pixie-lies

2011-07-05T01:11:00.003+08:00

It is one thing to feel scared of the unknown and totally another to make lives difficult for others.

Or worse, through your actions (or the lack of), result in people feeling totally under appreciated (or unappreciated).

The Mother is scared of too many unknowns, and the Son has spent too much time and effort pacifying the Mother.

Granted that in fear people behave smaller than they really are, but surely we are made of more than just, for the lack of a better word, wimps? Surely that, after all trials and tribulations of walking through life, we would have learnt to toughen up?

From dietary advises to health supplements, the Son has not stopped trying. Yet every time the issue is brought up the Mother would dismiss the Son, not knowing how those words could potentially be hurtful and insensitive.

And what I observed all these years is that the Mother seems more concerned about opinions of people who - under most circumstances - do not exactly matter, while neglecting the concerns of people who do.

It baffles me the same way it did in my first encounter. Sometimes I accept it the way the Mother is, but most of the time I want to better the current status quo.

Because I don't believe in lowering my own dignity to appease others. Proud, I know I am, because I believe there's a thing called self-worth and that everybody was born with equal amounts of it.

I know I'm risking my status quo by putting up a post like this, but it's really hard to just swallow everything I see happening. And because they matter - the Mother, the Son.

2011-06-11T09:34:00.002+08:00

From the moment I witnessed with my own eyes how he treated (or MIStreated) the baby, there was no room left for any ounce of respect for this man. Sure, I've heard tales about this man, but none changed my perception as drastic as seeing it happen live.

He's quick to claim credits, and equally quick - if not quicker - to escape blames. I can live with that. The world favours breeds like this, and therefore he thrives in the area he works. He is often boisterous, loud, and sprouting nonsensical stuffs. I can live with that. This can only be attributed to bad upbringing and his parents are dead anyway. Then he always makes belittling remarks, disguised as passing comments, at my boyfriend's family. I told myself to live with it for the time being - I grew up in a family who taught me to thank the person who gives me bread.

But this? Calling the baby names and treating him this way?

If you wanna show favouritism, fine. That's your family business. The baby's parents may not behave like the ideal parents, and yes, they have character flaws as well. So? Does that mean you can take it all out on a 4-month old baby boy who barely knows who you are? Yes, the arrival of this boy may be somewhat untimely, and to you his arrival may even be jeopardizing whatever plans you may have.

Then this is his fault, you'd think? Please, have some common sense. You think the baby gets to choose his parents? You think he gets to choose when to be born? So why are you holding the baby accountable for whatever immature feelings you have? More importantly, why is your anger directed at your grandson?

2011-03-27T11:48:00.001+08:00

Where do you belong to?

2011-03-24T00:40:00.003+08:00

Had a mild case of gastric just now, and after eating some porridge I could not fall asleep at all.

I have done lab for many years now, and I have done them with many people. But never have I once felt so highly irritable during experiments like now. Of course I understand that lab partners come in different shapes and sizes so we've got to be accommodating to others' mistakes just like how others have been tolerating my carelessness - don't get me wrong, I really do understand and if you ask me, I think I'm pretty easy-going and chinchai during lab.

But this, THIS, is really beyond me.

First thing, we are supposed to be PARTNERS, which means we are supposed to be WORKING TOGETHER to get things done. Even if the experiment appears to be an experiment from hell, the onus is on us - as the experimenters - to figure a way to make sense out of that, is it not? By coming every time and telling people you don't know this don't know that, I don't see any efforts from you as a PARTNER at all. There is supposed to be communication and mutual work delegation, which means collaboration and synergism. But you are asking about everything, down to the smallest detail which can be easily answered by common sense. Not only do you not contribute, there is minimal initiative from your side. And what actually drove me up the wall is that you stay there and expect instructions and directions. I don't like calling shots; nor am I your boss!

(Honestly, if you're gonna bring that attitude to work and expect your boss to tell you explicitly every single task for the day, you're gonna have to change bosses every now and then)

So never mind if you like being told what to do and what not to do. Then at least, when you're told to do something, you jolly well make sure you get it done. Others not only have to spend extra time telling you explicitly what to do next (which is completely unnecessary if you've got common sense and SOME situation awareness), everybody have to spend more time waiting because you can't execute what you've been told.

And I reiterate, my tolerance is usually not this low.
Every lab day I walk into lab telling myself to be accommodating yet every lab day you challenge my limits.

This Monday was the ultimatum. Like I mentioned earlier, you came into lab emphasizing on how you left your brains at home, and then during preparation we had to spend time looking for a dropper because you did not wash it when I have explicitly told you to do so before I went on to get other apparatus. Yet when everybody was halfway through their preparation you wanted a SWAP? Hello excuse me do you know how inefficient that is? Time had to be spent AGAIN telling you what has happened, what's happening and what's going to happen. And it has to be repeated to make sure it gets into your head, because it's serial dilution and any mistake at the later stages would mean repeating everything right from the start again.

Girl, you want a share in everything, but you can't even do anything properly! If you have problems completing your tasks at hand, why go around making lives difficult for others?

After every lab with you, I actually feel that time could have been better spent, and we could finish earlier. I have never felt like this before with anyone else - that's a first.

Good things will not make you wait

2011-03-10T23:46:00.006+08:00

You don't exactly believe every single thing you hear. Take it with a pinch of salt, you've always been told.

I've heard about the raves, and how it's always the on top of their faves. Most who tried, if not all, have not spoken ill of this product at all, which - even by my standards - made it sound very convincing that it's as good as gold. Among the most popular compliments I've read are "it dries in seconds!" "it's THE BEST topcoat EVER!" and "I never have to worry about ruining my nails before they dry!", but yea, like I said, as impressed as they may sound, take them with a pinch of salt.

Those slightly more well-versed in the manicure topic probably knows what I'm referring to already. Hailed as the Queen of Topcoats, or the world's finest topcoat (from their website), or the OPI-equivalent of topcoats, yes, it's SECHE VITE.

Picture taken from their website

I knew it works wonders, but what I did not expect was after my first use, I AM A CONVERT!!

Nothing spoils your day the same way as seeing your freshly-done manicure ruined right before you. More drama ensues if you've got intricate designs or swarovski-looking rhinestones that ended up looking like dog poop. You scream at your own carelessness; you stamp your foot with fury like a woman scorned. You may even end up throwing a tantrum at your unsuspecting boyfriend and make him the most unprepared victim of your wrath.

And then you think to yourself: why the hell did the topcoat take so long to dry!

There are only THREE reasons why topcoats are necessary - to shine, to protect, and to dry.
Firstly, unless you paint nails for a living, your coats are probably not even, which means light will be scattered in all directions and your nails won't SHINE. Nobody loves a set of lacklustre nails because they make you look sloppy and nobody likes to look sloppy.

Secondly, unless your hands are totally paralyzed, your manicure is bound to bump onto things and is subjected to daily wear and tear, which means bits and pieces will begin to fall off over time(however short). Nobody loves that either because it makes it look like your dog chews your nails as its favourite past-time, and certainly nobody likes to look like dog food.

Lastly, or perhaps most importantly, unless you have 48 hours a day, you can't possibly sit there, do nothing, and wait for your nail polish to dry completely, hence the immediate need for topcoat. Traditionally, topcoat formula are supposed to be faster-drying compared to usual nail polishes, so that the outer transparent layer dries and hardens faster then then coloured layers beneath. This saves some of your waiting time, so you can attend to more matters of life and death.

Most topcoats fare pretty well in the first two components, but when it comes to drying time, they fail terribly. And precisely because they can't dry quickly, we usually end up accidentally jabbing our fingers onto surfaces and there goes our mani.

But fret not, Seche Vite to the rescue! With its lightspeed drying ability, you can literally do ANYTHING shortly after application. And for the record, shortly actually means around 3 seconds at most. Not only does it dry fast, it rearranges itself to form an even coverage over your nail and seals in your manicure like plastic lamination! Awesome or what!

With Seche Vite, I barely waited for half a minute before typing on my keyboard - which was less than one-tenth how long I used to wait.

Now I can really say, MANICURE IS A BREEZE!

2011-03-09T12:41:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I find myself having this inexplicable distaste for some people, for no rhyme or reason at all. It's something different from, say, someone who stabs you in the back, or someone who wrongly accuses you, or someone who steals your boyfriend/money. That person can just be there, sitting, talking, laughing or even just breathing - practically not doing anything life-threatening to me.

But the distaste is so apparent that I can't bring myself to sustain a reasonably-lengthy conversation with said person. Not only have I become unusually unfriendly towards said person, people around may even have the impression that said person offended me in some ways, when it clearly isn't the case!

But now I know why.

We are just too similar.

Because we are so similar, every flaw I see in you reminds me of my own. Every inadequacy you show is one disability of mine. Having you around is like having a giant mirror that animates my every shortcoming.

What to do then, I ask myself.

《再别惠鹃》

2011-03-08T23:32:00.007+08:00

sawatdii kha, khun sabaay dii rer kha?

***
My mind hasn't exactly stopped thinking about matters lately. Wait, before you jump at me for constantly thinking about the unhappy events and making myself miserable, wait. I was actually referring to the deadlines that come one after another.

Right now, I've checked TWO out of the SEVEN items on my To-Do list.
And to tell you the truth, it feels like I've just cleared 2.4.

Tired TTM.

***
WQ came, and left. That morning we were lamenting on how fast time flies and how soon she had to go, when I said that she was just like the Chinese poet.

"悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来”

--徐志摩,《再别康桥》

And she replied, "但我挥一挥衣袖，带走的不只一片云彩”

Of course, I changed her words a little to make the whole thing sound more like 再别康桥, but yes, she left with many things. And every time I say good bye, something feels missing somewhere.

YOU SEE YOU SEE, YOU ACTUALLY MAKE ME MISS THOSE TIMES WE SHARED.

So I'm actually looking forward to the next time I see you again! See you when I see you!

And get a job soon,

so I can make you belanja me
WITH NO QUALMS WHATSOEVER
hahaha!

P.S. I hope I've written your chinese name correctly!
You know, you didn't exactly do much of your Chinese homework so I'm really relying on faint memory here!

2011-03-01T21:15:00.005+08:00

Since I couldn't stop my mind from drifting back to those unpleasant sequence of events, I was looking around my room for something to do to distract myself. And as I rummaged through my stash of make-ups/accessories, the nail polish collection came into sight.

Right in the middle of my 'Vanity Drawer' they were, sitting so comfortably.

And then I had an idea of painting what I felt. Instinctively I grabbed the black Face Shop.

How apt, right.

So this is how my nails look like now:

On Facebook, I named it

黑暗的花花世界

當我咩吖

2011-03-01T00:28:00.003+08:00

鍾意就 hello 你好、唔鍾意就躝思咭路

當我咩吖？

我是张便利贴咩现在要看你们全部脸色做人啊

我唔LIKE嘅時候有見過我咁擺面色毋?

初一、十五

2011-02-27T23:07:00.011+08:00

A month ago someone told me that calling people ridiculous names was plain classless. While I did not think those names were unjustified, I did agree that well, okay, that's not very refined and thus can be said as 'classless'.

But I'll tell you what's really classless today. Calling people names, rallying mutual friends against them and probably totally bitching about everything they ever are - all done BEHIND THEIR BACKS, yea baby THAT'S what classless really looks like.

If I may add, it's not just classless. It is also disdainful, disgusting, and very much despicable.

If I see your face now

I think I'll burn it

When I asked you "What's the problem with you?" I was giving you the opportunity to speak up. Instead, you said "No, the problem isn't with me; the problem is with you."

Okay, tell me about it.

And I was waiting, and waiting, but you didn't go on.
What's the matter? Used up all your balls trying to bitch (or already done so) about me? Or that the problem-is-with-you type of comeback is the best you can do?

Oops man, you gotta try harder
Because when the ball starts rollin'
I ain't givin' up without a fight.

Really, you can make people out to be as monstrous as they can be - I have witnessed your ability with my very own eyes. So challenge me, bring it on! If you have got the guts to start it in front of everybody, during MY event, I expect you to tell me in my face what my problem is - according to your very not-humble opinion.

Unless of course, your bark is worse than your bite. Well yea, that is if you actually CAN bite.

你做得初一就唔好怪我做十五

小鹿撞死了

2011-02-27T14:53:00.003+08:00

原文在此

看了她的缘份篇，突然有联想。

小鹿乱撞通常用来形容男女之间恋爱的心情。可想而知，“小鹿撞死了”也就有受过伤、流过泪、意已冷、心已灰，之后对“爱”这回事也就不抱希望和憧憬。

也许是我们这年代女生看偶像剧太多的缘故吧，总渴望一场轰轰烈烈，可歌可泣的爱情故事。无可否认，女生总希望自己的经历可媲美偶像剧女主角的情节。偏偏事与愿违，那就一次又一次，抱着希望又失望，渐渐的也就变成了失望、心淡。

那次被甩后，过了一段很颓废的日子，也做了一些不好的事。现在回想起来还真有点惭愧。

可是倘若没有当初的无知，又哪来今日的智慧？有时候我们得要先经历一段不好的遭遇，遇到不对的人，或做了一些不对的事，才能够在日后遇上对的人，做对的事。缘份是真的可以很恐怖，我们也不需要去了解它，但是我相信最后的结局会是美好的！

“命运就算颠沛流离
命运就算曲折离奇
命运就算恐吓着你做人没趣味
别流泪心酸更不应舍弃
我愿能一生永远陪伴你” -- 李克勤、谭咏麟《红日》

被撞死的小鹿，希望你能尽早活过来 (:

2011-01-23T20:01:00.003+08:00

These two days I have been doing a lot of self-searching, trying hard to spot possible mistakes I've made to have him act the way he did. Perhaps I've really gone over the line some time(s) in the past, thinking that it's a harmless piece of joke.

In any case, the revelation was shocking. Apparently too many a time I've said demeaning things in the name of jokes, and too many a time I've represented him as things/names that just don't do him justice. I know I'm capable of doing things like these, so I stood there and took in everything he said, and hopefully after saying what needed to be said it would make him feel better.

But the main reason I kept quiet was more of the element of shock. I was shocked at the fact that he actually took them to heart. Worse still, all these while I had no idea that these have been pent up.

It's funny how the relationship between two people can undergo drastic changes overnight, as if it's a roller-coaster ride somewhat. But then I'm tired of explaining and reasoning things out - have been doing them excessively this whole week - so I'm just gonna let nature take its course and surrender it all to fate.

Whatever will be, will be. Que Sera Sera.

2011-01-22T09:31:00.002+08:00

Was feeling both vain and naked on the nails, so I embarked on another beauty regime. The end result looked like this:

I have not told you the complete story. I had in mind what people would call 'French with designs' initially, but for some reason all my tips looked like they've been dipped haphazardly in white paint! For the record, I have never worn French - not because I don't like French, but because every time I do a French, I have it removed shortly after (practise, practise!). This time was no different, so I removed them immediately after they were done.

Then I thought of taking the easy way out and tried flowers instead. The foolproof method would definitely using a dotting tool to get the job done, but no, I wasn't cool with dwelling in my comfort zone all the time, especially not when the night was still young and I had a lot of time to spare. So I tried using a brush and whatever nail polish that was in my stash to paint. The flowers did not turn out as realistic as I wanted them to be (although I know by your standards they will pass), so they ended up dissolved in acetone too.

Discouraged, yes, but I wasn't gonna end the night with my nails as naked as they first started out. So I told myself, whatever I'm going to draw will stay on and I'm not gonna remove anything anymore, so it has to either be up to standard or I'll be wearing gross nails for four days.

And this again, proved that I am one who performs better under pressure (:

2010-12-16T21:33:00.001+08:00

I can't help but feel indignant. No it's not like I'm saying I'm totally wronged. I did admit it was my mistake. And yea, they've said they will let go of it, and I've promised to not let anything similar happen again.

But wait, it's been months now. What I don't understand is why rake it up only now.

Such was an awesome day that ended in an awful way.

2010-11-09T23:07:00.003+08:00

You know, the anxiety is finally getting to me.

I know, right, that hopping onto Midnight Express isn't the way to go, but this pang of guilt will continue to pound my head if I just crawl under my blanket now.

These things are just like a cheating spouse, you know. You technically have them with you, but they just don't give you the security you need.

Gosh and it's like, the only thing I can remember off-hand on IR is O-H stretching around the 3400 region, which is what everybody already knows. And don't even get me started on NMR - I confused myself too many a time with the same peaks today.

GOD and it's gonna be on Thursday. Here's a good time to use a miracle.

2010-11-07T00:12:00.002+08:00

人是经不起引诱的。
亚当跟夏娃会啃苹果，绝不是因为苹果看起来很好吃。
而是老是嚷嚷着千万不可以吃苹果，却种了一大堆苹果树的顽皮上帝。
-九把刀《楼下的房客》

偶然觉得无聊，便去朋友的地方逛逛，而后来看到了这一段文字。

有很多很多事情你明明知道不应该做的，又或者是做了就有一大堆后果要承担的
人家明明就已经告诫过你的
可你最终还是忍不住

做了
犯错了
沦陷了
迷惑了

为的就是想知道人人口中所谓的禁果，到底是什么滋味
接着就无法自拔

趁还来得及的时候，及早上岸吧！

2010-11-05T10:44:00.002+08:00

I can't fathom another reason why cockroaches exist, other than here to terrorize me.

Okay fine so they are the longest surviving collection of species on Earth since pre-dinosaur era and they play a major role in removing our wastes YAY claps woohoo SO STAY WITHIN THE SEWAGE LINES instead of trespassing into people's territories and terrorize them!

To be honest, I really have no idea why cockroaches just scare me so much. It's not like they will eat a piece of me (maybe after I'm dead, maybe. But most likely I'll be cremated, so too bad, roach!), but the sight of them trespassing into my vision field is just, EWW.

So in a peaceful night like last night, one apparently strayed and wandered off its pack (or swarm? Eww) and came RIGHT INTO MY ROOM via the window. I was sitting at my table and it landed about two-three feet away from me. GROSS MUCH? Of course screaming was a reflex, but I tried to do something by totally spamming it with Baygon. But since they survived the dinosaur era maybe Baygon was just chicken feet and it ran away to hide.

And I was kind of at loss for a while because my partner RA was nowhere to be found when I totally needed his help!

