i'm blogging again.here i wish to emphasize one thing - never take anything for granted. you have to work for something that u want it to happen. i'm not only talking abt tests and exams, but oso in other aspects of life.
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the sky tonight is dark. pitch dark. like a vast space, waiting for u to explore. itz quite true of cox, given the mass of blackness is actually a fairly unexplored universe, full of mysteries to be solved and surprises that awaits. waiting, for the right moment, to surface.
primary skul teachers always tell us that there are so many galaxies in the universe, and that within one galaxy, there are so many solar systems and so many planets orbiting, and also, not forgetting the asteroids and coments. wow. if u have ever stood on any planet, and if u look at ur surrounding, u'd be awed by God's creation. diff coloured planets, enveloped in juz one black mass, is this the universe? the space, so we call it, is so vast and empty. so far i know itz only Earth that supports living beings, and that we consider homo sapiens the most intelligent beings, that we start to dominate the earth, and exploit everything and anything we can find here, exerting authority over other creatures that share the same grounds as us.

what do we think we are?
are we really that superior over others?

for ages, nasa has been researching on the outer space, and everyone on earth has at least once wondered: are there aliens? remember 'roswell'? does the phenomenon prove that the so-called aliens exists? itz still an unknown. and ppl have produced diff films about ETs, and i'm sure those ETs are green, with sharp heads and stunted growth. but no one has seen an alien. so where do these green bodies come from? human's imagination, of course. a question to ponder: aft so much effort poured on research on outer spaces, do we, as the *supposedly-most-intelligent-being-known-on-Earth*, really want the researches yeild results? and what kind of results exactly do we want to see? izit aliens who have much higher IQ, who lives in a far advanced planet? or do we want to see gigantic living lizards dominating some other planets outside Milky Way?
if one fine day we really discover beings more superior than us, can we take this fact? can we accept being inferior, and being treated like how we treat animals nowadays?

haish, my imaginations wandered too far... too much of the universe. how many of us will actually bother to stare at the sky at night, other than appreciating the stars that glisten, open your heart to what the universe is telling us? the sky is endless, and together with it, knowledge of everything that exist. do you dare to intefere with nature?

i dunno whether to rejoice or to moan. well, i guess the best way is to sigh. do i make sense? dunno.
waz this? prelims are so near.. itz intimidating.. and yet i m not studying, but spend time on harry potter. but i guess itz worthwhile. i hope.
quite frustrated over my blog. aiz.
and i m very broke now. how to survive?
prelims are in 24 days.

itz tiff's farewell today. and a very rainy day too. i was supposed to meet them in somerset mrt, but the heavy rain gave me no chance to do that at all! and i landed in heeren, drenched. ok mine was not so bad, cox sam and jamie and others were soaked.
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sometimes, i really wanna stand in front of the mirror, staring at my own reflection, and see whatz wrong wif me. i want to see every single expression of mine. juz wanna check out whether all my diff expressions are visible. and so i did today. and i thot my face was very visible. opaque body, so by right i should reflect light and the reflected light should enter those ppl's eyes and pass thru their lenses and vitreous humour and the image SHOULD fall on their retinas. unless they have prob with their optic nerves or sensory neurones, they should be able to see me. so i m NOT transparent.
people are practical and realistic. what more can i say? oh yes! or maybe, they have severe damage in their eyes! yeah, this could be the best explanation after all. the damage is so gr8 that their brains cant interpret the image formed on their fovea centralis.
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sis is having probs with her relationship now. haiz. first my fren. then me. then her. wow whatz the world going on? wadz this? breaking up season? cant believe it. one moment you are comforting someone, the nxt moment u r suffocated with heartbreaks. this is crazy. i sincerely hope that sis will sort out with him if poss.. as for me, well, see when i can stop this dilemma.
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sigh.. life is full of surprises, that is, if you are really ready.

