantly at your face.
Then you wonder maybe it's better if you had not seen deep enough right from the start. At least you live under the impression that everything's good and pretty. But really, is it the delusion you want? Or is it the truth that you truly want?
I'll choose the latter, though it might hurt a little. But at least, I'm not deluded.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007 17:03
FEBRUARY 14TH
VALENTINE'S DAY
It only happens once a year. Treasure.
My Valentine's this year was NICE! Even the word nice is insufficient to accurately tell you how I feel about Valentine's this year. I guess it's the spirit of giving that's most satisfying. I stayed up last night diligently writing out all Vday messages to those I care about. No matter how much the clock ticked, I was still at the same level of vigour as I was before that.
Then laogong barged into my room before twelve and gave us our Vday present! I managed to hold the temptation of opening her love letter until twelve! And to my surprise she wrote me poems! Emphasize on the 'S'! I was so touched...
It's more rewarding to make someone's day than to receive someone else's gifts. I'm serious. Knowing that something you did made someone put a sincere smile across their faces is synonymous to saying you are appreciated, and the 'thank you' that follows just heals all wounds, if there is.
Yet, valentine's day for single and availables like yours truly, is not memorable at all if no one is there to get through with you. That's why, my reservoir of friends are always the BEST! They are always there 365 days a year, which includes Feb the 14th as well!
***
I shall tell you the details of my Vday today.
Early in the morning I woke up just a little bit late(understand that I slept at ONE), but no grumpy face since I didn't need to put on school u! Pull on my favourite black butterfly shirt and jeans and set off. I was practically calling everybody's names and gave their vday prezzies the entire morning. Quoted from Huiting, we - laogong and me, looked like santas giving out xmas gifts. Hahaha. Pear gave me a PINK feather rose (I'm glad she chose that colour for me), and Aulia whom I was quite glad did not give me an apple XD but a pack of Tiger biscuits -.- But that makes a really memorable gift!
When I thought Pear's feather flower would be the only flower I'd get the whole day, surprises came! S35 ordered me a rose, which came early in the morning. Then laogong's RED rose arrived around afternoon and lastly Yao's pink rose! WOW so I actually got 4 roses for the day:) yippeeeee! And not forgetting also those little sweet gifts from those around me:)
I love you guys:)
Tuesday, February 13, 2007 19:38
When I take a look at my writing table, there's barely any space enough for me to do my work. But then, I feel not the least irritated as I would on normal days, but touched. Without knowing it I was actually smiling to myself at the little surprises resting on the table.
Chocholates of various kinds, marshmallows and sweets.
All were pleasant little surprises I've been getting for the past few days.
Dear angel, dear mortal, thank you for making my day everyday by your little treats.
It is those little thoughtful thought that counts. That little pinch of sincerity and care is sufficient to create a smile on another's face. It's enough to make one's day.
The word 'VALENTINE' does wonders. It is so sweet that the sound of it brings warmth to the heart. It's as if you've just had a pitcher of hot chocholate.
Laogong said I've got some Valentine's presents today. And they turned out to be from LeeKee and HeLi! It's so unexpected to come at this time! Oh man guys I really love you guys. You nearly squeezed tears out of me, but what came out was my squeal at seeing the little gifts. Those little gifts, light at sight, but heavy in the meaning they carry.
It's the DAY tomorrow. The day young and old couples alike, have been waiting for.
To those in love out there, may your love last longer than forever.
To those secret admirers, tomorrow is the day you make yourself known.
To those still seeking for the right, may you find your Valentine soon.
***
Gems fell off my cheek onto my hands.
I'll miss him around.
But there's always a reservoir of friends I can fall back on. Thanks guys!
Monday, February 12, 2007 17:10
Can you believe I just woke up from an afternoon nap which lasted for three hours? THREE HOURS! I could have been very productive if I hadn't taken the nap. Alright reality check, how productive can I be when my mind is hibernating, special credits to the ultra hot and sunny day?
But then again, I am so pissed I wasted so much time! There are so much to be done, though not related to school work at all...
So yesterday was TJ's go green day. We really went all green, as in literally. Imagine a whole bus filled with people in the same shaded green and the same design. 'We look like we're going on a field trip', was one of the comments. Then there was this bus stop FULL of green people. I squinted at the bizarre phenomenon, just to pick up some familiar faces - the juniors and my roomate! It then dawned on me the reason they were there - the earlier bus 12 broke down. That means, the 'green' on our bus intensified! Now both decks were 'painted' green...
We had to then stone for 45mins before our go green day officially started, special thanks to some speaker(s) who dragged and dragged... I couldn't help wincing everytime I saw the China bimbos hahaha. I began to pity those guys who unfortunately ended up in the same group as them during old newspaper and old clothes collection. The guys rocks man! And we had a tiring day collecting old clothes and newspapers and not forgetting knocking on every door with our bones heeheehee.
Preparation for bbq afterwards. Shot off to pastamania for lunch, and mazed around giant after that. We didn't quite manage everything within budget, but who cares. It's the fun we talk about.
