Tuesday, October 31, 2006 23:03
Smart blogger deleted what i've just typed. GREAT.
Now i really have no mood to blogg everything again. So i shall be precise this time.
OP today was unpredictable. I trembled like crazy before our group's turn. As to the reason why, i also don't know. Then everything else proceeded as rehearsed for the fourth time. I'm getting SO sick of my speech and my slides, so sick that i don't have the mood to look at them anymore. When i thought i screwed everything up the assessor told me my presentation was 'excellent'! Not being arrogant here, but that was precisely what she said. WOW i'm so happy.
Deathnote with Szeying, limin, kylie and karen. I must say the movie was nice and interesting in my definition. I know of two different groups of people who comment on the same movie differently. One find it interesting while the other is the opposite.
Watch it, people, and take your stand.
I did something foolish and i don't wish to mention it here. The only thing worth mentioning is i'm such a chicken from inside out. But now i have to force myself to complete what i have done, regardless of how much courage i still have.
Sunday, October 29, 2006 20:43
(28th Oct 2006)
Stupid wireless connection cannot work! I’m pissed to my ass already!
As usual, I woke up just to find that I missed my breakfast, and fell back to sleep again. Oh I forgot to mention yesterday, that I bought another skirt worth 25 bucks from taka. 25 bucks may sound absurd for a plain black skirt which is the length of half my thigh, but look. The original price of the skirt was 85! Isn’t 85 an even more absurd price for that skirt? And come on, 60 bucks difference! With 60 extra bucks, I can easily get my ‘coming soon’ bag from Wallet Shop.
Hah. Good deal, isn’t it?
I’m thinking of my coming soon bag now. Surprisingly that bag has a greater place in my heart than Mr Mickey. Speaking of mickey, I haven’t seen him for ages. Wonder how he looks like now. Oh please don’t tell me he’s thinner due to the excessive mugging for his A’s. I feel sad for his mom.
I may go Suntec and sit in front of the fountain again tonight. Now that I’m not in VH I have no beach to sit and stone. It just came to realization that the fountain provides a good alternative.
***
So I’m back from Suntec now. I did not know an impromptu decision of going there can bring back so much enjoyment to not only me, but also those who so-impromptu decided to join me. The previous sentence means I went Suntec with the company of Yongyi, Aulia and Erwin, who last minute decided to join the fun.
Carrefour grocery shopping was indeed fun, or perhaps it was the company that mattered? We manage to catch a 50% discount and came back with four packs of mangoes! One pack each ahahah! And not to mention, sushi of course!
I did not know that a simple outing can be so rewarding. It had not dawn on me till aulia and yongyi told me they had much fun. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a dining at some posh restaurant, or going somewhere that involves huge costs. A simple chill out, casual after-dinner small talks and the right ambience is all it takes.
I start to like this kind of laid-back style of living. More after-dinner talks, people!
20:40
(27th Oct 2006)
A person asked me this question:
“Would you rather be surrounded by a lot of people who call themselves your friends, or would you rather a few but close and good ones?”
Many will choose the latter. But think again, are you sure you don’t enjoy the presence of many people around you? It is always difficult to make a choice in this case, isn’t it?
I’ve found the right bag to replace my existing ‘hole-y’ one I’m carrying to school. Speaking of that hole-y bag, I just went to check the size of the hole, and found out that it actually grew to an outstanding 3.5cm! 0.5cm overnight? That is simply amazing! If my hair could grow that fast… ok most probably not, because if it is then I’ll have to visit the hairdresser VERY often… but then that will mean I’ll get more stylo hairstyles and not have to wait for so darn long to have the hairstyles changed if I don’t like them:)
Alright back to the hole-y bag of mine. I was really heartbroken when I discovered the hole at the side. I did not ill-treat it in any way, so where does that hole come from? It was so adorable when I got it! The thought of the hole growing with time is super disheartening. The hole is growing at an alarming speed of 0.5cm a day and that means it is going to swallow the entire bag in no time! OH MY GOD! My dear bagggg!!!!!
Because of the hole I told myself that the next bag I get, I’ll look at the quality, design and then the price. I finally see the picture. It’s better to invest in some quality guaranteed bags with a considerably reasonable price, even if it is higher than usual ones, than to look for fanciful designs with low prices but end up hole-y mole-y in no time. After that I’ll have to hunt again for another similar bag and the vicious cycle is established.