fri is over. finally.
i remember i hoped for this day, but i din feel so good on fri. partly bcox i realized i actually care for band. oh wells, itz not up to me to say anythg now. not surprisingly, those dat i miss in band are none other than my instru and my sectionmates. of cox including my so-called juniors. i dun want to call them juniors actually, cox i feel so uncomfortable exerting superiority. i mean, we are in the same section, so we should be called frens, instead of seniors and juniors. datz y i told kexin not to call me senior. it really makes me feel awkward. band is over, i feel relieved, at the same time, sad.i miss my eupho-she has been with me for 1 1/2 yrs, working so hard with me, thru syf, band fiest, istana perf, and lastly, foa. itz always sad to say goodbye.
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thank you thank you everybody who cared for me. a big THANKYEW for all your presents and wishes. i treasure them by heart. yeo kexin i tell u, dun ever be freaked k? u r a eupho, so u'll shine. i believe datz possible.hey thanks so so much for ur present. itz really heartwarming. in fact,all the notes and presents were like candles, providing light in the dark for me. thank you yanzhen, yanting, mellissa, kexin and shenyi. u ppl are really gr8 ppl. hey, kexin, if you r reading, your note is so cute! i put it on my desk, so dat i can always c it when i m stressed. haha, getting prelims in one month's time.i nvr stopped laughing whenever i see your card. thanks. i guess at certain times, we juz let our emotions flow, dun hold back. we'll feel better without any restrictions or burdens at heart. yang kexin, haha, itz fun calling ur name, i'll come back and look for u.. so BEWARE!
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went to do cca cip on sat. met marlene, so jamie, shenyi, me and mar did cip together. goodness, the ppl were so reluctant and ignorant. well, cant blame them aft the nkf saga. most of the time, when trust is betrayed, itz very hard to be regained. trust, itz such a fragile substance.
aft that i joined in the search for kaishi's bdae pres. sigh, itz not much of a happy journey. partly my fault too. things might have been diff if i continue to put on a smiley face-even though i didnt feel like it. ppl judge others by their expressions, so juz how many understand wad i really think? how i really feel? worse still, when u dont see the face, can u tell what the person is thinking of? i doubt u can. let me make this clear here, though i know itz q unlikely 4 anyone involved to read diz entry, i wasnt pissed dat day. if u are unhappy abt me not saying anythg, so be it. i did say, but no one listens, and wadever they say is nice wasnt so satisfying.wad do u expect me to do? smile and nod my head and say itz "yeah, very nice"? would u do the same if u were me? so i juz walked away to other places to check out other stuff, and datz wad they interpreted as "pissed off". good.
i dun understand how some ppl can kan4 lian3 se4. i dunno, cox i cant stand it when some ppl give me lian3 se4. put it straight, i m offended to a certain extent. yeah, i m always offended, as some ppl would say. i cant understand why certain ppl can be so re4 qing2 at this moment, and then so cold the next second. i have done nothg wrong. ok fine if u feel like throwing me lian3 se4 then might as well stay away from me. if u r not moving, fine. i move.
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zpop started off quite leng. the items were not catchy at first. we were so bored, until jj performed. wow we literally sprang onto our feets, and started cheering. then screaming. he was so sweet when he sang the "bei feng chui guo de xia tian" with jin sha. they were really cute together. jj is talented. then 183 club. we started screaming again. haha. i think aft that i din really have voice ald.

passing down is tmr. prelims are 39 days later. iznt dat exciting? ok i m mad.
passing down is tmr.. and i dunno wad to give them. i m not sl obviously.. and not like i play very well or sth, and not that i treat them as my juniors either.. itz juz.. aih hard to say.
i'm now in com lab..juz realized the keyboards are changed! wow! now i m so not used to typing like this.. cox the buttons are so.. erm.. disfigured, i would say. i noe if sam and jamie reads this they will be laughing their heads off. maybe laugh until sore throat. i dunno. juz trying to be lame. but i still can walk. aiya i type the wrong thing again. see la.. disfigured keyboard buttons.. always type wrongly one.
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finally finished my maths hw. wow. like loads being taken off my shoulders. still have chinese to go. gotto photostat san guo as well. haish. at least got time to myself.
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piao yi... yi lu xiang bei.. i think i wont think of any other songs other than these two.. haha. gone case.

i fly like a butterfly i sting like a bee... if u've watched initial d, u would know wad i m talking abt. yes, initial d. i know most of u(if u have been scrutinizing my blog) would shake ur heads or frown and sigh "again??" yeah, again. watched initial d again. and i'm still laughing at the jokes. they are very natural, unlike other movies where actors deliberately play it out. no. the jokes are subtle, sometimes just a small gesture, a slight twitch in their face muscles, or even juz their expressions. i'm not the only one who watched it more than one time. joy oso. but it was rach and xinyi's first time watching. haha..xinyi was quite amused. she kept laughing.
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edison is so shuai! i guess it isnt a mistake to make him ryousuke takahashi instead of takumi fujiwara. i mean, he has a natural air of arrogance. and itz that bit of arrogance dat makes him so suited for that character. this time, they chose the right ppl to play each and every character. ok, i shall not talk abt initial d anymore.
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we actually rushed out of skul right aft lessons to catch the show. ha. the show was at 1500 in lido, and 1620 in junction 8. to save 50cents, we fled for the lido one. haha. didnt even have time to grab a bite. *sigh* saw eugene and yanyin in the bus stop again. yanyin came first, and then he came later. somehow this juz reminded me of sth i dun wish to think abt. she and he are really sticking together. i wonder how they survive if they were apart. well, couples are like that. mine's the diff one. haiz..feel so shi bai sometimes. y cant i do things right? err... really disappointed with myself sometimes.
oh well, prelims are in 40 days' time. iznt that exciting? haha. and passing down is on friday. dat means..*sobs* aft fri i dun belong to band. well, to think that i actually longed for this day to come last year, itz really diff from wad i feel now. i dun want fri to come so fast. i still wanna play my instru. MINE.
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“我一路向北，离开有你的季节..."
哎，就让我一路向北，离开往事的季节吧！”