Bbq rocked my socks! I hope everybody had a good time and enjoyed it as much as I did. I hope I didn't deprive anyone of food because of my, erm, gluttony and appetite. But the stingray and sotongs were nice! They even gave me a few packs of them to bring home, and I shared them with Xiruo, laogong and ShiNing:) They deserve a treat too!
Oh I just forgot. I went to flea market again on Saturday with laogong and Pear, and found the perfect match for my crumpled pinky shirt! It's a pair of pink squarish earrings, a deal of 3 for 5dollars! Of course I didn't buy three pairs of earrings, but to share the deal with Pear, who got herself a pair of black rose. Black rose, so mysterious and cool... Oh no I sound like a bimbo now haha.
***
I saw a dead butterfly with one of it's wings detached. Butterflies always remind me of dreams, of those colourful dreams which I have yet to realize. They are always flying around me, so pretty and tantalizing. And now one of them is dead, and I feel sorry for it.
I want my butterfly...
Saturday, February 10, 2007 10:52
I was in a really bad condition half an hour ago. My mood I mean, as I received an unknown call this morning which turned out to be from the BBQ company Amanda ordered the food from. She, the caller, told me that the total amount of money we need to pay is $111.20, which I can't pay just by cash and I had to bank transfer the money.
Well at least, I settled the money issue already.
When I thought of how our class responded to every single class outing I felt so demoralized. Why, why can't they be like 3J4, bonded and united and everybody will stand together and march forward as one whole big class? There wasn't any problems of ultra low attendance rate like what 27 will give.
You know how it feels when we want to have class outings, and one of us go "Haiya, it's surely not going to be a class outing.. It's just gonna turn out to be group outing." Which is a very clear portrayal of our class spirit. How pathetic our first class outing was! And so I thought, let's not have frequent outings since there's bound to have many not going. Let's have it on the days where everybody can go. And look, the number of times we ever had class outings can be counted using ONE hand. I used to think, ok, maybe we were just not close to each other yet, give them some time. But one year has passed. The result? You can see for yourself.
Everytime my friends talk about their class, even my juniors, when they talk about their classes, they always put on BIG smiles like this :) :) :) They talk about what they do as a class, what gossips they share as a class, where they go as a class, and everything else AS A CLASS. How I wish I can tell them something I did with my class as a class, but the only thing I can think of is going for tutorials AS A CLASS. Tell me, if this is not pathetic, what is?
I'm getting tired of getting everybody involved in class activities. To those who always put on a smiley face and cheer me up when I get uptight, THANK YOU. To those who are always by my side, THANK YOU.
Friday, February 09, 2007 22:34
A feeling of nostalgia is taking over me. Today is the judgement day for all J1s. Joy was shared and some tears were shed. The exact scene from last year, from the year before, and from long ago. The only difference? Different people are 'acting' every year...
It was my stage last year, and I'm watching the same play again this year. From the audience seat.
The anticipation, the moment, and the after-effect.
Some would have their dreams come true, some have their dreams shatters. Others see their expectations materialized.
Though it wasn't really a good moment for me last year, the same day in 2006, for me, impacted me alot.
Now that I realized it's been ONE whole year knowing my laogong aka yongyi! Our first encounter with each other was the day before judgement day last year, sometime around midnight. What a NICE timing for first acquaintance heh. We played our first game - well known Bridge hahaha! And we celebrated our one year anniversary last night... With only slightly more than four hours of sleep after that.
Alright I was TOLD to type this.
Yongyi aka my laogong is FEEDING me seaweed. And she's proud of that fact.
Yupp so back to the judgement day topic. This year the scholars community as a whole did surprisingly well. Well done and kudos to those who did well yeah. Hmm.. I wonder why we, ok I, did so.. Not satisfactori-ly last year... Hmm... Must think.. Think..
I want to say this. Perhaps I've been keeping a relatively good temper and have been constantly showing high levels of consideration for the people around me, some of them actually got so used to it that they begin to take my tolerance and patience and temper for granted. I may not explicitly show how I feel because I suppose you will go reflect on what you did. I may be the one always giving in for the benefit of everybody else, but there's always a limit. Don't take eveyrthing for granted or you'll cross the line of no return.
And when that happens, you may see an Ivy you've never seen before.
So far I think I have only lost my temper ONCE. And that wasn't a pleasant surprise.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007 23:53
Yesterday was my moody day. For various reasons I suddenly lost faith in myself, as if all light which shows where I'm heading were withdrawn. I was left with bitter darkness, and I was frantically feeling my way through.
When your world sinks into complete darkness, you start to panic, because you are so used to be able to see clearly what's around you, and suddenly you are deprived of this previlege (spelling error anybody? It looks weird). You'll feel the whole world you've been working for has suddenly deserted you, and left you behind while they continue progressing into the future.
I felt lost.
Until someone extended an arm, which reached for mine, and pulled me out of this whirlpool of self torture. I struggled at the foreign touch, but when it felt familiar, it felt, not cold, but warm. The kind of warmth that could only come from the heart, when you know someone out there actually cares about what's happening to you and is willing to spend some time to just listen to what you've got to say.
Thank you for making my day brighter.
