Thursday, December 29, 2005 19:36
it feels nice in vs now. ok, except for the food la. and that two ppl still havent come back from hols, so i cant unpack my boxes :( this is the first time i'm living off my luggage in my own room!!
anyway, the comps went bogus yesterday, so i couldnt blog abt my "virgin visit" to VH. b4 i moved in here ppl kept telling me that VH is a nice hostel and so on, but luckily i had mental preparation for the worst. so it didnt really shock me alot.
but what can be the most embarrassing thing that can ever happen to u in a mixed boarding skul? i can tell u. there is this revolving door which looks like jail bars, except that the bars are horizontal, sitting in the entrance to the female block. the male block has the same thing. therez a scanner on the right of the door. we are supposed to scan our cards everytime we want to pass thru the door. sounds normal? this is the catch. when u see the light flashing green, u better move fast. or else, u'd end up getting stuck in the middle of the door. and mind u, blood start gushing to ur face when u cant push the revolving door any further and u r in the middle, with two bars, one in front and one behind u.
and i got stuck for 3 times, before a girl actually offered me help.
sigh, and vasodilation happened so severely that i felt myself radiating heat. not bad, but a pity itz not winter time in singapore.
***
i walked to east coast park today from VH! according to ruiyi thatz a good measure to slim down. haha. i like the sea breeze.
and i saw rainbow! it was like, wow!
there was this guy doing water skiing. he went rounds and rounds non-stop. i wonder if he was ever tired. but yuchen said he was cox he lay down on his skiing board (but continued to ski) after a few rounds.
oh, and the underpass we took today was freaky!! at first there were only the four of us, then we talked and talked abt how freaky that place was. then right aft that, we heard SOUNDS!!!! that purely freaked us out man!
cheh, so it was actually two men walking in our direction...
the tv lounge here is super cosy and nice! hmm.. guess i'll go watch sth tonight, and blog abt it some time later.
***
413: itz really good to be in the same class as u guys. really gonna miss it, since no one except jamie going vj wif me.
ufozz: u guys also!! must jiayou in the future. but dunno whether u guys will see this anot.
3J4/03: u guys graduating ald! pleeze dun ever lose contact, man! for those staying in pl, good luck. for those going away, well, one road smooth wind.
Saturday, December 24, 2005 11:48
"christmas, isnt christmas, till it happens in your heart
somewhere deep inside you
is where christmas really starts..."
true. i realized something aft last nite's celebration. i'm not a christian, but i joined in the fun.
many things in this world are meaningless unless they happen in your heart.
which means, they really 'touched' you.
and for that moment itself, you feel that the whole world has not deserted you at all, even in your most trying periods.
great.
i think i opened my heart again
to a feeling i denied 2 years ago.
i denied it for a reason, but now the reason is no longer here. and i felt it again.
it sounds stupid. itz just a call from that person. but unknowingly and naturally, ***** spent RM18 on just talking to me!!
madness, you may think. and i feel guilty and yet happy aft spending so much of his money.
i'm evil.
i denied it before, but yet i'm approaching it now.
but i dont dare to, now that time is the limiting factor.
oh, i almost forgot, distance is one factor too.
i sound really stupid, really. how can you imagine so much just based on a phone talk and those msgs.
pleeze be logical, ivy!!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005 23:24
tell me there's no diff btn IP and non-IP students. tell that to me and those in non-IP with half the skul is IP. see how they reply u.
when things keep happening that leads to this stereotypical idea to everyone that IP ppl are "smarter" "brighter" and most importantly, "more important", just tell me all your stories abt equality and bla bla bla, and how "important" the non-IP appears to u, and see if i'll buy ur story.
N E V E R
when so much effort and attention has been given to the "brighter" race, itz really taxing for me to believe in your acts, telling me how much attention u giv me, when all i see is otherwise. tell me, if seeing is believing, am i an idiot to believe in words rather than images before my eyes??
and i realize, that non-IP in my ex-environment is the majority.
and ppl tell me, majority wins.
it seem to appear otherwise here.
am i really that 'outstanding' as they said i was, that i enter this equally 'outstanding' environment?
oh i hope ppl in vj are not judged by how many A's they get. meritocracy may not be a happy environment to live in.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005 22:25
dun feel like blogging much now.
hols are gonna end soon. first feeling? sad of cox. who doesnt? we get to do whatever we want to do. so nice.
i'm going to spend my christmas in kl.
why, sometimes, i have to do what others say? i'm gonna spend my last bits of my hols out of my hometown.
how reluctant.
and ask me to perform sommore. totally against my will.
not to say that i don't wanna spend time with them, they are great ppl.
but this is not the time. itz not the right time.
and when i miss this chance, i may really miss all the chances available.
i don't want to spend my christmas like that.
i want to
spend it like ** suggested.
but it will nvr happen.
cox i'm going to kl.
so ** going away from msia ald.
and we may nvr get to meet
anymore.