itz raining itz pouring the old man is singing ~~

it was raining since i opened my eyes today. haix, woke up at seven again. wad de heck la.
i realized the snail population has grown exponentially. i came across dunno-how-many snails today ald. weird, but not very weird aft all. itz rainy season, of cox snails will come out to stretch. speaking of snails, we came across one on the way to pe. sam sort of kicked it a little, and the whole creature retreated baq to itz sanctuary - shell. snails and tortoises have shells to protect them from harm, how about me? where is my shelter? my shell? my sanctuary?
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life lately is very hectic. i always have the impression that i dun have time to finish everything. i have tests coming up soon. very soon. all the maths assignment to be due. wow. piles and loads of them. juz like the snail, i really feel that i need some breathing space sometimes, a place which i call my own, which i enjoy hundred percent privacy. a place where peace and tranquility are the main elements. is that possible? i dunno. dun think so.
yet again, i still believe time is something very fair, just probably the most fair thing in the world. it wont give anyone one more second, and wont take away any second from anyone. so i guess itz about how we allocate it for everything we wanna do.
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the boarding skul served mixed rice today! yippee hooihooi!! itz almost like the kind of rice i have at home! the mixed rice! wahaha feel so homely suddenly!

kexin actually found her way here... i wonder how. kexin plz dun misunderstand me.. i dun mind u coming here.. juz dun understand how u manage to search for my blog. *waving madly and repeatedly* HALO KEXIN!!
i went to eupho's blog to c whether i m linked, no. i rmb cancelling my link fr the blog, cox i kind of want diz place to be as *secluded* so dat it can be my sanctuary, my hideaway from probs. then i went onto van's and mel's blog, to c whether they linked me... no as well. i m really baffled. all i have to say is.. kexin, u rock man! :) oh ya.. where's shenyi? din c her for a long long time... she oso nvr come for foa... :( why like that? nvm, kexin come then good liao haha.
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i m actually in lib now, but u noe.. whenever i go lib, i wont really go lib.. does that make sense? hha i m hyper now, so i dun really think of wad i wanna blog.. whenever i go lib i'll go 4th lvl.. u noe wad i mean..
i know i m mean sometimes, but today's weather is chilly and cold. imagine u still hear voices that u will shiver everytime u hear that. then imagine saliva droplets landing onto the floor u r currently standing on. saliva with abundant amylase to digest carbohydrates to maltose. sadly therez nothing on the floor to be digested, unless amylase acts on bacteria, which i dun think so.
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i shalt say no more, for evil have i become.
may the force be with u.
yes, nonsensical.
ok i really have to stop crapping.
thanks for reading, if u even managed to read until here.
byebye.
sayonara.