Here is the time where internet penetration really saves lives. I put up a distress message on Facebook, and a hero heard it! Oh thank God thank God someone could save me! Although we couldn't find anything after digging under the bed and all, at least I was relieved there was no live cockroaches wriggling in my room anymore!

2010-10-15T10:27:00.004+08:00

There are a few names my children can NEVER have (that is, if I marry my current boyfriend hahaha). We have all conceded that the girl cannot be named Annie because then she will be Annie Wan (anyone) and it will be a joke if someone calls the reception to ask for Annie Wan, and the receptionist thinks that this person is asking for just anyone. Also, my boy can never be named Sam - not that I am in anyway against the name - but basically over the phone Sam Wan is just gonna sound like someone.

Here are a few Chinese names my kids can never have:

1. 范彤 (饭桶)

2. 范婉 (饭碗)

And ultimately, the boy's name:

范健 - - - 犯贱!!

2010-10-10T09:35:00.005+08:00

When I woke up this morning, I can't help but mull over my dreams. There's this unsettling feeling, like a foreboding of evil, like a harbinger of doom.

It's the kind of dreams that if you get it once, you might just dismiss and forget about it. But when you get it twice, it becomes startlingly vivid.

I've forgotten exactly when it was when I got this similar dream for the first time, but I can assure you it's not too far in the past. And now, it happened again. I don't know if it means anything - I sure hope it doesn't.

The first dream was in a happy setting, where my family and I were having dinner in some restaurant. And as I moved about I caught sight of someone looking at me. The lady wasted no time and said,

"Young Missy, there are some things you should be warned about." (小姐，有些事我要提醒你)
"The path ahead of you is bumpy, and grave danger lurks where you least expect it to." (你前方的路崎岖不平，一波三折，在你看不到的地方可能会有场浩劫)
"You must heed my words." (你要相信我)

Then the second dream - the dream I just woke up from - was also in a happy setting, where my extended family and I were just about to leave a restaurant. As I walked past an old man, he looked up to me, and with a grim expression he said,

"Young Missy, you must protect yourself well. Some things will happen soon." (小姐，你要好好保护自己。有些事情将会发生。"

So I asked, "Uncle, what do you mean? What is going to happen?" (Uncle 你讲这句话什么意思？会发生什么事？"

"Some things that are bound to happen. You must protect yourself. You must heed my words." (注定要发生的事情。你要好好保护自己。你要相信我。)
(Words in Chinese are the exact words spoken. Amazing how I can remember, huh?)

I tell you, recalling the dreams already make me paranoid. Do my dreams mean ANYTHING? What is going to happen? Why must the uncle ask me to protect myself well? Am I gonna get hurt in some ways? Is it accident? Fire? Lab explosion? Chemical poisoning? Because I can't help but feel like it's some warning sent to me! I know I sound completely unscientific and illogical but hey, the shudders down my spine were real kay!

And so as I lay on my bed I closed my eyes, I chanted a mantra, I sought solace in Buddha, and prayed for my family's safety as well as mine.

I sure hope those dreams don't happen again; but if they do, I want an answer.

2010-10-04T21:07:00.003+08:00

I suddenly have this thought so this is gonna be a quick quick one.

People around me are either getting married or are having/just had kids. I don't know if it's contagious - but as the pitter patter of little feet comes into your life, even if they aren't your kids, you start wondering 'wouldn't it be nice if I have one too'.

At least I do. Looking at friends' baby photos makes me sigh with envy. Those little but bright eyes, so eager to find out what is this world that spins around them.

I may have told you, I may have not. Come one day when my daughter is born (IF I am married and IF I can have children and IF it is a girl), I'll name her..

ANNABELLE.

Okay okay before I can get married I ought to finish my assignments in time first. Tataa!

2010-09-28T22:45:00.002+08:00

I said my next manicure would be a Minnie. But because of the lack of both time and patience this time, I settled for something less intricate. Instead of her face, I painted her dress patterns, which looked like:

THIS!

Come one day when my feel for art is better I'll definitely paint her face over my nails. I ABSOLUTELY heart that bow on her head!

But what should I do next, I wonder. A panda? That would mean buying a black nail polish.

Oh and did you know? I'm officially on a SHOPPING HIATUS.

2010-09-22T23:00:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time, yes it has.

Just days ago I removed my manicure to reveal my nails at their cleanest, at their barest; naked. It's really refreshing to see them looking so un-tinted, un-tainted, simply natural. It's almost like you've been seeing girls clad in heavy make-up and suddenly in comes a tree nymph, looking so bare, so fuss-free; almost like a breeze.

But of course, all that marveling at nakedness of the nails did not last me more than two days. Let me show you what my nails have been wearing these past two weeks:

Bamboos

And for the past two days, it was A Girl's Whims:

My next target: a Minnie Mouse (not YOUR minnie mouse, Eugene)!

Okay I seriously think Recess Week is a joke. Or maybe it's a joke because I am no longer in Year 1 yet I'm still living like one. In any case, doing FOUR assignments simultaneously is no fun.

But the good thing amidst this (non)recess week is that other blocks/levels have been holding their block/level events which (not-so)coincidentally involve food glorious food. Did I mention glorious? And being so thick-skinned as I ever am, I almost never missed any (except Pear & Richard's because I couldn't be back in time). Eating and eating is almost like the best thing can ever happen to me, apart from sleeping and shopping and my boyfriend and TOTALLY SPIES and oh-how-can-I-forget manicures.

My life is seriously... wait, I have a LIFE !?

Alright, since I don't have a life, I shall quit this place and think about bitter gourds. That's part of my assignments okay, I'm not trying to be bitter.

2010-07-20T09:41:00.002+08:00

Another two more days and I will be out of ICES for good.

That sounded like I am too eager to leave this place which is true and false at the same time. I can't wait to end my internship, after a long two months worth of making trips to Jurong Island. I can't complain, because compared to Tampines, Clementi is way too near already. But being able to wake up at my own time without having to think about making it in time for the shuttle bus is simply a luxury right now. And therefore as I look three days into the future, I can't help but wish it will come tomorrow.

Then again compared to internships at other firms, working at ICES is almost heavenly. Not counting canteen monopoly, everything here is almost better. We do not compete with employees from other firms during lunch peak hours for seats, because the canteen is almost enough for all of us. We do not need to squeeze with other commuters during peak hours all the way to work either, because there are shuttle buses with more than one timing to bring us right to ICES doorsteps. And as an intern, I work from the comfort of an air-con room with relatively comfortable chairs, so compared to other interns, I am considered VERY good life. Of course the price to pay for comfort is the mundane nature of my work - all computers, little lab.

But then, I get paid as much as everybody else, so essentially I'm getting more than I'm working for.

In another two more days and I will resume unemployed. Never have I thought I'd be so glad that I'm out of a job hahaha!

2010-07-02T10:47:00.002+08:00

Am blogging from my work place. I know right, you'll be wondering why isn't Ivy working instead.

Yes, I am so free right now that the best thing I can think of to spend my work day is to write something on my blog.

No that's totally NOT true. Truth be told, I am merely just TOO productive today that I finished off 300+ photos out of the 400 target I set for my day.

Things happened - the good and the bad.

THE GOOD
1. Less than one month to leaving ICES and just received my pay (which is a little higher than average pay for interns)
2. Secured my sponsor (so yes I actually DID contribute to my team)
3. Pariss Seafood Buffet without having to pay!
4. Catch-ups / gatherings that come one after another

I managed to keep myself occupied all the way through the month of July, much enough to prove my initial concerns unnecessary (:

HOWEVER.

Much as I would love to deny, misunderstandings happen. Then again after much thought, I have persuaded myself to let the matter rest, and let nature take its course. Because anything I do will only serve to complicate matters further, and subsequently relinquish any possible reconciliation.

Although in my very humble and personal opinion, I do not see any plausible reasons for harboring the same grudge after so many seasons have passed. Even as I would prefer NOT meeting my ex-boyfriend, should there be an occasion where both our presence are required, I would still present myself in my best as opposed to not turning up at all.

2010-06-16T21:53:00.004+08:00

Perhaps I have not been very consistent in updating this page lately, but that doesn't mean my brain hasn't been working.

All in all, the recurring thing that was perhaps a little more significant in this period was settling in. I went to a new workplace, got assigned loads of new work and deadlines, and met new faces at work. It was great considering that most of us have something new to share at the end of the day. What impressed me most was the fact that despite all being attached to different projects under different mentors with very different temperaments, there was still a chemistry shared that was common to us - one that binds even with no words spoken.

Then I moved to a new room, and I have already gotten used to its conditions as well as the common bathroom. It could be my next-to-zero expectations or my increased tolerance, but in so far everything appeared pleasant and satisfactory.

But what intrigued me most was some enlightenment on interpersonal relations issue that dawned upon me as I tread the paths of an RA. True to the saying "You can please some people all the time, or everybody sometimes; but you can never please everybody all the time". I guess that's most useful for the time being. "Don't take it to heart," said Rabbit.

I am just going to do all that's appropriate and right, and if I get renewed, good for me. But if I don't, at least I know I don't get fired because I haven't done my job properly (:

2010-05-25T14:03:00.002+08:00

Only three more days and I'll be leaving on a jet plane; don't know when I'll be back again.

LITERALLY every word of it.

Everybody knows that song - I knew that song since I was a kid. But I never knew it would be so true.

I think I will be seriously homesick.
-I'm feeling my skin sag a little at this thought.

2010-05-17T12:05:00.002+08:00

It's my first time flying home, and now I am home.

Old practices such as bathing from a pail instead of a shower head and bathing in a very confined space is back. In retrospect, OKR was indeed a very convenient place to be despite regular woes with their infamous toilets and bathrooms. Because right here, I am pretty much crippled without a car, while back in OKR the sheer presence of Subway and YI canteen eliminates the probability of dying of hunger.

I am exaggerating I know.

But now, I sincerely hope that my friends come back with good stories to tell of the internship. I am both anxious and worried. Oh dear.

2010-05-13T21:17:00.003+08:00

Last sem I was thinking about my accommodation for the next academic year and so I applied for RA which, as you all may know, I did not get through. This sem I was thinking about the same thing and so I did the same thing again, and to my biggest joy, I got through. With free accommodation comes a set of training days which I happily agreed to during the interview (to create an impression I was willing to do ANYTHING for it), but little did I know then how much trouble could entail.

This sem I was also wondering about ways to keep my summer holidays occupied apart from RA responsibilities, and so I applied to RIPE, which is essentially an undergrad research internship programme. There was a period of silence which prompted me to make some plan B, and so I thought what better way to spend my remaining days of freedom than to be home with my dearest family. So, I bought my two-way air ticket home, from 16th to 28th May.

As sudden as a stroke may be (okay LOUSY analogy but read on) I received news about my internship offer by the Institute of Chemical and Engineering Sciences today, which nearly sent me jumping in ecstasy in the middle of Bugis Junction. Mind you, it is part of A*STAR which so coincidentally happens to be my biggest dream of the century (exaggeration yes). Then, I realized the internship spans from 17th May to 30th July.

BIG PROBLEM.

If I go for the internship (I must stress that I really want to work in A*STAR) I can't go home (I must emphasize that this is the LAST chance of me going home before I officially become an RA). So I emailed and called the HR personnel to seek permission for me to start my internship later, which is after 28th May. This is seriously a long shot because I am only an intern (and everybody knows interns are like at the bottom of the hierarchy) and AS AN INTERN I am asking to start work 11 days late. I won't be surprised if the HR supervisor is pissed and totally reject me.

But IF he/she doesn't reject me on the account that he/she miraculously sees my burning yearn to work with them, I am presented with another set of problem - my check out/in & commencement of my RA term on 8th June, and a series of RA training from 14th to 16th and 19th June. This means that on the days mentioned, I am not able to work AT ALL since those days are compulsory for new RAs. So assuming I still get to work at ICES I will have to ask for a total of FOUR days of leave shortly after I start work.

WHERE GOT INTERNS TAKE LEAVE SO SOON AND TAKE SO MANY DAYS OF LEAVE IN THEIR FIRST WORKING MONTH ONE!

If I totally piss the HR in-charge off because of my plentiful demands, I am really not surprised at all. I mean, he/she has every right to be mad at me.

And well done Ivy, for ruining your prospects of working at ICES after graduation should the above scenarios happen.

So here I am, hoping for a miracle to miraculously appear before me.

2010-05-03T21:09:00.002+08:00

IF ONLY...

...I have a way to stop feeling so self-contradictory right now.

Firstly, I always find myself making mental plans about painting interesting nails, or getting my hair trimmed, or buying new clothes, or movie marathon, or indulging in some sumptuous mega feast.

... catch is, I still have one freaking paper tomorrow and I am not even prepared to get a B, much less a B+ - which is a cause to worry.

Then, I received the email on RA room allocation, which to my biggest surprise, said I am going to be staying in OKR again. Compared to the tower block offer as stated in the RA agreement, OKR is definitely a better choice and the rooms are larger. I almost jumped in joy.

... until I noticed that there MAY be a discrepancy somewhere and I MAY actually supposed to be in tower block and not OKR.

Haiya what's wrong with me man.

2010-04-29T14:21:00.002+08:00

You should have known better. Yes I should have.

Some time in the past I anticipated it, but forgot about it completely until today.

What surprise could it be, except that I actually hoped for a miracle.
Guess my miracle-account has run dry thanks to excessive use for Anac.

"Tis the season to be grumpy
Fa la la la la la la la la"

2010-04-24T22:05:00.002+08:00

I felt compelled to blog about today, so here I am, re-telling the happenings.

It all started with the spontaneous decision between my last-minute-hug-buddha-leg friends to resume our last-minute-fast-and-furious regime at a McDonald's near Rabbit's place. And there we met, with Leonard being the last to arrive IN THE STORM oh my.

Either Eugene or Leonard made a remark out of the blue, which sounded very light hearted and casual, almost like a brushing statement. It sounded like this to me:

"Why is there a 小强 in this McDonald's one."

There was already a horror glob growing within me when my brain processed what he said, but just to harp on the minuscule probability that I heard wrong, I asked him to repeat.

He proved my ears right, and the series of events that followed included me grabbing and yanking Rabbit's sleeve, me having a semi-screaming monologue with myself and the three boys laughing AT MY FEAR thank you. To my greatest and deepest horror, that freaking cockroach started crawling IN MY DIRECTION. Wah piang there are 360 degrees for it to turn from it's location and it chose precisely the angle IN MY DIRECTION and zoomed TOWARDS ME as if someone pushed the auto-pilot button.

What did I do? SCREAMED FOR HELP la!

My Rabbit stepped on something, I ran from my chair to behind Leonard, and my Rabbit released his foot just to find a still-furiously-wriggling cockroach and kicked it, followed by Eugene's massive kick as if it was a soccer ball that sent it flying out of the premise. Such was the cockroach drama segment.

And, both Eugene and Leonard saved my life BIG TIME today by teaching me how to use my calculator to compute deviations and means without having to manually do so. I never knew my boring little cranky calculator could surprised and in turn, impress me so much!

2010-04-23T21:45:00.002+08:00

And now that it's written in stone (no lah more like in black and white), my being an RA is concrete.

After the signing of agreements and briefings, the few of us gathered and talked a little. Which makes me kind of looking forward to this whole new experience. The catch is, these people whom I talked to, whom I found some comfort in, aren't exactly gonna be the people I'll be working closely with for the semester to come.

The people I'm going to spend most of my RA time with, are the people during the RA workshop - the competitive, aggressive ones. This tiny thought of mine, however small, managed to intimidate me a little. Then again, they may appear competitive and aggressive because we were told only seven were going to make it and everybody wanted to be that seven.

-sigh- What is to come, will come eventually. I'll just cross my fingers that it's gonna be good -insert smiles-

Right now, right NOW, I'm crossing all my fingers, tight and hard, that I'll make it through the exams.

2010-04-23T08:50:00.002+08:00

Girls and boys listen up, I bring you a piece of good news amidst horrible exams!

Tangs is giving out $5 voucher for every empty/used cosmetic/skincare container!

Curious much?

In line with Earth Day (22 April) Tangs launched their annual recycling programme to do their part in (trying) to save Gaia. They are offering us a $5 voucher fully redeemable for their beauty products for every empty container we give them.

The containers can take various forms: bottles, jars, tubes, casings etc; as long as they come from some skincare or cosmetic products from ANY brand they will accept them.

I don't know about you, but it sure sounds like a deal for me. I have not been throwing my empty toner bottle, moisturizer jars, mascara tubes and makeup removers away, because initially I was thinking of recycling them, but could not find a suitable way of doing so. Disposing them into garbage bins just doesn't sound like environmentally friendly to me.

This programme will last til 25 April 2010, Sunday, and the vouchers will be valid all the way til 31 May 2010. Very, very good for post exams shopping I would say.

If you have empty containers with you, what are you gonna lose, right? So hurry!

2010-04-17T08:38:00.004+08:00

I remember it was secondary school era, when Innuendo made a big hit when they launched Belaian Jiwa. Predictably, the chorus made its way to most schools:

"Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu, hanya bidadari sebagai ganti..
Hanya takdir menentukan ia, Belaian Jiwa.."

The reason why only the chorus made it through was simple - we more often than not just remember the chorus part of a song only.

And now I am in my university years, listening to the song really stirs up a huge heap of sentimental nostalgia. I was totally different then compared to now. I have breached the 20th mark, and no longer a youth anymore, much less a teen.

The then me was very much different than the now me, physically and ideologically. I had short hair, studied little but got good grades. Sometimes I was even convinced I could be one of the smart people. My entire image was that of a goody-two-shoe, a daddy's girl, a good and proper girl by all measures, and of course, A NERD. I knew almost nothing about what could make my face look better, or which part of my body needed more attention. Looking good during that period of negligence was limited to models on posters, or celebrities on TV.

I also had a period of serious lack of confidence - in myself most of the time. I wasn't exactly a pretty teen, yet not exactly an ugly one. But it was this 'in-between' that got me unnoticed most of the time. This was the time I felt invisible - like the world wouldn't stop spinning even if I'm gone (which is true, but just more impactful then). It didn't help when you've got a relative who constantly picked up your imperfections, and constantly making dissatisfactions known. This was the period of my adolescent years that I wondered if the world was better with me gone - since people were never pleased with me, and me never satisfied with myself.

Thankfully, I have outgrown that mentality early enough before real damage was done. Thankfully, I could begin to see the little simple things that mattered.

