i think i go on9 everyday. ? i thought i am supposed to stay in my room and be a no-life-organism for about 3 weeks. apparently not now. then when?
***
quite unexpectedly, i got ks's msg this morning. and this reminds me of my phone bill i'm going to get this month. anyway, this is not the main point. since they got together, i've always kept my opinions to myself. i dont want to hurt anyone, or put anybody in a difficult position, though sometimes keeping this away from them is really hard, and i feel irritated at times. but i guess, in certain times, we should keep quiet as a friend, and let them sort their stuff out. they should learn.
another reason why i didnt voice out what i feel is that i may be biased. cs is indeed a very good friend, but when it comes to bgr, she is extremely defensive and offensive at times. as a third party (not that kind of third party) i can see pretty well what is going on. i can see that she is very warm towards me, but quite snappy towards lk. lk, like the bulk of us, is quite close to ks and ks always jokes ard with her. maybe this causes jealousy in cs. but hey, is this they way you treat your friend? lk has been such an old friend, dont tell me you dont know her inside out? she is obviously NOT the kind of bitch who steals her friend's boyfriend! i dont see why she throws her temper.
aft msging with ks i understand how ks feels as a person who is torn btn a boyfriend and a normal friend. he is trying hard to assure cs, but at the same time, he cant possibly severe ties with lk juz to please cs. itz difficult, so he seeked my advice. but to me, i think that therez virtually nothing i can advice him on. really. ks is a decision maker - he likes to make decisions for others, and more explicitly, his current gf. cs, on the other hand, is a decision challenger. from what ks told me, she often disagrees with ks's decisions, but when asked to make her own, she'll leave it to ks. hmm. although ks disagree with me that he is ego, i really think he is. their main prob is that they find it hard to agree to each other. i was like, huh? how can this be possible? ks claims cs to be very nosy that he finds it irritating at times. i wonder, he should have anticipated this when he first dated her. they even quarrel over the degree of importance of certain stuff, such as where to go, what to do, what to wear, where to meet, what time, and even what food to eat. my goodness.
hello!!! hooi! open your eyes! are these things important? these things can be decided on anytime, anywhere! i dont see why cs can be upset when ks doesnt find what she says as important, and neither can i understand why ks insists on his say. cs checks on ks very often. this is going overboard ald. the most basic thing in any relationship is trust. if this element is eliminated, the whole relationship degenerates.
and i notice the change in cs's character since they got together. she is more and more petty and calculating, and sees very minor flaws in everything. when i spoke to ks and joked ard with him just as usual, she was staring at me with a charcoal face. something must be in her mind. i dont wish to know, even if i actually guessed it. and i would never forget how shocked i was at her reaction when blatantly talked back at ks. she shot me, almost instantly, a sharp but brief glance, as if that was a dagger aimed right at my eyes. wow hey! what's your prob man? she even started a quarrel with emily juz because of a few ten dollars and uttered that two taboo words in the end!! this is not the cs i know at all! itz a big change man!
i really wonder if itz a good thing for me to understand them well. it may not, for i'm always the first to forsee anything and to detect anyting they are attempting to hide from others.
***
haiz.. itz not easy at all being a friend.
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask I can fool the world
But I can not fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think How we feel
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