And so it brings me to the bag I found in Wallet Shop. The one in the shop is white, and it’s quite big, aha, which means no worries of stuffing my GC, pencil case and my jacket inside. Mind you, the items I listed just now are the biggest and heaviest in my bag. As I was thinking whether I should just grab that bag (the price was reasonable also), I spotted another one. Just that this other one is not real. Confused? Alright, there was this poster hung near the entrance, showing all the new designs of bags, coming soon to the shop. Coming soon means not here yet. And there was this bag, white with a little of pink words which caught my eyes almost instantly. I LOVE THAT BAG. And it’s coming soon. But not so soon. Urgh. Never mind, I told myself. I shall make do with the current hole-y bag, and hope that by the time the hole takes over the bag, the ‘coming soon’ bag has already come. Then it will be just nice for transition.
Discovery of the day:
There’s a poem written by somebody at the bus stop (yeah, I mean vandalism).
‘I was born to live
I will live to die
With only wonders in between
A spirit lost
A spirit free
Another teardrop in the sea
A dreamer’s dream
A timeless chance
A glimpse into my simple dance
But as you picture what you see
Don’t mistake the words for me’
Do you think there will be one more teardrop in the sea if I leave this world?
Thursday, October 26, 2006 11:27
You cant predict the changes around you, can you?
Bio lecture today was the best i've ever had. The usual Miss Ng type of lecture, with occasional servings of lameness what is unique to only her. But it is precisely these lameness that helped me in remembering some bio stuff for exams.
All good things will come to an end, and she is leaving the school.
Which means, no more jokes and jokes and more jokes.
So the entire Science dept of TJC came in during the last five minutes of the precious bio lecture. Ignore the technical glitch at the start, and it was a touching moment. We all sang 'Auld Lang Syne', a song i've been avoiding for good reasons. Oh no, i still had to sing. And yes, as expected, tears gushed out like waterfall. How embarrassing, i cried in school.
It's always like this. I hate to say goodbye. Somehow in the process of bidding goodbye i'll always think of the good and fun times we had, and those disjointed flashback of memories often activate the tear glands and subsequently crying.
Well, at least Miss Ng is leaving to somewhere she feels better in. We shall wish her good luck on her journey without us ahead.
Although you have not been once my teacher, but attending your lectures have always been fun and full of surprises. How i wish i could have known you better, but nonetheless, good luck. You've been an interesting lecturer so far.
So let's have the last joke from Miss Ng.
"You know what's the two big blots (referring to your eyebrows) here for?
(Paused)
Because if they are not here... (pauses) people will never know when you are surprised!"
Makes sense? Yeah basically her jokes are always like this. It's a joke only when you expected some scientific explanation behind, just to find that the reason is so LAME.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006 12:41
Jon Leong sang "should i stay? or should i go?" during the finals for Singapore Idol2. I'd say, "should i stay with four h2? or should i leave one of them to be a h1?"
I believe this is the burning question almost every J1 student has. Everybody is asking for advice and opinions, which actually other than yourself, no one else can answer for you. I have been wondering why i'm still sticking with four h2. Should i just let go one of them? If yes then which one?
MOE require us to take four subs for sure, and one of them is a contrasting sub. Let's just put it in layman term. We must now take up four subjects, one of which is not what we want to do in uni. So what's the point of taking that sub, and being forced to drop one of the h2's to h1 if we dont pass everything in promos?
All because we are in Singapore and they want us to do so.
Which sparked off dilemmas among us.
I'm so lucky i'm not directly involved in any case.
Nonetheless it doesnt mean i'm gonna watch the drama offshore.
People are in water, and they are my friends. I dont want any of them to leave the class.
27/06, a class i grew to love over time. I still remember the not-so-good first impression, but heck, who cares about impressions now that we are familiar with each other?
At least i have a solid place in 27/06.
Oddball and rray called me just now to tell me about s35 class chalet. I wish i can go, but on the other hand, will i find a place there? Will i be able to understand their jargons which i have not heard for such a long long time? Will i be able to catch all the inside jokes? For so long since JAE i havent spoken much to them, can i get back into conversations easily?
All these made me hesitate. Should i even go?