It was that time of serious mental stress that taught me how to finally appreciate myself, and learned by heart the phrase "what does not kill you makes you stronger". Although it was by no means a pleasant experience, I am still thankful I was given an opportunity to go through it.

Because in future I will know, I will be able to sympathize and empathize, with my children in their adolescent years.

2010-04-07T22:23:00.002+08:00

The optimists say 明天会更好

I think optimists are one of the best creations in the world. If God really created man in His own image and gave him a name, I think Optimistic is his middle name.

I need my tomorrow to be better than my today. It has to be.

I'll take this chance to share with you a piece of good news - I got in as an RA. Which means (yay) free accommodation for one sem to come and (more yay) I get to finally do what I have wanted since the first day I moved into RVR.

They asked the ten of us to each tell them what is it that's so unique, so different, and so desirable about ourselves that they will definitely need us to be one of the RAs.

My, oh my. I was seriously stressed on stage when I heard that question, because surely there are people with impressive and powerful resume waiting for them to pick and present. What did I have, seriously. And I was going to be the third speaker.

The first guy drew upon his portfolio and illustrated how versatile he is, and how he could fit into any situation and do his best in every situation. Flexibility was what he could offer. Many examples from his portfolio - too many for me to recall - but basically the message is he is so damn capable that it will be anybody's loss if you turn him away. Can't refuse a candidate like him, seriously.

-Damn my heart was beating up again-

The second guy was Mr Personality. Even without saying anything I'm pretty sure he was 80% in already. He is the kind of guy everybody just listens to. So he said he was the Computer Guy, good in photoshopping, video-editting and the programming stuff - which was practically what they needed. So Mr Personality was like the all-in-one package for them - nobody would reject such a holistic package.

-DING DONG IT'S MY TURN WHAT THE HELL WHAT TO SAY WHAT TO SAY WHAT TO SAY!-

"I am not a computer girl, but I am a "words" girl - I write. So maybe the computer guys set up a website, or a blog for RVR, and I can be the one writing about the happenings around RVR, or updating about upcoming events. As a matter of fact I blog, and when I write, I usually do it in a sarcastic or a cynical manner, which I find, (the style of writing)is something people tend to be more interested in. Yea I blog, and I do think I am pretty good at that. Therefore I can be of use definitely, and hopefully can direct external attention to RVR.

(Pause... Then I thought of something and before I could process it, I found myself already talking about it.)

Oh on a not very related note, I do really good manicures too. So maybe if one fine day we are going to have anything like a Vanity Fair booth or RVR manicure I definitely will be able to do a pretty good job."

Immediately after I said that, a tremendous pang of regret hit in. Honestly Ivy what was THAT supposed to be! When everybody was thinking of ways to market themselves presentably in the most useful way possible, you talked about being damn good at manicures!? And it's not like you've got a director of this and that from whatever CCA to back you up! Seriously what if they think you are a bimbo!

There were ten of us but only seven openings, which means three of us were going home at the end of the day. Honestly, against a backdrop of candidates with impressive portfolios, I was very well prepared to move out.
*******

But, I got in eventually. It turns out that they liked me after all!

2010-03-31T21:28:00.002+08:00

There's nothing wrong with evangelizing.

If you just know your limits.

So today was an ordinary lab day for us, and we were at the ordinary science canteen with some ordinary food as lunch. As we were all deeply engrossed in our ordinary lame chats over the lunch table suddenly a saintly looking (I said saintly because she did looked pleasant like an angel) girl just appeared somehow, with an oh-so-warmly smile and said:

"Hi! (Placed four highlighters on our table) This is to let you know you are blessed. (Inserts warm friendly smile again) We are from Campus C_____e, and our website is on the highlighters if you are interested in knowing more about us. (Ends with a bright brilliant flashy smile)"

I know some, if not most of you, will think of me narrating the above paragraph and when you do, you're bound to picture me doing that with hell lot of sarcasm. I don't blame you, because when I re-tell stories I usually do it in a cynical way.

But for all that's worth, I actually meant all the words I wrote in brackets, literally. Me at that point in time, knew for once it was part of their evangelism devotions and there was NOTHING wrong with showing people the magnificence of your religion - they call it 'Good News' for a reason.

Good News also to the five of us, since we each got ourselves a free highlighter. Yay.

Then, little did we know, one of the evangelists (that's what they were, right?) approached a table of girls of a certain known religion. The thing is, these girls belong to a religious group which is known for being strict. Not to mention, people in that religion are supposed to be in it for life - conversion from it is highly improbable. In a multiracial and multicultural society we respect everybody's devotion to his or her beliefs. It means that while we tolerate evangelistic actions we also have lines which no one should ever cross. By living in this society for thus long we should already know that a certain religion sees conversion away as possible betrayal or something (correct me if I'm wrong).

So then why offer highlighters when this gesture could imply offense to the others?

Honestly, for an evangelist at work he or she should first be sensitive. Sensitive to people's feelings, to people's different needs, and most importantly, to the unspoken rules in the society. Not being able to do these makes one a total failure as a member of any society, much less an evangelist.

2010-03-25T18:15:00.003+08:00

I think I might just have landed myself with the best boyfriend ever.

Notice I did not bold nor italic the 'best', so you can pretty much assume I meant literally what I just said.

Okay, so the normal superficial Anne Sally or Cindy probably retorts "he isn't even the most handsome the strongest the tallest and most certainly not the richest, and you're calling him the best boyfriend ever?" Which, in my very humble opinion, is as superficial as you can get.

So what if my boyfriend isn't the tallest or the richest or the most handsome? Mind you, rich, handsome and available is a combination you can NEVER find in the same package. Therefore you pretty much have to pick some and forgo the rest.

And I picked...
*
*
*
*
*

ACCOMMODATING

Girls will understand how essential an accommodating boyfriend is at some point in time. Being girls we are particularly vulnerable to some certain hormonal influences and I am not saying this to justify extreme temperaments. We have mood swings, be it hormonal or not; but the very anatomy we girls are living in, is going to make periodic mood swings even more difficult to control. (I really sound like I'm desperately trying to justify bad temperaments, don't I?) So in this aspect, a boyfriend who can take your shits and not lashing them back at you (seriously, I must be watching too much of Grey's Anatomy) is but highly appreciated.

Fortunately and coincidentally, such is the boy I am seeing now.

I hate Anat to the core alright, and so does everybody. But time and time again there is always this guy beside me, whispering into my ears to just try and be patient.
Then I got so demoralized by Geog (I am sure you are already aware of it), but there was this voice that made me see the blessings in disguise.
I am not the only one with a busy schedule, yet there's always this someone who made me sit with him every weekend to go through things in 2132.
And the guy who did everything, he has not even complained. Yet me, the ultimate beneficiary of these acts of generosity, throw tantrums periodically if not all the time.

He sees the best in everything but in his image I come to realize all my inadequacy, imperfections and how small I am as a character, and how much I need to improve as a person. And it so happens he is my walking template for me to learn.

So, he IS the best boyfriend ever, right!

P.S. Goodness I sound like I'm crazily in love :D

2010-03-18T19:08:00.003+08:00

I went to sleep before 12 last night.

At 2am, I was still nowhere near Lalaland, simply because the pain in both the throat and the head were preventing me from meeting Uncle Zhou.

At 5am, I found myself curled up in a fetal position. I guess deep down we find most comfort and feel safest in our mothers' wombs.

0730hr: Alas! My Rabbit called me on my handphone. I was, of course, not the least interested in going for lecture with a mad throbbing head.

I WAS SICK (still am) AND DOWN WITH FEVER, HEADACHE AND OF COURSE SORE THROAT.

If I had known this was gonna come, I wouldn't have painted my nails this prettily last night:

I would have, instead, done my lab report, for instance.

But it's alright, I'm back alive and kicking (with some butterflies in the stomach but still, okay). I was thinking of indulging myself a little by visiting some makeup sites and to my delight I saw this:

O-M-G, the colour is mad pretty or what! It may look like black but it's actually some dark greyish green. Normally I wouldn't fancy anything green, but this is surely an exception. Then again, Mac is selling it at SGD19 a bottle - grossly overpriced. So I guess some things are only meant to look at but not to own.

In any case, the queue was super long and the wait was agonizing at UHC. It's the flu season again and many people are down with it.

Don't get sick anymore!

2010-03-16T00:00:00.002+08:00

Those of you who know, I spent a whooping SGD969 at ITFair 2010 this time. (Actually it's 18 dollars more since I got a cute laptop case for both my Rabbit and I)

And OH BOY it sure does feel thrilling to be blogging from a new laptop. Tapping on a whole new keyboard (with keyboard protector), looking into a whole new 14" WIDESCREEN which I never had the luxury of enjoying in the past, and working on an OS that is waaaaaaaaay quicker than what I used to have.

When I just finished typing the last paragraph my Rabbit called to tell me his cousin is gonna be in labour soon. OH-MY-GOD can you imagine someone telling you another life is on its (in this case, her) way here?

I don't exactly know how to tell you this but, it felt magical at that instant.

To me it shed some light on how expecting mothers feel during the course of their pregnancy. I mean I already feel so much thrill knowing a new life is on its way, how else would these mothers feel to be cradling their little ones inside their bodies?

Life is amazing. Now I see it.

2010-03-08T18:14:00.002+08:00

This week has been most awful. For one, nothing seemed to go in the way I want them to be.

It doesn't help when the heat wave is here and it boils my every drop of blood, making me one very volatile person. Literally.

And nothing is fine academically. Oh doesn't help either that I'm delving into escapism instead of tunneling through the problems.

Have I reached the bottleneck already?

2010-03-03T19:55:00.004+08:00

-The following post IS emo, full of negativities, blablabla-
If you choose to read on, DON'T COMMENT.

My intuitions were right when I first felt the strong apprehension towards knowing my mid term result for geog, and my decision to not let them tell me about it on the day I had two more midterms was probably the best ever made. Because when I saw my paper this morning, I was quite devastated.

It is a module I have most respect for. I sincerely thought it would be my saving grace this semester.

Sometimes it's not about being kiasu and keep comparing yourself against others. No, I do not feel any happier to be doing better than any Tom, Dick or Harry. Nor do I feel any more triumphant when I am 0.5 higher than so and so. But it is about positioning yourself in the cohort, and gauging roughly where you stand. I don't ask for the best or second best - if you position me somewhere near the 75th percentile, I'd be pleased (coz it's a B+).

But looking at the just-made-it type of passing grade AND knowing the overwhelmingly many mark-intervals between me and the highest score, the only possibility that I can ever be anywhere near the 75th percentile is, of course, if 75 percent of the cohort fall below me. Which, given the mean and median of the paper, is a terribly unlikely occurrence.

To reiterate, this was the module I had (yes, past tense, for I no longer find it likeable anymore) more respect for. Also, this was the module I sacrificed my CNY enjoyments for. And enjoyed reading so much that I spent days reading everything all over again.

I am not the least joking.

It really makes me wonder if this is the best I can ever do. Ask me if I have done my best, yes I have. But THIS, is BEST ?! If this is the best I can ever do, then all those studying have all gone to waste haven't they. Instead of cooping myself up in the house trying to make sure I remember everything (which was all committed to memory already), time could have been more meaningfully spent on things like, say, better manicure skills or coming up with a new hair-do or make-up - things that make me happy.

I mean if additional effort doesn't fetch me any better result at all, AT ALL, then at the very least I can be happy.

Never will I believe anything anybody tells me about any module anymore. NEVER.

2010-02-23T22:52:00.004+08:00

I have engaged myself in hours of futility trying to understand Anat, but she still proves herself as one hell of a bitch. So I took a break, painted my nails with yet another colour(again), and decided it was foolish to spend the rest of my night pulling my hairs out under the influence of Anat.

So, I thought I'd share something funny / creepy with you people.

Nuisance calls. Many of you should have received at least one in your entire life as a phone user. You know, those "Congratulations miss/mr you won a lucky draw by our company" in an accent so distinctly (fill in the blank). I am not discriminating against any group but you do agree with me that those words, when spoken in an accent unique to THAT country, come across as particularly irritating.

But we have all been lucky, because after we explicitly express our disinterest (and sometimes hostility towards the other side of the line), they do not call back anymore.

My dear Rabbit however, has not such luck with him lately (probably because I have been away HAHA). Strange numbers with NIGERIA country code have been consistently calling his handphone, day and night, for the past one week. Even more disturbing is that calls kept coming in IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (and I mean in the middle of his SLEEP), apparently from this young lady named LALA. He picked up once and shouted into the phone "STOP CALLING ME!" just to be greeted with a "Hello darling I am Lala."

Honestly, when my dear Rabbit told me about it, I nearly gagged myself while laughing at 'LALA'.

The unintended humour aside, this now becomes a serious issue. Such calls that persist even after warning given could, and should, constitute harrassment. As to how in the world that Lala girl got hold of MY rabbit's number still remains a mystery. While I am typing this I am wondering if this is a syndicate, or if witchcraft could be involved. Maybe they randomly generate a number and try calling and when the line is through and someone picks up, they start practising witchcraft on the innocent victim, making him or her do stuffs against his/her conciousness. THEN HOW! Yes oh-my-god this starts to freak me out.

So I told my dear rabbit to lodge a police report, on the basis that it is now a form of harrassment. But it seems like he finds my suggestion a joke, and until now he still hasn't made an inch towards the police station. Changing the phone number will definitely put a stop to this Lala-harrassment, yes, but what if there IS really a syndicate operating somewhere (Nigeria?)? How are we to be certain our new, changed phone numbers would not fall prey to their game of chances?

And therefore yes I am still a little disappointed that my sincerest suggestion was taken as a form of joke. And yes I am still feeling a tad sour about it.

In any case, I hope those of you who so luckily read this in time, stay alert at all times. Danger always lurks around places you least expect it to be. And like what Lenka sings, "Trouble he will find you no matter where you go", the only way to keep us safe is to be alert at all times.

If you see unfamiliar numbers flashing on your phone screen as incoming call, it's always not a bad idea to just reject it.

2010-02-21T21:57:00.002+08:00

Oh dear. One week of recess week plus CNY has come to an end, with only Geog mid-term test to grace the first day of school.

Oh dear. Now it somewhat freaks me out when everything on my notes looks familiar, yet I don't feel I actually know them. It's like an acquaintance who looks very much like a stranger from afar.

The first few days of CNY was horrible. I meant the weather. My oh my was it thirty over degrees celcius or what! Even without much fidgeting around, everybody ended up feeling sticky and warm all over after a mere three hours in front of the TV.

But if there's one thing special about this CNY, it would be the sight of girls in cheongsams almost everywhere. Seriously, it seemed cheongsams reeled back into fashion this chinese new year.

I want a cheongsam next CNY too (:

Oh, and it appears that I am always a tad too ambitious. Either this, or that I'm plainly too inefficient. Well if you ask me I'd prefer the former of course, as it seems less incompetent that way. Anyway, the story is - I brought home all my Geog, Anat and Physical notes in hope that I could at least clear some doubts and pack in info for the up-coming midterms, but other than some 50% of the Geog which proved to be of use, the rest were just there to make up the numbers, AND to impress upon others that I was some hardworking girl.

I, AM, SO DEAD. If I still find them strangers instead of best friends by the end of this week.

2010-01-29T00:41:00.003+08:00

I am not even supposed to be typing here, but I am too pissed off, too frustrated, which became can't-be-bothered to continue working on my report.

The most frustrating part of writing a lab report is when you find that after a long session of laborious excel data entry and operations, the outcome of your calculations serves to only tell you that your experimental results contain large amout of ERROR. And you know for sure your experimental data are problematic, because your theory confirms a trend for data that isn't quite the same trend you get after your calculations.

And then you think it might have arisen from poor Excel literacy, or personal errors, or systematic errors in Excel data entry, but when you've checked and double checked all the formulae in all the cells, the only conclusion you can draw is PROBLEMATIC EXPERIMENTAL DATA.

So, you panic.
Because this just isn't simply titration, where you can roughly work out the correct volumes. This, is a matter of an ARRAY of data, of which you have NO CLUES whatsoever where the error could possibly have arisen.

This is what I should have got:

See how perfectly shaped the curve is? According to theory it should tend towards zero as mole fraction approaches both zero and one. But look what I've got:

What a BEAUTIFUL quadratic curve! Awesome fit (R-square is 0.9982)! But it does NOT tend to zero at both extremes.

To make things worse, I selected TWELVE entries for Y, yet Excel stubbornly displayed SIX of them only. Yes, stubbornly, because no matter how many times I changed the scales, selected the data again and again, or even changed the chart type, it just insisted on displaying SIX out of the twelve. Why people's Excel so obedient but mine so OUTRAGEOUS!

Oh Excel how I hate you now.

2010-01-23T09:23:00.002+08:00

Not only am I squandering my time away, I just bid goodbye to a good sum of money at John Little yesterday as well.

On my bus ride to Marina Square to my slight dismay I realized there are actually THREE John Little outlets along Orchard Road: one somewhere around somerset MRT, another inside Plaza Singapura, yet another at Marina Square. Which brings me to wonder, why in the world are they concentrating all three outlets around Orchard, when places further away are completely devoid of any John Little?

Anyway, since there is a Spring sale 20% storewide, I decided to replace a few items in my makeup bag since they are either running out, or beginning to malfunction. Of course I also got my ZA hydrating gel which I refused to get without sale because I was too cheapo to pay 20-odd dollars for a moisturizer.

In total I swept:
1 mascara
1 liquid eyeliner (actually I wanted a glittery one from Splash because it was cuter and a little larger BUT they priced it at 17.90 my holiness!)
1 bottle cosmetic olive oil
1 eye&lips makeup remover AND
1 ZA deep hydrating gel

Wahaha laying all the items on my bed made me feel LOVED!! Initially I also included a Maybelline blusher in Watermelon (super demure pale pink!), a Rimmel pencil eyeliner, a blending brush and a few eyeshadow palettes. But in the end I concluded since I'm more of an eyeliner person AND I already have a pencil liner, AND the blusher I have can probably last me til I'm 40, I decided to only get the 'essentials' and forgo the 'I-wants'.

By my shopping day ended up with quite a nasty stomach upset. My dear Rabbit told me he got the same thing too, which made us wonder if the culprit was the Jasmine Tea we both drank.