Sunday, December 18, 2005 21:43
after a night, i start to think victoria is ok. i mean, itz not a bad skul, and the name sounds good.
of cox i hoped to be in raffles, but vj is enough too. i mean, for a nine pointer even with moderation, what more can i ask for?
i finally found the nano nano sweet today! that sweet is sth i havent been eating for years.
and it taught me how easy u can feel happy.
i mean truly happy from the bottom of your heart.
i felt like a child just given a sweet from her parents. to her, the sweet is her reward, for everything she did. she holds the sweet tightly, and a faint smile spreads across her face.
that was how i felt when i found and helo the bag of nano.
heard sth very classical today.
"we may be heading diff directions in life, and may even live life differently. but when we put in our best in something we do, and really do it, when we reap the reward, we will be happy in the same way."
wow.
and tell u sth interesting.
i m 2kg heavier.
but that is aft 3 days of continuous eating and eating and eating and so much seafood and loads of junk food. 3 consecutive days of buffet breakfast.
and i ate like nobody's business. went to many rounds, and yet my stomach felt nth. bottomless pit ald.
then ate so muh. the first thing i did when i reached home aft 3 days' in the east was to weigh myself, and only 2 kg heavier. only 2kg more than 40kg. oh whatever man. feel so tired and disappointed. i expected to gain more weight.
Saturday, December 17, 2005 17:07
i got into vj.
dunno whether to be happy or sad.
happy for getting into vj.
sad for the need to move.
moving again.
how sick is that.
i dunno why i'm retreating inside.
why? itz where i've always hoped i will end up in.
and now i got it.
well, at least itz not some jurong place.
hey, no offence to those who's in jj. itz juz personal.
but why do i recoil inside?
weird.
i hate moving stuffs. it reminds u of starting afresh. i used to enjoy changing environment, but after these two years, i'm having second thought abt it.
yet again, if i dun move, i'll be posted to nj. i think that's worse to me. i dun like the uniform and the campus. at least vj looks better.
alright , this is the plus point.
great.
shall psycho myself that moving is great.
Saturday, December 10, 2005 11:54
mayday's "zhi zu" (be contented) is the first in this week's my fm list!! great song, that is.
let out a sigh.
roll your eyeballs.
and think.
Are you contented?
Do you feel satisfied?
At times, life can be difficult for us. But with just a little confidence, it's not so hard after all.
Most importantly, we must be contented at the right time.
Not to say, by just being contented with small achievements, you can forget all abt striving for a better tomorrow or earning more money.
NO.
Never.
What i'm saying, is that when you trip over a stone amidst your path so success, be grateful that itz just a stone, and not a hole. and if you trip and fall into a hole in the ground, thank god that there's no hungry lion inside.
And if so "lucky" of you to fall into a hole in the ground with a lion inside, well, be thankful that you are alone, and not with your family members or your friends.
Friday, December 09, 2005 20:30
institute of mental health, i think you'll accept me without application ald. oops my apologies, i dun think i m going to imh, now that i'm in perak. i shall go to the tg rambutan one. keep all your question marks first, if you're reading this, cox aft all these you guys will nod your heads hard, supporting the idea of me going to mental hospital
i had a dream last night, which half-freaked-quarter-stunned-and-the-rest-amused me so deeply. ha.
the setting was familiar, juz in the dream. it was some hotel ballroom setting. or conference room. it was somehow a place i was familiar with, in my DREAM. i walked in, and the ppl greeted me, like i'm somebody they have to identify, i guess. surprisingly, i responded like one.
huh? AND i wasnt walking in alone. *raise eyebrows and clear throat* apparently i have this boyfriend and he is walking into the area with me.
when i think back, everything seems like alien to me, and yet it felt so okay in the dream. yes, then i saw the couples - ks wif cs, emily wif jeng and sf with woon.
and me with him. perfect. like this ballroom business concerns only couples. and the eight of us were like good friends in the dream. it seemed like a business party of some sort. we were all there on some formal occasion.
huh?!well, things went on, i cant rmb exactly wad though. then i dreamt of this
boyfriend of mine gave me sth like flower.
rose? tulip? it was in a shade of red. a colour i like. and then he handed sth quite unexpected. a wax candle with fragrance, in red, blue and violet.
excuse me, but what is a candle doing in a ball? then he said sth, and i cant rmb what happened next.
if all that doesnt qualify me into IMH, the following will.
i dunno who i know that, but i just know it in the dream.