Perhaps it was my fault from the start. I shouldnt have be temperamental. Now i feel a friendship fostered in such a short time distancing away. I dont want this to happen.
Time is short. It is pressing against my nerves. Everytime i see him i have this urge to tell him how i feel. Not that it matters because he already knows -.- but i don't want this to be left hanging, left undone by the end of this year. At least if i made my feelings sound, this year of mine will be complete.
There will be nothing left undone.
Should I?
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 21:40
After two consecutive days of shopping, suppressing the shopaholic in me starts to become a chore. It seems difficult to keep me in the hostel. Truly enough, I marched out of the hostel again today.
I told myself I would not spend unnecessary money today. But I finally found a ring which I can slip into my finger and it won't come out! How am I to resist the temptation of owning it? It's so far the only ring with this ability to stay on my finger, apart from those for kids la of course.
Back at the hostel canteen, I got my daily dose of Mr Mickey Mouse. He was wearing that red polo shirt which I love to see him in! This guy definitely knows how to make himself look good yeah.. But the ultimate happened. When I walked past him I turned my head in his direction. Coincidentally (or what not) he looked up. Yes yes that big round mousey eyes are what i like but then, itz not funny when it happened again. Then when I walked past them again (i did not mean to do that so many times) i could feel many heads turning.
Urgh. How embarrassing.
21:12
我打算写华文。
昨天叛逆成性，跑到TM看戏。本来是要看DeathNote,但后来大伙儿跑到戏院时，居然告诉我只剩下一个位！真把我给胀死了。后来跑到CS，也是没用。他们根本不放那不戏！气死我了！最后我们打算看The Prestige. 买了戏票，就找个地方喂饱肚子。
一山还有一山高，听过了吗？
时钟一秒一秒地过。时间也是一秒一秒地减少。能看着他的机会似乎偏于零。叫我怎么不着急呢？
Sunday, October 22, 2006 00:26
Yao sent me a message, and I left hostel for suntec.
Body Shop great sale in Suntec Convention Centre, courtesy of Sam, me yao and sam spent more than an hour in exhibition hall 401. We combed through all the carts we could find in the hall, busying ourselves with the stuffs. Different people looked for different stuff, like me and sam concentrating on making up to the amount of money with make ups, while yao with choosing the right flavour for body and shower cream -.-' thankfully there were so many counters for us to pay, if not the queue was going to take another hour XD
Satisfied with our achievements, me and yao went kfc, where your dearest miss stupidity satisfied her daily crave for cheese. Wonder where all the cheese go. Sam joined us for the girls' talk after she accompanied her aunt shopping. Post promos seem to be shopping and more shopping for girls. Sam left at about 6, and both of us then walked around, without buying anything of course.
Then we were on our quest to find something to Yao for her dinner. That basically was one and a half rounds on the fountain ring, and went up to 2nd floor, and came down again. The fountain at night was pretty. Preety is not enough to describe. It's stunning, brilliant, and most importantly, romantic. With the splash of different colours. And laser animation. Then I did the ultimate.
I went out to the dedication machine, and wrote a message to Mr Mickey.
'To: Mickey
From: Ivy
-good luck for your A's'
I dedicated Vanessa Carlton's 'A thousand Miles'. I knew he would not be there. I did that for the sake of doing that.
"Makin' my way downtown,
Walkin' fast,
Faces pass and I'm homebound.
Starin' blankly ahead,
Just makin' my way,
Makin' a way through the crowd.
And I need you,
And I miss you,
And now I wonder...
If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think timewould pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.'
If I could just see you tonight, I'll do whatever I can.
'coz my promos are over.
Saturday, October 21, 2006 10:47
I’m so high. So high flying in the sky. I think I made the right choice to turn up for the hostel Farewell Dinner last night. Apart from having an absolutely nice view of Mr Mickey Mouse (hahaha) we finally saw another side of us – the social animal that is always hidden behind the mask of academic work.
After spending near to half an hour deciding whether to put on my jeans or the skirt, I lay my hands on the dark green skirt which emphasizes my ahem… legs. Pretty girls always arrive late, and so did we – yongyi, pear and me. Oops, narcissism is here. Pardon my incoherence, I’m typing down everything that comes into my mind.