2010-01-21T00:30:00.002+08:00

Today is a sleepless night. Couldn't even drift near Lalaland despite rolling all over my bed and transfering all that's on my pillow onto my face, and back again. But it also in a sleepless night like this that unknowingly, I put on my thinking cap and, well, started thinking about everything that has happened, happening, and may happen.

I thought about friendship, and what this ten lettered word that is so ingrained into our urban dictionary, actually means in a realistic world like ours. How do we define a friend - people we know? or we talk to? In my 21 years I have known more than 400 people (Facebook says I have 417 friends)! That is sufficient to qualify me as a 'very friendly person'. Reality check: I don't even remember having any recent contacts with more than three-quarters of them. How much a friend then, is a friend whom you never spoke of, spoke to, or even thought about in the last one month?

I have (almost) lost contact (completely) with (all) my Primary school classmates, schoolmates, friends. Some of them I still remember vividly whom I regarded as best friends, good friends back then. Yet now if you put us on Orchard Road side by side, I wonder if any one of us is able to recognize one another on the streets. So what became of the friendship we once shared when we were still young and innocent? It is but just another piece of history which we all have learnt to put behind, because the reality of life presses us to look forward, not backward.

Then I thought about the friends I currently enjoy the company of. They are great people, each a star in their own right. So much we have shared between us, but will we still be the same when everybody moves on with their lives in future? We have seen how a certain misunderstanding, a certain misconception already put people at loggerheads with one another, almost completely dissolving the friendship ties they once made. With so many years still ahead of us (I am optimistic that we will live long enough), how sure and certain are we that we will emerge unquivered even the slightest through the test of time? And that we can still firmly profess "friendship forever"?

Then I started thinking about relationship issues. This I shall not elaborate further. We have seen enough break-ups and divorces to justify "people change". It is true to a very high degree that you will never know how well a person fare as a boyfriend/husband until you get together/married. I have failed once, and know it all too well, the pain of picking up all the broken pieces one by one by myself while the other side doesn't even give a shit. But will we always end up with the Prince Charming we date and marry off like fairytales always do? Even so, will marriage withstand, again, the test of time?

I certainly hope we will last, baby.

The hour is getting late, and I should probably get back to bed in hope of catching the last train to Lalaland, that I could finally be in Lalaland, no matter how short a time I'm gonna spend there.

Til then, I'll see ya.

2010-01-20T15:31:00.002+08:00

I'm loving my time-table. But this is an obvious evidence that I'm squandering my precious free time away, just as how a spendthrift squanders his money away. I mean, time can be better managed to increase my level of chemical literacy such as reading the most boring character tables, point groups and symmetry operations for example. Or, time can be better spent in engaging my mind in solving the wonders of thermodynamics, a task I prefer to describe as a dog-chase-tail type of merry go round.

Instead, I chose to let time ooze past, minute by minute, second by second, by engaging myself in our very familiar and hedonic past time - online shopping.

Why am I just not filthy rich! Else I would be living such a blissful rosy life of indulgence.

2010-01-17T21:35:00.002+08:00

Amused.

I find it amusing that the position that brings ultimate comfort when you're having some life-threatening abdominal pain is just squatting. Yes, that simple squatting as you would inside a squatting toilet. I used to dismiss this position as something disgraceful - it's so unglam, ungraceful and un-ladylike - until I finally come to enlightenment the pleasure it brings. I am indeed squatting as I am typing this out.

It has been a hell of a Sunday today. What worse way to wake up to a bird-chirping Sunday than to jump off the bed realizing the auntie you most dislike has paid you a *surprise* visit. And because of that what was originally supposed to be a pleasant weekend became mostly bed-ridden.

Oh gosh. These cramps brought me ultimate mental exhaustion and physical torture.

The first week of the sem just breezed past, and week 2 is about to kick in. And Imma say goodbye to this honeymoon-style of a life soon. Okay, no complaints unless I want a punch in my face, haha.

2010-01-10T15:29:00.003+08:00

Okay, let me see. My last post was dated 4th December, which means it's been a record of more than one solid month without any post.

In the space of one month, blog image bandwith exceeded its limit and crashed, mixpod totally deleted all my songs because Youtube requested audio files to be streamed together with their videos, and yours truly had next to nothing to write about.

The very last part was a joke and you should already know it.

The last month has been nothing but eventful, which was great and horrible all the same. Of sheer fate and perfect timing I attended a six-day course on Longevitology (see http://www.longevitology.org) during the week of Christmas, and I must say, believe it or not, this is real and people around the world are bearing witnesses to the healing powers of nature. No, this is not about rubbing stones or smelling trees; it's about you accepting nature's energy in its abundance, and letting it (energy) help your system to re-adjust and hence bring you good health. No frills, no hidden costs, just you and your hands to make miracles happen.

You may think I'm out of my mind to believe in such things. Fair enough, the topic of energy healing has been the topic of scams for as long as we have seen. That's why we need to see for ourselves to believe it.

Longevitology isn't the only thing that happened. In fact, most of my holiday was devoted to packing up things in my old house, to move down to PJ. Well, new place, new life. But it will never be the same as Ipoh ever, considering the circumstances at the new home. In fact, I still find it difficult to identify with the PJ house, because it just isn't home.

Sigh.

I hope this skin is pleasing to your eyes. At least it pleased mine (:

2009-12-04T21:00:00.003+08:00

This week passed like a breeze across the meadow - in what seemed like a short span of time great distances, in my case many things, were covered. Got back home for a friend's wedding, got stuck in the most massive traffic jam ever, zoomed across a quarter of Perak state in my friend's lightspeed vehicle, rejoiced at the end of exams, got many bus tickets, The Christmas Carol, Eugene's farewell, and last but not least, watched Ninja Assassin. That was practically my entire week.

Eventful? Most certainly.

SF's wedding was by far the most tiring wedding I have ever attended, because one, we were there as Sisters (姐妹) instead of guests of honour and be served; and two, we covered the most extensive distance we have ever covered on land just to get to her place. Geez I must say at the end of the day we were all mentally exhausted. To add up to the mental strain, I had to head back South barely after spending one night at home. But of course, I was the most lucky of the lot, since the rest returned to The Island after the wedding.

The Christmas Carol I would say, is overall a very educational movie with superb visuals and valuable life lessons to take away. However I would not suppose the movie was made with a young audience in mind. The dialogues, words and even metaphors were a little too Shakespearean, or maybe I should call it literature-ish, for young minds to comprehend. Even my companion for the day who was old as me missed out some words that were being used, lest a child who hasn't even completed his/her primary education? But if we can understand the movie, then we will take home an important lesson - that Christmas isn't all about turkey or wine or carols, but about a time for us to embrace, to right all our wrongs with an open heart, a time for expression of gratitude, and a time for sharing and giving. And most important of all, Christmas happens every year to remind us, year after year, how we always get so caught up with life's mandates that we eventually forget these resolutions we make every year - to share, to give, and to repent.

If The Christmas Carol paints a rosy picture, Ninja's Assasin then paints also a red picture, but a very, very, bloody one. And I'm not talking about just bleeding blood; I am referring to fountains of blood, or firewords of blood, or even a laundry load of liquid blood and body parts spinning inside the still-operating machine. On top of that, I am also suggesting detached body parts constantly dashing left right up down across the big screen. Yes, gore it is, but gore is such an understatement. It was brutally, inhumanely gory. Now I honestly wonder how anyone could sit in, watch the entire gore exhibit, and best of all, munch down popcorns throughout the show!!? (Alright that was practically everybody but me - most of the time I hid behind my Rabbit's jacket, lowering it only during the peaceful scenes, which made up less than three-fifth of the show.) I really wonder if the main selling point of the show was gore, nevermind Rain's constant muscle-flaunt throught his appearances. Okay, I sighed when he first flexed his outstandingly defined muscles - no clothes on - after which his fine body appeared constantly slashed and wounded and yes, bloody. Which was totally de-appetizing, to some extent even bullemic-inducing.

That's about all that happened this week. Currently waiting for photos taken throughout this week to arrive in my mailbox - a long, long and painful wait it is.

2009-11-21T20:15:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, since I more or less already figured out the truth, why do I still attempt to seek confirmation, as if by any work of miracle it would turn out not as what I figured it out to be?

Or is it a human nature to live in denial, trying to grasp on the hope that somehow life is less harsh as it seems?

It isn't as if I wanna broadcast my good intentions to the whole world (I guess I just did by writing it here) but it sure does fetch a good load of disappointment to realize that at the other end of the line, nobody is gonna respond or say thank you. It is not like I'm going to force a bullet through your head if you don't thank me for my acts of goodwill, but admit it, you DO feel better when you know your efforts are appreciated.

I guess it's not happening now. I would be blatantly lying in your face if I said "Oh it's nothing". But who is to blame, really? Nobody.

Slowly and steadily, time has eroded the once strong impression of me in you, and time after time I find myself nothing but a shadow that once breezed past your eventful life.

2009-11-11T17:14:00.002+08:00

Probably all the Chem majors (who are taking CM2101 of course) are complaining about having to still rush out lab report at this time of the semester where everything appears to gradually come to a halt - the usual peace before a storm, THE storm.

But I am not.

Alright I was. After what seemed to be a whole night of blinding my own eyes, I have finally drawn out my table of peaks and vibrational level assignments. Nevermind if you can't understand the above. It's good to show that you, unlike me, still have good eyesight now.

The peril of a Science student (and I mean CHEM MAJORS mostly) is that aside from damaging our gift of sight by making some sense out of the array of data using Excel, we still have to provide quality evaluation of our data using Word. And the affair with Word, very much unlike the robotic experience with Excel, is usually where a Science student like me meets the stumbling block.

And it is always the reason why we dread lab reports. Had the whole thing been just a pure Excel affair, it would be very well taken care of by our robotic-selves.

I am stuck (again) at "Discussion" where the use of Word is an absolute. Yet I am not approaching it with apprehension like I always do.

Because, my Rabbit sent me his version of "Discussion" I could work on, and it turned out to be actually this!

Yes, love, I'm IN!

2009-11-04T22:56:00.002+08:00

I know this isn't the best time for some dark, emo post, yet who-ever to can I pour my woes but you, Mr. Blogspot.

Everytime I look at us, I would marvel at how long we've known one another, and be impressed with how much we've progressed from the time we first met. But now, even as we gather, there is this void that I feel between us that gets increasingly annoying.

Do you feel the same?

Friendship is fragile. I've known and appreciated this for as long as I can remember. So I've always wanted to maintain everything beautiful that has ever happened between us. Tried to maintain quality conversation and things like that. But it got increasingly difficult as time passed.

You know, looking at how we've become to-date, it just makes me wonder if the same scenario would be replicated amoungst the different circles of friends I have now. How would we be like, after all of us graduate and land in different jobs in different industries?

Should, one fine day I ever land myself in deep shit, would you have the time to spare for me to get me out of this shit?

Or is this a norm, when everyone of us move on with different lives, there are less and less points of intersections between our paths, and gradually we may just end up being acquaintances on skew lines?

But I am most unwilling to accept we could turn out this way.

So my trusted friend, would you spare some time for me, and we'll work a way out together, and reconcile this fragile relationship that once ran deep between us?

2009-11-04T15:29:00.002+08:00

I just have to blog, else I'll leave my room pratically a mute on Thursday thanks to one solid day of solitude in my room being a hermit.

In my last post I recounted a nightmare of some sort, where in that (geeky / nerdy) dream I was an electrophile about to be ATTACKED by some nucleophile. A friend asked me how the nucleophile looked like in the dream. Err, well, it looked just like how chemists (like us) usually draw an amine. Yea, that big pair of looming lone pair was present too.

In the middle of the night last night my imagination took over that sleepy mind of mine again. Like that electrophile dream, I woke up remembering the entire dream clearly.

Two guys and a girl were with me in a car, and we went disguised as negotiators to some mysterious place trying to expose some syndicate. The entrance was at the very top of a very steep slope, so imagine our car tilted back as my friend parked at the "security inspection" sign. After all the identification frenzy we were told to wait.

Something seemed to have gone wrong.

At the precise moment we decided to just back out and leave, but the brake seemed to not function. I heard my friend, the driver, yelled "OH SHIT!". The whole car, as if being pushed by a mighty invisible hand, slipped down the slope at high velocity.

There was nothing anyone of us could do inside the car.

After what seemed to be a millenium passed, the car changed direction as it hit the road dividers. Instead of slipping backwards, our car was maneuvered 180 degress and then we could clearly see what lay ahead. The slope hasn't ended, and we were still falling, but this time, forward.

That's when I started screaming. So was my girlfriend at the rear passenger seat. A mega-sized truck was coming out from a junction ahead and because the brakes could offer no deceleration, at the speed we were dashing downhill, it was a sure car-crash in no time. You know how big the inertias of such megatrucks are, and you know how difficult it is for them, and for us, to stop completely out of emergency. Emergency braking was plainly not an available option for both of us.

Then things blurred, road dividers left the ground, and the megatruck looked inverted for a short moment of time. My girlfriend and I were thrown all around the interior of the car as it swang left and right, banging into obstacles of various sizes along the way. My friend was hurt, her head hit against the window and she bled.

Friction finally brought our car to a stop. Trees were no longer a blur. The megatruck stopped successfully at a distance too. Audible voices were heard, but I could not process any words. The guys came around and carried us out of the vehicle. It was so wretched.

And I woke up. I wasn't in a wretched car.

But I never went back to sleep, until 8am where the sun was bright, telling me I'm safe from harm. The next thing I knew, it was already 11.

2009-11-03T09:51:00.003+08:00

You will never believe this could EVER ever happen to me. I had a dream, and I woke up with a start, before checking myself in the mirror to see if I was really still me.

The dream was so vivid.

I was formaldehyde. I was an electrophile. And in my dream, I was going to be added according to the Mannich's reaction. No I am not joking. I could see the amine coming in my direction too.

This is too much a joke my mind is playing with me. Maybe not. Maybe, it was the aftermath of the ONE-question-ONE-part-50-marks-and-I-couldn't-do-paper.

It left me waking up, feeling traumatized at the ability of my mind to dream such a dream. I think I'll be scared of formaldehyde for quite some time now.

2009-10-31T17:16:00.002+08:00

This is the time of the monthly attack, yet how fun to be going through the attack with enols. Nevermind if you don't understand enols - it's for people with head damage to comprehend anyway.

So of course, I was Facebook-ing (technology has hence created new words in our urban vocabulary) and found this article my friend posted on her page as a link.

The Disadvantages of an Elite Education - by William Deresiewicz

Read it, it is interesting. Even more so is when it is an article written by an elite himself, criticizing the downsides of the very system that created him.

Then again, the flaws in the education system which he highlighted are but, in my humble opinion, within the same package you get from a meritocratic system. And this trend as he mentioned is not only apparent in the US - as of now, it is being replicated all around the world. I should think this is an inevitable result of, one, the pressure of a globalized "Knowledge Enterprise" economy; and two, a meritocratic education system.

As long as you want both, you will, after a few generations of students, observe the emergence of elite schools and from them, the trend that was mentioned in the article.

See, even in the US this is happening. What more of our system, right?

2009-10-29T08:49:00.002+08:00

I know I wouldn't be able to hold this in silence any longer. It is remarkable I let all the agitations subside over the night and write about these matters in a calm manner. I am becoming more mature, yay.

The lengthy yet constructive msn convo with my sister last night revealed to me just how I use the word 'hypocrites' excessively of late. Then again, there ARE just a tad too many hypocrites in my life recently.

A friend of mine has taken the trouble to help me revert my RA application to her boss, which I have nothing but ultimate gratitude towards the favour. But last night she got back to me with bad news. Okay, these things happen all the time, really. It's either they want you or they don't want. So to me at that moment, it was alright - maybe I'm just not good enough.

But upon deliberation over the issue, it is not just FINE to me anymore. According to my friend, the reason her boss gave her for rejecting me is, "what I wrote in my application is NOTHING SPECIAL". Please note that in the following I am not talking about my friend, but rather, her boss.

How has a Resident Assistant application got to be SPECIAL, when the questions asked were so standard and we were to write within word limits? Really, if it is SPECIAL ideas or scripts you are looking for, why don't you just look for "Creative Director" instead? Then it is fully justified and you'll get all the SPECIAL applications from SPECIAL applicants to read to your liking.

And of course, to dismiss my application form on the basis that it is NOT SPECIAL, you are but revealing the flaw in your selection system. How do you define an application form as SPECIAL? Flattering compliments, over-the-top flowery language, or out-of-the-world bizarre ideas? Then should you not look for an "Editor" instead? Sure, if those are the basis for your judging then yes, my application is so NOT SPECIAL.

By shortlisting candidates based on how SPECIAL their applications are, you have already assumed that ALL good and befitting candidates are ALL good writers. *Sarcasm ON*Oh-my-god, even a 12-year-old would laugh at how unlinked and stupid this assumption is. I didn't say you are stupid, I just said a 12-year-old would think you are stupid. Don't assume.*Sarcasm OFF*

Flattering compliments? I had none. All I had was the flaws in the management of this place and a list of how this place can be further improved for the benefit of future residents and believe me, it is a longg list and there is a vast room for improvement.

Over-the-top flowery language? I had none. All I had was a sincere, down-to-earth, matter-of-fact tone to bring forth my points, and to illustrate what I really think. I know exactly when I am really serious about something and writing my application was one of the things I did with utmost respect for.

Out-of-the-world bizarre ideas (for the event to propose)? I had none. I did not see the point in proposing something that is impractical, or stick to the safe ways of "yea another potluck or a trip to sentosa blablabla" because YOU know and I know, they are so stale. You can ask me personally what I wrote inside and honestly, I do not and did not find the idea boring at all.

Look, if you want to save the hassle from conducting another interview so you just want to reject me, you can just say the RA candidate is already chosen and you respect that decision the panel made. People will definitely understand and maybe they'll try again next time to prove their worth. But if you just come up with some dumb and lame excuse like "your application is NOT SPECIAL enough", honestly how much do you expect me to buy your story? It just makes you a total hypocrite, really.

By telling me what I wrote was not SPECIAL, it really intrigued me exactly what the other applicants wrote that were SO SPECIAL that warranted them their interviews and some even the appointment. I even told my friend she can pass the word to her boss, that I suggested they publish and make it public everything the RAs wrote in their application, especially the ones that just got appointed this round. Then it can serve as a justification of their selection system and also for the reference of future applicants.