***
I had a pleasant surprise today. Pleasant surprises actually. First, a guy whom I nearly forgot came up and said hi to me! I only knew him during my duty as station master for O1... And because he took the initiative, we could just wave to each other normally each time we crossed each other's path in school. So nice to know that you just started another friendship with someone.
Then Dodo said hi to me in the canteen today! That was quite unexpected, for he used to not see me walking pass. Well, since he's been nice now I shall say hi to him the next time we see each other. There, I've got another friend in school again.
And then the most unexpected! When I went over to the class letter slots to check for letters from my angel or mortal I found a postcard for me. But it was from neither my angel nor my mortal. Guess who? Aulia! Can't tell you exactly how delighted I was at receiving his.. erm.. mail. Then before that when we returned from the coffee shop, Aulia called me and passed another postcard with encouraging messages to me.
And then my mortal replied! This time with chocolate and sweets!
These little surprises were what made my day! What a pleasant day:)
Tuesday, February 06, 2007 20:02
Do you remember when was the first time you failed at anything in your life? For some of us, failing has become part and parcel of our lives. To some others whose lives have been smooth sailing as a calm sea, without even the slightest sign of wind, their first time not able to succeed may hit them hard.
I had an interesting conversation with GJ today. Frankly speaking, I have not talked to him much despite him being another fellow Malaysian and has been here for more than a month. Bad bad example as a senior, tsk tsk. Never mind me. Apparently GJ failed his econs test, his FIRST econs test, his FIRST failed test. Upon receiving such disappointed news, he was so discouraged. Of course being an optimistic me (please, I truly AM optimistic ok) I said alot of encouraging words to him.
But then as I spoke, I begin to ponder. What will actually become of me if I had never failed in my entire life? I would never have gone through series of emotional roller-coasters, certain worries and near-depression moments, and even desperation, where circumstances drive me into producing expected results in an impossible time frame. Still, if I had never a chance to fail in my life, I would never know how true friends are the only constant in trying times, never to experience the heartfelt joy when we finally succeed in something we used to fail in, and also never to have the motivation to move on.
Without failures, one cannot grow up mentally and spiritually.
Without failures, we simply stay as kiddos who are worry-free and are thus unable to handle great pressures in future.
Without failures, we won't know how painful it is to trip and fall, and to learn from it.
We grow up through experience, and experiencing failures is what kept me going.
Till now, till forever.
Saturday, February 03, 2007 14:56
Home Visit 3rd Feb 2007
We went to Tong Teck Home for the Senior Citizens, the very same home Avalon went to last year. The guy who received us was the exact same person. The whole place looked the same as before, just that this time, we were with the company of the new J1s.
I guess months of struggling with school work and more school work has diminished my ability to empathize with others. The moment I stepped into the Rehab Centre in the Home, an old lady came into view. She was on a stretcher, looking wizened, like many others in the room. What caught my attention was one of her foot. Picture a set square. See the 90 degrees? One of her ankle was twisted in a way that it’s useful in measuring a right angle. I winced a little when I saw it, and couldn’t help but looked in another direction. How shameful of me!
To redeem myself, I sat down beside an old lady at the canteen, and fed her lunch. Patience, was what kept ringing in my head.
After long periods of monotonous city life, it’s time to take a glimpse of those unfortunate people living among us. When we keep complaining about how busy our life is, or keep indulging in retail therapy, we should really spare a thought for those who aren’t as fortunate as us now. Just how many of them yearn for sincere care from others, but just how many actually receive it?
***
A look at the functioning computers in the com lab in the hostel sends fire shooting out of my eyes. Those b*tches locked the comps with their own passwords and themselves disappear to dunno where. By doing that they really deprived others of the chance to use the comps. What great education which educated such people!
Friday, February 02, 2007 15:19
Last post I talked about taking things and people for granted. Today I'm gonna add on to it.
I'm sure no one likes telling others stories just to get some cold remarks in return. If that's so, why give cold remarks to others then? "Do not unto others what you do not want others to do unto you." If that someone provoked you, that's another story. What if that someone did not do anything wrong? Is it justifiable to just give swift passing comments with the intention to dismiss what that someone has said?
Respect, people, is what you should give people in return of your existence being acknowledged. Perhaps the vague memory of being helpless on the first day because you were known to nobody has been conveniently forgotten, just because people accept you into their social circles now.
Do you think I was joking when I told you about how I felt that day? You tell others things you think others are worthy of listening to, don't you? So same here, isn't it? You don't want others to snort at your story, question your credibility. So why dismiss the story I told with just a flick of your arm?
You know as things accumulate, a dormant volcano can come to life anytime. When that happens, mass destruction happens. All nice things will then come to an end. Things you treasure - precious moments, friendships fostered, memories, will soon be wiped off from the face of the earth.
If I'd known your reaction, I wouldn't bother telling you. Perhaps we should just stay the way we are. You looking for me not because you THINK of me, but because you NEED me.
What rubbish. The above paragraph just illustrated a saddening fact - I'm only remembered when I'm needed.
If that's the case, let me disappear from the face of the earth. The earth is such tiring piece of land to live on. Especially HERE.
with YOU.
Perhaps I'm just PMS-ing. BRAWR!