There was not even a single chair for us to sit when we arrived at the canteen -.- so we ended up standing. And eating. Not that there were much to eat anyway, but we managed to position ourselves very near the stage and therefore gained an almost perfect view of all performances. The first one was ‘Secret Admirer’ by Stephanie(s), Adi and Erwin. Given the song title, one can expect chaos from the crowd. Yes, I looked at mickey mouse, and found him looking in my direction as well. Instinctively I took a step behind. Then yongyi and pear told me the entire J2 gang was laughing away. Any soul can make a smart inference here. That song was nicely sung. Their encore was good as well.
Next was the TJ dancers! Go TJ dancers! As usual, they rocked the floor with hip hop moves and stunning poses. Good job everybody – Cheryl, mcCarl, Harrie and Alex. I realize I love Alex on the dance floor… *raise eyebrows*
The secondary school girls dressed up to the event. All appeared gorgeous and matured. At the start I felt under-dressed, but as we moved to the dance floor, I felt at ease. The disco music awakened my nerves and muscles almost instantly. Because I was wearing a super short skirt and a tight top, I could move and twist easily. I could feel that the dance floor really belonged to us – us who dared to move around. Momentarily it felt like clubbing, with the disco lights shining on our faces. From what I saw, the girls on the dance floor appeared sexy and seductive. OOH.
I must say, the Cat High boys (yes, BOYS) were so chicken! We – pear, kaigai, yongyi and me, were dancing, and I saw them looking at us. Then a while later they pretended to come closer. So we, being their seniors, and gracious seniors, asked them to join us dancing. We even danced around a few of them, hoping that the rest would join as well. A few of them were quite good, and they danced around, but the rest just stopped moving and stoned there. They did not dare to asked us to join them, so we asked instead. Those chickens still shy away. Haha. Then out of a sudden, they pushed one of them to us. I did not notice that both yongyi and pear stepped back, leaving me in the ring with that guy. Haha. Being such a gracious senior I couldn’t possibly run out of the ring and leave him so pai-seh alone down there. So I smiled at him, and stepped forward, joining his moves. WOW. I have not done something like that before.
Fast dance continued after the King and Queen were chosen. They were supposed to lead the dance but both of them were so shy and stood at their positions, merely moving their bodies. What an amusing sight. Later everybody went back to the dance floor and joined the heat. Hot babes, hot place. And how can I forget the finale, when for no reason, all the secondary school kids formed a gigantic ring, enclosing nobody. Yongyi then asked us to go into the ring. Skeptical at first, but I turned around and entered the ring, followed by pear, and then yongyi. The moment we moved we heard cheers from the crowd. It felt good of course, as the cheers were for us. All the while it was us who cheered for others. Finally we were in the ring, and I guess the three of us truly enjoyed the moment.
Three seconds of fame. Short and sweet. Who need forever when they have short moments of unforgettable?
One thing worth mentioning. All the while I was on the dance floor in my high heels. The almost three inches high heels. After the night, my legs did not hurt at all.
Thursday, October 19, 2006 21:06
Call me a full-time pig or whatever name appropriate. I sleep more than I eat.
I came back from school at four something and went straight to bed. My beloved. I did not set alarm as I didnt wanna eat hostel dinner. So by the moment I woke up, it was all dark. Instincts told me that it was next morning, and I almost wanted to fall back to sleep, as a means to wait for my alarm.
But I did NOT set alarm at all. And i jumped off bed almost instantly. Morning? Did that mean I slept through the entire night without my dinner and everything? Oh NO. So i looked at Xiruo's bed. Empty. Oh no, does that mean she woke up to brush teeth already? The mere thought of sleeping through the entire night alarmed me. I jumped off my bed and ran outside. It was dark as well, which somehow confirmed my inference that i slept all night. Still unwilling to accept the fact, i went back into the room and checked my handphone.
19:20
A sigh of relief escaped from my lips. Cant tell you how relieved i was to see that i did not sleep through.
***
Promos have become history. All the grades we get, regardless of moderations or not, are fixed. There's nothing much we can do at this stage, but to hear from moderations, and hopefully everything turns out as expected.
But hell! Bio moderation sucked for me. Generally they scaled down the mark to get A, which means more people having the chance to get an A. The same with E and S, so that the percentage passes will be higher. Higher indeed, as compared to JCT. This time it is 80 over percent, while JCT was only 60 over. Congrats to those who benefitted. But i'm not one of them.