I am not sarcastic at all. I mean, following your trail of argument that those who get the interview must have written something very SPECIAL during their application, surely those who get appointed must have written even MORE SPECIAL things. Surely, it's not something like another potluck or Sentosa trip and even more surely, it's way better than what I proposed.

So since the selection criteria are so stringent why don't you just make it public and show the future interested applicants hey we take pride in our selection system and only the MOST SPECIAL gets the job! So you don't anyhow apply because it will just waste your time!

My friend told me to try again, don't give up. On normal days I would. But her boss just completely killed any remaining sincerity I still had. Try again, you said? What I'll be writing in my next application would be the same as what I have written, because that's truly my opinion and that's what I believed in. I am not the hypocrite that sway and change what I believe in to suit market demands and get me up the management ladder. Even if I'm writing my application form for the hundredth time, it will still be the same as my first, which was completely regarded as NOT SPECIAL. So, try next time? What's the point when the same people are assessing my application using the same set of criteria - heart not important, abiilty to write takes priority?

When I told others about this mess, all of them said, unanimously, 不希罕. Well, yea, at least I know it's a lame excuse and never would I work for a hypocrite anyway.

2009-10-27T22:18:00.002+08:00

Discouraged. Disheartened. To the point of feeling deluded.

Of all the promises and the facades deliberately created to construct this community. At a point I was even moved, motivated, inspired. I was made to feel the urge to contribute, to play a part, to make changes.

Most importantly, I truly felt, in the sincerest my heart could speak of, the urge to contribute, to play a part, to make changes.

When they say don't stop dreaming, because you'll never know, your dream may come true one fine bright sunny day.

Yes my dream did come true, except that it is one dark glum stormy night.

What, a contrast.

Call me a sour grape as you may, part of me is calling me so anyway. What I do not understand is why some people are denied their chances to prove their worth, when the importance is not even on merits? Sure, it is all about presenting yourself in an interview setting.

So why, oh just slam me with the reason why, is there even a need to 'shortlist' people based on nothing but black words from the application form, when the whole idea of selection is to find a person who can best carry the responsibility, and not pushing for academic excellence.

If the selection is based on the urge to serve, I have all my emails of active feedback to back me up. If the selection is based on the proficiency of English (as their mediocre minds read from the online application form), I do not and will not fare any worse either. Now I can proudly say this because prior to submission I have proof-checked and quality enhanced many times.

This part of me who still yearns to serve is getting increasingly annoying to the other, the more evil, half. I am not wrong to say all of us who applied deserve a chance to articulate our desires and vie on equal grounds. The eventual champion can then be 'legitimized'. It is disheartening to finally know the type of system they employ, to see that in the process of randomly shortlisting people some who wants the post for the wrong reasons could over-shadow the others with a genuine heart.

It makes me wonder, if my minuscule ability is ever going to make any changes to the tortoise-reflex management even if I got through the interview, assuming I have got the chance to argue my point through in the first place.

2009-10-26T21:21:00.002+08:00

There is a plan, a masterplan it would be. I was having this trail of thoughts running in my mind, and that was how I conceived of this plan - a personal project I call it - just moments ago.

What do you want to look back on when you are sitting on an armchair in a hot afternoon, 50 years later? 50 years later is when you and I are but old, hopefully wise, grandpas and grandmas. Sure, given that we are currently at the prime of our years, the limit to what we are capable to achieve is endless. But, would you want your whole life spent on something you spend your undergrad years doing, and keep thinking back about the same type of things when you're 70?

Surely there can be more things to do than just one. Some people understood this, and they started doing business on blogshops, or they started making Youtube videos that could touch the lives of many. The big-hearted headed out to connect with the less fortunates, and many more of the religious have been evangelising in hope to enlighten the lives of many more. And the list just doesn't stop here.

These people are going to look back at their lives when they are 70, and feel satisfied because their lives have been meaningful. They did things they had passion for.

My aunt is an advocate for campus ministry. Religions aside, her life has been more interesting than with engineering alone. Some of my friends have been marvellous photographers, taking photos that speak more than a thousand words. I am sure when they grow old, these photos they took are gonna be the source of their comfort and satisfaction.

I am not going to let my days walk past me.

The idea of starting my own little 'project' came as I was on my way back. I have recently developed an interest in nail art, but how to fully maximise your tools and nail polishes and work on my interest when I only have ten fingers? And to let my interests take my further, I really need practise. Just ten fingers by myself is very far from enough.

My 'project' is to get people to lend me their nails so I can keep drawing and practising, and in turn they get manicure for free (okay I know doesn't quite sound like an appealing offer I mean what if it is hideous right). And everytime I do someone's nails, be it just for practise or to test out new ideas, photos will be taken as my personal keep. Because I can't keep their nails, that's as simple. I will keep doing it, keep taking photos, and until I am 70 and sitting on an armchair, I will look back at these photos which keep track of my years well spent.

All I need now are volunteers who are risk-takers themselves (this is really important because I don't want people to hate me for ruining the aesthetic appeal of their nails), and MORE MORE MORE MORE tools and nail polishes AND most importantly, interesting art designs!

So, if you have any of the above - nails to spare, nail polishes to spare, good deals to recommend, designs, or even a friend to spare - and most importantly, the INTEREST, contact me here or personally (:

Right now I have a few very kind-hearted people who are willing to be my guinea pigs. Thus the crucial part is whether I can live up to expectations and standards - theirs, and mine.

2009-10-20T22:12:00.002+08:00

Weifen: "I know why you think he looks good. 'Coz he's got the exotic face."

So the moral of the story is, Ivy LOVES exotic-looking people.

Well, I have a half-Thai boyfriend who looks a lot like a Malay and he has curly hair. OF COURSE I LOVE exotic-looking people.

Not just people. I LOVE exotic-looking things too.

May it be exotic prints (and I don't restrict it to mere reoprard prince or ZEBRA preens) or exotic colours, and how-ever strange you find my definition for exotic is, yes, I only love pretty-looking things.

On a totally unrelated note, I finished my ORGANIC lab at 1540hr today! OMGness this is a freaking total of ONE hour and TWENTY minutes before time! Ah I just can't help swimming in pride whenever I think about it. Like I said, it is an ACHIEVEMENT alright. Okay if you always finish early for organic lab then go away I'm not talking to you.

I could have been done even sooner, but because there was only ONE IR spectrophotometer I waited for what appeared to be millenias before my turn finally arrived. I'm gonna be bad here so yes the people who did before me made mistakes again and again so I had to wait for them to finally hit the jackpot before I can even start making my product palette.

But it was an exhilarating experience indeed! What seemed to be like talc powder initially actually became a SOLID piece of translucent plate in the end! So exotic.

I'm beginning to actually LOVE Organic lab. It's an exotic experience.

2009-10-16T23:00:00.002+08:00

Initially I had plans to write about why chemist is almost the most grossly underpaid job in the world.

Until when I accidently saw my reflection in the mirror as I was changing, there was no mood left to talk about money issues anymore. There is a more pressing issue.

I am much fatter than I was a month ago.

Self explainatory.

2009-10-14T15:53:00.002+08:00

Oh my god this is so hilarious. I know I know it is so outdated because it is like a two-months-ago thing, and I know I know I'm supposed to indulge myself in either couplings or reports and not this.

Then again, you have to agree with me Mr Brown has a unique sense of humour. By unique I don't mean weird. It's in fact commendable in effort though.

You who spent your first two weeks of August in The Little Red Dot would most likely recognize the music. This is Mr.Brown's little parody (or rendition?) of his country's national day song "What Do You See", which I kept it looping for half an hour on my media player because it's simply so catch and funny.

You are strongly adviced to pause that minipod first

Le Kua Simi - What are you looking at
All my friends say I’m a chiongster
Who like to drink Teh Si
My Civic may be lau pok chia(lousy car)
But can almost hit 50
I just minding my own business
Why the others all cut(overtake) me?
They change lane don’t use signal and
They always challenge me
Le Kua Simi?
Le Kua Simi?

See the light when turn green, see my super chio(pretty) rim
Even though your car faster than me, my Honda still more swee(pretty)
You may think you reach there faster then can order your ice cream
Le Kua Simi….
My car more swee

I only earn 900 but my petrol 550
They say now is the downturn but my car got leather seat
I know my car is not last forever
Because of COE
But a man must have his vision, and his density
Wa Kua Simi
Wa Kua Simi

Find more ger(girls) at the bar, when they see my new car
You can feeling the tetno beat, my bass tube sibei tua(super big)
I will drive you to Mt Faber and together we see star
Le Kua Simi

Bridge:
Le Kua Simi tonight
Got sea and got mountain
You and me tonight
We going to reach Milky Way
Together we can join to make the downpayment
Get a better car than I can afford

Chor kang(Work) cannot keow kar(slack), I must work extra hard
I must work in the sun until my face become chow tar(BURNT)
When patience is a virgin, you must wait long long time
No Ah Beng at the traffic light can hope to challenge me
Le Kua Simi
Le Kua Simi

2009-10-13T23:14:00.003+08:00

YES I DID IT! I finished my lab in less than the stipulated seven hours and this is CM2121 ORGANIC CHEMISTRY we are talking about here so this is an achievement.

Okay I am indulging myself in cheap thrills.

But you can't blame me. Given recounts of horrible lab experiences which served a purpose none other than proving Murphy's law true, I headed towards the rumoured-malfunctioning-Buchner funnel-lab at S5 Lvl 5 with mental preparation for the worst case scenario.

Maybe it's not so much of me, but rather the influences from people who share the same fumehood column. Generally my row of four finished the quickest today, and I did not remember myself in a rush for any step at all. In fact, we spent a lot of time waiting and most of the time we were unsure of what to do next.

But in any case, I survived Organic chem lab unscathed! (Probably smelly fingers though.)

The silica gel column

My boiling water which never seemed to overflow when it boiled, even if I added almost to the brim!

XOXO

2009-10-12T22:25:00.009+08:00

Probably the Nobel Laureates are to be blamed for our sufferings during our A's. Those who took A'level Bio or equivalents, or even those who are now segmenting their brains to accomodate the vast complexity of life - in short the Life Science majors - know how much it hurts the brain to keep internalizing facts, machineries, mechanisms.

It wasn't until 2001 that ribosomal structures became a known fact to man, thanks to the work of the three Laureates who received the Nobel in Chemistry just recently. Which means, it wasn't until after 2001 that knowing the machinery of telomerases and ribosomes became something that is expected of every Biology student. So it were YOU, who made my life miserable back then!

If the slight hint of sarcasm escaped from your eyes, I need to emphasize that the above is all but a joke okay. The part where they are to be blamed is, but the part where only recently that ribosomes were fully known to man isn't. And it is because of their decades of lab work in the dark that man today are able to live a more optimistic life or at least promised of a potential improvement in safeguarding the health of the entire human race.

So Laureates if you are reading this yes although you made my life miserable for two years there is still a heartfelt gratitude towards your continuous strive for the betterment of mankind. Now that the fruits of your labour open another gateway to a development of more targetted and efficient drugs, I am pretty sure the next, if not ours, generation will benefit so much from you.

I mean, traditionally un-cure-able (BAD BAD ENGLISH) heriditary diseases are now controllable with drug administration, and this doesn't happen without some people in the past who used to have a queer interest for viral DNA.

When they announced what type of research the Laureates did that fetched them this prestigeous award, I was genuinely surprised. Initially I thought for something so intellectually demanding as THE Nobel Prize, the discoveries should be earth shattering, or should have fanciful names that sound like they walked right out of The Encyclopedia of Biology of Organisms. Instead, they were two terms an A'Level Bio student would be so familiar with, you guessed it right, ribosomes and telomeres. And instead of staring in complete loss, I actually exclaimed, "Hey I know this!"

Awesome isn't it, to actually know what they are talking about IN A NOBEL PRIZE DISCUSSION. The plain awesome-ness is yet too complex to put in words. Or should I say, I have found new respect for people working dedicately for Science and Medicine - and I hate to say - I even found more respect for my often-nutcase organic chemistry professor.

So here are two videos about the works of such great people who would dedicate their lives to the lab for all of us. The first video is about the three Nobel Laureates in Chemistry 2009, and the second is for Nobel Prize in Medicine 2009.

2009-10-12T20:38:00.002+08:00

Alas! Something decent to grace the face of my blog! 所谓好的东西可遇不可求, how true indeed! A little more than a week ago I was on Blogskins scanning for skins to my liking. But how disappointing then, when all the skins on display were either too fanciful or too childish or too colourful or simply just too ugly.

I thought to myself: Is it so difficult to see the beauty in simplicity nowadays? Why do people have to pour every contrasting colour on and make their skins look mumbo jumbo?

Today as I went on to blogskins.com again, this time with more skeptism and apprehension, and to my delight this marvellous piece came into sight!

So to complement this brand new intelligent sophisticated look of this blog, my posts from now on should be more polished, less haphazard, and more mature.

I can't help but keep coming to my own blog to stare at the sexy cello and listen to Mozart

2009-10-11T19:47:00.004+08:00

OMG! This is like THE best piece of news ever broken to me, EVER!

Listen!

MY DARLING SISTER IS GOING TO GET MARRIED!

Okay not my biological sister BUT YOU DO GET WHAT I MEAN DON'T YOU!

My heart was practically a hamster running on that round roller-wheel-thingy when she broke the news to me AND I AM SO EXCITED! I was in such a high excited state that I couldn't even converse in proper sentence structures and I couldn't help screaming OH MY GAWD! right into the phone - and right into her ears I suppose.

I remember there was once a time where the six of us gathered and talked about who amoung us was the first to marry. That was then, when we were young. That was then, when adolescence was such a beautiful and mysterious thing. That was then, when we knew, that certain things in the world are for the future and however much we talk about them, they are still not something we had to deal with.

That was then, but this is now. We have walked out of our adolescent years into adulthood, where our voyage continues til the day we say goodbye. The things we used to search into our futures for are laid right before our eyes now. It is now that we make life-changing decisions, marriage for example.

It is now, THIS is NOW.

AND OMGOMG!!! Even CAPS can't sufficiently bring across my excitement!!!!!
And now even the most hated lab report doesn't look as dreadful anymore :D

2009-10-11T09:12:00.003+08:00

It was so warm last night that I lay on the bed without covering myself with blanket. And because of the frivolous vanity I succumbed to, my nails were freshly painted red (or should I now say, RAD) before bed. As such I lay in a more-uncomfortable-than-usual position with my head turned sideways, and as a fortune-teller could well predict, I drifted to Lalaland not long afterwards.

Which means I woke up with numbed legs, numbed fingers and a sore neck. What a great way to greet my first Sunday spent in OKR.

Yesterday was fun. We had a fun time in the morning trying to cram everything possible into our heads, just to send rounds of panic whenever someone asked or said things which sounded not even remotely familiar. And oh gosh it was really a manslaughter during the test. I have to reinstate I AM NOT DUMB, just that my very trusted calculator chose to malfunction at that crucial period and gave me all sorts of unbelievable answers for inertias, bond lengths and B constants - which pretty much made up the entire paper.

Thank you my trusted calculator. Maybe I should recalculate my love and trust for you.

Or maybe, I am just dumb or I am a psycho-moto who cannot coordinate my fingers to the brain. Or maybe my fingers move quicker than my brain or maybe otherwise. Maybe, I'm just here finding excuses as well.

But in any case, I still didn't blow away Gambit' belated birthdays gathering. Two months ago my friends gave me this curling tong as a present, so I used it for the first time. The results were not disappointing at all! But the hair spray I swept from L'oreal warehouse sale was. It sprayed, instead of the entire bunch of locks, only on about one strand? God how much spray must I inhale before I got my entire head set! That's why in the end, I left without spraying much. But one thing to note, the curls stayed till the end of the day! Yay for me (:

Alas, a photo taken! After what has been a photo silence for like what, months?

And this was this initial product:

2009-10-09T15:57:00.003+08:00

Weak women and male chauvinists.

I am not a feminist, but simply a believer in neo-gender equality. I strongly detest males who are so big-headed all the time. Equally detestable are females who go all out demeaning every kind intention of their male counterparts and treat them with an air of arrogance.

But worst of all, is a group of women meek as mice, who are overly submissive to the opposite gender, enslaving themselves to their (often) unnecessary and insensitive wants, in turn feed the growing appetite of the male chauvinists' ego. The mere existence of male chauvinists is undeniably the result of the existence of this group of weak women, who can't even speak up for themselves.

On my way to collect my done laundry I saw this pair of couple on their way out of the residence. All along I walked behind them, and they seemed to be in a hurry. It was obvious that the girl took special effort to doll herself up, while the guy wasn't too badly dressed either. She was wearing this pair of what I would call exotic killer heels - an obvious attempt to please the visual senses of her boyfriend.

Somewhere around Block E we reached a flight of stairs. Made of not cement but brick, there were grooves and jagged ends everywhere. Then out of the blue, the guy hushed his girlfriend in a way I wouldn't be very pleased if I was the girl. He kept complaining and muttering about how slow she was and kept hushing her to walk faster.

Yet, he made no effort to 'help' her walk faster by at least holding her arm.

The poor girl, being repeatedly reprimanded for being slow, tried hard to keep up with her boyfriend's large manly strides. But because of her pair of heels (stilettos) she had difficulty balancing her footsteps on that flight of stairs. And that's the main reason why she lagged behind him.

But even at his most insensitive remarks, she kept mum and tried hard to keep up in the most ungraceful manner thanks to the uneven ground. And that awful boyfriend of hers kept walking on, not even turning around to check on her.

If I were her, and if that guy was my boyfriend, I would have shoved my stiletto in his mouth the next moment he opened it to hurry me. Can't you see how difficult I am with balancing myself? And the reason I wore this pair of exotic stilettos was probably you once said you liked them! (At this point I'm imagining things)

Hoy, women! Get up on your feet! If men drive you up the wall then stand up and punch them back. What's the point of enslaving yourselves? If those men are so big-headed in the first place, then chances are they won't recognize your sacrifices anyway.
***

On an unrelated note, my rabbit is sick today. Hope he gets better by tomorrow. Ivy you really have to study already. No time no time!

2009-10-08T20:45:00.002+08:00

Recess week #2 aka campus-wide E-learning week is approaching its end. Soon, everyone will go back to everyone's almost-rigid routines and I'll revert to my "snooze alarm -> wake up -> panic -> wash up in great haste -> to lesson I go" mornings.

