Saturday, November 21, 2009 20:15
Sometimes I wonder, since I more or less already figured out the truth, why do I still attempt to seek confirmation, as if by any work of miracle it would turn out not as what I figured it out to be?
Or is it a human nature to live in denial, trying to grasp on the hope that somehow life is less harsh as it seems?
It isn't as if I wanna broadcast my good intentions to the whole world (I guess I just did by writing it here) but it sure does fetch a good load of disappointment to realize that at the other end of the line, nobody is gonna respond or say thank you. It is not like I'm going to force a bullet through your head if you don't thank me for my acts of goodwill, but admit it, you
DO feel better when you know your efforts are appreciated.
I guess it's not happening now. I would be blatantly lying in your face if I said "Oh it's
nothing". But who is to blame, really? Nobody.
Slowly and steadily, time has eroded the once strong impression of me in you, and time after time I find myself nothing but a shadow that once breezed past your eventful life.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009 17:14
Probably all the Chem majors (who are taking CM2101 of course) are complaining about having to still rush out lab report at this time of the semester where everything appears to gradually come to a halt - the usual peace before a storm, THE storm.
But I am not.
Alright I
was. After what seemed to be a whole night of blinding my own eyes, I have finally drawn out my table of peaks and vibrational level assignments. Nevermind if you can't understand the above. It's good to show that you, unlike me, still have good eyesight now.
The peril of a Science student (and I mean CHEM MAJORS mostly) is that aside from damaging our gift of sight by making some sense out of the array of data using Excel, we still have to provide quality evaluation of our data using Word. And the affair with Word, very much unlike the robotic experience with Excel, is usually where a Science student like me meets the stumbling block.
And it is always the reason why we dread lab reports. Had the whole thing been just a pure Excel affair, it would be very well taken care of by our robotic-selves.
I am stuck (again) at "Discussion" where the use of Word is an absolute. Yet I am not approaching it with apprehension like I always do.
Because, my Rabbit sent me his version of "Discussion" I could work on, and it turned out to be actually this!
Yes,
love, I'm
IN!
Wednesday, November 04, 2009 22:56
I know this isn't the best time for some dark, emo post, yet who-ever to can I pour my woes but you, Mr. Blogspot.
Everytime I look at us, I would marvel at how long we've known one another, and be impressed with how much we've progressed from the time we first met. But now, even as we gather, there is this void that I feel between us that gets increasingly annoying.
Do you feel the same?
Friendship is fragile. I've known and appreciated this for as long as I can remember. So I've always wanted to maintain everything beautiful that has ever happened between us. Tried to maintain quality conversation and things like that. But it got increasingly difficult as time passed.
You know, looking at how we've become to-date, it just makes me wonder if the same scenario would be replicated amoungst the different circles of friends I have now. How would we be like, after all of us graduate and land in different jobs in different industries?
Should, one fine day I ever land myself in deep shit, would you have the time to spare for me to get me out of this shit?
Or is this a norm, when everyone of us move on with different lives, there are less and less points of intersections between our paths, and gradually we may just end up being acquaintances on skew lines?
But I am most unwilling to accept we could turn out this way.
So my trusted friend, would you spare some time for me, and we'll work a way out together, and reconcile this fragile relationship that once ran deep between us?
15:29
I just have to blog, else I'll leave my room pratically a mute on Thursday thanks to one solid day of solitude in my room being a hermit.
In my last post I recounted a nightmare of some sort, where in that (geeky / nerdy) dream I was an electrophile about to be
ATTACKED by some nucleophile. A friend asked me how the nucleophile looked like in the dream. Err, well, it looked just like how chemists (like us) usually draw an amine. Yea, that big pair of looming lone pair was present too.
In the middle of the night last night my imagination took over that sleepy mind of mine again. Like that electrophile dream, I woke up remembering the entire dream clearly.
Two guys and a girl were with me in a car, and we went disguised as negotiators to some mysterious place trying to expose some syndicate. The entrance was at the very top of a very steep slope, so imagine our car tilted back as my friend parked at the "security inspection" sign. After all the identification frenzy we were told to wait.
Something seemed to have gone wrong.
At the precise moment we decided to just back out and leave, but the brake seemed to not function. I heard my friend, the driver, yelled "OH SHIT!". The whole car, as if being pushed by a mighty invisible hand, slipped down the slope at high velocity.
There was nothing anyone of us could do inside the car.
After what seemed to be a millenium passed, the car changed direction as it hit the road dividers. Instead of slipping backwards, our car was maneuvered 180 degress and then we could clearly see what lay ahead. The slope hasn't ended, and we were still falling, but this time, forward.
That's when I started screaming. So was my girlfriend at the rear passenger seat. A mega-sized truck was coming out from a junction ahead and because the brakes could offer no deceleration, at the speed we were dashing downhill, it was a sure car-crash in no time. You know how big the inertias of such megatrucks are, and you know how difficult it is for them, and for us, to stop completely out of emergency. Emergency braking was plainly not an available option for both of us.
Then things blurred, road dividers left the ground, and the megatruck looked inverted for a short moment of time. My girlfriend and I were thrown all around the interior of the car as it swang left and right, banging into obstacles of various sizes along the way. My friend was hurt, her head hit against the window and she bled.
Friction finally brought our car to a stop. Trees were no longer a blur. The megatruck stopped successfully at a distance too. Audible voices were heard, but I could not process any words. The guys came around and carried us out of the vehicle. It was so wretched.
And I woke up. I wasn't in a wretched car.
But I never went back to sleep, until 8am where the sun was bright, telling me I'm safe from harm. The next thing I knew, it was already 11.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009 09:51
You will never believe this could EVER ever happen to me. I had a dream, and I woke up with a start, before checking myself in the mirror to see if I was really still me.
The dream was so vivid.
I was formaldehyde. I was an electrophile. And in my dream, I was going to be added according to the Mannich's reaction. No I am not joking. I could see the amine coming in my direction too.
This is too much a joke my mind is playing with me. Maybe not. Maybe, it was the aftermath of the ONE-question-ONE-part-50-marks-and-I-couldn't-do-paper.
It left me waking up, feeling traumatized at the ability of my mind to dream such a dream. I think I'll be scared of formaldehyde for quite some time now.
