For days I've been dying to blog, but I managed to hold that desire back despite so many things happened. But now I've got the perfect reason to blog.
Today is the first time I ever felt hopeless in the exam hall. Correction, exam
class. That classroom perpetually with the pharmacy stench. Soon my nose acclimatized to the stench and whole my body and soul was sucked into the Maths question paper.
It was not bad at first, although i faced occasional mistakes which I was quick enough to realize them. Then here came this APGP question. It looked nothing different from the usual APGP. But soon i came to realization that it was not as easy as expected. Still, it did not bother me much as i told myself i would come back later.
Then the next question, and the next. Until i came to this MI that i literally gave up. The questions were staring blankly at me, waiting for me to do something to them. Yet i stared as blankly at them, waiting for them to look familiar to me. But they did not of course. And just because of me unable to cook up a formula myself (and why must i do that when itz supposed to be a maths exam and formulas are given!) so i could not even proceed to the next part of the same question. Abandonment was necessary, and i told myself i would come back later.
The only encouragement was the very last question, which according to my judgement it was somehow correct. Who knows whether my state of mind was good or not, but at least i could reach something which looked like a final answer. Heck the accuracy. It was better than getting stuck right at the beginning. And i turned the paper over to try getting some marks somewhere.
Before long i found myself looking at the same questions again. Stuck exactly at the same places. Great. How great. And no matter how much i forced my brain to twist and turn to get a formula that fits in the MI question so that i would at least gain an entrance to the 6 marks. My brain just refused to budge. It was screaming from fatigue. It went on a strike. No matter how much i tried to coax it to work again, it just would not.
Hopeless was the only thing i thought of. And it is the first time i feel so close to hopelessness.