One more mark, and i'll move one band higher, from a C to a B. 59, a C at raw score, and i had been optimistic that it will migrate to a B. But no. The stark reality tells me that it is still a C. One careless mistake in the paper, and there goes my B.
The same thing goes to my chem. 59 as well, but chem is slightly more optimistic than bio. At least a 59 may get me a B. I hate 59. I shall promise myself to never get this kind of one-more-careless-blows-it-all kind of mark anymore. It is weird to underperform in the classroom, where i could do the exact same question now. If my state of mind then was the same as my state of mind now, i'm sure i will not get a 59.
Having said that, i'll stand by my friends who need support. I have hit what i need, but they need more than me. For those who got S and U, be rest assured that i'll be around when you need me. We will appeal together, and stay together as a class, taking 4 H2 as our subject combi, and mugg hard for next year.
We will do it. We will make it real.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006 20:48
“You don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
You feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like
WelCoMe tO mY life!”
-‘welcome to my life’ Simple Plan
What is over is really over. So let me feed you with the outcome:
Chem 59
Bio 59
Maths 56
Econs 51
GP 48
As shown from the above data, one can easily conclude that Miss Stupidity did not perform well for her promos. I must say, I was shocked when I saw my marks at first. I could not believe my eyes that I actually got a C for maths and chem. Of course that was because I did not, in the first place, expected anything more than an E. Still, I got to try my best to clear my scholarship renewal, which means an average of C’s.
Humans are hard to please, don’t you think? For bio, chem and maths I was so happy that I passed. But then, I realized I wasn’t looking for a mere pass. I was looking for all C’s. And when I managed to hit all C’s, I start to wonder why I’m only getting C’s and nothing above it. 人心不足蛇吞象 I guess this is the best description.
When many of the people around me are getting grades which, under superficial comparison, are a few bands above mine, I start to question my true ability. Is that my true ability? That’s hyper discouraging out of a sudden. Why are there people getting A for maths and I’m down here rejoicing at my C? A is still a long way from C, so what am I to celebrate? Why am I celebrating in the first place?
Not to mention, econs saw a dip. This is a real disappointment. Or am I merely having to high a hope?
Looking at the girl in my mirror, I find her pathetic.
She engages in superficiality and materialism, but has a shallow mind.
She carries a mask wherever she goes, for she is afraid to let her true emotions surface.
Cowardice in action.
Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006 21:21
Let me get this straight. This is where I sound my thoughts, and if in any case you beg to differ, get your ass immediately out of this place. Just f*ck off. If you do not agree to what I say, so be it. Don’t question.
Hit the foul mood away.
Let me tell you about Chanbara. It was one of the electives for PE for us, and as expected, your curious Miss Stupidity signed up for it and poof! I ended up in the hall for the elective today. It is a sport of self defense, whereby you hit your target with something hard and long and straight. The warm up was tiring, but it was all about hitting the head (man), hitting the waist/stomach (go) and hitting the leg (a-shi). They came across as “man go shit” at first. Hahaha.
After another ten minutes of hitting the guys who so fortunately were asked to stand there for the rest of the girls to practice hitting them, girls were asked to do a little sparring with the guys. So basically you put on the stinko-hot-stuffy protection cap, and off you go to the guys and try your very best to hit them on the head, waist or legs. We had many rounds of this, and then the coach asked for a contact sparring. So the four of us – kylie, weifen, suzzy and me were up against Rachel, Amanda, jazreel and another girl from another class. Both Rachel and I were using the longer ‘swords’. I must say, whacking anyone who comes into your vision field brings satisfaction beyond words. I guess we all enjoyed the process. All sadists.
But the aftermath was quite horrible. Apart from the minor bruises I accumulated as a result of continuous whacking, my right wrist ached quite a bit immediately after the session. But now the aching seemed far away. Out went the wrist-ache, here comes the muscle strain on both thighs! I wince at almost every step I take now, especially with my right thigh. I guess it was because of long instances of bending forward to hit the legs and resting all my weight on the right thigh, which was perpetually the forward leg. Basically I am now an ah-ma, having body aches everywhere.