In any case today was about to be a normal LEARNING day with my rabbit, until SHE came within my sight at science canteen. The sight of her silhouette evoked such a strong rejection within me that I almost muttered "BITCH". Of course, the piece of memory in the past that trailed continued to ruin my beautiful day.

To let you know HER better, I ought to first describe my first impression of HER. When I first saw HER, I knew SHE was the queen bee type. Blessed with pronounced cheekbones, a pair of doe eyes and nosebridge of just the right height, her face is one that is difficult to forget but easy to be confused with other "just another chiobu". I admit I added a little of my own sentiments in the last part of the previous sentence, but fortunate enough for her she had almost all a girl wants on her face. So yes, initially I thought she was pretty.

I knew just what type of girl she was right from the start. I have met many. They are usually the ones who make the worst remarks about others to make themselves a notch cooler, or feed their ego by having everyone around them do their biddings. Of course it takes two to clap and she wouldn't be a queen bee without her minions constantly buzzing around like slaves, but since this post is about HER I shall be nice and spare her minions.

But what I did not know was how blunt and blatant she could actually be towards a fellow countryman aka me. I know I say mean things too but I don't say things that stab right into people's hearts or at least, I have the courtesy to not break that person's heart right in front of him/her, right in front of everybody.

I could remember clearly that sentence SHE said that brought me down. Ever had anyone said anything right in your face that made you feel so bad that you just wanna break down on the spot or just jump down a building? At that point in the past, this was exactly how I felt. Never in my life had everything that made me, me, been shattered to pieces just because of something someone said.

"你们怡保出产的,品种是跟我们吉隆坡人不一样的"

Seriously, if you don't find something funny, you can well just keep quiet. How does saying such a hurtful thing make YOU better or more human than me? How is it even justified?

If you have trouble understanding the chinese above, she was actually saying that I am from a different (a grade lower) BREED, and she was implying at MY TOWN, IPOH, breeds second grade product aka girls when compared to the oh-so-great KL, where she comes from.

Seriously, bitch, we are all humans. We don't differentiate ourselves by our BREEDS. In what era are we living now, I wonder, to still have a certain class of people looking down on other groups? Have you NOT progressed in civilization at all? Tell me, if you are a normal person, would you not be indignant when such a hurtful remark was passed to you?

I was so upset at the time that I did not retaliate. Under normal circumstances I will, but at that point in history, I was so hurt, SO F*CKING HURT that all I wanted was a corner for me to cry.

Loser, I know. But the impact of this incident is so great, that even til today as I am recounting to you, my heart still bleeds and my eyes still well up.

Now you know why I say, the biggest snob I've ever met come from my homecounrty, from a city called KUALA LUMPUR which everybody loved. Well, everybody except me now.

2009-10-02T11:51:00.003+08:00

Not so surprisingly I woke up nearly 45 minutes later than usual this morning. The reason was clear - I did not set my alarm clock last night to commemorate my survival from semi doom's day aka CM2121 mid-term test. After a quick (30 minutes) wash up I was on my way to meet Leonard and my rabbit for breakfast.

Just as everything was going on like a normal breakfast I made a decision to crack my second half boiled egg by myself, instead of letting the self-proclaimed crack-egg-pro do it.

What a terribly wrong decision to make, and it totally ruined my clothes.

Either the chicken who bore the egg was sufferring from osteoporosis or I have too much calcium in my thumb, I totally made a HOLE in the egg. Okay if you really can't imagine what I just said, let me phrase it again. When I applied what appeared to be little pressure on the egg to crack it open, my left thumb literally sank into the egg.

And I successfully created a disaster. It was totally a catastrophe, because I made an explosion.

"The egg like really exploded, la!" said Leonard.

Being a half boiled egg, the contents were not even close to solid at all. So what happens if you forcefully compress a liquid? You get it splashing everywhere! So in less than half a second my BLACK shirt and my favourite pair of shorts looked like some kid threw up digested egg on them.

I looked totally disgusting. I even thought I looked like I threw up on myself.

The ironic thing is, the one who exploded the egg is a person known for her skeletal frame, and not the Herculean-built Leonard who was sitting just opposite me. How can a skeleton frame that is supposed to be flimsy and fragile burst open an egg when this never happened to Hercules right?

2009-09-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

I am supposed to be filling my head with protecting groups or profit-maxing but there are just a tad too many things already spinning in my mind.

SS tutorial has always been kind-of refreshing for me. It is always awakening to the soul to ponder about issues in life that are already happening yet got overlooked along the way. Today, it was about the good old "National Identity".

Not too long a time ago a guy from the United States of America came for a short visit to Singapore. After a not-too-long (in fact, it was merely half a day my holy goodness) immersion in this community he let out a comment. He said,"Singapore is kind of diverse, and it looks much like certain parts of the US because you can see just so many people doing just so many things at the same time at the same place."

He was, for your very valuable infomation, inside the National University of Singapore, or more commonly known as the National University of STAIRS.

Anyway, initially I took that comment as a compliment sort-of, but little did I know at the time there was still a next line to come.

"But I still like Malaysia better because there seem to be a more immense culture there this place (NUS) seems to lack."

Just in case you have Short Term Memory, the guy who said that is an American.

Like anyone else, we are entitled to our own personal opinions and he has the right for preference just as everyone else. So have I.

In my extremely humble personal opinion, Mr. US there has made an unfair comparison, and perhaps also a little biased one. Firstly, he has only been on this island for not even half a day when he made that remark. While he is partially right in saying Singapore has a very diverse collection of nationalities which can be compared to the States, he has not exactly seen Singapore as SINGAPORE. What he saw was essentially a portion of the Singaporean community caged within the boundaries of Kent Ridge campus. OF COURSE there are many people doing many different things at the same place, because everybody has different commitments! So tell me, can you really see - I mean SEE - and tell how a country's culture is like, just by looking at the canteen of a varsity campus during lunchtime? How is this a fair judgement then?

Secondly, the comparison between Singapore and Malaysia wasn't made on equal grounds at all. He was in Malaysia as a visitor - albeit a month - with a status so highly regarded. I'm not being sarcastic here, but look. If you go to a place with people constantly running around you, attending to your every need, and taking you out for as much fun as they could ever think of, would you or would you not develop a liking for that place you feel like King? YOU WOULD. And if people constantly take you out to have a first-hand contact with the very community you are visiting, would you or would you not be able to experience, and in turn, appreciate that very place after ONE MONTH? Who are you kidding, OF COURSE YOU WOULD! And one more thing; how much culture exactly can you experience in less than half a day, in a busy buzzing varsity canteen with almost everybody running late?

As such I can safely say, Mr. US, you have made an unfair comparison here because the Singapore you judged was a Singapore you perceived from what you saw over a very short period, but the Malaysia you compared with, was a Malaysia you've experienced.
(And a good impression they deliberately tried so hard to portray)

I reiterate, I am not being sarcastic. Who-ever believes in me?

We've discussed, that the lack of a national history due to a relatively young nation is one of the main contributing factor to the perceived lack of national identity in Singapore. Singapore has only been a nation for 40 odd years, so what's so much to identify with the country, when there hasn't been enough time for happenings to consolidate into national history, right? I really agree to this point. Seriously.

I mean, Malaysia doesn't exactly fare so much better on this matter. Asked myself, what's so Malaysian about me, and to my dismay I could say none. Do not scorn at me you brothers and sisters of my home country, but ask yourself - place your hand over your heart and search your soul - what exactly is SO MALAYSIAN about you? When I say SO MALAYSIAN, I mean not things like "I speak Mandarin with a Malaysia accent" or other trivial stuffs. I mean things that make a difference.

Can't answer, can you?

So you, listen, do not go about criticizing other countries about the lack of a national identity because we have none. Do not go about telling other people that some certain countries are weak etc and could not fend for themselves because they have no water no food no everything and have to rely on MALAYSIA. You who think your country (unfortunately mine too) is THE BEST and ABOVE ALL OTHERS are just ignorant. Do you seriously think that some certain countries are made up of snobs? I'll tell you blatantly that the biggest snob I have ever encountered in my entire life, came from where you are currently residing. So who's the pot calling the kettle black?

I don't know about you, but I've always find it humiliating when people who share my nationality do things that disgrace the reputation of Malaysians as a whole.

2009-09-24T19:47:00.007+08:00

Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am really such a bitch, because it appears as though I complain all the time. Then again everytime I reflect on my actions, I find the problem isn't with me at all.

Remember the time when I told you "OKR is horrible/sucks/bad condition/totally inhabitable"? But then after awhile (read: it was actually A LONG TIME) there were improvements so my stay here became bearable.

Yet this improvement was terribly short-lived.

On Tuesday morning when I was about to take my shower I was greeted by this disgusting mess in one of the shower cubicles. I safely assumed that it would be cleaned when the cleaner does her routine JOB, so I did not give much thoughts into it. But TWO DAYS LATER - which is TODAY, evening time - the same thing was still there staring at me. I could not take it any longer, so I decided to snap pictures as evidence - that I'm not stirring up shit and being a baby and complain about everything. Because this is seriously screwed up.

This is the pane where we put our shampoo and everything we need for shower. How on earth is ANYBODY able to put anything on it without throwing up at the sight of it?!???!

The same cubicle. HOW IS ANYONE GOING TO TAKE HER SHOWER INSIDE THIS PLACE STEPPING ON THIS FLOOR??!???!!!!!

For your very valuable information (just in case you missed it above), what you saw in those pictures has been around for TWO freaking days. Nothing was changed.

And you might wonder - just as I did for a split second - HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I'll tell you why.

Simply because the cleaners did not clean my toilet. For two days.

Look. I know their job is difficult. It's something I wouldn't want to do too, so being a civilized civilian I always try my best to not make matters worse for them, by doing my part to keep the toilet clean. But I have noticed this trend from a few weeks ago. On some random day in the week I will find the toilet different, and bitch please, it is not that hard to tell that it hasn't been cleaned for the day.

I mean, if you have been using the same toilet for weeks, you will definitely notice if the cleaning hasn't been done for the day. Unless you are a retard, that is.

Frankly speaking, I have thought of reflecting this issue to the management. Time and time again I dismissed it, on the account that it's a job most people shun away from and these cleaners should somehow be creditted for their courage.

But not cleaning the toilet for TWO DAYS?!?! That is good to say you get paid for doing nothing for TWO DAYS?! Nah nah nah, this bitch here isn't gonna tolerate that.

I mean, you are A CLEANER. Cleaning is YOUR JOB, and you freaking get PAID for it. Everybody knows when you get paid, you do job. So what exactly is your reason for not cleaning for two days, TWO DAYS huh?

How do I know you haven't been cleaning other cubicles? Well I'll show you.

I said before that both pictures above are from the same cubicle, and they have been there untouched for two days. Notice how much hair is found on the drainage in the second picture? Normal people at the sight of this obnoxious mess would NEVER take her shower in that very cubicle. So the hair must have already been there BEFORE the mess was made. That's evidence #1.

Here is #2:

Even if all of us are either balding or have hair loss problems, and IF you did your cleaning job today, there is still NO reason for THIS MUCH hair to be found on the drainage cap. This, is another cubicle.

I am no three year old. I am a full-grown 21 year old undergrad, bitch.

You know what Imma do? This bitch here is gonna send email to both my RAs AND the management office.
Hope you still keep your job, mamma.

2009-09-16T13:00:00.003+08:00

Maybe she hates me. Or maybe not.
Either way, I was so over-charged for the lunch I bought and I was stupid enough to not make any noise about it. Not even a squeak.

Seriously, I mean, SERIOUSLY? SGD2.70 for 1-meat-2-vege lunch in a takeaway(and grossly ugly) box? Are you trying to tell me I look filthy rich in an "exasperatingly sloppy" outfit? Or are you just belittling mah intelligence thinkin' ah wouldn't know a shit what you were doin' and pay up like an idiot?

But then the reality was, I paid a freaking fifty cents extra for nothing.

I know, I know, people are paying at least three dollars for their meals outside. But HELLO this is N-U-S we are talking about here, and three dollars is reserved for exquisite food that you eat only if you're feeling freaking rich or you haven't eaten for days.

Urgh. What more could I say, other than to slap myself for being "as meek as a mouse".

To make matters worse, the food inside quickly disappoints a hungry stomach as soon as the box covered was taken off.

So much for paying more. SO MUCH FOR BEING A LOSER AND AN IDIOT.

2009-09-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

This is a normal post turned emo.

It was Malaysia's 52nd (and my sister's 18th) birthday yesterday. Given the recent headlines Malaysia made, I would not loudly proclaim Malaysia as my pride. Yet, Malaysians will know, whenever Hari Merdeka or festive seasons draw near, we will definitely see heart-warming advertisements on TVs - advertisements that tell stories so real, so true, so close to our hearts and so impossible to forget. The mere thought evoked this sudden nostalgia that has been hidden inside for years, and the feeling just overwhelmed me like a tap turned on.

With this sudden thought in mind, I decided to Youtube "iklan hari kemerdekaan" which means Independence Day Adverts. Little did I know, I went from nostalgic to suicidal afterwards. Just kidding. Then I Youtubed Yasmin Ahmad - the director of the advert I saw, and to my delight I could watch all the clips she made as a playlist!

If you do not know Yasmin Ahmad, think again. Remember the touching confessions of a remorseful workaholic son, talking to his aged mother about moving in with him? Or the scene at an old folk's home where a few aged mothers boasted about their children's businesses and salaries, yet in the end none of them came, except the lady whose son drove only a Proton Saga, yet who brings his mother along in all his trips? And how about the one where two old men who met at the hospital recounting their fond childhood memories - of those kinship and warmth we were once so familiar with, that got overlooked and forgotten along the way in our pursuit of greater standards of living?

Those adverts, just to name a few, were Ahmad's works. And impactful ones too. Somehow talents do die young, and with her passing, our next Chinese New Year or Hari Raya or Merdeka Day will never be the same again.

Watching those clips playing back to back just constantly reminded me of my being away from home for every festival. Almost every festival. They reminded me of the holidays I spent in Singapore - those times where I could have gone home to accompany my family, my grandmother especially, instead of staying back in the name of studies. Those quality time have all been wasted, in my blind chase for a better life!

My grandmother, she must already be sleeping now. For as long as I can remember, she always sleeps beside me, or around me. When I was little, I slept beside her. When I grew up, we slept in the same room. But as I grew up even more, I began sleeping at a good 300 miles away from her.

When I look back at these years I've been away, yes, I've gained. Yet, I've lost, and I've lost those precious times with her - those times that can never ever be replaced. Suddenly, I feel so alone, in my own room, on my own bed. Where the world to me, there's only me left.

Such is the night where that beating muscle of mine gives way to loneliness and grave remorse, and such is the night I feel so physically distant from her.

2009-08-29T10:34:00.003+08:00

I can't help but feel accomplished already. My lab report is all done except for the part where reference to Atkins is needed but Atkins is now resting in BlackRabbit's house. I had the alarm screaming at me from 8 this morning, and had it screaming until 815 before I eventually got off the bed. Oh that noisy merciless loudspeaker of an alarm! But because it was so noisy I managed to do my laundry and finish my report. All that's left are tutorials.

They amount to mountains.

Days ago I suffered from impairment in speech because of that two life-threatening ulcers in my mouth. Ever had to reduce your food intake, or increase your time taken to finish a regular serving just because every single abrasion against that square milimeter of exposed flesh sends sharp pain signals to your brain? That's exactly what happened to me. Imagine having two, and they are half a world away from each other. Usually you would direct your food towards the opposite region to reduce irritation on your ulcer, wouldn't you? But I couldn't do that at all, because no matter where I send my food to, it would still irritate one of the ulcers.

I guess the only thing to be grateful about is they remained in their square milimeter area and not able to conglomerate into one big hole, as ulcers at close proximity to one another naturally would.

2009-08-26T17:50:00.002+08:00

It has only been 3 months since I last did lab and I made a complete ass out of myself during lab yesterday. First lab in Year 2, I felt ilke a fish out of water - my brain was frantically groping for oxygen so I wouldn't die because of the amount of mental stress.

My stupid stunts aside, the lab protocol looked as if it was written for lab professionals or an English professor. There was almost no clear directions on doing the lab, and most of us were reading our protocols for the first time because the Smart chem department rearranged the sequence of our labs yet failed to inform us before hand. All that were written were solutions of specific requirements which we were supposed to MAKE out of the existing chemicals that were nothing like what were needed. For example, the protocol said "Exactly 1M HCl" but what we had was a 2.018M HCl. What totally screwed us up and wasted our time was the ENGLISH and the PHRASING. A good example would be:

"Weigh exactly one-tenth of a mole and add to it the exact amout of solution B which contains one-tenth of a mole HCl."

Can't they just make things simple and say 0.1 mole and 1M HCl ??!!?

Now I can't even perform the crucial calculations on my data. I can't even produce the graph. All because I still lack the reading at time infinity, so I gotta go back again on Friday with my partner to measure.

With my first lab already done, it finally feels like school has officially reopened. I'll be furiously rushing out my discussions and reports, coupled with tutorial questions, and I'll be repeating the cycle every week.

2009-08-19T19:26:00.001+08:00

The best thing about believing in fate is, you know the inevitable will always befall no matter how hard you pray for it not to, therefore you have ample time for mental preparation before the inevitable happens.

It's been one solid year since my matriculation. Throughout my freshman year I met many new people, laughed at new jokes, at the same time, got reunited with old friends, and laughed at old jokes as well. All in all, Mr. Fate has done me good favour for letting me meet the people who bring me joy and laughters.

Then came one day when I had a meaningful (although some issues were kind of depressing) conversation with She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. It appears that over there, she's constantly reminded of her -ahem- bad memories although both of them aren't from the same faculty. So my dear friend was lamenting on how small she finds her campus and how the sight of him just stirs up butterflies in her stomach.

It was then that I felt this sudden overwhelming gratitude towards Mr. Fate, for he has been making my life somehow a bed of roses since my matriculation, as compared to my poor friend. My guess is having a timetable that somehow quarantines me at Science helped in some ways too. For one solid year, even in the same campus, even as I travelled between faculties for food, our paths were clear of one another, just like a pair of skew lines in space that don't meet. I believe, like me, he has eaten, drunk and been merry for the past one year but none of them bothered me because they just don't.