i have a feeling dat diz entry is gonna be q long.
i'm very sure i'm gonna remember foa. my first and only arts fest in my life. it was simply too gr8 an experience for me. as i m a performer myself, i didnt get to watch the concert. matinee as well as evening show. it was quite sad actually, not being able to see wad others put up, but according to the audience's comments on our matinee show, one word - great. and i was so happy and touched and relieved to hear that. at least all the practices are worth it.
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band was supposed to report at 2pm yesterday. yanzhen told me dat there was a band exhibition in suntec and a euphonium performance, so i actually set off at 1040 IN BAND U. come to think of it, band u is very pretty actually. i dun look so skinny in band u. i shall skip the part of us having lunch in suntec. when we reached the exhibition area, i was so stunned by the instrus on display! the eupho especially. itz the three-valve eupho, gold plated on the valves and slides. it looked so pro and gorgeous.and itz very huggable too. haha a good thing dat i always bring my mouthpiece back, so i had my mouthpiece wif me at dat time, and i get to try out the eupho. pro means pro. i sounded diff in dat instru. my tone was warm and round, exactly wad a eupho sound should be. cant tell u how elated i was. dat wasnt the peak yet. while trying out other instrus, we heard something which sounded like a eupho, so we rushed over to the other corner, and POOF! itz riki mcdonnell with his besson eupho! all three of us - yanzhen, yanting and me, were somehow rooted on the spot. riki's tone was purely eupho, warm and big and round. i dun think yanzhen can even reach that.
we were so engrossed in the exhibition, dat we actually reached late. banders were supposed to report at 1345, but all of us reached skul at abt 1400! it didnt affect our playing though. perhaps itz riki's influence, the three of us suddenly sounded diff, as if inspired to play like him. i like his solos, esp the salut the amour. oh man, dat was really great.
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back to foa. as ours was the last item of the day, we waited for nearly 2 hrs in the band room. while waiting, we sort of played many things, seventh nite of cox, then salut the amor, phantom of the opera etc. everybody was having fun. then we went for matinee. then matinee ended. wow. everybody then had dinner, and waited for the evening show - the grand finale of the day. haha, wyquin took alot of candid pics of us eating and sleeping... box wyquin. i was having mixed feelings abt the evening performance. one side of me dying to perform, dying for the concert; the other side of me didnt want the concert to start so soon, cox once it started, it would soon end. seeing the sun set within minutes, and the sky darkened with it, cars zooming past dunearn road, my heart became more and more heavier. inside audi was CO, dance and so on; outside audi was complete silence. the only sound came from the traffic. i witnessed a small accident, but both drivers soon came into good terms with each other. how would our seventh nite sound like, i wondered. not uncertain, juz anticipating. as we-me and wyquin, were walking baq to band room, CO was heading to their holding area. they finished their performance. then i saw kaiying. she was very gan dong, and once she saw me, she burst out in tears. i hugged her, and at the same time, wondered wad my reaction would be like aft the nite. xinying and siheng both voiced their regards to band, thankyou. i knew very sure, the night has started, and it was going to end very, very soon.
surely enough, the runner came and called for us. the time has come. and in split seconds, we were on stage. i realized i wasnt sitting in the middle, as i used to be. it din matter. ms chong entered, and seventh nite began. gorgeous. at sax and eupho solos, i nearly broke out in tears. at stringendo, i heart beat with the increasing tempo, i played with everything i had, everything i could. i was panting and sweating aft the piece.
'when you believe' really reminded me of finale. the choir first sang the chorus, i saw the time when we were in SCH, istana performance and many more. and dat song would be my last song with the band. a sense of finality. at bar 66, i could not hold back anymore. dat was it. finale. choir sang their hearts out, and we played ours out too. nobody held back. and the night was over. all left would be memories, and tears. of cox, laughters.
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i was relieved dat the night was over, at the same time wished dat it nvr started. i'm always this kind of person, who will only miss things dat are gone. i dun have any regrets, i know i played my best. besides syf, diz was the best. but things would have been better if only someone else was there, watching me perform. yet again, i know this is absurd. but i cant help feeling the loss, cox itz my last concert ever in nanyang. of cox he couldnt come, but juz cant help feeling bad dat he could go for dat person's concert but not mine.
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itz indeed very long. i salute those who manage to read until diz line.

ok i blog again. it looks retarded i know. i only had foa in my mind when i posted juz now, so my whole post was abt foa. so boring, come to think of it. cox ppl would surely blog abt their foa rehearsal. sometimes i like to be the minority, although it might seem spastic and retarded.
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our class is quite clique-oriented. i agree. but abt the class spirit thingy, i think itz something every member of the class should at least have. i mean, itz like a family. u see each other everyday. although at times different family members throw tantrums at each other, they are still bonded by blood. some for the class. we might feel seggregated, but when it comes to doing things together, we should. but of cox, we cannot force each other to fully participate in everything. so mq, i wasnt angry wif u not performing with the class dat day. i mean, u have ur own opinion, and i cant 'influence' that. it is true dat u r closer to certain ppl, but iznt that something similar to *clique* too? then what do u really mean when u say different cliques dun mix? u dun talk much to me as well, so does diz refer to the clique thing?
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i realize i always speak my mind out. and diz may cause certain ppl to be unhappy with me. they c me as irritating, annoying, or even exasperating, i dun care. then these ppl prefer those who are good with their words, intentionally or unintentionally revealing only those politically correct comments, and concealing what would seem negative to the listener. these ppl of cox gain popularity among others, so iznt this kind of frenship superficial? they always present the good side of things, so nobody would ever know how they feel abt the negative sides of things. i would prefer a true and honest frenship, a fren who will share wadever he thinks wif me, be it good or bad. then the relationship is more transparent, so therez no suspicion nor doubt wadsoever.
superficiality always exists. itz everywhere and everytime. itz just the matter of how superficial u can get. dat determines how honest u are.
and honesty, according to me, is the best policy.