Tomorrow is going to be a big day. I hope I’ll wake up with an agile and pain-free body. But I know it’s going to be a wishful thinking on my part. According to past experiences which are highly reliable, I’m definitely going to wake up the next morning, only to find huge difficulty in walking out of the room due to the strain on thigh muscles being aggravated. And I’m going to inch my way to school tomorrow and receive my fate.
Whether or not I’m being called up again depends on tomorrow.
When I got my C for both subjects, instincts told me to rejoice, for at least I have no worries for those subjects as I hit the target they set for me. Instincts told me to be an optimist. However once I sit down and let my mind think awhile, the grades I’m currently getting are not even comparable to the rest. Do not compare yourself to the rest, you might say, but we live in reality, and the stark reality tells us that comparisons exist everywhere. Whether you like it or not, you will be compared to someone or something else.
Is it not so when we compare between JCs?
Monday, October 16, 2006 21:28
Walking on the streets today, I felt as if I’ve touched some portkey and being transported to Genting Highlands. The only thing which brought me back to reality was the temperature surrounding me. It was slightly higher than normal (aka good) days, which was much higher than Genting’s. It is difficult to not have this illusion that you are in some foggy highlands, for the haze that enveloped this region today was thick. THICK. I don’t know how high the PSI was, but any soul can make a smart guess, around 90 plus.
That person still has not made any initiative to send me a message as a follow up from VJ open house. *rolls eyes* What is his problem!?
Alright, perhaps it was mine, but call me sensitive or selfish, whatever it is, I still don’t think I am the one to be blamed.
He did say hi to me first, but I was too overwhelmed to see my friend whom I have not met for a long time, so I only returned his ‘hi’ in a very hurried manner, and flew to my friend. Perhaps he was offended? From then on, we never acknowledged each other’s presence. You can dismiss that as oversensitivity on my part, but the same thing happened even when I was about to leave the campus. I saw the usual ‘them’, the rest said goodbye to me and so I returned with grace. It just seemed purposeful of me to ignore his presence by not even looking in his direction when I said goodbye. Then at the bus stop I was talking on the phone, yet when ‘they’ walked pass me they (without him) still said goodbye for one last time. Except him.
Have I done wrong? My pride and my ego forbid me to pull a smiley face and face him with the usual well-crafted smile. That smile can only come from within.
I don’t want to lose someone who was so close to me just like that. It just does not seem right. Ego and pride have reduced many possibilities to zero. How long must I take to put the ego and pride behind my face?
Perhaps forever.
And I’m on shopping ban AGAIN. The second time in one year. What is wrong with me!? Can I not just stay home and face the four walls instead of floating amidst temptations which eventually cost me a BOMB?
Heh, if I can, there won’t be shopping ban in the first place.
21:01
Walking on the streets today, I felt as if I’ve touched some portkey and being transported to Genting Highlands. The only thing which brought me back to reality was the temperature surrounding me. It was slightly higher than normal (aka good) days, which was much higher than Genting’s. It is difficult to not have this illusion that you are in some foggy highlands, for the haze that enveloped this region today was thick. THICK. I don’t know how high the PSI was, but any soul can make a smart guess, around 90 plus.
That person still has not made any initiative to send me a message as a follow up from VJ open house. *rolls eyes* What is his problem!?
Alright, perhaps it was mine, but call me sensitive or selfish, whatever it is, I still don’t think I am the one to be blamed.
He did say hi to me first, but I was too overwhelmed to see my friend whom I have not met for a long time, so I only returned his ‘hi’ in a very hurried manner, and flew to my friend. Perhaps he was offended? From then on, we never acknowledged each other’s presence. You can dismiss that as oversensitivity on my part, but the same thing happened even when I was about to leave the campus. I saw the usual ‘them’, the rest said goodbye to me and so I returned with grace. It just seemed purposeful of me to ignore his presence by not even looking in his direction when I said goodbye. Then at the bus stop I was talking on the phone, yet when ‘they’ walked pass me they (without him) still said goodbye for one last time. Except him.
Have I done wrong? My pride and my ego forbid me to pull a smiley face and face him with the usual well-crafted smile. That smile can only come from within.
I don’t want to lose someone who was so close to me just like that. It just does not seem right. Ego and pride have reduced many possibilities to zero. How long must I take to put the ego and pride behind my face?
Perhaps forever.