But roses do wilt one fine day, don't they? Mr. Fate has decided that one year is enough for me to live in my own lalaland, and it's time to face life's reality - when two lines eventually meet. It happened just today, right outside where I stay.

I was not being arrogant or snobbish - I really did not see him coming, because I was talking animatedly with a friend who lent me a big favour some time ago. It is natural for you to shift your gaze as you talk, and it is even more natural for you to not pay attention to what you see. Then,

"Hi Ivy."

He appeared a little different from how I remember him. That is why, I took a fraction of a minute, staring at the guy who just called me, before saying 'Hi'. And without saying bye, we just passed each other and parted ways.

Just like the old time. Without saying bye, we split directions.

Sometimes I used to wonder how I would react should I meet him on a random day in a random way in campus. There were times I even postulated possible scenarios and drew up defense plans should the postulations come true. But it happened so naturally today that none of my defense plans were useful.

I must insist, he is now history. But a girl is still a girl - she never wants to be reminded of a piece of history that hurt. Hurt, not hurts.

So please, I implore you, understand and don't misunderstand why I would rather not meet him in any ways. I chose to not tell you because I want you to read this, as words do misconvey meanings sometimes.

2009-08-16T21:05:00.000+08:00

Taken from Confessions of a Shopaholic,

"I shop. When I shop, the world just gets better."

Exactly. I would never call myself a shopaholic because I don't have my entire closet packed to its brim with new purchases and risk having a debt collector stalking me. But if there is a term to describe me, it has just got to be this:

Problem Shopper

Days ago some guy with a big board approached me, gave me a little brochure with questions like, "Do you find it difficult to stop once you start gambling?" and "Do you gamble down to the very last cent?" And in the brochure, it says that if my answer is YES to all the questions, then I ought to seek professional help urgently. The guy further explained that most of us often see ourselves as 'social gamblers' but a proportion of us do not realize it when we become 'problem gamblers'. Of course, the guy was representing a group that seeks to help put a stop to problem gambling in our society before it spawns out to become a real big social problem.

Nip the problem in the bud, isn't it always what they say?

And I wonder, if there are social gamblers who gradually become problem gamblers as the thrill of gambling becomes an addiction, would shopping be the same as well?

Some people pull a piece or two off the shelves on a random day in a random shop with some random friends, and spend the entire day grinning at how they are now ten years younger. Some people pull out just a few pieces more because of that magical numbers strewn all over the store - numbers like 20, 30, 40 and even 50. Of course, the higher the number the greater the craze. Most people would be able to do what the Singapore government used to ask us to do - stop at two or three or more if we can afford. Most people would be able to stop without feeling any guilt and continue to live their lives like how they did the day before. This majority of the people I would say, fit perfectly into 'social shoppers'.

I am a different story.

Do I find it difficult to stop once I start buying?
YES
Do I (often) find myself buying to the last dollar in my wallet?
YES

The thrill of holding something you paid for as you leave the shop is addictive. Once I've made my first purchase, the excitement turns full circle and becomes a drive and drives me right into another shop to buy more. It's like slipping down a slippery slope - you just can't help falling deeper and deeper into it. But what always happens to me is, as long as I am still in the shopping complex, I can't help buying more; but as soon as I am out of the building, the guilt sets in. The mental calculator will be on auto pilot, calculating the total casualty for the day.

And in less than one week, my bank account is SGD 77.80 less than what it should be. And this is entirely due to shopping. I have not even counted the proportion of money spent on other 'areas'.

The global credit crunch has now moved to my wallet.

2009-08-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

It's 21 and the second day of it. Feels awesome, simply because there are new people smiling at my face and saying "Happy Birthday!" in an all so excited fashion and receiving cutely wrapped gifts for two days in a row.

BlackRabbit tipped me off about the supposed MunchieMonkey 'surprise' I was gonna get on 12 Aug, so when time was up I waltzed into that place and pretended to be so surprised at seeing Gambits' faces all properly seated. But not everything was a pretense because I was indeed genuinely, deeply touched okay! So we sang song, we cut cake, we ate stuffs, and we did what we all do best - sit there and talk til the cows come home.

Then came the day when I got real surprises - those I totally did not see them coming. The Conans got a cake too, but we were running late for lecture so we sang song, we blew candles, and we rushed to the LT. That's the end.

JOKING!

We found ourselves a secluded place after the lecture for the cake-cutting ceremony. And we sang song, we cut cake, we ate cake, and everybody said goodbye and left for their next agendas. As for us the Looneys, we prepared ourselves for the hotpot buffet that was set to happen at 6pm later.

For us, dinner set at 6pm usually means it's not gonna happen until 630, with Suzzy being the last to arrive definitely. So our table of seven had a great time making terrorizing orders to the waitresses and maximized our 15% service charges. We talked, we ate, and we groaned about the prospect of dying from overstuffing.

Then suddenly out came a song from the speakers which threw me off guard, and suddenly people around me started singing Birthday Song! I totally did not see it coming at all! And so in the end we sang, we cut cake, we tried to stuff ourselves with that piece of heavenly tiramisu. It was heavenly, but a little too agonizing for most of us to finish our portions after steamboat buffet. Come to think of it, that must be our negative karma for terrorizing the waitresses.

Camwhore at roof terrace! But the story is best told with pictures, which will only be up when their camera owners decide to not procrastinate! Keep a close watch on FaceBook!

All in all, my 21st has been a blast. Many faces, many greetings, handful of presents, and most importantly, a great deal to take with me down the walk through memory lane. 12 August 2009 is definitely something to remember, and I sincerely thank each and everyone of you for playing a part in it.

I thank you.

2009-08-07T23:33:00.002+08:00

Finally, I can stop being merlion for awhile and take some personal time off to consolidate my thoughts.

Current hideout: OKR Block B
Current mood: BAD

The last five days have been nothing eventful. Contracted a powerful flu bug that gave me literally headaches which was aggravated by Flag Day & McDonalds on Tuesday. After which somehow the flu migrated from the head to the stomach and as a result, I made friends with the Merlion with the urge of throwing up every alternate minute. Five days it was, five days I had to stay in bed.

When my stomach stopped being hostile to me today, I made the decision to travel back to school to get the sleeping bags for the two of them. Then I began to wonder if this is a good idea after all. I mean, this is THE room with so many faults I reported earlier.

You know how your stomach always give leap when you are at the highest point of a rollercoaster ride, just before you take the plunge?

It just happened to me again. Means gotta go.

2009-08-07T16:16:00.000+08:00

This is sucking the life out of me. For two days I feel like Merlion yet nothing comes out. It doesn't only agonizes me but also poses alot of trouble to Blackrabbit's family. I really want to stop everything and move back to RVR but this stupid stomach of mine just would not allow any 1.5 hour journey.

This is hell. This sucks. I have been a lifeless hermit for five days already.

WHEN WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE, O'STOMACH FLU!

2009-07-24T19:30:00.000+08:00

You know how people usually stamp Singapore as "KIASU", "KIASI"?
You know how people usually generalize China as "THE competitive", "THE selfish"?

More often than not I would stand up for the above, and time and time again I have to reinstate to my audience it is not the country that makes its people, but rather it is the people that make the country. But time and time again, my audience just would not stop scorning and how scornful and ill-mannered Singaporeans are. My, what an irony, don't you think so. Even if in the stats conducted by some I-forgot-the-name organization in Singapore saying that Singaporeans show really little care and concern for others, just by putting yourself within that community you will soon realize there is actually more warmth than what is found in cold facts.

So look at the two countries I made examples with. As contrasting as their sizes might be, both of them are great in their own rights. China boasts of big business opportunities and (need I even say) foreign reserves; while as critical as you may be in finding faults with the Little Red Dot in the South East Asia, you have to agree that this country has proven to be one of the better countries to reside in.

It is the people that make the country, so who are we as Malaysians to critcize them, honestly? At least one of them has got good progress while the other, good reputation; take a closer look at ourselves - what have we got?

Flip over the news pages, what do we see? The never-ending political quarrels that appear much like children fights, high fashion tea party style - that's what we've got. Gone were the days where parties rally people together to be united and drive the country forward. Hail the time where country's goals are secondary to individual's - if not a party's - ambitions.

Haven't forgotten also the infamous fight over the Menteri Besar Perak 'throne', have we? As distinguished political parties as well as figures in the political arena, they have quarrelled, fought, and screamed at one another. All was done in such high profile as they would in a stage play. They have made appearances on screens and had their big faces all over the papers just like my photos on Facebook. It has all come to a point where the public starts questioning their productivity, credibility as well as their capabilities. When rampant crimes never seem to stop increasing, we wonder why they won't just take matters to their own hands, stop fighting and start helping. Of course, we too wonder if our taxes were filed and paid to fund such stage drama.

Come on, open your eyes and see how we stand in the eyes of the international community. What are we but little kids with the most childish of demeanour trying to imitate a giant's strides? When the world is battling global crimes like terrorism, we are in our own crystal ball of a world fighting over, uhm, yes, unclaimed candies.

Maybe now voters have a clearer picture of who they have voted for.
Maybe now some voters begin to find that they have sided the wrong troop. I read from somewhere that politicians are but people who shakes your hands before an election and your confidence after. No wonder. Then again, there is always a next election for them to reconsider. Til then we will continue to put up with these high fashion tea party debates.

There are so-many-things wrong with Malaysia and the above is just the tip of the iceberg. For one, I have not even said a word about corruption but you should, by now, know how serious a case it is, considering the severity of those uncovered. Think about those that have not been exposed yet. So I really don't understand why SOME Malaysians would love so much to BITCH about other countries, and dislike them, and be so scornful of me stepping into those countries, when we Malaysians have so much more to be ashamed of.

I have more to bitch actually, but there is a greater appeal to save them for later.
Oh yes, I am in Singapore already, for you who don't already know.

2009-07-18T16:46:00.003+08:00

There are so many things to blog about, and I haven't blogged in a long time. Do you miss me and my posts? I doubt how many are reading anyway.

I begin to see why the world is round. Because everything can be bipolar and way far from the linear ideal. So is my personality.

Maybe I am having some form of mental breakdown. Maybe I'm not. Things swing so fast and all that's left to remember are sheer glimpses of their existence.

Nevermind that. It's just an evidence of too much cortex activity. They say the cerebral cortex is responsible for perpetual awareness and memory and language. I suppose it is. Even my hairdresser said I think too much (in her attempt to explain the queer white hairs that sprouted on my head). Yet if my cerebral cortex is as active, then why am I such an epic failure as shown in my CAP, I honestly wonder.

The longer I am exposed to such 'surprises' the closer I am to the brink of insanity. They say IMH patients are intelligent. I suppose I am too.

On a better note, I am going back to my (fill in with your own adjective) life on Tuesday. For the better or for worse, it's for you to see in due time.

2009-07-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

Here I am, being weighed down by such dilemma.

Why does this have to happen at this time?
Why, of all times, be at such a moment when there is so much fun waiting for me yet I could get no nearer?

Oh dear H1N1 Influenza A, would you please spare all of us the scare so I can continue with my plans?

This must be the most irritating of times.

2009-06-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr Jackson

You lived a life of a star, now you died as one too. The whole world - those in your support and those who aren't - is equally taken aback by the stunning news of your shocking death. You have now, by your death, healed the world which was formerly cracked and divided by your very own controversial life, and brought all of us together as one to pay our very last respects to you.

I was not very fond of the numerous surgeries your underwent to make yourself a complete opposite to whom you were originally born. Nor was I very fond of your scandals and court trials that made their way to the front pages. I used to scoff at your every name that appeared in the news, because they never end up there with the right reasons in your later life. From the surgeries, to your nose, to your divorce, and even your Neverland - the pictures of you often made me indignant.

Then again, I remember cheering at all who imitated your MoonWalk, but deep inside I reckoned nobody can ever beat you in your own game. I remember nodding to the rhythms of your songs, acknowledging wholeheartedly the makings and the influences of the King of Pop - a title so rightfully given. The crowd always goes crazy in your presence, and it's not difficult to see why.

You have always loved attention, am I not right to say. From the days of Jackson Five, you've made yourself known to the world as the kid with fantastic voice. Your stage performances never fail to tell us, you are but one who takes pride in everything you do. Even your nose brought you to the world's attention, as the black guy who did a little too many plastic surgeries. But even as negative reports flooded your every presence, you never fail to be the crowd magnet and drew all attention towards yourself. And now you've departed, and became the talk of the world.

You lived a life of a legend, and now the world mourns your death. As much as I criticized your previous life, I have got to say, your unexpected departure would signify the fall of a giant star, and a great loss in the music arena. You have left us your legacy, and I honestly doubt anyone will ever have the capacity to fill your shoes. I feel sorry for your unfulfilled world tour ambition in july. I guess God has might-ier plans for you somewhere else.

May you find peace and continue your legacy in another dimension.

2009-06-18T12:50:00.000+08:00

I am here now, especially disgusted by my very own insincerity and selfishness - or should I rephrase as hypocrisy.

I have always had mixed feelings when I see that familiar number flashing on my phone screen, screaming at me to pick it up else get screamed at. Surprises don’t fail to come from the other end of the line whenever I answer, and this time - oh what’s new - “Can you come down ah?”

“Oh training ah? Can lah.” I thought I heard a little quiver of reluctance at the end of my reply, yet I convinced myself it was too subtle for my recipient to pick up.

The teachers were indeed right when they told us not to assume anything. Naturally I thought (I refuse to use ASSUME) it would be powerpoint presentations and animations of things that look all the same again, when I heard the word ‘training’. But no, no, no.

“On work-free days you can go and ENJOY the food and join the training.
(Suddenly, as if my recipient remembered something)
Oh and since you will be there, you can help with the cooking and marketing!”

It was such a donkey of me to think it was going to be powerpoints. NO. This time I am supposed to travel a few hundred kilometres to COOK, to MARKET and to be a HOUSEWIFE (I actually wanted to type MAID). Honestly, I would rather sit in front of the laptop when everybody is asleep and make the powerpoint work, than to travel a few hundred kilometres and COOK.

To add on to my series of unfortunate “surprises”, the ‘training’ of question isn’t at all for blokes with a knack for electric and electronic stuffs, but rather a MISSIONARY training. I must now emphasize I see every religion as equals, as long as they preach the right values. But to sit around and be expected to give opinions regarding the same subject, and be expected to sound intellectual all the same, just doesn’t work for me. I admit the last isn’t others’ expectation but mine, yet most of the time I am usually opinion-less!

As much as I whined, I do understand the point my recipient was coming from. Amidst the busy schedule she still allocates time for others is but very commendable, and for this alone there is a compelling reason for me to extend as much help as I can. Hence my “Yeah sure.”

But, one whole week off my holidays to somewhere ulu to be a MAID and spend seven days trying to sound intellectual about something I have absolutely NO opinions about? You tell me, if it is not pain, what is it rightfully called? Hence my reluctance.

Someone once told me that the reason we wanna be like some characters in the shows is because in reality, we just can’t bring ourselves to do what they do. And he’s right. Time and time again I have the urge to just throw sarcasm around the way Marc does, Amanda does and Blair does, but end up feeling compelled to be a nice girl. Damn it, he’s so right. In reality, I just can’t do what they do.

I am utterly annoyed at myself for even thinking about it. Guess I should happily pack my bags, happily travel 205km, to be a happy housewife people will praise my recipient for, and to happily try to sound intellectual for seven days.

Somehow, I can’t wait for it to begin - it should be fun.
Yet again, I can’t wait for it to end, if it is exactly like what I imagined.
**********
On a really happy note, I am no longer a probation driver!
Any car, any road, anywhere, I’m on it!

2009-06-13T12:18:00.000+08:00

On a Saturday like this, it is so difficult to not feel bored. Everyone is everywhere, all too busy to entertain this bored lady. Usually, the car is my friend. But no, today's Saturday, which means she belongs to my dad and only my dad.

And I'm beginning to wonder if time is passing by too quickly, or too slowly, or simply, I've lost track of its dimension. And I don't even know if I am looking forward to going back, or I simply resist the idea.

Would someone please liberate me.

2009-06-02T10:25:00.000+08:00

In the news spread yesterday, Singapore has recorded her fifth confirmed case of the H1N1 flu. According to them the patient was infected during her stay in US/Canada and brought home the virus. Gee hope Monkey is lucky when he comes back from his exchange this time round. You know, the flight takes some long hours and the virus can be airborne.

CHOY, TOUCH WOOD.

I'm beginning to think I have this bipolar emotion disorder. I can't tell you why but if my postulation is correct, it is because of that inherent paranoia. Quote Blackrabbit, I have the weirdest of all imaginations and when they are all put together, it doesn't paint a rosy picture at all.

I don't know if you still remember the Racist Dog in my neighbourhood - in case you don't, yes, there IS a Racist Dog in my neighbourhood which only barks at (sorry Monkey) malays. Now this dog - a BITCH, rather - is what I think a big flirt I tell you. Every morning she sits seductively in the MIDDLE of the road, unmoving (unless here appears a life-threatening big vehicle). She sits there unmoving, until another of her kind appears within her sight. Then she advances to (presumably) him in the most seductive of ways, swaying her butt in the morning breeze as she does so.

WHAT A FLIRT. Yet how amused I was this morning when I witnessed this art of seduction. That being said, that bitch (pun intended) is still one of my favourite dogs in the neighbourhood.

Popo seems to be very pleased with the blouse she bought at the market this morning. Of course, of course, and I'm proud to announce that the person who first pulled that blouse out of the rack was none other than - AHEM - Miss Ivy Leow Kein Theng.

Sekian, terima kasih.

2009-05-27T12:25:00.000+08:00

I realize I am losing my patience and tolerance for the overly-cautious and the overly-impatient drivers the more I hit the roads.

The overly-cautious would bring their vehicles to a minimum low speed of 20-30kmh on a road that was constructed and meant for speeds of at least 40kmh. They get so worried that their brakes are depleted when they approach the humps, or their absorbers get worn out the second they hit an uneven road, or something would happen to their tyres if they go beyond 30kmh. They psycho-ed themselves to imagine that they are only 1cm away from the neighbouring vehicles and take a millenium to reverse their vehicle out of the parking lot. In reality, space is ample and there is at least 1.5feet on each side. To make matters worse, they always manage to position themselves before my Kancil everytime when my time is limiting and I'm in a big rush.

