the worst thing in life is that, no matter wad u do, itz only aft u've done it, that u know u could have done it better still.
***
it is always contradictory. and i hate to be the majority.
this sounds arrogant, but accept it, ivy, u r simply not good enough.
dad assured that itz ok, but i know he is disappointed. he tried to sound encouraging, but that was before i told him abt the results. thanks dad for trying, but same as u, i'm utterly disapointed. indeed, wad did was "incomprehensible and unforgivable" as the eng teachers said.
i mean, get real. who in the right mind will say "yeah, u r rite. ur results are utterly disappointing. i couldnt understand how u can get such low grades" when u tell him right on his face that u cant meet the expectations. u urself want the best. and u've done way better. things juz don fit in this time. everyone will feel the disappointment. but i know u r disappointed.
***
the saddest thing abt living in a community which practices meritocracy is that ppl look at merely the piece of paper with all ur grades written on it, and judge u as a whole juz by referring to that skimpy looking paper. that means, after all the N years of struggle, u only prove urself in that particular test. EXAM, ivy. once u screwed it up, they'll think u r born quite gone-case. even though u've topped for N times. yeah thatz how they see, with eyes born only for the bright and intelligent.
***
i know if i met my expectations, the above story will be completely different. but what is done cannot be undone.