And I’m on shopping ban AGAIN. The second time in one year. What is wrong with me!? Can I not just stay home and face the four walls instead of floating amidst temptations which eventually cost me a BOMB?
Heh, if I can, there won’t be shopping ban in the first place.
Sunday, October 15, 2006 13:46
I slept. I woke up. I wonder.
Was that a dream? Because if it wasn’t, I’d find myself there on Monday. But no, I won’t be there. But if it was, I wish to stay there longer.
Everything good will come to an end. How true.
Please understand that whatever I say, I say without biasness. Victorians, good job everybody for making every single soul who stepped into the campus feel home. All the “Welcome to VJC!”, when said by many with enthusiasm and sincerity, creates a truly welcoming environment. Tell me, how can somebody not feel warm in there? Of course, the sun plays an important role as well…
Thank you, Victorians, for giving me such a beautiful memory to be carried to the end of days in my life. The vibrancy, enthusiasm and laughter are one of a kind and never will they be forgotten.
I felt like home when I was there. So many of them were there and the feeling there was so familiar. Special thanks to Jamie, who accompanied me from the moment I first reached till the end of VJ open house. Jamie girl, I miss you sitting in front of me man. Mass dances were so familiar. I did almost all of them, and in the warmth of the sun! Other secondary school kids (yeah, now I can call them kids) were watching the massive display of VJ’s very own mass dances, which radiated the characters of people called ‘Victorians’. I saw Natta (I hope that is his name) there and so I went over. He was quite surprised how I knew him, so I told him I was from TJ and was the ambassador on open house. Then he said something which I agree with all my hair on my body.
“VJ mass dance is really… DIFFERENT.”
Somehow more or less I can comprehend what he meant by ‘different’.
Open house ended with a display of all six mass dances, VJ cheers, and finally, the college anthem. Grand ending. Jamie again, walked me out of the school; the school I called mine for a short span of two months. And I was on my way to meet WyWy in Orchard.
After spending near to 2 hours in Daniel Yam, Wisma, Wywy’s friend, Rachel finally got her prom dress. After that, we separated. Rachel and JiaJun (I hope this is the correct spelling as well) headed back to Johore whereas Wy and me continued our talks and shopping of course. We had a very filling dinner in Ding Tai Fung, which included 5 小笼包，生菜，排骨炒饭，虾饺汤. And it was really filling. After which we got her $69 bag (wow that was a bomb) from Project Bros and then my heels from Charles and Keith. Yay I finally got myself a pair of shopping heels!
On the MRT I suddenly missed the days in NY. Those worry-free days full of complaints. Come to think of it, those were the happy days. In NY, where all nonsense appeared. All good things will come to an end. How true this is!
Nanyang was where I joked about all nonsense in the world, and had all the bimbotic talks.
I learnt a lot about making myself look better, and to be independent.
Victoria Junior College was where I found myself, my true self, and lived a dream of dreams.
I learnt to unleash my thoughts and let my true character surface.
Temasek Junior College was where I had to succumb to fate, and to present myself as what others would want me to, even though that is not my true self.
I learnt to speak only when it is right, and suppress that wild animal in me.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006 22:23
Liberty. Liberated.
Somehow I do not really rejoice the end of promos. Quoted from Yongyi "It's finished and yet unfinished."
On the other hand, today is the day I've been waiting for. It's the day I've been mugging so hard for. It's also the day I've been sleeping in the lounge for.
But I'm just NOT excited at all. Partly because my mind was not thinking of liberation. It wandered somewhere, where I've forbidden it to for quite some time...
Somewhere only fantasy could take me to... where reality is just too painful for me.
Vivo City was a little of a disappointment actually. Call themselves the largest shopping centre in singapore, but not many of the shops are open. Specifically the restaurants! How can we survive without food!
But the cinema was good. The seats were good. They were actually couple seats in disguise, heheh. World Trade Centre was good. A movie which spurs some thinking going on.
How to stop my mind from wandering too far? It's becoming a chore...
Saturday, October 07, 2006 11:29
"I take a look at my enormous LANTERN...
all my troubles start to melt away...
I take a look at my enormous LANTERN...
and all the hapy times come to stay..."