i tried to blog last nite, but the connection crash on me again. hixhix. to think dat i've put in effort in blogging, but in the end it was in vain.
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foa rehearsal today. i saw wad i saw some 3 days ago. ppl are still oblivious of their surrounding. i rmb we were told not to play anything once we're out of the band room, or rather our 'holding area'. this piece of info didnt seem to sink into their minds. dunno wad they are thinking seriously. i dun understand y they have to talk so animatedly wherever they go. itz not like they have been apart for hundreds of years, dat they r dying to c each other. no. the fact is they have been seeing each other everyday in diz week!! wadz the matter with them? cant they juz shut up? i dun think anyone can imagine how bad i felt when we were waiting outside the audi. it was super noisy, becox everyone wants to be heard and everyone tries to hear themselves. and then poof! i was totally submerged in a vast ocean of noises.
but then, other than being so noisy, i'm quite proud of myself and the band today. yeah the tchrs were right abt us not playing like how we played for syf. dat was true cox i dunno wad happened to my buzzing today. it all juz went kind of loose, so air juz escaped from the sides of my lips when i played. because of diz too, i got tired quite fast as everytime i buzz, i tightened my lips alot. i guess too much lactic acid is produces as my lips muscles were working so hard. maybe they were respiring anaerobically? who knows?
then came the really touching piece, combined with choir. poor choir, was asked to sing so much louder than before. in my opinion, the band wasnt loud. but maybe becox choir was standing so much behind, so they sounded soft. i guess they now only have f - fffff as their dynamics, while we have to do ppp - mp only. and to me, doing ppp is hazardous. 'when you believe' was so moving, and so touching. when i was on stage, i felt the spirit, the miracle, the hidden unity band and choir. i dunno how true diz is, but i juz felt it. it was the same spirit dat moved me as i played, asking me to put in my best, to create a miracle.
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there can be miracle, when you believe
though hope is frail, itz not to kill
who knows what miracle, you can achieve
you can achieve, when you believe

and i believe i can achieve it tmr. tmr is gonna gain a place in my memory.

hong kong band. i believe those who went for the exchange know what they were like. simply good. not good enough? fantastic then. well, i wont say that their performance was captivating, cox it nearly dozed me off. however, datz only for those harmony pieces. for those more lively pieces they really did a good job. intonation was gr8. hardly hear any 'waves', signs of not in tune. maybe occasionally one or two instru went off-tune. others remained solid. yes, solid would be the best word to describe them.
maybe not to comment on other sections, cox i din really interact with them. we only talked to the euphos. wow, can u believe it? i couldnt hear myself when we started playing the first song with them. the eupho guy sitting beside me really drowned me with his volume! goodness! i was so so impressed! and his tone was there, and remained there even though he went into higher notes or played louder. and his louder is real loud!
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i think therez so much for our band to learn from them. really alot. no wonder they won the overall champion in some dunno-wad competition in hk. like wad wyquin said, they r quite pro in a sense that they view band as their job. they have the responsibility to make music, and to make good music with their instru. i can see that they are quite proud of their instru, ok at least the eupho guys are. datz surely sth i should learn from them.
skipping chem prac for this exchange is a wise choice.
i will always rmb the phantom of the opera, which we played as a combined eupho section.

this marks the start of a hectic week. i hope i wont get gastricitis in the end of the week due to inconsistancy in eating, which most likely will happen to me. seriously speaking, there iznt any day off for me until sunday! omg! yeah, foa ma, so everybody is practising hard, and that means i'll be having band pracs from tues to sat! :( they take away my only free day - wed... then cannot watch initial d wif xinyi ald...
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we tend to do stupid things at times. i dun understand why, but it juz happens to me. ok, i confess, i simply anyhow wrote the nov 95 and submitted cox the tchr said it was to be due on the next day. i din even put in the slightest effort in doing it, so i kind of predicted sth like today to happen. but when it really happened, i was so embarrassed! oh man wad r u doing la ivy!! and the worst thing of all was to get her to mark my script! ppl told me dat she spit saliva onto my paper when she spoke!! eewww!! for goodness sake!
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i realized i have been blogging quite frequently. nvm, i wont have time to blog diz week. i'll be too tired.
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somehow what wyquin said struck me. foa will be the last time for me wearing my band u. it reminded me that foa will mark an end with band, cox i m not playing for end-of-year concert. it set me off thinking-what does band mean to me? i've said b4 that i dont have the passion for band anymore. all i like is my instru. but izit true? i dunno. did i waste my days in band? dont think so.
it is good to look back and reflect on wad we have done so far.