This boyfriend is NOT human.ring any bell? neither is he some green colour, triple eyed alien from outer space.
he is, no,
was aSHARK.wow, i have a boyfriend whom i can ask to murder anybody i dislike, by just throwing that person into the sea. he'll finish the job without a trace.wonderful.
PLEEEZE!!!!! what is this?? ppl say dreams have significance.
and if THIS dream ever have one, it will be that i need professional treatment. or easier, just move to tg rambutan.
haha.
anyway, about this boyfriend of "fishy" acestors, he is perfectly human on land.
oh, and i expect him to have six pegs. *winks* but when he is in seawater (note
seawater , not just any water body) he'll look like his faternal ancestors. to put it simply, a shark.
so, does it make sense?? huh.
but come to think of it, having a shark boyfriend is not as bad after all.
cox your world will be free of irritating ppl.
haha
***
heard of "perhaps love"? it reminds me of moulin rouge. i want to watch it.
oh, and i watched narnia ald.
on the whole, i still think itz for kids, cox it doesnt have the punch i looked forward to.
but my brother enjoyed it very much.
i hope perhaps love will be better. oh, they're total diff films alright.
Sunday, December 04, 2005 12:21
listening to "my immortal" by evanessence. it rocks. nice. have been listening to songs and more songs lately. and i realized my fone almost run out of credit now.
do ever wanna runaway?
ok that was from simple plan. ans to that question? mine was a 'yes' before. but yes, in the end, 'welcome to my life'. this is my life. i do wanna runaway, but in the end, it doesnt even matter, cox no matter how far and how hard i tried to runaway, i would turn back to the start, and everything becomes zero. and then i realized the most direct approach to almost everything, is not to runaway, but to face it.
and i'm facing it now.
ever wonder whether anything ever last? just how many things in life ever last. asked ks whether long dist relationship ever to be trusted, and his reply was 'no'. how firm and how disheartening. anyway itz all over.
it feels like, a burden being lifted away.
then he asked, when will i start accepting upcoming relationships?
which i din know how to ans at all.
i only replied, when the right time comes, when i'm ready, when the feel is just right, and when the guy makes his move first.
i think my ans is not a correct ans.
actually i dunno what to do if suddenly he asks me out. i guess i would give the silliest respond on earth, cox i'm totally at lost of what to do.
shun qi zi ran ba. that's all i can say for myself. long dist relationship is only for those who are very sure they are ready for it. datz all i can say.
***
i got a surprise present!!! itz from joanna!! oh my my!! her mom came to my house!! and called for me when i was still blogging!! the size of the present is immaterial. the point is, i'm truly happy, from the bottom of my heart.
the last time when i was as happy as now, has become a history to remember. the meaning has somehow altered.
***
well, this is i guess, how ppl walk out of their past.
Friday, December 02, 2005 17:20
i m happy today. itz nice getting a new fone number. then i can msg again. haha
hao xin fen shou is very nice. it keep sticking in my mind.
now becomes "she will be loved" from maroon 5. itz good to be at home. so nice.
dunno whether i said this before. one of the fishes died. i think i did. i'm talking nonsense.
itz good to msg again. i think i'm gonna finish all money in no time. gonna reload again.
one plus point, the prepaid card is my super-belated bday present. hmm.. at least itz worth it. i can buy the reload card worth RM10, which is the cost of the card. good.
Thursday, December 01, 2005 22:53
what a day today.
finally, got everybody together to see edison. well, not everybody exactly. one couldnt be contacted, the other too far away. met cs in mcd, and walked our ways to the store! wow, the road was indeed hard to cross. maybe too long nvr j-walk, all thanks to sg overhead bridges. bought bananas for ed, and had to wait for nearly 1 hr for ks to come with his red saga.
ed's foot is in bandages. and four steel rods are attached to his foot. he was obviously skinnier than normal.
and he told me something i would like to consider over and over again when i sleep tonight.