Yess it's LANTERN, and not some P**is. Mooncake Festival with the girls last night was really one of a kind. Trust me, you can't find that anywhere else other than Dunman High Hostel with the TJ girls. After a thirty-minutes call home, Yongyi came, excited with her white lotus double yolk mooncake. Four of us - Jessica, Junli, Yongyi and me, were all prepared to feast on the mooncake when yongyi suddenly had to call home. Then, we heard something about collecting the lanterns from office if we wanted. Of course, we dashed down once we heard the announcement.
We planned to only grab one or two to decor our rooms, but in the end Jess Junli and me went walking in the neighborhood with our lit lanterns! It was like reviving our childhood days, except for Jess who got SO excited 'coz it was her first time carrying a lantern in her life. We walked practically everywhere around the HDB area, with lanterns and acting kiddos hahaha. Soon our candles died, and we did the best thing we could ever do - asking for more candles from a group of kiddos playing candles beside the fountain. And to admit that the kiddos know more about lanterns than we do! Oh man!
We went back to the hostel in view of getting more people to play lanterns with us. Trust me, we were the biggest kiddos in the hostel. J1 ald and still going gaga over lanterns and made so much noise in the office, that June Low even made an announcement over the PA system "Girls, you are making too much noise", when we were just outside the room! Hahaha! So the few of us - yongyi, kaigai, pear, junli, jessica and me, took our lanterns up to 6th floor.
After that was truly crazy. Don't know where we got this idea of taking photos with the lanterns and doing all sorts of poses in the world. That was still not enough. Somebody sang the "enormous" song, and another suggested making an MV about that song! Erm.. substitute the P**is with LANTERN. And there we went, singing and acting at the same time. The video was hilarious of course, given our 'absolute talent' in acting. Winks.
Then cool down time, with mooncakes and pomelos! And of course after that girls' talk with pear and jessica. It's always very fun where you share gossips here and there. It was about four something in the morning, and telling pear I was tired was the last thing i remember doing in the lounge.
***
I was woken up by an announcement.
"All boarders, the haze today is very serious and all outdoor activities are not allowed. Boarders, try to stay indoor as far as possible, because the air pollution index is 100. Once again, boarders are to stay indoor and all outdoor activities are not allowed."
I sat up, looked out of the window. True, i could not see the buildings beyond DHS. Then Jessica came to ask me whether i wana go down for breakfast. I muttered something and fell back asleep. When I opened my eyes again I saw Yongyi yelling my name and telling me how bad the haze was. Then i closed my eyes again. The next time i woke up was kaigai poking my face, asking me to wake up. As expected, i went back to sleep again.
Well, at least i finally woke up, and it is already lunch time. -.-
Thursday, October 05, 2006 17:50
For days I've been dying to blog, but I managed to hold that desire back despite so many things happened. But now I've got the perfect reason to blog.
Today is the first time I ever felt hopeless in the exam hall. Correction, exam
class. That classroom perpetually with the pharmacy stench. Soon my nose acclimatized to the stench and whole my body and soul was sucked into the Maths question paper.
It was not bad at first, although i faced occasional mistakes which I was quick enough to realize them. Then here came this APGP question. It looked nothing different from the usual APGP. But soon i came to realization that it was not as easy as expected. Still, it did not bother me much as i told myself i would come back later.
Then the next question, and the next. Until i came to this MI that i literally gave up. The questions were staring blankly at me, waiting for me to do something to them. Yet i stared as blankly at them, waiting for them to look familiar to me. But they did not of course. And just because of me unable to cook up a formula myself (and why must i do that when itz supposed to be a maths exam and formulas are given!) so i could not even proceed to the next part of the same question. Abandonment was necessary, and i told myself i would come back later.
The only encouragement was the very last question, which according to my judgement it was somehow correct. Who knows whether my state of mind was good or not, but at least i could reach something which looked like a final answer. Heck the accuracy. It was better than getting stuck right at the beginning. And i turned the paper over to try getting some marks somewhere.
Before long i found myself looking at the same questions again. Stuck exactly at the same places. Great. How great. And no matter how much i forced my brain to twist and turn to get a formula that fits in the MI question so that i would at least gain an entrance to the 6 marks. My brain just refused to budge. It was screaming from fatigue. It went on a strike. No matter how much i tried to coax it to work again, it just would not.
Hopeless was the only thing i thought of. And it is the first time i feel so close to hopelessness.