some1 said sth classical today.
"what is power? power is nth without control."
enlightening speech. i always wanted to be powerful. q funny the way i phrase it. laugh all u want. i like to gain control of almost everything i can. i trusted almost no one, cox i hv diz trust phobia which followed me for so long. and then i lost control q frequently recently. it is true. power is nothing without control. i should learn to control myself more. more. more. stop blaming ppl. the prob lies with myself. mr stupidity, u r right. i was childish. but dat doesnt mean u r right abt wad u did. i will rmb dat. i will.
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i m very touched when i first opened my tagboard today. itz like a sudden beam of light amidst the dark. i guess my world fell into partial darkness with lotz of reflections from the past since the kws visit, and seeing the tags really gave me warmth. itz like a spark in the middle of cold, isolated winter. so many tags over a night! a very sincere thankew to everybody who visited my blog and tagged... i feel like replying to each and every tag!
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thank you to all of you out there who bother to care wad is going on wif me, it really made me feel better. i know dat i'm not alone in this. thank you. did i give u all an impression dat i was very agitated? well quite so, but not anymore. i mean, i get to see everyone more clearly, itz quite obvious who and wad they really are since youth day. somehow i feel better; at least i m able to c wadz beyond their masks. itz pretty obvious, i would say.
thank you everybody for putting in your best during funfair.. though we din manage to be the top class, but in my opinion, we already are. we worked as groups, giving our best services, and together we stand, solid as a class. i'm very proud to be 413-er. wad about u?
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i shall dedicate the rest of my entry to those who care abt me...
jamie:
i did not tell a white lie. i may mask my words in skul, but in blogs, i m myself. really thank you for ur unselfishness, and concern. it helped.
yao:
i still prefer to call u xinyi, but since u used yao in tagging i shall continue with it. i like working wif u, esp these stuff dat involve sacrifices. dun misunderstand me, i'm juz saying u r a true person, willing to help without asking for anything in return. sorry abt the butterfly thing... i guess i m perfectionist.. or rather i couldnt tell u exactly wad i wanted. u were there the whole day.. din take any shifts.. i'm really grateful for dat.
hannah:
*smiles* *shake head* dunno wad to say to u... cox i believe blog is the indirect reflection of itz owner. so if u think ur blog is kiddy~~ well, arent u like dat as well? lol.. yeah, we'll c rainbow aft a storm, datz wad god told noah rite? and god doesnt lie.. so letz make rainbow happen then! thx for dropping by...
sam:
i read ur letter, i think u r a gr8 fren! i think ur best fren is so fortunate! though there may be some misunderstanding between us, u r still willing to work wif me, and i m so grateful for that. really. thx for ur letter and ur tags, and surely u'll make a gr8 fren. juz dun forget me when u go to canada.

for the sake of yao, i shall include shawn yue for her.. since you like him so much. anyway he is in my blog haha.
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tmr got nat anthem, so sick of dat stupid song. i m not insulting anything or anybody.. juz dat i get so sick of it cox i have to go to skul early every mon bcox of it.
and i know dongxiang visited my blog. wow.*shivers* anyway i dun mind her reading wad i feel, if she wants to. we read hers also rite?
itz fair play.

i blog again. no point getting mad over those ppl.
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kwong wai shiu hosp. i nearly broke down, quite ashamed to say. as i was the only canto in my whole grp, i only spoke to the cantos there. not all cantos, cox quite a few of them did not even wish to say anything. i wasnt annoyed. i believe if i were like that when i m old, i dun really wish the skuls sending their stu to me, talk to me juz to earn their stupid CIP points. i mean, if they are not sincere, i would rather them going to the zoo and c animals than to come here and treat us as animals. quite an offensive comment, i realized, but datz my sentiments.
they are so weak, frail and fragile. to think dat for at least 40 years they have worked so hard, contributing to singapore's growing economy. without them, singapore will nvr gain itz name as a 'developed country'. and then they contacted some illness. and then they ended up in the hosp, with many diff skuls sending their students to them, as if they were in a zoo. what a contrasting fate. maybe some 50 years ago, they were rich. perhaps 50 years ago, they were very pretty. but in the end, all these superficial comments are gone. they are left with only sickness, boredom, and most importantly, loneliness.
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i believe all of them shared a very meaningful life, when they were young and beautiful. everyone's life was diff, but at least interesting. and all their memories are recorded in the lines they have on their foreheads; the texture of their skin. one old lady in particular, was so keen to talk abt her children. she was the fittest in the whole ward. every parent is proud of their own children. but juz how many children are proud of their own parents? i m, and i m proud to say that. everyone in the ward has wisdom in them, wisdom accumulated by experiences. when i talked to them, i felt a kind of respect to them, a kind of respect that i've never shown anyone. i salute them, not because of their contributions, but rather because of their wisdom and spirit. like wad the chinese say" jia you yi lao, ru you yi bao".
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when i was feeding one of the popos there, i thought of wad becomes of me when i m old. will i end up in similar hosp, with rough nurses and a boring ending? so weak dat i cant feed myself? i dunno. i dunno who the popo was, cox she nvr spoke. jamie said the popo wanted me to feed her, why? when i fed her, her appetite really increased. she nvr stopped eating. when i asked her whether she's full, she juz stared at me. when i scooped one spoonful of porridge, she opened her mouth, showing dat she wanted some more. her appetite was good - she finished everything.
when i first fed her, jamie told me dat she could not eat properly. jamie tried to feed her before, but she juz din close her mouth, and so the porridge came out of her mouth. jamie had to clean up for her. so when i fed her, i was told to take a greater amount, which horrified me cox i wondered if she would choke herself. aft that i realized i dun nid to pour the porridge into her mouth, as she imitated the way i close my mouth when i eat. but she ate very fast. i noticed the way she looked at me was quite diff, as if i resemble someone she knows. who would dat be? her children? her daughter? or her grandaughter? there was sorrow in her eyes, why? when was the last time her family visited her? i really wanted to ask her, but i couldnt, as she was crying. was it tear of disappointment? or joy? or did i juz reminded her of something painful to her?
i dunno. but i m curious to find out.
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n i can guess who the dong in my tagboard is.