The overly-impatient are at the opposite end of the spectrum but still drives me up the same wall. They like to position their vehicles - usually colourful, fanciful and vroom-vroom - right beside mine and blocking my vision of the main road completely when both of us are trying to make an exit to the same road. They are the same people who sound their horns right behind my Kancil, in a hot summer afternoon, nearly deafening me, when everybody is trapped in a messy traffic jam. And their favourite past-time is to accelerate when the vehicle in front aka my Kancil is slowing down. Hallo excuse me are you that colour blind to NOT see my RED brake lights? And to add to the cheap thrill they have to screech to a halt less than a foot away from my Kancil. Mind you, it isn't a very pleasant sight from your rear mirror.

Here's a little something I can see from my computer table:

一生都是命安排求什么
今日不知名日事愁什么
岂可人无得运时急什么
人世难逢开口笑苦什么
补破遮寒暖即休霸什么
前任田地后人收占什么
得便宜处失便宜贪什么
举头三尺有神明欺什么
荣华富贵眼前花傲什么
他家富贵前生定妒什么
前世不修今受苦怨什么
怨怨相报几时休结什么
世事如同局一棋算什么
聪明反被聪明误巧什么
虚言折尽平生福谎什么
是非到底见分明辩什么
穴在人心不在山谋什么
欺人是祸饶人福卜什么
一旦无常万事休忙什么

2009-05-02T18:47:00.003+08:00

Hello. Good evening. Have you heard the news yet? Swine flu is on the loose, and now they renamed it H1N1.

Here's a little drama of my life. Life sucks in NUS. Didn't get it? Life S-U-C-K-S in NUS. Of course, I'm talking only about this period. Still, it sucks big time.

It sucks when I am stupid.
It sucks to be in a school with 75% of the population smarter than me.
It sucks when I have 45 minutes before time's up to just STARE at my paper.
It sucks even more when just a day ago I did the same thing, but when I was sitting right there in the middle of that freezer of a hall nothing clicked.
It sucks to finally come to terms with giving up during a paper.
It sucks to feel exactly the same as a paper I did really badly.

In short, I am just stupid. And yes, it SUCKS to be stupid.

I tell you now, I could not do something I could do just ONE day before this. And for this stupidity of mine I effectively submitted only half the paper. And I also tell you now, that I spent the last 45 minutes sitting there staring at everything for inspiration but nothing happened.

So don't ask me how was it. Save those "oh dear" and "you'll do better next time" because I've already had alot and no thanks, there won't be any next time anymore. And don't say "maybe it's not that bad" because it really IS.

Save those half-hearted comments for yourself, it doesn't belong here.

2009-04-21T23:00:00.002+08:00

I. AM. STRESSED.

Tried to coerce my mind to think that it's just a moment of blank out and everything is still a bed of roses. But it is not at the very least.

Not at all.

Not when you spent forever trying to figure out the same problem on your own without consulting anybody. Not when time and time again, every new question you see mocks at you while you try so hard to know what it means and how to do it. And these questions are what you are supposed to already know by now, are what you will see in exam for sure.

Yet, I know none.

Not even able to recognize certain formula when I have diligently flipped my formula sheet during mid terms. It's the same problem set, yet I can figure nothing.

At this rate, honours year seem impossible to make it and I'll just graduate as just an ordinary Science student and waste all my daddy's money that's been spent on me for these 20 years.

2009-04-14T22:44:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking of the best way to start my paragraph, but words seem to fail me everytime they are summoned. I've been thinking of the best way to spend my night, but I can't seem to adhere to what I previously planned. Somehow by forces of nature or what, I just can't seem to do what is best for me, even though initially, I always tend to get satisfied with what I have.

So after The Organic Truth, today came The Physical Truth. As a package it came, a mixture of both the Expected and the Unexpected. What's new, man.

Expectedly, it was marred with errors that could only come from carelessness - my gift since 12 Aug 1988. Expectedly, the little red digit sitting inside that circle on the first page was, well, lower than those sitting on The Brains' papers. What's new. But unexpectedly, as horriendous as some may think, it actually fetched me more joy and pride than it brought me humiliation.

Initially, of course. Well, up to the point when some prodigy said something which reduced me to nothing but stupidity. Which, I will not delve into this part of the story further.

The point is, the first thing that appeared at the sight of The Numbers was, surprisingly, content. "It's not so bad!" My insides danced a little to the thought.

To tell the truth, The Numbers ain't fabulous. Years back, they could only translate into mediocracy. Oh, how a perfectionist with high expectations I was then! But now, I have begun to embrace them with joy. Was it because I've become more stupid? Was it because I have accepted the fact that I am just another plain Jane (of course that's not my name) whose results are nothing spectacular but mediocre?

Come to think of it, since the day I came, I started to fail. First, it was a paper. Soon, it was a subject. Then, it nearly became a module. I guess along the way, as I keep failing things I started to lower my expectations and began to anticipate the worst. Bit by bit, the upsetting feeling began to ease, and I have finally made peace with how small My Numbers appear when they stand against giants of their likes that belong to people around me. Then eventually, these small numbers become my expectation, and that's why I am happy - I always meet my expectations.

Silly, huh.

I guess things stay pretty much the same even as the environment changed. But miracles happened. Out of the blue, some of my results ended up not as bad as they were projected to be. Then I danced in joy. It was good for me, yet it was never good enough. Because of The Curve. The Curve, and whatever good results in my definition will be deemed as 'no-good' and slot me in the 'average' group at its best.

So even miracles have happened, they don't exactly make an impact.
I am still leading a life of a plain Jane (again, that's not my name).
You can argue my mediocre results are all because of my procrastination. But to devote all my time to just studying without life?

Ha, over my dead body.

In this foreign land which I got my permanent resident status, I've never done anything that I can proudly call Best. Sigh. What a world I am living in.

Just an average Joe then.

2009-04-12T17:58:00.004+08:00

Two years ago, he was hating how I made him practise Scales, how I kept picking out his mistakes, and how I made him repeat the same page of the score until he was able to feel the music.

Two years later, he came beaming with pride and joy, and told me he conquered what seemed to be impossible two years ago. He, my younger brother, can now play 'SECRET'. Not only can he play, he can even make it more interesting than I could, according to him.

Boy, that little boy sure has grown up a lot.

This is another colour I grabbed from FaceShop the other day. By wearing it alone, it looks like this :

Being the itchy hand as I always am, on the third day of its wear it became this:

2009-04-04T10:26:00.002+08:00

It is either because I'm too much a perfectionist, or I overestimated my skills, or the quality is unacceptably low, or I'm just simply against the colour. Whichever it is, I am still very disappointed.

I was at FaceShop (again, yes) trying out their nailpolishes (again, yes) yesterday. I was thinking of making some difference to the current nail colours in my possession, so I steered away from the pastels and tried the dark ones. I walked out of the shop with a lady pink and a plum one - the latter could well be my worst purchase in my entire life.

Because I haven't owned anything like a plum colour before, the moment I was done bathing I prepped my nails for it. Full of anticipation, and the first coat was done in no time. This is my first time applying something that is NOT pastel in nature, and I have to say it takes a lot more patience and skills to produce satisfying results. And tadaa, my nails turned out to be those of a witch's.

The colour was nothing like I imagined. It was, in my very humble opinion, way worse than my threshold could tolerate. When I was still testing out the colour in the shop, I thought it would be a more demure and soft red. Clearly, it was so wrong. Two coats, and my nails are so pigmented. To my horror, they have even added years to my hands. Needless to say, every single time I look at them, every single time I would see the flaws and imperfections.

I tried to coerce my mind to accept this as "pretty". After all, this is the ONLY non-pastel colour in my pastel collection. This should stand out and shine like a star, and I SHOULD love it above all others. Quite the contrary now. It is standing out like a big fat sore thumb, and everytime I look at my fingers, they sore my eyes like acids do. I even removed them this morning and re-painted them again, thinking that it was my lack of skills that got in the way. But at the end of the day, they still give me the same eyesore.

I looked forward to getting new nail polishes so much before this, that I even left my nails un-painted for a week to let them breathe, to prepare them well for the new colour. And now, what's this that's on my nails?

It is still the first day since I bought this colour, and I think I have used up nearly half the bottle. Not to my liking at all.

I have this urge to go back to FaceShop again, and buy another colour. All these years I have not purchased anything - I repeat, ANYTHING - that gives me ZERO satisfaction at all. Overpriced purchases there were, but all of them still fetched high degree of satisfaction so I do not think those money were gone to waste.

But now, I sincerely think, from the bottom of my heart, I have fully wasted SGD2.90.

I AM SO DISAPPOINTED.

2009-03-28T10:40:00.006+08:00

I had no intention to blog today, but the seaweed mask from FaceShop really worked like WOW that I decided to just share it here. Who knows, it might be suitable for you too.

Yes, Seaweed is its name, and as its name implies, it is GREEN in colour. Therefore after applying it all over your face, you pratically look very much like a goblin. Or an elf (not the LOTR handsome elves of course). So if you are green-o-phobic, be prepared. Here is how it looks, picture taken from www.thefaceshop.com :

If you read the description behind it says "smoothes uneven skin for a finer complexion". If you walk into FaceShop itself it says "tightens pores and control excess sebum production". Both claims are justified in one way or another, I can show you how.

During application the smooth texture of this mask helps your finger glide through your skin with an even dispersal of the product. It is written on the tube to leave the product on your face for 10-15 minutes, but from my experience, about 5 minutes is sufficient. This is because as it starts drying up, you will feel a gentle tug on your skin, and this is when it starts to "tighten pores and control excess sebum production". I am born with paranoia so after about 5 minutes I will wash it away, for fear that the gentle tug might evolve into some deep wrinkles.

Then again, I have normal type skin, just not radiant nor clear, and the mask is targetted at combination skin types. I bought this mask for it's clarifying and pore tightening purposes (I have big holes as pores), so I usually will keep it on my face for a period shorter than the recommended period. With this in mind, if you have slightly larger pores or you have excess sebum production problem, you might want to stick with the recommended 10-15 minutes.

The key to know when to wash it away is just to wait for just two-three more minutes after you feel the tug on your face. That should suffice. After all, you want it to tighten your pores, not creasing your face.

One thing I like to do is to stare at my reflection in the mirror right after I wash the green layer off (with lukewarm water). I know, the Narcissus in me at work again. But Narcissus has to be of decent looks to begin with, for he to fall in love with his own reflection, right? My reflection this morning after use was one with an evidently brighter face and a nose with less visible blackheads. The pores near the nose area were still faintly visible of course. You can't expect all the pores and blackheads to be all gone after one use, can you!

Also, as testified by a few of my friends, myself included, it leaves the skin feeling supple and tender after use. For me, I usually follow up with a thin layer of moisturizer to seal it up.

As you can see, it lives up to what it claims. It does even out your skin tone, brightens up your face, and minimizes the visibility of your pores, as it removes your blackheads. What more can you ask for, from a tube this small and a price this reasonable! Of course, everybody's skin is different and the same product may not work the same way on every skin. I'm saying it works for me, and I hope it works for you too (:

Other than this mask, FaceShop sells okay nailpolishes at super cheap price too. Their nailpolishes are considered quite decent for the price of 2.50, so I termed it "okay". They do not streak, they dry fast, and they are easy to apply, because of their thin and smooth texture, very unlike some in the market which are so thick that it becomes difficult to maneuver. But because of its thin texture, more often than not you find yourself having to apply at least two coats for a more complete coverage, and some may not like it because of this. I have no problems with building up the coats because this also makes room for creativity by mixing the colours - or switching the colour sequence to create a different shade. So I will stick by FaceShop nail polishes for my little nail experiments.

And yes, as you might have realized earlier in this post, I do see myself as a FaceShop whore. But I do not get my toners from them because most of their toners contain alcohol which I'm trying to stay away from, and so should you (:

2009-03-15T10:51:00.010+08:00

A good ol' friend asked me one day, in a very concerned tone, "Are you OKAY? Is everything alright? Your blog music, your post and your nick..."

Of course, of course, now when I look at this devastating combination of song and words, it can well be perceived as a harbinger of doom. In spite of this, I am very, perfectly fine, maybe just a couple of milimetres short of being over the moon. So don't worry you girl (: But thanks though. At least I know, if one day I'm truly devastated, someone half a world away would still know first hand! (Okay, that was just a hypothetical situation you folks.)

A slight disappointment still lingers whenever I think of the hard disk I had to say goodbye to. To say the crowd at convention hall yesterday was crazy is but a very, very gross understatement. It was way more than crazy. It's as if the entire Singapore population was fitted within the walls of Suntec. BlackRabbit joked about Suntec's building foundation being put to the test, and by any minute it would just collapse under the weight of the crowd. Seriously, when I saw the massive collection of moving heads before I alighted 97, my stomach instantly bore butterflies.

Imagine you had to queue to even take the escalator.Imagine level one of convention hall so full of people that you can barely inch around - and I mean INCH, really to move an INCH.

It sure did feel like you were in the congested streets of Shanghai. Although I have never been to Shanghai.

In disappointment we headed to Marina Square, and saw this:

He was REAL. It's a feat how he could stay there in that pose, motionless. The only movement you could see was the slight heaving of his chest as he breathed. Even so, you've got to stare at him really hard to catch that. Here's a close up on his face.

Disappointment aside, I was really satisfied at the heavenly (but grossly overpriced) black sesame paste I had. At least, that was something.

Dinner with the girls was predictable. Man, I guess we've known one another for SO so long. And boy, we are all gonna turn 21 this year. THE year, woohoo!

When our drinks came, we were so in awe with the "mug" Evon got for her drink, because both Tiff and mine were skinny. Here's what the "mug" looked like:

And here is what it means by 小巫见大巫:

Next time I am there, I am so gonna order that. It's value for money you people!

As they always say, 一山还有一山高, and it is SO DAMN TRUE. We were still marvelling at that big 'mug' Evon got for her drink, when I turned my head a little and saw something HUMONGOUS. Not forgetting of course, the gasp that followed.

At another table, THIS was what they got:

And that almost concludes my Saturday day-out. And how can I NOT show you my BlackRabbit, in his most classic face:

2009-03-13T22:46:00.003+08:00

I've been a bad girl today. A bad girl is a girl who skips school for no good valid reason, which was exactly what I did today.

IT Show at Suntec proved itself to be a crowd magnet. The crowd size never seemed to shrink during the whole period when I was there. Don't these people need to work? And there were quite a couple of times when I got stuck in between two strangers, thanks to that fat and wide shoulder bag of mine. So embarrassing it was to even recall the situation.

Was it premonition, or what? At dinner time there was this wave of emotion which swept over my head. What it was I could not figure, but it carried more of a sense of foreboding.

But now I know what it is. And by knowing how far my stupidity had carried me away from convenience, from comfort, I have this sudden shudder when this reality smacks right onto my forehead. Disappointed I was, no doubt, I should probably pull up my socks and guard against any further damage.

I was so full of myself last time. It didn't bother even the slightest, but now each and every hair is standing upright on their roots.

I. May. Move. Out.

Out where? With this looming recession and gloomy economic forecast, how am I going to get the money, I wonder.

My life has recently been marred with failures. Everything that happened happened just like the worst case scenario I've envisioned.

Why, Murphy, do you just love me so much!!

Just like the crystals I made. Everything looked so promising and good, until the point when I weighed and WHALA! Nearly 50% of my yield, GONE. And as for my other ugly looking crystals, WELLDONE. The impurities were so much such that my yield was just a little more than 100%.

I'm trying to find something that happened recently that proves to be a success, and the only blessing I can think of, is BlackRabbit. And every other thing is just, FAILURE.

Lo and behold, the crystals I was initially proud of which turned to be only a mere 50% yield in the end.

2009-03-11T22:20:00.002+08:00

It suddenly struck me how certain words of mine can be so impactful, cause some unexpected trauma in others which subsequently invokes a sense of guilt in me.

What goes around comes back around. My, and I'm getting tired of this old antique way of saying "Yeah serves you right." People since time immemorial have tried to be politically correct and be as 'nice' as possible, even when it comes to sarcasm.

Indeed, the pen has proven himself more mighty than the sword. War of words, and words killed more than swords have ever done.

But sometimes you really can't impress all ideas you have into others' brains. Some are bound to get the wrong idea, and majority of the some who get the wrong idea, harp on the misunderstood version of your claim, and jump into inferences or worse, conclusions. Then after a whole round of joy ride, you realized your claims have been falsely interpreted, yet it will be too late for salvation.

Harm. Has. Been. Done.

I overheard someone said this:

"You can't keep shrugging off responsibility when you find people getting the wrong impression of you, because it is what you show or tell people that defines your image in them. If people keep misunderstanding you and your intentions, you must reflect on yourself and your ways of handling things. If it's just one person who misjudged you, fine. If it's everybody, you'd better do something."

I never meant to hurt the way it might now hurt.
I guess I should now be more cautious over the words that leak through that lips of mine.

2009-03-08T09:17:00.002+08:00

Hello world! It seems like forever that I've been missing from the blogosphere. My academic stuffs are really attention demanding and time consuming, which explain why I've been gone for thus long. But fear not (or rather, WATCH OUT), the craziest bitch in town is back.

Over this one month of post-vacuum, what really happened was really, NOTHING. Yes, nothing. Nothing big happened, nothing dramatic happened, so nothing worth blogging happened.

Then there were the stunning news of a professor who was stabbed at his back, a student who fell to his death and another guy who was found dead in his room. Boy, these must have sent waves of trauma to students studying in the same campus. Let us all help pray for the families of the deceased and those going through such trying times.

2009-02-06T00:23:00.002+08:00

I can't understand
how it started, when it started, why it started
All I knew was
I did nothing wrong, never an intent of hurting anybody
But as it unfolds, things go out of hand.

I can't understand why
so difficult it was to be nice
Maybe it happened to many a time

A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye
and the whole world goes blind
I heard, I knew, I understood
yet that was not the least my principle.

Then I can't understand why
Murphy's laws never fail
during times where all else fails
Anything could go wrong, will go wrong
Anything that could not go wrong, may still go wrong
In this seemingly tranquil of a night.

Because to have bitten still feels better than being bitten alone
Come what may, or call me vengeful even
But haven't you heard? I'm just the craziest bitch in town.

TOO BAD.

pixie-lies

Good things will not make you wait

《再别 惠鹃》

當我咩吖

初一、十五

小鹿撞死了

《再别惠鹃》