i din blog abt yesterday's funfair. well i suppose u can find everything abt the fair in others' blogs, so no point for me to repeat wad others have said.
"u tend to c things dat u've nvr seen b4, when u get very involved in sth"
how true. diz year's funfair is quite an eye-opener 2 me, dat it exposed me to many hidden sides of ppl. many hid their darker sides fr me, but all these were exposed fully, with or without them knowing. if they knew, good for them, at least i can c a truer side of them. if they din know, well, i can onli say dat u need to learn self control.
q ridiculous for me talking abt self-control, when i myself, am not a controlled person lately, according to SOMEONE. which juz reminded me of somebody. u, if u r reading, and u jolly well know who u are, can u stop interfering my life? i m sick, and tired. bored wif ur constant excuse which u nvr bother to change. if u have the mouth to flirt, y dun u ever bother to give another excuse? and stop appearing. u can do wadever u want ok, i dun mind. i m not seeing u now.
ya, i m unreasonable. so go and fine ur reasonable ones. stop thinking dat u are the best. i can definitely fine a better one.
juz go away.

*cooled down*
ok, i m more rational when my mind is free from distractions of any sort. ok he's right. i m losing control q often lately. maybe datz y the row took place? i dunno.
have i been a good person aft all? if yes, then y ppl still get pissed off? or m i juz too sensitive? picking up the slightest clue anyone can find in sb's words or expressions? i have always thot dat itz good to be sharp.. but now, i m kinda sceptical abt it.
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i admit the biggest prob wif me is that i dun trust ppl easily. i dun trust them doing the work for me, for i m very concerned if they screw up anything. nvrtheless, i still make mistakes sometimes. haish, diz prob has been wif me since young. itz like a *sticky* fren, hard to shake off.
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i've blogged twice today. tmr is funfair ald. many things ought to be done. i sincerely hope dat those who din contribute much would at least do sth constructive tmr, and not juz standing there, doing nothing but complaining.
itz good dat we dun have band tmr. i mean, i do luv my cca, but since syf period, the passion in me faded away. really away. all is left is my luv for my instru, and only dat. iznt this saddening? i joined band last yr because of my passion for music, and everything good abt band is somehow gone. now i understand partly y jamie doesnt attend band. cca is really stripping off my study time. not to sound like a nerd, but i really think that my results wont get me anywhere!
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should i watch initial d again? haha i think i can rmb the scripts ald.. in canto as well as in chinese. should i support the movie again? does it worth dat?
the ost does not include piaoyi and yiluxiangbei, i realized. but there are other songs in the movie. should i buy the ost? i suspect those two songs are recorded in jay's nxt album. maybe i shall go and support his album instead.

i kinda miss the days i spent in ipoh... quite useless, i find myself. ya i noe, u r gonna lecture me on diz, if u r reading diz.
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someone in class is always wif her bf. so sweet. then i start to think abt the days i had in ipoh. kinda stupid, u noe, cox diz happens to everyone. whenever u own sth, u wont cherish it much. but when dat sth is no longer wif u, u start to recall the days u had it, and think "why did i not do diz and dat when i had it?"
yeah, i think time is a universal diluter, or rather solvent. it can dissolve a relationship, eating it away slowly, bit by bit.
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i got a q bad news yesterday. and i m pissed with it.

whoo~ yesterday was really a horrible day for me. i would guess it's the worst day i've ever got.
i shant say anymore abt yesterday, cox i certainly dont want yesterday once more. not yesterday. all i hv to say is - i ended my day wif gastricitis.
really painful.
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hav you ever realised sleeping is a universal anestasia? i realized it yesterday.the pain was sort of relieved aft 1/2 hr of sleep. no medicine needed. good. natural.
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i'm q pissed lately, or to be exact, since last fri. well well, i guess i'm juz being petty. datz all. but i m really annoyed at SOME ppl giving weird and funny excuses everytime they r asked to do sth. maybe they really have dat sth to do, but aft a few similar excuses, i really doubt the validity of the same old excuse. and those ppl who have big mouths and small hands. big mouths means they talk alot. really alot. and they talk abt anything, regardless of whether the other party will be offended anot. HELLO! plz use ur brains! itz such a mighty creation of God's, yet u abuse it. u should then be born a cow, at least u use ur brain to think of which patch of grass is nice. small hands means they cant do, or rather, dont do anything. they have such small sized hands that cant even lift a piece of paper and hold a pen and start to contribute.
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i may be abit offensive here, so get out if u cant tolerate it. i have been constantly giving in, and i m tired of doing so.
someone used superglue to describe another person, which juz reminds me of wad i always c. well diz person, A, became *good* frens wif B. not funny. gradually they really stick together, wherever u c A, u'll c B. not funny either.budden no sooner nor later, A started to complain abt B sticking ard. haha. i agree dat B always hang ard A, but A has no right in complaining. i guess not only B sticks wif A, but in turn, A always look for B as well. how do i noe? *sniff* datz because i've been observing.

waa~~ initial d really rawks! ok i guess diz has become so boring for those who read my blog... but fact is a fact - initial d rawks, and no doubt abt it.
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i used to think dat watching movie in the cine is a waste of time and money. juz go out and buy a vcd and you can watch it over and over and over again, and u can still watch it. unlike the cine, which only offers one time excitement. however u wont enjoy it at home, not at least for movies like initial d. i noe u wont. datz y u muz watch it in cine if u like it. the feel is really diff. there are alot of scenes of drifting, whereby the rear tyres are let loose when moving into a turn. and i've juz experienced the piaoyi-drifting, and itz cool. i felt as if i was in jay's or edison's car. wa how cool dat will be it i were really in their cars!!
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AE86/Trueno, FC, GTR... ok only those who watched will understand. i guess edison's FC is gorgeous. simply juz so cool. somehow i think all the cars in the movie suits their owners very well. AE86, used to transport taufu, emerged the first in the race. juz simply reflects the takumi's humility. he didnt even wanted to admit in front of ppl dat he was the one who surpassed shawn. simple as it is, takumi has always kept a low profile.
FC gives others a sense of pride, juz like itz owner. ryousuke takahashi, has always an air of arrogance, until he met his match, takumi fujiwara. i m really impressed by itz fantastic cinematography - the directors have succeeded in revealing the best in each character and captured the best of drifting in the movie. itz really something worth spending time for, and u'll get the 'piao' feeling in ur seat.
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one character i want to zoom in in particular - bunta fujiwara, by anthony wong. he's takumi's father, a superb racer at young, but discontinued racing as he married. the sad thing is, his wife left him. throughout the movie, he always appeared stern and heck-care like in front of his son, his only son. nvrtheless anthony wong played the role so well that we can pick up how much he loves his son, though he didnt show it much. the most was juz talking to the 'din-yao-lou' abt his son's skills in drifting; a slight twitch of his lips to show his satisfaction and etc etc etc.
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stupid wyquin. watching and reading my blog behind me. shall nt blog in front of her. *sticking out tongue*
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tonite got gen x cops. another shuai guy. nicholas tse.
i name the shuai ppl in my mind:--
edison chen
nicholas tse
daniel wu
stephen fung
jay chou--> maybe nt very shuai but ke ai.
anthony wong(i dun usually like old man but he is good. dun get me wrong.)
stupidest person:--chapman to. u all should watch the movie to get his stupidity, the wad is god thingy.
laugh all u want!

ok, now i'm really done wif template. xtin is beside me, looking at my fone. yeah, the intellectually challenged roomate of mine. so kepo.
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at least today is not wasted. we've managed to get everything within budget - $25. it sounded very impossible at first.. well, at least we insisted on having the proper glue and not buying the set which is a gr8 waste of $$. now we pushed the budget to 30, but dat is if we really want the black. i think the black is fine, dunno whether some ppl agree to it anot.who cares. like i care. sometimes i dun really understand wad they are thinking la.. itz like ppl doing the work and wasting so much travelling $$ and energy, they juz sit and then get wad we got aft a few days' walking. and if we din get it today, our whole grp will get scolded. so better walk than get scolded together right?
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gotta do my laundry ald.
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i like initial D!!

MissyIvy
A Cynic with passion for
the Art of Sarcasm
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